


No Surrender On Second Chances

by adrykomclexakru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa Endgame, F/F, FUCK YOU JASON, Fix It Fic, time traveling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-05-25 19:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 99,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6207994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrykomclexakru/pseuds/adrykomclexakru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke didn't know when she fell asleep, but next think she knew, Lexa was there again, on the bed, fighting for breath as Clarke grasped her hand like a life line and leaned over her:</p><p>In peace, may you leave this shore, in love, may you find the next, safe passage on your travels until our final journey to the ground......May we meet again.</p><p>She leaned down to press her lips against Lexa's, the taste of blood clinging to her own as she pulled back only to be met with lifeless green eyes. </p><p>"No!" She woke up suddenly sitting up so fast, disoriented and confused.</p><p>"It's okay. You're safe." A voice spoke to her back, make her turn as fast as humanly possible.</p><p>. She was there, sitting against a fallen tree, arm in a makeshift sling, light armor and face clear.</p><p>"Lexa?"</p><p> </p><p>or</p><p>After the death of the Commander, Clarke falls asleep in Polis only to wake up in the woods after getting away from Pauna and Lexa is there reassuring her and ALIVE</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am heartbroken, as we all are and I have a lot of ideas for fics on how to "fix it" or how to change it but this one was the first one that just flowed out of me when I sat down to write. It's also my first Clexa fic, pleace let me know what you think.

Clarke didn't know how long she stood there, tears sliding down her cheeks, silently staring at the white furs, stained in the precious black blood, that once fueled Lexa with life. Her head was throbbing with pain, she could hear -though her hearing was muffled- Murphy pushing at the doors talking, or screaming she couldn't be sure, either at her or the door.

The blonde didn't know how long Murphy had been banging at the door, her sense of time was all messed up but suddenly, at least for her, Murphy was there, gathering all the blood stained furs and sheets, shoving them under the bed away from her eyes. She still didn't move, didn't need them to know the exact spot where Lexa had taken her last breath, where she had bled out because even the mattress was stained.

Murphy huffed in irritation before struggling to flip the mattress, guiding her to lay down on the bed, once he had managed to flip it. The moment her back hit the soft mattress, literally what had been the Commander's deathbed,  _Lexa's_  deathbed, a sob, so powerful it shook her whole body, escaped through her lips.

She didn't know, wasn’t sure -as she couldn’t see through the tears and she felt numb- if he had carried her or guided her but soon she found herself on the couch instead and him laying on the bed.

 

 

It played backwards in her head; a sob for every memory and every opportunity wasted, _how Lexa had been sitting on this same couch the night she had thanked her for backing her during the Coup and the fight with Roan_ , just a couple of days ago though it felt like an eternity, if only she had stopped being so stubborn, swallowed her pride and kissed Lexa then, she would have had more than just an hour of knowing what it felt like to be embraced by the woman, what it felt like to be loved by her, so soft, gentle and reassuring, so safe and comforting yet firm, present and strong...

 _The night Lexa had knelt down in front of her, swearing fealty_ , looking up at her almost in the same loving and devoted way she had when Clarke had pushed her on the bed, only a couple of hours earlier. If only she had taken the opportunity there or earlier that day if only she had given in and kissed Lexa after she realized she was very much in love with the woman and dropped the knife she had been holding against that beautiful long neck or maybe if only she hadn't wasted a week, a _full_ week, holding onto her petty anger, that had at the moment felt justifiable or if she had taken to Polis at any given moment during her three months, _three months_ of self-imposed exile in the woods.

If she hadn't wasted any time having comfort sex with Niylah, if only she hadn't hidden behind the excuse of doing it for her people and instead had come clean about her feelings.

Clarke didn't know when she fell asleep, sometime after thinking about what else could have been different; between how to change her ‘not yet’ to a ‘yes I'll go to Polis with you’ and the glass of water Murphy made her drink, probably thinking she was crying herself dry but next think she knew, there was only darkness, blackness that turned into blood and Lexa was there on the bed, fighting for another breath, Clarke grasped her hand like a life line wishing she could someway will life into her, praying, wishing, _hoping_ for a miracle but knowing it was the end:

 _In peace, may you leave this shore_  
_In love, may you find the next_  
_Safe passage on your travels_  
_Until our final journey to the ground_  


“May we meet again.”

She leaned down to press her lips against Lexa's, the taste of blood clinging to her own as she pulled back, only to be met with the lifeless green eyes of the love of her life.

 

 

"No!" She screamed waking up suddenly sitting up so fast it made her feel dizzy.

"It's okay. You're safe." At _that_ voice, Clarke turned around so fast it was a wonder she didn't snap her neck.  _She_  was there, sitting against a fallen tree, arm in a makeshift sling, light armor and face clear.

" _Lexa_." She whispered, her tongue worshiping the name as her eyes moved over the Commander's body, she didn't know if this was a dream, a hallucination or if she had died of a broken heart and was now in some kind of heaven. She didn't care, she flung herself at Lexa who had been staring at her with a confused expression.

Lexa froze the moment Clarke’s arms wrapped against her in a tight hug, the blonde burying her face in the place where neck met shoulder and as her arms wrapped around the very _solid_ , very _alive_ form of the Commander, Clarke bawled.

It took a while for Lexa to react, not until after the third sob that rocked the both of them, wrapping her good arm around the blonde, reassuring the girl that it was okay that she was safe.

Clarke cried herself until there were no tears, she was surprised there had been any tears left at all but she was also confused; had all of _that_ just been a dream? Could she have had such a vivid dream, one that covered such a large amount of time in just a couple of hours? It hadn't felt like a dream, she could feel the heaviness in her soul, remember the pain, physically and emotionally.

"It was just a nightmare." Lexa reassured her, comforting her even if the Commander was still stiff and awkward in her arms but Clarke just couldn't bring herself to let go, she wasn't sure she could even if she wanted to. "Was it Quint or Pauna?" Lexa asked after a long moment with the blonde showing no signs of letting go and Clarke just shook her head and took a deep shaky breath.

She wanted to just stay there and enjoy the other woman's smell, her touch but she finally pulled back, still not quite letting go of Lexa only to be met by guarded green eyes that looked back at her with such a wariness and a touch of concern that she realized _this_ Lexa was not  _her_  Lexa...

 

 _Not yet_ a voice inside her head answered.

 

Clarke almost wanted to laugh as she thought that, because there was no way that had been a dream but there was also no way she was back… Except she was there sitting on the ground after barely surviving Pauna’s attack with the Commander alive and in her arms.

Lexa who had always been the one chasing -she wasn't sure that was even the right word- the commander had just been a lot more open in her feelings for Clarke –and at this point, with this ‘love is weakness’ Lexa, she wanted to laugh at the irony- but as Lexa untangled herself from her, Clarke determined this time, things will be different. Dream, hallucination or whatever  _that_  had been or whatever  _this_  was, she wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.

Somewhere in the distance Pauna roared and Clarke repeated the words she had said back then, as well as she could remember while putting out the fire before looking at Lexa, the very much  _alive_  Lexa who rewarded her with one of those little tight smiles that filled their first interactions and Clarke's answering beaming smile wasn't even appropriate for the occasion but she couldn't bring herself to care


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions, what ifs, shoulda, coulda, woulda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing feedback, again I apologize for any mistakes, I get my laptop back tomorrow, first chapter and this one were written on my phone. I don't have a beta and english is not my first language so the mistakes are 70% mine and 30% autocorrect. Hopefully once I get my laptop back chapters will be longer.

Clarke's head was a mess on their way back to TonDC, she kept forcing herself to remember every detail, every moment of her dream or whatever it was, while also trying to keep her eyes trained on Lexa.

"You're alive." She had murmured at some point, not able to contain herself, tone heavy with a reverence so out of place for their situation at that point, the Commander looked at her as if she had grown a second head.

"Thanks to you." Lexa said stopping abruptly to look at Clarke. "I was wrong about you, Clarke." And at that clicking sound of the k in her name, that made it sound like it was Lexa's and only Lexa's to say, caused a sob followed by a breathless whimper to escape from her lips, but oh how could she hold it back? when she had thought she would never get to hear her name spoken like that again? In a way that made it sound so melodic yet so strong.

"Your heart shows no sign of weakness." And God did the blonde want to launch herself at Lexa again, wrap her in her arms, kiss her and just forget about the world outside the two of them but Lexa was already looking at her with concern and Clarke tried her best to pull herself together, the chances of Lexa wanting anything to do with her if she thought Clarke was crazy were very slim.

Between her thoughts being all over the place and looking at Lexa, in case she suddenly woke up for real, back in her room in Polis, the least of her concerns had been looking at where she was going, so she kept stumbling over and over again, Lexa kept reaching out to help her every time.

It wasn't on purpose but since Lexa was in protective mode, knife in hand and mindful of their surroundings, Clarke couldn't exactly just reach out and hold her hand, the need to touch, to feel the commander was too strong so every little touch to keep her from tumbling down was a little reassuring, still soft and gentle but firm and strong, if this was a dream, how cruel of her subconscious or the spirits or God to make it feel so real.

At one point, tired of the silence she had asked Lexa more about her people, about her culture and Lexa had replied, vaguely and guarded. Clarke had to remind herself this was not the Lexa that would easily fall asleep while reading with her in the same room. So Clarke decided to change tactics.

"The ice nation queen... Tell me more about her." Clarke couldn't outright ask about Polis and the Coalition, she remembered at this point she was supposed to be ignorant about all things grounder.

"Her name is _Nia_." Lexa almost spat out the name and it made Clarke shiver because what the hell was happening? There was no chance that she had heard the name of the ice queen before for her to dream it.

She didn't care much about what Lexa replied, she knew more than enough from Lexa herself, a Lexa whose trust she had already earned once, Clarke was just happy listening to her voice, still she half wanted to ask Lexa if she had any tattoos just to see if they’d be like the ones in her dream (?) Or not.

 

Things didn't improve for her mental health when they made it to TonDC and she heard Indra ask the Commander what had happened to her shoulder and Lexa explaining about Quint, Pauna, Clarke saving her and the new plan… All in perfectly understood Trigedasleng. Hell Clarke was ready to just outright ask about Titus at this point.

Nyko arrived then, much like back then, to check on the Commander and praised Clarke's skills as a healer but unlike last time, a shadow fell over the blonde's features because yes, she was adept at it but not enough to help those that mattered to her, also unlike last time after the healer was done checking her shoulder Lexa asked Nyko to look after Clarke using her native language to explain how the Skaikru leader had being acting strange since their encounter with the beast and Clarke had to force herself not to smile at that.

She was grateful for it, because after reassuring Nyko that she was fine, just shaken after her encounter with Pauna, he had left her inside the building they used as clinic to collect herself.

Clarke stood up not able to stay still for too long, she began pacing the small distance between the bed and the door. She needed to plan, needed to think but above all she needed to confirm her theory, this could be just a very strange deja vu and she could make the wrong move or it could have been the second chance she had desperately asked, begged,  _prayed_  for.

And because it was human nature to have a 'grass greener on the other side' mentality, she couldn't help the thoughts that if whatever happened had sent her earlier, she could have prevented Gustus from getting executed, the man might have not liked them but Lexa had lost so many people already and Clarke had seen how his death weighted heavily on the Commander and if there was someone who would have protected Lexa, saved her where Clarke had failed her, it would have been him. For Clarke knew he would never have let Lexa walk first in a room where shots had been fired.

 

She could have saved Anya, could have formed the alliance with her and prevent the death of three hundred warriors, with a treaty they could have gone looking for the Ark safely, preventing the Mountain from taking her and her friends hostage.

She could have prevented Raven from getting shot, Wells and Charlotte and all the other delinquents that died, spare Murphy of everything he went through, befriend him instead and maybe turn him into the version of himself that had been with her in the room back in Polis, a lot earlier.

 God if she had woken up back in the Ark she could have saved her dad, saved the three hundred people who were floated because Bellamy destroyed the radio. They could have sent volunteers to scout if the earth was survivable and then she thought of Finn and guilt engulfed her because it had been so long since she had thought about him, he was guilty and with her hands -not these hands though- covered in innocents', children's blood, she couldn't really bring herself to feel guilty about killing Finn, specially not after she had witnessed Gustus execution and realized just how much she had spared him.

That feeling turned into panic, she didn't want to offend whatever higher power or thing, that sent her back with her ungrateful thoughts. With a deep breath she collected herself, sent a whispered thank you to the ceiling of the room and focused her thoughts back on doing this right…

 

"Clarke!" Her mom burst through the room, making her jump, Abby rushed towards her, hugging her tight before cupping her face and looking at her. "I heard what happened, they should have brought you to me right away, are you okay, did they check for concussions?" Clarke frowned and stepped away from her mom.

"I'm fine mom, I swear.” Clarke added after Abby’s look of disbelief. “The Commander was the only one who got injured." Out of the two that survived that is. She knew the chance of her mom leaving her alone to think were slim but she couldn't waste time either, Clarke just wanted,  _needed_  a moment to think. "Mom could you please go tell Indra or the Commander that we're going back to Arka.... to Camp Jaha, see if Bellamy has made contact. I'll join you out in a moment." Abby hesitated looking at her up and down, studying her in that way of hers.

"Really... I just faced a mutated gorilla and _survived_ , I'm fine, just a little shaken." That seemed enough for Abby who nodded at her and walked out the room not before giving one of _those_ studying look.

Clarke sighed, once she was alone again, she needed to plan her next move, what if keeping Lexa from leaving at the Mountain means she dies in the fight? What if preventing the bombing of TonDC means they bomb Arkadia-Camp Jaha instead? What if killing Emerson means they discover Bellamy within their ranks and kill  _him_  instead?

She didn't know what the fuck had happened but she knew enough about life to understand that actions had consequences, those three months she spent on her own had been filled with guilt, haunted by demons but also by 'what ifs' and now faced with the possibility of _fixing_ and changing what happened, she couldn’t think of a way to keep everyone alive, _safe_.

First things first Clarke decided, she needed to deal with the snipers, she needed to deal with Emerson.

Clarke walked out of the building, easily spotting her mom with Indra, the Commander and the two riders that had gone with them back to Arkadia-Camp Jaha, she corrected herself in her mind, she couldn't afford to slip up.

"Lexa... Commander." Her mother had raised her eyebrows and Indra had glared at the familiar way she had addressed the young leader and if her tone, her lips and tongue caressed the name like it was... like it belonged to the most precious thing in the world, who could really blame her? Because it was, it did.

She couldn't believe that earlier that day she had called Lexa heartless, granted at this point she hadn't _known_ Lexa that well; she had executed Finn and Clarke had been blinded by the determination to get her friends out of Mount Weather but it had been obvious, once she had put her bias aside; Lexa had given them so many opportunities, she could have attacked in so many occasions, especially after they refused to give Finn, could have killed them all the moment she thought they had tried to poison her and yet only one person had died in every occasion.

"A word please." She said nodding towards the building where they had discussed the missile and Lexa frowned slightly but nodded and walked towards it.

Clarke ignored her mother's and Indra's frowns. "I'm going back to camp, as soon as I have news of Bellamy I'll come back." She didn't _want_ to leave, she was tired of 'may we meet again' and 'not yets' and 'maybe someday' but she couldn't stay, she might be a different Clarke from who she was the first time she experienced this but she was still Clarke and the knowledge of what her friends went through in the Mountain, however limited, weighted heavily in her conscience, also one of the things Lexa had liked about her, had been her strength, suddenly clinging to the Commander like a five year old to their safety blanket, wasn't the best idea.

"I have arranged riders to go with you for protection, I've ordered them to follow  _your_  commands." Lexa said pulling her out of her thoughts.

"Please... be careful." Clarke pleaded and Lexa frowned at her tone but nodded solemnly.

"You as well." She replied and every single cell in Clarke's body was _begging_ her to just kiss the girl but this still was 'love is weakness, I'm above it' Lexa, so instead she offered her arm, Lexa was a little taken aback but her hand soon wrapped around Clarke's forearm and if she noticed Clarke holding a little too tight for a little too long, at least she didn't complain.

"And Lexa... I was wrong about you too. You're not a savage, far from it, so thank you, for all the chances you have given us." Clarke said as she let go of the Commander's arm and if Lexa had looked surprised by Clarke initiating the grounder handshake, it didn't compare to the emotions swimming in those green pools at her words... So full of life that Clarke had to turn around as she felt her eyes fill with tears.

 

The rest had gone pretty much the same, though  _this_  time she drank the stupid water her mother offered.

"They listen to you." Her mom had said when she had ordered them to be careful with their scouts but to stay alert.

"Lexa told them to." And this time instead of the little nonchalant shrug she had done back then, she had to fight the corner of her lips that threatened to smile. Back then she was sure her mother had been jealous of the _Commander_ recognizing Clarke, a _child_ , as the leader of the Skaikru instead of the Chancellor but now there was something more to her frown but before she could dwell on it, the sniper's shot rang through the forest and one of the horses fell to the ground.

"Mountain men, let's go!" She ordered as she ran straight to the where she needed to go. "Octavia, no!" She breathed a sigh of relief as she saw her friend stop, again there was nothing to do for the second sniper and she repeated her words or as close to them as she could remember. "We have to warn the Commander! Sent your fastest rider!" This time it had been her order and not Indra's. "Let's take him back to camp" She sneered at Emerson as Octavia patched up his suit "Octavia." She called stopping abruptly. "Check them for radios." She nodded towards Emerson and the dead sniper.

 

She had all the way back to decide what to do about Emerson and how to buy Bellamy some more time without getting TonDC bombed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Clarke has to choose what to do with Emerson, Bellamy and the missile, while also trying to think about how to speed things up with Lexa, she is done wasting time but going around saying life should be about more than just surviving and asking if didn't they deserve better than that? in hopes that Lexa would kiss her (even if just to shut her up) was probaly a bad idea.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to choose what to do with Emerson, Bellamy and the missile, while also trying to think about how to speed things up with Lexa, she is done wasting time but going around saying life should be about more than just surviving and asking if didn't they deserve better than that? in hopes that Lexa would kiss her (even if just to shut her up) was probaly a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes, long chapter ahead, mostly Clarke but next chapter will be have more Clexa.

Clarke knew Emerson would live and despite part of her wishing to just let Jackson open his suit. The blonde still stopped him, remarking on how they needed to keep him alive, this time however she didn't snap on Raven for not being at her post by the radio.

Clarke was aware that it was impossible to save everyone a lesson learned the hard way as much as by Lexa's teachings, but she was going to save the ones she could, she was also going to be selfish and save those she cared about the most and try to salvage those relationships she had neglected by leaving after Mount Weather.

She had been honest when she told Lexa she needed Bellamy, they wouldn't have made it that far without him but Raven was just as important if... not more to their survival. Raven was the head, Bellamy was the heart and Clarke was the soul or at the very least the glue that kept the 100, at least the surviving members, together.

She blamed herself for the whole Pike fiasco and she felt guilty for not feeling bad about wishing that this time around Azgeda got rid of farm station.

Raven ran to fix the room for Emerson and Clarke sighed in relief as this time Indra didn't lose anymore warriors but somethings never change and Indra stepped forward to her.

“Let me make him talk.” She said, eyes fixed on Clarke, Lexa might have lost Gustus but Clarke realized in that moment, that if there was someone who would protect Lexa as fiercely as Gustus did, it was Indra, Clarke had seen the strength of the woman and her loyalty. It had been obvious she didn't agree with Lexa's decision back in the tent, three hundred of her warriors dead outside, ambushed and slaughtered but still she had remained loyal.

She needed to salvage the relationships she had screwed back then but she also needed new ones, she needed Indra to be her ally.

"No." Clarke said in a firm tone, these hands might be cleaner but she was still Wanheda. “Not yet" She rushed to add "... I know your people has suffered at the hands of the mountain men for years, I know you have lost thousands of warriors to them and you want revenge... Justice but we'll try our way first and if it doesn't work... He is yours.” Her mom called her name somewhere in the back, reproaching her.

Clarke needed to have a conversation with Abby soon, her mother thought she was still the little girl that she had been back on the Ark... A talk with Kane too, her mother trusted him and the man was the closest thing Skaikru had to a leader like Lexa.

Indra was looking at her with something akin to respect... Or as close as Indra got to it, it was at least a far cry from all the glares she was used to from the the woman.

“No.” Abby said stepping closer to them. “He might just talk because we saved his life.” Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes, indeed somethings never change, instead she shared a look with Indra before the grounder turned around to look at Abby.

“ _You_  are so weak.” She spat with disgust as if just the word left a horrible taste in her mouth and turned to leave.

“Clarke...” Abby said stepping closer to her, laying a comforting hand on her back, she could see her mom's struggle between scolding her over what she had said to Indra and asking for her well-being. “Are you ok?” She finally asked and it made Clarke smile slightly, Abby meant well but she was too stubborn, too prideful and too... righteous.

“I am.” She reassured with a nod before turning to Jackson to tell him about the treatment. She turned to leave but Abby cut her off and Clarke had to take a deep steeling breath just to keep herself from snapping at Abby.

“Someone tried to kill you today, it's okay if you're upset.” Abby said and Clarke turned to look at Jackson who got the message and left.

“I was sent here to  _die_  mom...” Clarke said standing tall at that moment she was Wanheda. “Before that I was  _isolated_  for trying to tell the truth to the people. Before that I watched my _father_  die only to find out later it was my _mother’s_  fault.” She couldn't really help herself as she spat out the last part, so much for fixing relationships.

“If you had let dad do what he wanted to do, that dropship could have been filled with volunteers instead of expendable _children,_ as you like so much to remind us we _were_. I appreciate the concern mom, I do, but you were wrong earlier, you don't know what's right for us and I don't need your protection, we survived this long without you, any of you and if anything your closed off views are going to get us all killed. We are not the Adams and Eves we thought we were, we are not humanity last chance, just look around you! Not only have these people survived a nuclear war! They have managed for almost a hundred years, you might think them savages but God mom, open your eyes, they have a _functioning_ society, trade, resources, not to mention  _numbers_ , we might kill two for every one of us they kill but trust me, if there's one thing these savages know, is war, how to fight and survive here, these are _their_ lands, they don't need us,  _we_  need them, the only reason they agreed to this alliance is because they don't want to keep losing their people to the mountain, our medicine and knowledge of technology is the only thing we are offering and as I mentioned before, they have managed without it.”

Clarke was panting by the end of her rant, hands tightly balled up in fists, she had made many mistakes but if it weren't for Kane, Clarke was sure her mother would have ended up pissing the grounders enough to declare war, this time she needed Abby to open her eyes sooner rather than later and if Kane’s gentle guidance hadn't been enough, then maybe some tough love would, that was not how she had planned on having the talk with her though but it certainly felt good to let it out, she had been keeping that inside for too long.

Clarke felt like she needed a drink, a good night of sleep and just five minutes to sit down and think about what the fuck was all this and what she was supposed to do, her mind kept going from thinking about her next move to thinking about a contingency plan for Pike, her thoughts were just all over the place. “I'm gonna go look for Octavia... Let me know when he wakes up.” She added nodding towards Emerson and left a stunned Abby behind.

 

 

“Octavia.” Clarke greeted letting out a sigh of relief as she saw the other girl, she would be a great ally in uniting Sky people and grounders. “You did good today, I'm sorry you didn't get your first kill but E-he could help us defeat the Mountain.” Raven looked at her like she had lost her mind for apologizing for not letting the other girl kill someone but Octavia smirked proudly.

“I had him, he was mine, Indra even complimented me... Sort of.” She shrugged and Clarke smiled.

“Any word from Bellamy?” Clarke asked and they shook their heads. “He'll make it.” The blonde reassured them before looking at the younger girl once more. “Did you find a radio?” She asked and Octavia nodded pulling it out of her jacket. “Is there a way to send a message to Mount Weather without them discovering the channel Monty and the others secured?” She asked, the mechanic shrugged in reply.

“I can try.” She replied in her usual cold tone and maybe for Clarke it was a lifetime ago but Raven was still grieving Finn's death.

“I trust you... If there's someone who can do it, it's you, you're awesome.” Raven looked at her warily but Clarke could see her softening a little. Clarke nodded at Raven and Octavia with a tight lipped smile. “Call me if Bellamy contacts or if there's a way to contact the Mountain, we might need to buy him some time if the sniper doesn't talk.”

 

 

Clarke walked towards Emerson's cell, trying to collect her thoughts, breathing deeply in and out rhythmically, she needed to focus on the now, she found Kane in the middle of a very unsuccessful interrogation again and she rummaged through the pictures before shoving them in her pocket as Kane threatened to open the door and she almost, almost smirked, knowing it was just a bluff and grabbed the reaper toner but this time instead of agreeing with her mom, she kept her silence and waited for them to leave.

Abby walked out after Kane and Clarke looked at the guard. “Give me five minutes with him.” She spoke with authority, she had never wanted to become a leader and the first time around she had been so hesitant, listening to others instead of her instincts, trying to appease and please everyone or as many people as she could, she knew better now.

“The Chancellor said...”

“I heard what the Chancellor said, now you can do as I said or I can come back with a group of grounders and then it will not only be unpleasant for you but for him as well...” She nodded towards Emerson. “I want just five minutes; I promise not to hurt him.” The guard eyed her before walking out and Clarke stepped forward enabling the communication again.

“Three hundred and eighty-two people... eighty now, with you here and your friend dead, twenty-six of those are children and two of them are yours...” Clarke trailed off an evil smirk spreading on her lips, she was a good actress, she was a good poker player, Kane had failed in his bluff but ever since she got to the ground she had been faking one thing or another, lying to others and sometimes even to herself.

Clarke watched with satisfaction, the surprise and fear in Emerson's face and knew it had worked, ever since Emerson appeared in Polis, she had been repeating those words in her head, it was her official death count. Suddenly it wasn’t just a bunch of people she killed, it was an entire society, women, children, families… And as she tortured herself over that number, the thing thatnhaunted her the most was that she’d do it again, she’d take the same choice given the chance, less than fifty of her friends over more than three hundred people in the mountain.

“You might feel like you have the advantage, hiding behind your walls, in your fortress but you are wrong, the mountain might have survived the end of the world but it won't survive _me_.” She spoke with conviction; she knew that for a fact. “We have something you don't... People on the inside.”

“What do you want?” Emerson spat out standing up, hands pressed against the glass door.

“From you? Nothing.” Clarke shook her head. “There's nothing you can tell me that I don't already know... Except perhaps the self-destruct code.” Emerson's eyes widened again but she needed to make sure he bought into her bluff, the more precise and specific information she could give, the better.

“I know about the generators even the backup, about the door mechanism and I know about the missiles. So here's the deal from now on and until further notice, you don't talk to anyone but me and as long as you cooperate your children will be safe... For now.” She took a step closer to the cell.

“Make no mistake, I would slaughter more than three hundred people for just one of mine but there're people inside the mountain helping us, innocents and children, I would rather not have their bloods on my hands if I can help it.” The doors opened abruptly and Abby stormed in followed by Kane and the guard, they took one look at Emerson's disturbed face and turned to Clarke.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” She asked angrily yanking Clarke by the arm.

“Getting answers.” Clarke replied shrugging her mother's hands and giving Emerson a pointed look. “Good talk.” She said before turning around and walking away Kane and Abby hot in her heels.

“No one gets in here without my permission this time or you will be stripped of your charge.” Abby ordered before they left the room. Abby tried to stop Clarke again and this time the girl stopped and looked at her mother. “Just what do you think you are doing?”

“Getting answers, getting _my_ people out... They are bleeding my friends already and I get that you would like to think we are the good guys here but there are no good guys, mom. From everyone else’s perspective we would go in the history books as those who destroyed an entire space station for who knows what reason, the people who floated people for petty crimes, the ones who sent a hundred kids to their deaths and executed three hundred more for air. If we were the ones writing it the grounders would be savages, we want to 'educate' when really we mean to colonize and turn them into a civilized society ‘for their own benefit’... The mountain people are trying to be able to survive on the ground, they have 48 of our people for over three hundred of them, they'd need to kill my friends to get that much bone marrow... we need to get Raven, I'll tell you what I know, what he told me and we'll come up with a plan but mom... You might be the Chancellor but i need you to understand, _I'm in charge_.” She said taking a step closer, eyes boring into her mother's.

“I need you and Jackson to see if the bone marrow treatment would work. Try it on Emerson but don't let him unsupervised, he was a high rank officer in the Mountain, he is dangerous. If we offer help with the treatment, they might let our people and the grounders go... Kane will tell you the rest.” They both looked at her for the longest time and it wasn't until Kane took a hold of Abby's arm and nodded at her that the older woman sighed heavily and turned to leave.

“How did you get him to talk?” Kane asked curiously as they made their way over engineering.

“I bluffed too.” It wasn't a lie, though it wasn't the truth either. Kane gave her an amused look but didn't push the subject.

 

 

Clarke asked Raven to work on the toners to neutralize Reapers, asked, instead of ordering and apologized for the workload she was giving Raven but excused herself saying she didn’t know who else would be able to handle all the things they needed.

Octavia interrupted them to ask about Bellamy and after Clarke assured them again that Bellamy would make it, she asked Octavia to tell Indra to ready a horse for her and then proceeded to tell Raven and Marcus everything she knew about the Mountain.

“Raven I know you already have your hands full but I need you to think of how to blow up those generators, I'll record a message, give me a couple of hours of head start to talk to the Commander, before you broadcast it to Mount Weather... Please. It'll buy Bellamy some time at the very least, keep them focused on the outside instead of inside their walls and it will give us time to come up with an attack plan.”

Kane and Raven were looking at her in a very weird way, she knew that for them the change from Clarke 'Princess' Griffin to Wanheda had been sudden but she didn't have time to come up with an excuse or a better act, if asked she'd credit Lexa's lessons on leadership.

Raven nodded and prepared to record her message, at the Mechanic's nod Clarke leaned over the radio and looked at Raven for reassurance before speaking. “President Wallace, Cage Wallace, this is Clarke Griffin speaking, we have neutralized your sniper team, we have Carl Emerson in our custody and you have our people. The doctors from the Ark are willing to help you come up with a treatment so you can withstand radiation, we have knowledge and technology and we are willing to help. Release our people and we can work together… If not, the grounder army is bigger than you think and now thanks to Emerson we know your secrets, release my people, surrender your leaders or we will come for you.”

Clarke nodded at Raven who stopped recording, she was about to turn around to leave when Bellamy's voice came through the radio and Clarke breathed a sigh of relief, the conversation went pretty similar than it did before, a pang of guilt surged through her at the mention of Maya and she thanked the girl for everything she had done to help him. She gave the radio to Raven and left with Kane.

“Keep my mom working on the treatment, knowing if we can help them is key, there's people inside helping us, children, innocents... They don't deserve to die... They are just trying to survive, just like we did every time people were killed for air.”

Guilt tripping the adults wasn't exactly how she had planned on getting things done but it seemed to be working so far as Kane nodded solemnly at her.

“Kane...” She said and stopped, the man doing the same. “They have missiles.” Kane looked alarmed at that. “Once I reach TonDC I'll have the Commander have scouts around the village and Ar-Camp Jaha, they'd need a spotter but I still need you to be careful... To keep our people safe... Keep my mom safe.”

“I will...” Kane vowed. “You stay safe too.” He said placing a hand on her shoulder and Clarke nodded. “May we meet again.” The words wrapped around her heart and squeezed it in a very painful way and the blonde could only nod as the knot in her throat made it hard to talk.

 

 

Clarke spent the short walk to the gates taking deep breaths and swallowing back the tightness in her throat, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to hear those words again without thinking of the taste of black blood on her lips and lifeless green eyes. Indra was just starting to acknowledge her strength she didn't need to ruin that progress by becoming a sobbing mess.

“Bellamy contacted, he made it in.” She said as soon as she saw his sister, and smiled at Octavia's sigh of relief.

“What about Lincoln?” She asked and Clarke shook her head, no word from him yet and she didn’t know what had happened to him the first time around. “Don't worry, he's Trikru, he's tough, a survivor.” She at least knew that he’d make it pass the Mountain, Indra was still at odds with Lincoln but even then she saw her chest puff with pride at her praise.

“We need to go, all of you are coming with me, the Mountain man talked to me, I'll tell you everything once we reach the Commander.” Indra's eyes widened in surprise, disgust (at  _his_  weakness, she hoped) and then that something akin to respect that had shone in the woman's eyes earlier in the medical bay and yes, Clarke had chosen to mention how it had been her that had gotten the man to talk, even if it was just a lie, she needed Indra to trust her or at the very least respect her.

They rode straight to TonDC, no stops and as fast as they dared to at night, there was no time to waste and as soon as they reached the gates she jumped from her horse like an expert handing the reins to the closest grounder and marched right to the Commander's quarters, bursting in before the guards outside could stop her.

“Lexa.” She breathed out with relief at finding the Commander on her bed, hands over her stomach in that way that seemed like she was half sleeping, half meditating. Lexa opened her eyes a little startled, before looking at Clarke and she schooled her expression in that stoic nonchalant manner of hers, standing up and walking over to the table pushed against the wall to grab her coat.

Right... Clarke thought, this looked like her Lexa, talked and moved like her Lexa but it was not hers...  _Yet_.

Clarke still needed to earn her trust, the attraction had been there from the start, she had realized it once she had started to warm up to Lexa back when they were in Polis she was sure it still was, Lexa was beautiful in every way; in a dangerous way when she was in her Commander mode, war paint, armor and weapons, stoic demeanor and serious tone but also in the softest, gentle way, when her face was clean and her hair was down and every way in between.

“Klark kom skaikru has honored me with her presence...” She said nodding at the guards and Indra, they had walked in after Clarke, as the girl had marched inside the Commander's quarters like she owned the place and the look Indra was giving her, told Clarke that she might have just lost all the points in favor she had won back in Arkadia.

“Apologies Heda, this insolent girl thinks she can just march in...” Indra said taking a step forward as if to remove Clarke from the small house.

“Bellamy came through, he made it inside the Mountain.” Interrupting Indra probably destroyed completely every progress she had made back in Arkadia but out of everything she wished to change this time around, bursting into Lexa's tent or room like this, wasn't one of them. “We have very urgent matters to discuss.” Lexa gave her one of those small regal nods and Clarke's lips curved up in a soft, maybe or maybe not, loving smile and she had to fight the urge to step forward and kiss the other girl or hug her at the very least.

“Wait for me in the war room.” Lexa ordered and the guards left but Indra lingered as she saw Clarke made no move to leave, it wasn't until Lexa nodded that the other woman left them alone. Lexa began putting on her light armor and if Clarke being there made her uncomfortable she didn't show it.

“I'm glad you're okay.” Clarke said taking a step closer, her hands itched to reach out and touch the other girl. She couldn't help but wonder if this is how Lexa felt when Clarke had been so focused on getting her friends out that she had completely overlooked whatever it was that was developing between them. “When we discovered you were a target as well I...” She knew Lexa survived the snipers but she couldn't help but wonder that what if she took the wrong choice and it costed her Lexa anyway.

“The rider warned us on time and the scouts were able to dispose of them without much trouble.” Lexa reassured her slipping her knife in the sheath on her belt and then strapping the sword to her back.

Clarke smiled at her as Lexa nodded and they made their way towards the war room. Once there the blonde repeated everything she knew about the Mountain, told them about the missiles and the spotters, she walked over the map telling Lexa about having scouts patrolling the areas to prevent the spotters or more sniper teams to settle, they had the numbers it was time they used it, she suggested a team lead by Indra and Octavia in the 'most likely place' the spotter would settle if he was aiming for TonDC.

She suggested, moving to the woods to hide with the rest of the army as they were most likely the targets just like with the snipers. Lexa agreed, telling Indra to have patrol teams rotating every six hours so the teams could make their way back and forth to their hiding place instead of TonDC, they arranged places for the relieving of duties and to have someone warn the Clan representatives to meet at the hiding place in the woods instead of the village.

Clarke was impressed, she knew Lexa was smart a great strategist and quick on her feet but Clarke had an advantage, it was pretty clear by now that it hadn't been a dream (unless this was the dream, she wasn't sure anymore) and unless she was experiencing the longest Deja vu in history, Clarke already knew what was happening but Lexa adapted so quickly, caught up and came up with things that would have escaped the blonde, that Clarke could see why Lexa had been the only Commander to accomplish everything she had.

They left a small army of thirty warriors to protect the village and set out to the woods right away. It had been a slow march; the Trikru knew the woods better than the Mountain men but they weren't the only threat on the ground.

As soon as they reached camp Indra left to meet the unit leaders to organize the patrol units for Arkadia, TonDC and the camp. Lexa escorted her to what would be her tent, the closest to the Commander's and the blonde had been sure it wasn't exactly hers if the muttering grounder who walked out with his belongings in hand was anything to go by.

“Ryder will stand guard for the night.” Lexa said once they were at the entrance of her tent but Clarke wasn't ready to say good night, no matter how tired she felt as the events of the last couple of days, these and the ones she came from, caught up with her. She wasn't ready to be left alone with her thoughts and Lexa had always been a comforting presence, something akin to an anchor, had always made her feel safe and that should have been telling enough, last time Clarke had felt safe besides when she was with Lexa had been back when she was up in space and Jake Griffin had still been alive.

“I could use a drink.” She had said and Lexa looked at her for a moment before nodding.

“I'll have someone fetch one for you.” And seriously Clarke couldn't help the fond smile that spread over her lips, even if she wanted to, sometimes the Commander was too literal.

“Would you join me?” She asked and Clarke knew the Commander enough to notice the subtle hints of surprise playing on her features.

“Have you eaten?” Lexa asked and Clarke realized that she couldn't really remember last time she had eaten something so she shook her head. “It's not wise to skip meals Clarke, we need our strength. Planning takes almost as much energy as fighting and tomorrow you'll wish not to face the representatives of the clans on an empty stomach.”

Clarke had to contain her smile because seriously, smiling stupidly at the Commander for giving her a lesson on proper eating habits while preparing for battle, wasn't going to help her case on proving Lexa that she wasn't crazy, just incredibly happy the Commander was there. She half wanted to point out that Lexa was just as bad if not worse and the only reason she remembered to eat was because someone was always literally placing food in front of her. “I'll have someone bring something to eat as well... I have some other things to take care of, I'll join you shortly.”

Clarke walked inside her tent, there were very few candles and it made her almost wish Lexa had invited her to the Commander's tent instead but she needed to be patient. She was finally left alone with her thoughts though and she couldn't help but think about repercussions.

 

 

Emerson had been the one to strike the deal with Lexa, keeping him imprisoned didn't mean someone else wouldn't do so instead but what if Lexa fought and fell during the battle? She had known why the Commander had taken the deal, the Mountain men had guns and by the time they had finally opened the door more than dozens of Lexa's warriors had already fallen, she had lost many of her people due to the misil and her leadership was being questioned as a lot of people suspected she had known of the bombing. She hoped that by telling Raven the exact number of generators and to keep in mind the jamming signal for the detonator of the door's bomb, it'd speed things along, still she had to take into consideration that Bellamy had failed to free the grounders inside and for what she remembered most of them weren't in exactly fighting conditions.

A grounder walked in, interrupting her thoughts and placed a plate with meat, seeds, vegetables, bread and fruit on the table in the center of the tent and a jug of some dark liquid before walking out not even sparing a gaze in her direction and Clarke's stomach grumbled as the smell hit her nostrils.

Reflecting as she picked at the food -eating small bites of everything, it'd be too embarrassing to have the Commander hearing her stomach roaring like Pauna- about how she wasn't dreading meeting the representatives of the twelve clans as much as she had been last time. She had the outlines of the plan and had some actual useful information to give them this time.

Lexa entered the tent, she having donned her armor but was still wearing that long coat that flowed behind her like a cape as she moved and Clarke stared at her for a long time, hand frozen midway to her mouth a strip of meat between her fingers. She was snapped out of committing the image to memory as Lexa cleared her throat.

“Sorry.” She said placing the meat on the bowl and standing up. “Sit, please, have you eaten?” She asked and Lexa nodded in reply taking a seat and crossing her legs, Lexa could sit on a log on the ground with a dislocated shoulder and still make it look like a throne, the girl belonged on a throne, unlike Aden, who maybe, due to his young age, looked more like he belonged out in the woods playing than commandeering the clans or Ontari who looked more warrior than leader, Lexa just looked regal in everything, even in battle.

She had been staring again if Lexa's curious gaze was anything to go by. Clarke bought herself some time by pouring some of the grounder wine in the two cups that had been brought by and handed one to Lexa, if it weren't for the fact that it had ended with Gustus execution Clarke would have mentioned how they never got to share that drink at the feast.

“It is always more tasking, waiting and preparing for battle than the actual battle.” Lexa mentioned with a little subtle sigh and Clarke nodded in understanding.

“It's like your body is storing extra energy for the battle to come. During battles you run on pure adrenaline, so you don't really feel the effects until it's done.” Clarke replied, she didn't know if using previous conversations with 'not yet her Lexa' would be considering cheating but Lexa eyed her curiously and her features relaxed a little as she studied the blonde. “Ever since we landed here, it’s been one battle after another.” Clarke downed the rest of her wine and Lexa's eyes shone with amusement.

“Trust me. You don't want to be in a room with the representatives while suffering from wine sickness." The Commander warned, Clarke smiled and locked eyes with Lexa.

“I do trust you.” She said and if there was something she would regret preventing, even if her guilty conscience reminded her it had come at the cost of over two hundred lives, would be the 'not everyone, not you' for it had opened her eyes to how deep Lexa's feelings for her were, she knew at that point they had a connection but that little confession had shaken her and made her feel for just a little while like just a girl whose only concern was how to stop thinking about the other person's eyes and lips and wondering what they would feel like pressed against her own, what they would taste like.

She had actually needed a moment, after she stepped out of the tent, back then, to remind herself that her people were her priority, to collect herself so she could focus on something other than the feel of Lexa’s lips on hers.

Clarke could see that her words had some effect on Lexa too if the slight widening in her eyes were anything to go by but she knew Lexa, this Lexa, was not ready and she didn’t want to push. They finished the jug of wine talking about little stuff, Lexa had inquired about how Skaikru choose their leaders and in exchange Clarke asked about grounder culture, she made sure to keep the topics light, yes she wanted Lexa to confide in her again but she also wanted to level the play field a little, she knew more about the Commander than the other girl knew about Clarke and if she had known that her request to be taught Trigedasleng would have made those amazing green eyes sparkle in such a way, she would have had pretended not to know even the most basic of it back when she was living in Polis (or was it ahead?) But then again, whenever she did spoke it, the longing looks Lexa gave her had been pretty great.

Lexa emptied the contents of her last cup and stood up, Clarke following suit. Standing closer to the Commander as Lexa stopped near the entrance of the tent. “We must rest now; we have a long day ahead of us... Goodnight Klarke kom Skaikru.” Lexa smiled slightly, it was still those little contained smiles but it was enough to make her heart beat madly against her chest.

"Reshop Heda" Clarke said and maybe the words or the wine or both made the smile on the Commander's eyes widen slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: CLEXA interactions. Actions and reactions; Clarke placed safety meassures to prevent the bombing of TonDC but will they work? Is it the devil you know the lesser evil?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't think you're ready for this jelly.... C L E X A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all thank you all for your comments and kudos, it makes me really happy that you're enjoying this story, I really like writing but I have always had the hardest time sharing it, I find reading what I write almost as pleasant as hearing a recording of my voice lol but reading your amazing comments always puts a smile on my face, helps me heal a little from the Lexa's size wound in my heart and inspires me.
> 
> Now onto the important stuff.
> 
> PLEASE READ: TRIGGER WARNINGS
> 
> WARNING: I know Lexa's dead was triggering for a lot of people and the mention of it has Clarke suffering a mild panic attack, I tried not to go into too much detail without sacrificing content because we're all still healing and that's the purpose of this story but if you don't want to read it skip the part between the ***1*** I put it at the start and end of the scene. ***2*** it's a scene about justice, grounder style, that involves people tied up to trees and being cut into, it's not too graphic but just in case you want or need to skip it, know it's there.

Clarke didn't get the chance to be alone with Lexa that morning, it was spent meeting the representatives of the clans where she had been introduced as the Skaikru leader. 

She disliked that title, not as much as she _hated_ being called _Princess_ and not as heavy as being called Wanheda but still, she realized that Ambassador was a title she much preferred, it meant she had responsibilities and authority, that it was her duty to look after her people's best interest but that the lives of her people didn't rest solely on her shoulders, she didn't know how Lexa managed. 

Lexa who was the leader of _all_ her people, Clarke knew natblidas began preparing for the role since childhood but it was still a wonder how those strong yet delicate shoulders didn't crumble under all that pressure.

During the meeting Clarke informed the others about her knowledge of the Mountain and the outlines of the plan, of course, much like the meeting with the generals, things didn't run as smoothly as she had hoped, the grounders had been thirsty for blood, the ice Nation representative seemed to purposely disagree and challenge everything Clarke and Lexa said, but it also meant the meeting was filled with subtle -or as subtle as Clarke and Lexa could be- looks, it was like they carried private conversations with their eyes alone. 'See, told you this would be tough enough without wine sickness.' Lexa's had said, amusement making the green in her eyes sparkle and Clarke had to press her lips in a tight line to keep from smiling. 'I could use a drink right now, I'm too sober for this political crap.' Clarke's eyes replied and the blonde was ecstatic to notice the stoic mask crack in the slightest, when Lexa struggled to keep the corner of her lips from pulling up.

At one point Higan, the Ice Nation representative had sneered at her asking in a mocking tone about what a little girl who fell from the sky could possibly know about war and before Lexa could intervene, Clarke stepped closer, head high even if she was considerably shorter than the mountain of a man. 

“I might not know a lot about war but I do know  _you_  have been losing to the Mountain for  _years_  now and the only reason you...  _we_  are even _close_ to defeating it this time, it's because  _our_  technology,  _our_  inside man and the people helping _us_ from the inside.” She could see the rage built up and explode for being talked down by someone he considered inferior. 

The blonde was sure she was about to be at the very least punched but she wasn't going to back down.

“That's enough.” Lexa called in that authoritative tone of hers that left no room to challenge it without consequences... or at least for most people, though Clarke was sure she wasn't exactly there _yet_. “Clarke is right.” 

She knew it was childish but she had never been particularly good at controlling her emotions or her expressions as well as Lexa and the prideful little smirk she sent Higan's way was hard to reign in. 

“Until the acid fog is disabled and our inside army uncaged, there's nothing we can do. We'll keep the warriors busy with patrol, unit leaders know what needs to be done. Clarke, make sure your people ask the prisoner how far the missiles can reach in case we need to extend the perimeter, send a rider.” 

Clarke nodded at the command and while it was a good thing to keep in mind and Clarke didn't want to divert her attention from the meeting, she couldn't help when her mind wandered to what she knew of the situation, by now Bellamy should be looking for their friends and finding out about the drilling and the missile, they were one step ahead there though. 

Clarke had to bury the guilt of those she wouldn't be able to save yet again, it could also be that things changed, Emerson's replacement could be getting Bellamy's bone marrow while she was there trapped in petty political battles.

By the time she tried focusing back on the meeting Lexa was already dismissing everyone, their eyes met and with a slight tilt of the head, the commander asked to be followed. 

Clarke smiled, almost giddy, as they made their way inside Lexa's tent, stopping only long enough for the brunette to ask for food and wine to the guard outside. 

Lexa huffed barely audible as she sat in her throne, the brunette rarely sat there when it was just the two of them alone but Clarke had also realized the symbolism it had for Lexa, the way the other woman had explained it; the throne kind of how she recharged, her exact words were that it reminded her of her responsibilities, of the seriousness of her position and her duty to her people, which had Clarke wondering how those words were said with a fond tone, it wasn't the power it stood for that comforted her, Lexa was ruthless but not power hungry, didn't need to be, but Clarke understood that it comforted  _Heda._ Heda was the one shouldering the title but it was Lexa who it took a toll on. 

It was like Lexa’s security blanket when the title was wearing her down, when the burdens were too heavy to shoulder, for no matter the whole AI/spirit thing -which she still wanted to inquire about but knew it was too soon for that- there was a part of the grounder that was irrevocably  _just Lexa_  and that part was lonely and fragile and certainly didn't enjoy the political games that came with the position thrusted upon her.

***************1***************

“That was something...” Clarke said to break the silence and Lexa looked up at her with a contained grin.

“I have to say Clarke... From the first time we met, I knew you were a force to be reckoned, you did manage to defeat my army, outnumbered as you were.” 

There was guilt swimming in those green pools, Clarke had seen how those deaths had weighted on the Commander when they went to the dropship to see Lincoln, had even felt guilty enough to have the Commander see that back then. 

“But even then I didn't give you enough credit, you have proven your abilities not only as a leader but as a politician, though I advise, you work on your temper." There was a hint of a teasing smile playing on Lexa’s lips and Clarke couldn't help but chuckle. 

"A strategist too, the plan is still unfinished, yes, but we might finally be able to defeat the Mountain thanks to you and your people.” And much like that time where Lexa had talked about Lincoln's recovery and not only had she smiled but actual managed a little laugh, Lexa's stoic Heda's facade crumbled as she grinned proudly. 

“I was able to form the Coalition with the promise that if the clans stopped fighting themselves and instead joined together we would be able to defeat the mountain... Though I had to make sure there were other benefits, otherwise once we either succeeded or were defeated in the battle against the common enemy, the coalition would crumble.” a small sigh broke past her lips. “It's obvious we wouldn't have been able to even get this far without Skaikru’s help, without  _your_  help” Her tone was grateful and it warmed Clarke's heart.

“Lexa I know you... and I" Clarke corrected her slip up as best as she could “don't really know each other that well... yet.” She gulped and shook her head at herself. “But I've seen how determined you are. I'm sure you would have found a way if we were still up in space.”

“Or die trying.” the casual way in which the Commander added that, shrugging as if it didn't matter, as if she was disposable, expendable, made Clarke’s throat constrict painfully and her ribs felt like they had collapsed inwardly and were crushing her heart, the half gasp, half sob was stuck in her throat choking her and the sound that came off her lips had Lexa standing up and rushing towards her. 

“Clarke?!” She asked her hands steadying the blonde by her elbows and Clarke's hands wrapped around Lexa's own, desperately anchoring herself as she tried to breathe.

“I'm fine.” she managed to say when she realized Lexa had looked towards the entrance of the tent and opened her mouth about to call the guards. “I'm fine.”

She kept repeating it, over and over again, trying to convince herself, because Lexa was still looking at her with concern written all over her features. In the back of her mind where Clarke's logical mind had hidden itself, she knew this was the beginning of a panic attack and the only thing keeping it at bay was the reassuring feeling of Lexa's strong arms under her hands and firm but gentle hands on hers.

“Clarke... Look at me.” Lexa commanded in a gentle voice and Clarke looked up from staring at the ground to the Commander's green eyes. Lexa didn't say anything else but began taking deep breaths and it wasn't long before Clarke understood the unspoken command and began battling her shortage of breaths and the oppressive feeling in her chest by trying to synchronize her breathing with the Commander's.

She didn't know how long they stood there but by the time a voice broke into their bubble Clarke's breathing had been under control for long enough. Lexa asked the question with her eyes 'are you okay?' And Clarke took another deep breath and nodded in reply, before slowly letting go of the Commander's arms and stepping back.

***************1***************

 

“Enter.” Lexa called moving towards the back where a small table had been set. The guard walked in with two bowls of food and a jug of wine tucked under his arm, settling them on the table and turned to look at Lexa who nodded her dismissal. 

“Sit Clarke.” Lexa said taking her seat after Clarke had done so first. The brunette poured them some wine watering it down before handing Clarke her cup, the sweet comforting liquid made Clarke, sigh after a healthy sip. 

“Battle sickness?” Lexa asked after a moment of silence where they picked around the food and Clarke's only response was staring at Lexa with surprise in her eyes.

“It's more common in warriors of Clans like Floukru who aren't as... accustomed in war as other clans, mostly because they don't train as early as our warriors but I've seen it.” 

Her tone was not condescending and Clarke felt a pang of pain explode in her chest. Lexa had always been so much more than just her lover or someone who could be her lover. Lexa with her unwavering confidence in Clarke's abilities, who never judged her but instead _talked_ to Clarke, gave her facts and reasons if she disagreed or praises and encouragement if she agreed. 

Clarke had been a hypocrite when she had demanded Emerson's blood in Polis, Lexa could have easily made the decision herself but instead she trusted Clarke's judgment even when it seemed she would choose the wrong path. 

Not her mother, who thought her unfit to lead their people just because her age, even when the hundred were far more experienced when it came to life on earth. Not Octavia or Raven who thought that just because she had been appointed the de facto leader she should have all the answers and thought she wasn't doing enough when she didn't. Not Bellamy who had blamed her in such a way that it felt like she had been stabbed with every accusation, even when a lot of people died too when following Bellamy or  _because_  of him a bitter part of her remembered the three hundred people back in the ark who sacrificed themselves because Bellamy destroyed the radio. 

Lexa always offered unconditional and unwavering support and understanding... Lexa, was the closest thing she had to a real friend, that's why the actions or absence of the Commander affected her in such a way. 

That's why she couldn't lose Lexa without losing herself as well.

 

Lexa was still patiently looking at her, if Clarke wanted to offer an explanation or talk, she'd listen, if not, they could just go back to focus on their food. For the first time, the blonde really thought about everything she and the rest of the hundred had been through, even if it didn't feel like it anymore they all were just so young. 

Most of them probably had some level of PTSD but Clarke couldn't explain that her episode had been triggered by Lexa's casual words about her spirit moving on, the thought of going through that again. 

This was a second chance but for all Clarke knew it was also her  _last_ chance. Clarke shook her head to get rid of the thoughts and took a deep steeling breath.

“We weren't raised warriors. We weren't prepared for battle, or survival, we were taught classes like earth skills just so we could pass on the knowledge, we weren't supposed to be on earth for another hundred years. We were mostly taught how to perform jobs that'd be useful on the ark, mechanics, engineers, doctors. Our guards know how to shoot but they're not the best strategist, specially not in places like earth, with the mountains and the forests...” 

Clarke talked about the different jobs they had up in the Ark, how she liked to draw but drawing wasn't exactly a useful skill so she had trained to become a doctor like her mother. 

She talked about her father, keeping the details and events leading up to his execution very vague, she couldn't dwell on it right now, not when the pressure on her chest had just started to ease up. She talked about being imprisoned and being sent to earth. 

Lexa listened closely, Clarke had discovered that Lexa had an almost childlike curiosity for things, the girl liked knowledge and unlike some grounders who just rejected everything they didn't understand or knew about, Lexa was at least open to new knowledge. 

The Commander was captivated by Clarke's story, while Lexa's face stayed for the most part impassive, Clarke had spent enough time with the Commander to notice the subtle changes and the little smiles dancing in her eyes.

“And then we were given an ultimatum leave or die but we couldn't, wouldn't, not while my friends were…are, still inside the Mountain and then...” Lexa's reaction to Clarke's story had been just what the blonde needed to completely lift the oppressing feeling in her chest. They had finished their lunch sometime between the giant lake snake and the flares. 

Lexa was actually relaxing in her seat, right hand casually holding her cup of watered wine, her left elbow on the table and her chin resting on her palm. Clarke breathed deeply, drinking in the sight, those amazing eyes shinning so brightly, the high cheekbones, her sharp jaw, those lips she just couldn't get out of her mind. 

“Then, I met you” She said and it came out as barely a whisper. Something in her tone or her eyes or both must have changed because Lexa gasped slightly and was looking at her with a little confused frown and that's when she noticed, her body had betrayed her restrain and her hand was cupping Lexa's cheek, thumb softly stroking her cheekbone. 

Clarke held her breath, her heart beating madly, almost painfully so, against her ribs and the pleasant fluttering in her stomach whenever she was alone with Lexa, became frantic.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked in a whisper, it made the blonde swallow and bite her lip nervously.

“Heda!” The shout from outside the tent was so sudden, so unexpected when it burst their bubble that both girls jumped apart. Clarke's chair almost tipping back and Lexa was out of hers already and walking out the tent by the time the blonde turned to look at her. 

Clarke sighed heavily and ran her hands up her face and through her hair praying to whoever was listening that she hadn't just ruined her chances by rushing it.

 

“Clarke!” Lexa called from outside and she rushed out to find Lexa, Indra, Octavia and a group of warriors surrounding an unconscious Lincoln.

Octavia explained, as Clarke ordered the grounders to take Lincoln to the medical tent, about how they found him while patrolling the perimeter near TonDC. That was enough to have Lexa pulling away from the group shouting orders for the second team to go cover that spot immediately and left to oversee it.

Octavia watched like a hawk as Clarke and Nyko discussed treatments, asking every now and then if shouldn't they take him to Camp Jaha in case they needed to shock him again. 

It was different this time though, Lincoln's head seemed to be a lot clearer than the first time he had been turned into a reaper but nowhere as close as it had been back when Clarke had to shoot through him to kill the spotter, his body still craving and begging for more red.

Once Lincoln was stable, bounded just in case, and reassured that his actions hadn't harmed Bellamy. Clarke walked out leaving him with Octavia, as the sun was starting to set. 

She wanted to go see Lexa right away see if her actions earlier had affected things between them for the better or worse, but she was once again interrupted as the grounders started cheering and screaming, soon all the ruckus turned into a collective chant of 'jus drein jus daun'. 

Lexa came out of her tent not long after, standing next to Clarke, a group of grounders dragged a badly beaten soldier... The  _spotter_  Clarke recognized right away as he was kicked behind the knees to make him kneel before Lexa.

The Commander raised a hand and the whole camp went silent and it had always been a bit appealing, a turn on for Clarke how the Commander had such a presence that she could silence an entire army with the flick of her wrist. 

Lexa's eyes hadn't moved from the Mountain man since he was dropped on his knees in front of her. “Do you need to interrogate him?” Lexa asked tilting her head towards Clarke eyes still fixed on the man.

Clarke looked at him too and all she could think about was that woman walking towards her with her own severed arm in her hand, all the destruction and pain and her mother's words; _Their blood is in your hands_. “No.”

“Teik em set roun ona tri!” The Commander projected her voice and the whole camp erupted in cheers.

***************2***************

It wasn't long before the man was tied on a tree and the chants of 'Jus drein jus daun' began again. Clarke could see the gears turning in Lexa's head as she stood there looking at the man. 

Clarke knew Lexa didn't exactly enjoy this part of her culture so she was probably thinking about the best sentence, _'One cannot blame the actions of a group on one man who was just following orders'_. She knew that, killing him hadn't given Clarke any peace of mind but there was an entire army who had been waiting for too long and they were lusting after his blood.

Lincoln had said that no one ever survived for the sword of the Commander yet Gustus had, Clarke doubted that this man would live up to that. Lexa raised her hand again and the camp fell silent. 

“Those who _currently_ have people inside the Mountain will get a chance at the knife.” Clarke looked at Lexa, it was justice, a fair sentence but it was also the most merciful. 

They didn't know this man's crimes to give him a sentence similar to Finn's. It was probably what the army was hoping for. He had his fair share of guilt in bleeding grounders and harming Skaikru if the lack of suit was any indication though, and he would have bombed a whole village just because he was ordered to... 

Because his people wanted to survive, it was not personal. It was a reminder for Clarke, that there were truly not bad guys, just perspectives and sides... 

Except for Nia and Pike who she hoped would somehow end up killing each other before she had to start worrying about them.

Lexa made the first cut on the bicep, the man gritting his teeth to keep from complaining and turned around holding up her knife to Clarke. She walked forward taking the knife and making an almost identical cut on the other arm.

“Jus drein, jus daun.” she said as she handed the knife to Indra, who nodded at her, the knife passed to generals and leaders first before warriors took their turn and Clarke was surprised to see Indra nodding towards Octavia at one point. 

The girl was truly earning her spot and Clarke was glad, she knew Octavia never felt like she belonged with the Sky people, she had gone from the girl who lived under the floor, to the grounder pounder but now, now she was the Trikru leaders' second.

Clarke had lost count of how many cuts he had taken as they were starting to blend together by the blood pouring out but the man had given up on his silence long ago, it started with hissing, then groaning, then whimpering and then began the shouting before he finally succumbed to the pain as almost every inch of his upper body and thighs were cut into. 

Clarke began squirming in place by the whimpers, the only thing that had made Gustus execution easier was that the man had hardly complained, the blonde was grateful she knew if he had, his shouts would be haunting the Commander instead of just his softly whispered last words -which Lexa had refused to say out loud- and his eyes as life abandoned them.

Every inch of Clarke's mind that had been trained to become a healer was begging the blonde to put a stop to this, the rest of her agreed as she remembered irradiating the mountain, all the screams, all the suffering... the scene was playing over and over again in her mind's eye.

“Commander...please” She begged softly so only Lexa would hear.

“I can't Clarke...” Lexa replied just as softly hand resting on the hilt of her sword the other balled up in a fist at her side. “Not this close to war... You may leave if you must.” The Commander's eyes moved to meet Clarke's for a small moment, concern shinning with the green as it danced with the lights of the torches, the night had settled long ago. 

Lexa was worried this could cause her another panic attack, that much was evident. Clarke shook her head and turned back to the bloodied man with a grimace as he began quieting down again, head hanging and just softly whimpering every time a new cut was made.

He didn't last to the sword and as he stopped bleeding and was declared dead, Clarke rushed to the Commander's tent. 

She tried to sit down but couldn't stay still, so she began pacing, tried to think past all the red and the shouts and the pain but couldn't. Yes, her actions in the Mountain and her months in the wilderness had toughened her up, she had tried to assassinate Nia and she would go through thousands of executions if it meant saving Lexa's life... but she couldn't go through hours of torture and just be fine with it, not like this. 

Lexa arrived after a while after and quietly went to hang up the belt with her sword and knife by the throne before turning around to face Clarke.

***************2***************

 

“I will be going with the party taking Lincoln to Arcadia.” Clarke said and Lexa gave one of her small stoic nods in reply but Clarke could see right through her, Lexa was taking this as a rejection of sorts.

“I know you think us savages, Clarke but we have been losing people to the Mountain for years now, fathers, mothers, children, brothers, sisters, friends, lovers... My people deserve justice.” Lexa said before the blonde had a chance to clear things up with Lexa.

“What about you?” She asked looking up, interrupting the rest of the Commander's sentence and the question caught Lexa off guard.

“I do what needs to be done.” Lexa replied solemnly.

“You lie...” Clarke replied. “I know you didn't enjoy what was done to the man, I know how much you care for your people, I know you cared about Anya, I know you felt for Gustus, I know you're still haunted by Costia...”

“Do not talk about her.” Lexa sneered.

“You like to pretend you don't care about people but I see right through you... You think feelings make  _me_  weak but you are weak for hiding from them. I know how much you care even if you like to pretend you're above it all, you want to keep everyone at away.” Clarke had backed Lexa up against the table and in the heat of the moment she couldn't even think about how everything had changed, how this wasn’t supposed to happen yet.

“Not everyone, not you.” was softly whispered halting Clarke in her anger, she wasn't angry for the execution, of all the people she was trying to save this time around, he hadn’t been one of them. 

She was angry at everything; at Lexa suffering silently on her own, at the fear she felt over maybe not being able to change things enough or changing them too much, at failing again, at the bloodthirsty grounders and their stupid Jus drein jus daun politics that might have as well costed Lexa's life.

“Jus drein jus daun, is our way.” Lexa replied in a soft tone as if reading her mind. “It's how we survive.” that last word cause Clarke's heart to skip a beat before it began racing inside her chest at such a wild pace, she could feel it in her neck.

“Lexa... Life should be about more than just surviving.” Her voice broke as she remembered the Commander's word while struggling to keep breathing. “ _You_  deserve better than that.” she vowed, promised, cupping Lexa's cheek with her left hand. Because when she first met Lexa she thought she was a ruthless savage, a smart savage but still, only to realize later on how unfair it was for someone so  _good_  to live in a world full of pain and violence, only to be killed while trying to fight for a better future for her people. “ _We_  deserve better than that... Don't we?”

“Maybe we do...” Lexa replied and Clarke could have kissed her then, she  _wanted_  to but she didn't. 

She wanted Lexa to be the one who took that first step again, because she needed the perhaps selfish and shallow reassurance than despite what little or much she had changed, Lexa still felt something for her.

Last time Lexa had taken a deep steeling breath, prepared herself and taken the leap, catching Clarke by surprise. 

It was like Lexa thought they might as well die in battle so even if Clarke rejected her it would be okay compared to the possibility of dying but as blue eyes bore into green the blonde could read Lexa's mental debate. 

Lexa had after all vowed to herself to never get close with anyone again, so no one would have to go through what Costia had just because they were close to Lexa. So she never put someone in that danger again but Clarke could see her losing the fight as Lexa's hand tentatively lifted to rest on Clarke's neck -causing the blonde to gasp- and slowly closed the space.

The broken half sob, half whimper that broke through Clarke's lips as Lexa's came in contact with hers had the Commander pulling back and her eyes searching Clarke's, thinking she had perhaps misread the situation or being the cause of Clarke's distress she began to retreat her hand -and honestly this girl was much too gentle for Clarke’s broken self-. Her hand caught Lexa's and pressed it against her cheek firmly, dropping her other hand from the Commander's own face to her hip pulling their bodies close together and leaning forward closing the space between their lips.

Lexa was trying to keep the kiss gentle like the first time and Clarke was trying, she was really  _trying_  to hold back her urgency, but their first kiss, their second kiss and first time together, and their last kiss; tainted with the taste of Lexa's blood and last breath, kept playing in Clarke’s mind, so as Lexa pulled back slightly to breath, her nose grazing Clarke's as she changed the angle, Clarke couldn't help another sob but instead of letting Lexa pull back, instead of stopping with a promise that not yet but maybe someday... Clarke stepped closer, both hands cupping Lexa's face. Lexa’s hands dropped to her hips as Clarke deepened the kiss, melting against Lexa's touch.

She let the thought of the upcoming war, of her people and duties, out her mind and focused on the moment, the firmness of Lexa's body against her own and the gentle hands on her face.

 

There was nothing else that mattered in that moment but the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, I kept thinking about waiting for the kiss but my inner Clarke disagreed and she demanded this, also that part of them inside the tent felt like such a date when I was writing it... Let me know what you think and if you want to make any suggestions or shoot me a message my tumblr is: adrykomclexakru
> 
> Next chapter: More Clexa... Arkadia, grounders and battle plans.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter because next chapter will be action packed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all your amazing support. Let me give you a spoiler alert, it won't be JUST fluff but there will be NOT dead lesbians here.
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes, I don't have a Beta and english is not my first language... also it's 5:07 am.

Clarke's hands were cupping Lexa's cheeks, they had pulled apart for air, their lips just a couple of inches away, breathing the same air, Clarke's blue eyes were committing the Commander's face to memory, there were so many emotions swimming within the green of Lexa's eyes that it was hard to pick them apart. 

Clarke had no way of knowing what Lexa was seeing in her, there were too many emotions running rampant inside her, making her heart slam desperately against her chest, she was sure Lexa could feel it, there was relief, excitement, lust, fear, love, so much love, that unlike earlier where it felt like her chest had crumbled in, right now it felt expanded, like she couldn’t fit all the emotion inside her body, like her heart was too large to be contained in her chest.

The blonde closed the gap between their lips for a slow gentle kiss, all their previous kisses, Lexa had been the one trying to keep the pace slow, to just kiss and explore the other while Clarke battled her emotions and urgency. It was nice for a moment, to let her guard down and just enjoy being able to kiss Lexa again.

Sighing heavily, Clarke pulled away, softly biting Lexa's bottom lip, pulling at it slightly as she leaned back. The Commander's soft groan at the action had Clarke leaning forward to press her lips against that sharp jawline, softly grazing the skin with her teeth causing the Lexa to shudder in her arms.

“Clarke” Her name came out in a breathy whisper that seemed both a plea and a warning, it pulled at the blonde's heartstrings and made her stomach flip in the best of ways, she kissed her way down to the other girl's pulse point, where she sucked slightly and the soft moan that escaped Lexa's lips made her knees weak but Clarke wasn't letting the Commander out of her arms anytime soon, she'd rather they collapsed to the ground than waste a couple of precious seconds apart from Lexa. 

Her hands moved down and wrapped around the Commander's small frame, Lexa was taller yes but under the clothes, without the weapons and Heda's attitude, Clarke had been surprised to find Lexa had a small frame, it'd have been hard to believe this girl, woman, lead twelve clans, thousands of people and could defeat a man as Roan in a fight but Clarke had seen Lexa's strength before she was allowed to see the softness.

Clarke could feel Lexa's heart rivaling hers as it pounded against her lips under the soft skin of the Commander's neck and it somehow made Clarke feel a tug in her own chest and her arms wrapped around Lexa more firmly and her face nuzzled against Lexa's neck. 

The hug seemed to catch Lexa off guard, taking her a beat before her arms wrapped around Clarke. The moment they embraced Clarke let a full body sigh, her breath causing Lexa to shudder.

“May I” Clarke spoke after a while, she didn't know how long they had been standing there in each other's arms but Lexa's right hand had been playing with her hair for a while now and it paused as the blonde broke the peaceful -despite being surrounded by an army at the edge of war- silence. 

“May I spend the night?” Clarke clarified, pulling back to make eye contact when she felt Lexa's whole body go rigid at her question and with just one look at the Commander's face she wished she hadn't asked.

Lexa's expression was of surprise, the stoic Commander either couldn't or didn't try to hold it back but there was something in her eyes, at first it was hurt, Clarke could see the walls coming up again at an alarming speed, then it was something like realization followed by anger or sadness, then something like acceptance or resignation.

It confused Clarke even more when Lexa leaned forward and pressed their lips together again. It was different from their previous kisses, even the ones before she came back in time, woke up from her premonition or whatever had happened, it was still soft but even in its softness it lacked the gentleness that was Lexa whenever they were like this. 

Clarke couldn't dwell on it because then the Commander's hands had pushed her shirt up slightly and her thumbs were caressing the skin between her shirt and pants, while kissing her neck and the moan that escaped her lips was far too much for just this, but it was like her body had decided to stop filtering Lexa's touch with layers of concern for upcoming wars and the safety of her people and just focused in an almost oversensitive way to Lexa and her touch. 

Lexa guided her by the hips, lips still attached to her neck towards the bed, making Clarke sit on the bed when the back of her knees hit the mattress, she tried to bring Lexa down with her but the Commander didn't follow, instead she began taking the intricate belt, almost corset like with its multiple belts that was wrapped around her torso and taking her coat off. It was the fact that she wouldn't meet Clarke's eyes that had her snapping from the lust fog that was clinging around her mind to realize what had happened.

“Lexa.” Clarke breathed out in an alarmed tone as she stood up, resting her hands on Lexa’s and forcing the girl to look her in the eye. Words failed her, she was still half dazzled by their kiss, half panicking over how stupid she had been and frantically searching for a way to fix it before it ruined everything. So instead, she cupped Lexa’s face and crashed their lips together in a desperate kiss, trying to pour everything she felt through the action, her fear, her relief to have Lexa there, alive and well, to have a second chance and yes her lust but above everything her love. 

Because even if Lexa wasn't there yet or ready to allow herself the possibility of it, Clarke _did_ love her with everything she had, a sob lodged in her throat and threatened to escape but Clarke held it in, this was about reassuring Lexa, not about her comforting Clarke or thinking her crazy.

When the lump in her throat made it impossible to breathe while kissing Lexa, she leaned back, gasping a little and opening her eyes to see Lexa slowly opening her eyes, panting heavily as if Clarke had taken all the air in her lungs with the kiss, a slight dazzled look in her eyes.

“I want you...  _so much_.” She confessed swallowing loudly. “But that's not what I meant... I just... Just  _sleep_... I want more than _just_ a night...” Clarke added in a whisper and she didn't know what was worse the clear surprise on Lexa's face when she thought Clarke wanted just sex or the half shocked half scared expression she had right now. 

“Remember what you asked me in TonDC, when you thought we had tried to poison you?” She trailed off, waiting for Lexa to acknowledge the question and once she replied with a little nod, she continued. “I did think about killing you... Someone had given me a knife, told me if I couldn't reason with you to kill you but I didn't _wish_ you dead, I knew it wouldn't work anyway, it would just be a dead sentence for me and all my people... I wished I had never gotten involved with Finn, it hurt more than it did good. It hurt Raven, it hurt Finn and it hurt me too.” She shook her head, in reality it had been just a couple of days but for her, it had been months, a lifetime ago that she had thought of Finn. 

“I wished he didn't love me and that his love for me wouldn't have made him think he needed to kill people... I wished I loved him, so when I told him that I did, I wasn't lying...” A sob broke through her lips but not for Finn, no, she had felt something for Finn yes but with how she felt for Lexa it was like comparing someone's height to the Polis tower and yet she had told Finn she loved him but never got the chance to tell Lexa. “But I  _never_  wished it was your heart...”

Another sob tore through her chest and realization downed on Lexa as the brunette pulled Clarke closer and let the girl cry on her shoulder.

“You may stay.” Lexa whispered after a while her hand going back to playing with Clarke's hair while her other hand rubbed up and down Clarke's back in a comforting matter.

 

“I knew.” Lexa said, they had long gotten rid of their jackets and gotten into bed, facing each other and legs tangled together, Lexa's hand playing with the ends of Clarke's hair that had fallen over her shoulder and Clarke's hand resting on her forearm tracing the tattoo, it was different, she had realized, smaller and couldn't help but frown... Did it have something to do with her? With what she had changed? But how could she have influenced that? 

Lexa mistook her confusion being towards her words and continued. “I knew you were armed and wanted to… _thought_ about killing me.”

“How?” Clarke asked eyes widening at the confession. “And if you knew why did you let me get close to you? Why did you let me kill Finn?”

“You are not a trained warrior Clarke, it was obvious in the way you moved... Stiff and your arm.” Lexa moved her hands to wrap around her left wrist pulling it to rest between them. “It was like your arm felt heavier.” Because it had, Clarke replied in her head. “I did not know you were going to kill  _him_ , I should have and _maybe_ part of me did... I would have done the same... I _wish_ I could have done the same.” She whispered the last part and Clarke leaned forward to press a kiss to her nose, trying to comfort her, she knew how hard it was for Lexa to talk about Costia, Clarke had felt guilty about Finn, yes but not exactly for killing him, she knew it would have been worse for him if she hadn’t unlike Lexa who completely blamed herself for Costia’s dead. 

“That's why I let you, it didn't seem you had a gun so I knew it was a blade and if you came at me with a knife I could have taken you.” Lexa smirked slightly and shrugged, if Clarke hadn't seen her fight Roan she would have claimed Lexa was just being cocky, so instead she leaned forward and kissed the smirking lips biting the brunette's bottom lip with a little more pressure, pulling a groan out of Lexa, who leaned forward pressing closer to Clarke. 

She couldn't help but think that she was glad that she didn't have to save Octavia from being killed or threaten Lexa this time for this to happen, it made her smile against the Commander's lips and Lexa’s answering smile made her feel lighter.

It wasn't long before the kiss turned heated, Clarke's hands sneaking inside the Commander's top, making Lexa shiver and the fact that she could make the Commander of the blood react to her touch in such a way, made her feel way more powerful than being called Wanheda ever did, but back then she hadn't been ready and maybe this time Lexa wasn't ready yet, so Clarke slowed down the pace of the kiss, hands moving from inside the Commander's shirt to wrap around her back.

“We don't have to do this... If you don't want to, if you're not ready yet... I'm happy to just sleep next to you.” Because Lexa being the one she woke up to, was not something she wasn’t going to miss this time around.

Lexa looked at her for a moment, studying her and Clarke had been honest but that didn't keep her heart from pounding in her chest with anticipation because she was happy just to stay there and sleep with Lexa in her arms but she also wanted to be with Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. Message me at my tumblr adrykomclexakru.
> 
> Also let me know what you think will happen, Lexa walks away or stays this time? I have two possible scenarios in my head, I'll pick the one I feel is more logical (something that the show lacks a lot sometimes FUCK YOU JASON) but I'd still like to know what you think.
> 
> Next chapter: Clarke realizes there was something she didn't fix and they start knocking at Mt. Weather's doors.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa, Octavia, kno-kno-knocking on Mt. Weather's doors and the mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you guys enough for your amazing support! It's kind of late, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.

Lexa didn't reply right away; Clarke could see the woman battling with herself. 

Clarke was ready, not only she had known Lexa longer but despite their previous interactions, even those that weren't as pleasant as some others and despite the betrayal, the Commander had found the way into her heart. 

Lexa however,  _this_  Lexa, didn't have three months of guilt and concern over Clarke and what happened in Mount Weather to be at peace with her feelings for the blonde, after all but tattooing 'love is weakness' on her skin.

So with a great display of willpower, Clarke cupped Lexa’s face and leaned forward to press a kiss to Lexa's lips, slow and delicate. 

Lexa always treated Clarke in the gentlest way, even when they didn’t agree on something, when it was just the two of them, when there was no politics involved, when they were stripped down of duties and titles and were just Lexa and Clarke. 

Clarke loved Lexa but if they did it now, it'd be a 'in case the worst happens' act and Clarke realized that as much as she craved the Commander's touch, as much as she craved the feel of Lexa's skin pressed against hers... the thing she craved the most was her  _love_.

"I'm sorry" Clarke spoke as she broke the kiss, leaning back just enough for blue eyes to meet green and before Lexa could reply she added. "I want to... But I... Not like this." She shook her head. 

"Not yet." The blonde didn't know if the brunette's sigh of relief was because she didn't have to decide or because she didn't have to reject the blonde but the kiss she pressed on Clarke's lips tasted like gratitude and a promise and it made Clarke smile.

"We should sleep." Lexa said once they had both settled back on the pillow and Clarke nodded as she settled against her.

It didn't take long for Clarke to fall into a deep sleep, she had been going on adrenaline and determination for the last few days, her emotions were like a roller coaster were every high filled her with hope and every drop made her heart squeeze with fear. 

She was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Even as she tried to cling to consciousness, to savor this moment and to pray for it to not be some weird vivid dream and wake up back in the couch where Murphy had settled her, Clarke fell asleep a couple of minutes later.

Lexa stayed awake long after Clarke, it had been so long since she had slept with someone by her side. She realized that she trusted Clarke too, that there was something about the blonde that just pulled her in, no matter how she tried to fight it and she had, she fought against it, her mind and her heart had been in a vicious war for a couple of days now. 

Lexa had never planned for this, yes, she had been intrigued by the strong-willed, beautiful blonde from the start but love was weakness and Lexa belonged to her people, they poured their dreams and hopes in her, therefore Lexa's own dreams and hopes would always fall second to theirs but right here, with Clarke clinging to her like Lexa would vanish if she didn't, the Commander felt... At peace.

Clarke woke up first with a smile on her face as brown locks tickled her face, the Commander was on her back, left leg bent and under Clarke's, left hand resting on the blonde's knee and the sky girl's left arm wrapped around her torso, the brunette's right arm resting on Clarke's left wrist on her stomach. 

Clarke felt her chest swell with happiness and pulled her right arm from under the pillow to rest her cheek on her hand. There was much to do today but she just wanted a moment longer to drink in the sight, commit it to memory so she could draw it later.

The movement, however made Lexa stir and as she slowly opened her eyes, blinking away the fog of sleep before turning her head to look at Clarke, a lazy smile spreading over her lips.

"Morning Heda..." Clarke husked, mirroring the Commander's smile.

"Hello Clarke." And her name with that clicking on the K and with Lexa's sweet, melodic voice a couple of tones lower sent shivers down Clarke’s spine. 

Clarke leaned over, lips pressing against the Commander's who smiled into the kiss before kissing her back, a slow almost lazy kiss as Lexa seemed reluctant to fully wake up yet.

Soon the sound of the outside world got louder as the army woke up and began preparing for their day. Lexa broke the kiss, her nose bumping Clarke's before giving her one last peck and raising from the bed in one single motion as if she didn't, she'd lose the will to leave it.

Clarke settled on her side, her responsibilities pushed to the back of her mind at the moment as she watched with a smile as Lexa poured herself a glass of water, downed it and walked over the leftover fruits from their dinner, she picked and apple and bit into it, chewing as she poured water in another glass, picked the bowl of fruit and walked towards the bed handing Clarke both.

The blonde chuckled and Lexa looked at her with a curious expression but she just shook her head in response. Lexa smiled, seemed to shrug it off and went to wash her face, hands and neck, with a cloth and a basin of water, moving towards her coat and her belt once she was done, taking a deep breath and holding it for a while before releasing it slowly and fastening it around her torso.

Clarke admired it all from the bed as she sipped her water and ate some grapes, she had never seen Lexa’s morning routine and she couldn’t help but chuckle at the action.

“It’s great for posture, a Commander has to stand tall… It’s not that great for breathing comfortably.” Lexa explained with a shy smile.

The commander fixed her braids and sat on the throne to apply her war paint Clarke still watching from the bed, picking around the fruit, every now and then Lexa would look at her and the intensity shinning on her blue eyes would make her smile almost bashfully before continuing doing whatever it was she was doing and if peace meant she would spend the rest of her mornings in a similar way, Clarke would embrace the title of Wanheda and fight until her last breath just for this.

With that as motivation, Clarke stood up, pulled on her jacket, ran her fingers through her hair, went to clean herself a bit, because being back as this Clarke, whose hands were not only cleaner but body as well, made her realize just how much she had let herself go back then, just because she felt filthy didn’t mean she actually had to be.

"I'm going to go make sure the team that will take Lincoln to Arkadia is ready." She said walking closer to Lexa and the Commander frowned.

"Arkadia?" Lexa asked.

Fuck was the only thing that ran through Clarke's mind. "Camp Jaha..." She corrected shaking her head. "I uhm... The space station was called the Ark, we named it Camp Jaha because we thought Jaha had sacrificed himself so everyone could get down here but after you released him, he was... Different, so I've been thinking about changing the name." She lied.

"I like it." Lexa said with a smile making Clarke, feel a little guilty about lying but she was sure everyone would think her crazy if she said she had already lived through this.

Clarke pressed a chaste lingering kiss to Lexa's lips mindful of the kohl on the brunette's face and then walked out of the tent.

 

Octavia was the first she found, or better said Octavia found her.

 

"Did you just... Did you spend the night with the Commander?" Octavia asked, disbelief clear in her tone and despite the blush spreading over her cheeks, Clarke couldn't help the smile on her lips.

"It wasn't like that." She explained but Octavia kept eyeing her like Clarke had just grown a second head. "We didn't..." She trailed off and shrugged, she had been sure by the words Octavia had said back then, before they parted ways, that the youngest Blake had figured out her feelings for Lexa, so she didn’t mind if this Octavia knew as well.

"What about Finn, Clarke?" Octavia asked making Clarke grimace, she didn’t know what to say, that Finn was a mistake? A distraction? She felt so alone and he was there? That he was a friend and she loved him but in the same way she loved Jasper and Monty? That she hadn't been in love with him and the memory of his actions at the end had clouded whatever it was they had before? 

Octavia was studying her and after a while with them standing there in silence, Octavia shook her head.

"Indra... really respects the Commander." She said and it felt like an Olive branch. "She says she's lived through three Commanders, four with Lexa and that none of them had done even half as much as she has. Says that hardly a Commander ever gets to rule for ten years, life span of a Commander is apparently shorter than warriors'." Octavia was trying to make light of that statement, Clarke knew that but the words still felt like a punch to her stomach. 

"She took Command when she was around my age, sixteen!" Octavia kept on talking not noticing Clarke's despair. "She's twenty-one now, she's been the Commander for five years..." Clarke could see that Octavia had no one to talk about ‘grounder stuff’, her brother was inside Mount Weather, Lincoln had been missing, the Skaikru distrusted grounders, thought them savages and were too narrow minded, to take an interest, or most of them at least and grounders didn't fully trust Octavia yet.

"Can we not talk about this?" She hissed feeling like her breakfast, light as it had been, wanted to come back up and Octavia finally noticed her unease.

"You really care about her huh?" And Clarke noticed in that moment that Octavia actually admired Lexa, without the knowledge that Lexa would willingly sacrifice an entire village of innocent people, Octavia actually liked the Commander and a pained smile spread over Clarke's lips.

“Finn was… is complicated, I thought I loved him but then he didn’t say anything about Raven, he murdered eighteen people in my name…” She shook her head and searched for something to explain what might seem for Octavia as a sudden change of heart.

“I understand Lexa’s motives for everything she’s done… She has given us so many chances, she could have wiped us out the moment we refused to deliver Finn, before that she could have attacked without given us the option of leaving. When she thought we tried to poison her, she’s tough but fair and the more time I spent with her…” 

"Look!" There was a shout and the grounders around them buzzed to life, the excitement was palpable, Clarke's head turned to see them pointing at the sky just before they began calling out for Lexa.

 

No... Clarke thought looking at the flare flying up the sky, it was too soon, wasn't it? She needed more time, didn't she had more time? She needed to make sure they had gone through every possible thing that could go wrong as impossible as it sounded, she needed to make sure her mother had figured out the treatment even if she was sure that if the crazy Mt. Weather doctor had figured it out, her mother could too, probably even come up with something better. She just needed more time... But the flare reaching its peak before starting its decent claimed otherwise.

"Bellamy did it!" Octavia chuckled. "I need to go find Indra." She said before turning and Clarke did the same, running towards the Commander's tent where Lexa stood outside, admiring the signal.

"You were right to have faith in him." Lexa said with a small smile. "Now we fight!" She turned around and ran towards the cliff overlooking their camp. The horns sounded and the army cheered as the Commander called for war but Clarke's head was still reeling. 

Lexa walked back towards her tent buzzing with energy and Clarke followed her catatonically.

Lexa sat in her throne, looked at Clarke but the blonde wouldn't meet her eyes. 

After the silence extended for too long Clarke chanced a look at the Commander only to find her with her eyes closed, meditating, Clarke realized.

A couple of beats later, Clarke could feel each and every wild pump her heart did, roaring in her ears muffling the excited cheers and chants of an entire army preparing for battle. Lexa opened her eyes, sighed and stood up, moving to finish putting on her armor.

When she was ready, sword, knife, armor and sash she walked closer to the blonde who had yet to move from her spot staring at the now empty throne.

"Clarke..." was all the Commander said before the blonde threw herself at her, crashing their lips together in a rogue desperate kiss that seemed to both steal their breath away and breathe new air into their lungs, teeth clanking, Clarke's hands clinging to Lexa's unprotected shoulder and her waist.

"Heda." Came the call from outside the tent making them pull apart panting heavily.

"Be safe." Clarke said in a small voice, fighting to keep it from breaking.

"You too." Lexa replied, gaze soft, she gave Clarke what was supposed to be a reassuring nod and walked toward the chest with her clothes and pulled out a long coat shoulder guards and gloves. “Pick whatever you want, I’ll wait for you outside.” She said before leaving the tent.

 

Clarke had stayed in the tent for a moment after changing, trying to compose and center herself, to put her head back in the game and ignore the tight painful grip fear had on her heart. Realizing it was futile, she sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening and walked out as well.

On the march to the mountain she kept trying to calm her heart, kept trying to think and remember what was next but there was too much chaos in her head.

"I thought for a moment that I would ask you… ask Lexa to ask Indra to send you to the rear... But I realized it would be stupid of me, you're the best warrior Skaikru has so just.... be safe." Clarke said as she had fallen back enough to walk side by side with Octavia, who nodded solemnly but her eyes were beaming with pride and Clarke breathed just a bit better knowing she had at least fixed that. 

She never had the chance to give Octavia the recognition she deserved for everything she had done, she had failed Octavia back then, she could see now how lonely she had felt and she vowed to herself to do better this time as she moved back to the front with Lexa.

First time around, Clarke had been intrigued by the organization the grounders displayed, she had been in battles ((?) A constant long battle?) Since landing on earth but theirs had always been last minute plans to try to survive whatever was threatening them at the time, this well-organized machine that seemed to be the grounder army was impressive, especially since there were soldiers from all clans, not really people that often fought side by side.

She stood there watching as the fall back camp had been arranged, after a couple of tents were erected, to treat the wounded, a couple more she didn’t know what for and one more for the Commander where they placed the war table with the model of the mountain, the field commanders and the Skaikru gathered in there.

"The treatment works." Sargent Miller said after showing her the package from Raven and the pressure on her chest eased up a little... Why did it feel like she had forgotten something?

Lexa gave her opening speech and had to nudge Clarke a bit when it was her turn to explain the plan. The anxiety was consuming her.

"This is a _rescue_ mission." She said trying to embrace the title the Mountain earned her, trying to be the mighty Wanheda, Commander of death and not the scared little girl she felt like. 

Rescue mission... All the lives she took, the pain she caused, everywhere she went, everywhere she tried to save people she just ended up burning hundreds. 

Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds... How right she had been.

"There are four teams..." She said walking forward. "Two of them at the dam and in the mine, are moving into position already." She paused, as far as she had known the only issue Octavia had faced was the retreat being sounded and she had asked Lexa to send more than the couple of warriors they had sent with Raven the first time. 

Raven's mission was the most important one and yes, it required stealth but more than anything it required they succeeded. Raven and Wick had twenty warriors backing them up.

If Clarke's first speech had been confusing and discouraging so that Lexa had to step up to inspire and install confidence in the field commanders and Skaikru alike, this time she was going through the motions so much that Lexa’s closing speech had been even more impassioned than the one before and then they marched to the doors were the army was waiting.

She didn't have time to pace, to ponder or anything else because this time, before any sounds could be heard from the dam before the mountain had any chance to fire any shots, the lights above the door went off.

Clarke was almost experiencing an out-of-body experience, like it was a movie, from a first person point of view, so she surprised herself when she took a couple of steps closer and remembered to offer the remote to Lexa. "To those we've lost." She repeated and Lexa met her eyes for a beat before replying as she placed her hand on top of Clarke's.

"And to those we shall soon find."

The button worked and despite the dread in Clarke's mind her body eased up a bit more. Lexa looked at her with a smile and turned around to shout instructions for warriors to get ready to pull, when the first shot rang from above and Clarke's whole body froze.

  
"Clarke! Take cover!" Lexa ordered but didn't wait for her to react, just wrapped her arm around her torso and pulled her behind the boulder while ordering two groups to flank the shooters. Some fell on their way but soon the sounds of shotguns rang without them being the target, they waited for the shots to stop before Lexa ordered her men back to pulling the gates open.

Cheers erupted once more, as the gates finally began to open and Lexa shouted for everyone to get into position, lightly shoving Clarke towards Ryder before going to her place.

Back then she didn't get the chance and this time she couldn't focus her mind enough to appreciate the display of discipline. They were in lines, the hallways too narrow for more than four people to stand shoulder to shoulder, units were arranged; the first two rows of shields, to create a wall of sorts, then there were two rows of guns, of course Skaikru, then it was two rows of archers, Clarke and the Commander were flanked by Ryder and Sargent Miller in the second unit and the rest of the army organized in the same order in case they needed to break formation no one would be left unprotected, there weren’t enough Skaikru to have guns in every unit so most of them were in the first units so they could match the Mountain men firepower.

As predicted the moment the doors opened and they stepped inside, the mountain fought back but it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like it was fighting with everything they had, it was like there was something missing.

And as they turned around a corner Clarke realized her mistake, she had been so hurt after the Mountain that she never got the chance to ask what had actually happened inside the mountain...

She had made sure Raven had an extra bomb and extra protection to avoid getting caught, she made sure the jamming signal was taken into consideration and she had made sure nothing happened to TonDC but she had overlooked one of the most important things for this plan to work and the first one to fail the first time around.

Clarke gasped loudly and froze in place as did everyone when they came face to face with a guy who was obviously Emerson's replacement behind him the grounder prisoners, their inside army was on their knees, mountain men aiming at them.

 

"I wish to speak with the Commander." He sneered making the word sound more like an insult than a title.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As my day goes or before writing in general I tend to either think of scenes or a frame of events I want to happen, for this one fore example it was keywords, clexa, octavia, doors, mistake. Some other times I really want a scene to happen and so I work on that part and move the rest of the chapter to accommodate it and some others, when I'm following the show, I have to watch it and think .. Hmm how would I change this if I were Clarke and I knew what would happen?
> 
> I agree with all of you, about liking what Lexa did, I never blamed her, I never hated her, I was like... I would have done the exact same thing, same when Clarke killed hundreds for a few of her people but I like strategies.
> 
> I'm huge ancient civilizations nerd and I love strategy (strategy games, videogames, everything) now the things I thought the first time I watched the episode were... They have at least a thousand... there's less than 500 (381) people in that mountain (first scene where the team Lexa sends to flank the shooters gets shot down) let's say they send 50 or 100 to shoot at me from the top, I send 200 or more, they have technology so we need to use numbers and tactics and losing their first line of attack would surely keep the enemies eyes on us instead of inside (remember the army was just bait, the goal was to uncage the army inside) so losing part of the bulk wasn't a big deal (strategical I mean those are still people) and of course I wouldn't send my most important person, the leader of EVERYTHING to dispose of the shooters but I understand it needed to be done so Emerson had a chance to offer the deal and Lexa to take it ...
> 
> I'm latina, I tend to rant lol xD so anyway sorry, hope you enjoyed and thanks again guys!
> 
> Next Chapter: Deals? Fear and Raven.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle in the Mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the END...... I'm joking. This is only the end of Mt. Weather's arc, I have some ideas regarding the whole polis/ice nation/pike/CoL story, if you're interested?
> 
> Now... Like I told you before I'm a fan of strategy, I like to read or watch documentaries about ancient battles (I love ancient civilizations) and study their strategies and try to come up with a way to counter it or whether I'd have done something different. We've all seen the video (or most of us) where a fan explains how Lexa was on board with the plan all the way and it was due the failures of certain stuff, like opening the door on time and freeing the grounders inside, which was the deal breaker, the reasons for Lexa taking the deal. I understood her decision, I'd have probably done the same, except I couldn't help but think there were some things overlooked. Lexa is the biological interface of a pretty advanced AI, she is logical without being cruel, smart and still human and capable of separating feelings from duty (;]) This is me trying to correct that (?(since some feel there's nothing to correct)).

“I wish to speak with the Commander”

Clarke's whole body froze, even her heart felt like it had stopped, her blood, her breath, like her entire body went into standby mode, the whole army in fact had frozen and it felt like everyone was holding their breath.

It felt like an eternity where everyone on both sides just waited, their breaths held and it took Lexa shifting from her crouched position behind the wall of shields, for Clarke's whole system to restart in chaos mode, she thought she knew what adrenaline was but the blonde had never experienced her heart beating as madly as it was in her chest. Slamming against her ribs as a rabid animal trying to break free of its cage.

She didn't even register she had moved but Lexa prying Clarke’s hand’s dead grip on her arm confirmed that at some point she had moved to stop the Commander, her lips parted but no sound came out as Lexa righted herself and without sparing anyone a look stepped forward and out of the protection the shields offered.

In front of the army and in between them and the mountain men soldiers, pointing the rifles at the prisoners, in between safety and automatic weapons, between shields and bullets.

A hand now on her arm brought attention to the fact that she had yet again moved unconsciously.

“You're going to get her killed.” Ryder, the archer who had been next to Clarke on the line said and his words almost sent Clarke into a panic attack because Lexa was still very much alive, standing tall and proud, resting one hand on the handle of her sword the other casually holding her knife but there was no way for them to move fast enough to get her if someone fired at her.

“I am the one you seek.” Lexa said, like they were in her tent and she was sitting on her throne. Her posture, her tone, it exuded power and control, it was the most regal Clarke had ever seen her but the fear that had invaded Clarke down to her very bones, prevented her from appreciating the Commander in that moment.

“Commander, I'm Lt. Thomas. I was told you are... Different, I was sent here to offer you a deal.” Lexa cocked her head to the side and nodded for him to go on, the rows of guns, the people from the Ark in front of Clarke shuffled uncomfortably in their place. 

“We'll let you and _your_ people go, the surrounding area of the Mountain will be prohibited for your people from now on.” Clarke who could see them by the space between shields closed her eyes tightly, trying desperately to center herself. 

Part of her just wanted to scream at Lexa to take the fucking deal and a part of her she wasn't proud of, thought that she would have rather dealt with the missile than with the  _possibility_  of Lexa being hurt or worse.

Lexa was quiet after that, studying the man in front of her, the prisoners and her army. Her eyes caught Clarke's for a small moment but soon moved back to Lt. Thomas.

 

_____________________________________

“We fucking did it!” Raven said and caught in the moment, she couldn't help herself and threw herself against Wick in a tight embrace. There was the body of a Mountain man nearby an arrow sticking on his chest as he had tried to reach the radio to call for reinforcements. 

 

Raven had never been more glad for the grounders amazing aim. She caught herself though and pushed Wick away as the grounders gathered near them. “What now?” She asked them and they looked at her.

“Our orders were to  _protect_  you...” One of them replied. 

Her chest puffed out, thanks to Clarke -and the Commander, not that she'd thank that bitch any time soon- she now had her own small army to lead.

“Should we go back?” Wick asked her and Raven looked around contemplating. Surely there was more for them to do, right?

She stepped forward grabbed the radio and turned to look at the others.

“I have an idea...”

 

_____________________________________

_Oktaveia kom Trikru_.... Indra had fucking given her the seal of approval she craved for. She was no longer the second child, the illegal child, the girl that lived under the floor, no, she was now Octavia  _kom Trikru_ , the Chief's second, the Commander's left hand's (Gustus had been the right so did that make Indra the right now?) Second. She was a warrior, a grounder, she _belonged_.

Hell the other warriors and their seconds were working  _with_  her to try and pry the door open.

There was a loud noise to their left that made them all jump and they turned to find a body dumped in the cart.

“Fox.... No” Octavia said and Indra was suddenly at her side, hand on her shoulder. “We are too late...” She said feeling a lump in her throat.

“We are too late _for_ Fox...” Indra said squeezing her shoulder. “But that is just one body, most of your friends are still inside, still alive. Your brother, he is still there, alive for all we know. A warrior does not mourn loses during the battle, there'll be time for that after its won and their deaths avenged.” 

Octavia nodded, gaze hardening as she turned around and grabbed the rope with renewed strength, it wasn't long before the door opened but no thanks to them, it open from the inside. 

She moved quickly before anyone else, pulling at the hand opening the door and twisting to turn them around pulling her sword out at the same time and holding it to their throat.

“Bellamy!” She breathed out as she recognized her brother letting go of him and wrapping her arms around him.

“We are too late.” Bellamy said with despair, as he squeezed her tightly before pulling away, only then she noticed the others with him, her sword pulling up at the sight of the hazmat suit.

“It's okay! Maya is with us, she helped us, I'd be dead if it weren't for her.” Bellamy reassured and Octavia along with the others dropped their fighting stance.

“I knew you guys were too scrawny to drill.” She joked hugging Jasper and Monty and giving Maya a nod of respect.

“We can't be too late; the retreat hasn't sounded.” Indra spat but Bellamy just shook his head. " _Our_ people are still out there fighting." She said stressing the our and looking directly at Octavia.

“They knew about the inside army, they took them.” Bellamy supplied and the grounders, Octavia included, exchanged looks with themselves but before anyone else could add anything, Maya began panting.

They decided to break into groups, Octavia, Maya, Jasper and two other seconds would go help the girl. Indra would go in search of the Commander and their army with the other warriors, her brother and Monty.

“Ste yuj.” Indra said to her with a nod and if the fact that her brother was alive and well wasn't enough, Indra's words sent a new wave of strength and hope through her.

_____________________________________

 

“ It is a... _fine_ deal.” The Commander said twirling the knife on her hand. “You have the fire power and we would take many loses in winning this war.” Lexa said her voice portraying the absolute confidence that they would in fact win it and Clarke could see the smirk faltering in the Lieutenant's face. 

“But we were told you had missiles, found your... Spotter ready to guide one of them to _my_ village, what is to say once we retreat you won't be coming after us? Maybe not right away, but in a couple of months, in a couple of years... Once you wish to live on the ground and not hiding in the safety of your bunker. Do I only get your word that you won't use your missiles against us? Not even the word of your president for he was too much of a coward to offer me the deal himself? I would have to trust your _word_ that in a matter of time maybe when my spirit has long abandoned my body that you won't set eyes on our territories and start another war? After all you think us nothing but savages, what’d keep you from setting your missiles on us again?... What if I say that to take the deal I want to see you destroy all the missiles first? So if that day ever comes, it'd be a _fair_ fight.” 

Clarke wondered if the first time around Lexa had even thought about all that, she moved slightly, crouching low so the wall of shields would cover her movement, just a little closer to get a better look.

Lexa was all Heda in that moment yes, but even then Lexa's eyes had always been transparent to her, even when they had just first met, Clarke could see the pain Anya's death brought to those green eyes, darkened by the war paint but still so transparent, so transparent in fact that she had decided there and then to spin things a little. A little white lie that would maybe haunt her forever but it'd help the alliance, prevent more blood from being shed and it'd give the Commander peace of mind when it came to the fall of her mentor. She died fighting for her people was a lot better than ‘it was an accident, my people shot her thinking we were hostiles but please don't be mad, they even shot me’, it didn't sound like a good ground to form an alliance on.

Lexa looked at the warriors on their knees, with something akin to sorrow and regret in her eyes and Clarke could practically see the 'victory stands on the back of sacrifice' and 'sometimes you have to concede a battle to win a war' going through her head. 

Lexa had never planned on betraying her, Lexa had every intention of taking the mountain with the Sky people but the loses in TonDC plus the threat of losing a couple of hundreds more, as they went to fight the shooters on the mountain, had probably pushed her to take the deal.

But this Lexa was all logic, this was the Lexa that talked reason into her, the Lexa that told her that hundreds of lives were worth losing if it meant eliminating the threat of the mountain.

“I'm afraid we can't do that Commander; you are in no position of making demands here.” He said and a rifle lifted from a kneeling warrior to point at Lexa and while the brunette didn't flinch or react in any way, Clarke felt like _she_ had been shot. Sweat so cold it made her shudder, slid down her spine, she never wanted to see a gun pointing at Lexa ever again.

“You are wrong.  _You_  are in no position to be making demands, this.” She motioned to the army behind her. “Is not even the bulk of my army.” Mount Weather wasn't big enough for the thousands out there waiting to storm in. “Even if you kill me right now, they have their orders, their generals, they know what to do.” Lexa calmly replied and as she looked past the Lieutenant her expression changed into a smirk, before her attention was pulled towards the ceiling when the speakers cracked to life.

 

_“People of Mount Weather. This is General Raven Reyes from the Ark speaking on behalf of our leader Clarke Griffin, we have breached your doors, our army is inside your walls. We know there's innocent people, children and even allies among you, let our people go, our doctors have found a way to help you withstand radiation, we are willing to help. It was your leaders that turned us into enemies, there's no need for everyone to pay for the crimes of a few.”_

Raven's voice coming from the speakers distracted them all and if Clarke wasn't so worried, she would have laughed.

 

“Attack!” Lexa ordered and her knife flew from her hand to bury into the chest of Lt. Thomas, a sword flew by and stuck in the chest of the man that was pointing at Lexa and as he fell she saw Indra coming from behind the corridor they had been standing by, then pick up her sword and slay a man’s throat before all hell broke loose.

Shots were fired from both sides as the army began moving forward, arrows and spears flew above their heads as the shields lowered enough for the attack before being raised again, the unit leader making sure no mistakes were made as he screamed for the shields to rise and lower as they moved.

The prisoners still strong enough to fight tackled the mountain men that were near them, pulling spears, arrows and knives from the fallen to use against their captors. Clarke didn't even remember she had a gun in her hand as she tried to find Lexa, catch a glimpse of the braided hair or the red sash or to hear her voice shouting commands.

Arms wrapped around her as she was about to make it pass the shield wall and she wildly struggled against her captor.

“Clarke! Clarke! It's me!”

“Bellamy let me go! I have to find her!”

“Clarke they're drilling into our friends, they're killing them!”

‘Let them!’ ‘But Lexa’... and a dozens of other similar thoughts ran through her head and she couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty about it at the moment.

Bellamy grabbed her by the shoulders and wildly shook her, they were far behind the front line by now but soon Bellamy was pushed against the wall by a growling grounder, he reacted and pressed the rifle against Ryder's chest.

“Stop!” Clarke said pushing Bellamy's weapon away and stepping in between them. “Ryder... Go find Lexa  _please_.” She begged and felt her eyes pool with teas. “I will be safe. Monty and I will go to the Command room, Bellamy... I need you to go to the room where they are drilling into our friends and when it starts.... Grab the bone marrow serums... And save as many people as you can.” There was no time to answer the questions she saw in his eyes, she grabbed Monty's hand and dragged him with her. She didn't even stop by Dante's room this time.

Raven already had the monitors working and Clarke was too busy looking for Lexa to notice anything else.

“It's not working...” Raven commented pulling Clarke's attention to the Monitor where Cage and his people were drilling into Miller and Clarke felt bad for being glad it wasn't her mom.

“Nate!” Monty shouted pushing Wick out of a chair as he began typing on the computer.

“Monty prepare to irradiate...” Clarke said, in the monitor the mesh hall was divided, the mountain people were fighting against themselves, Octavia and a couple of grounders were there as well, she saw Jasper being dragged into the drilling room.

“I did it...” Monty said trailing off, eyes glued to the monitor where Miller had stopped fighting against his restrains and just as Bellamy reached the door of the drilling room, Clarke pulled on the lever without hesitation but with resignation that to save those she cared about, to win, her innocence, her soul would need to be sacrificed, again.

_____________________________________

 

She didn't stay long enough to see the aftermath of her actions, she already knew. It was much later she found out Maya had refused the shot in order for Bellamy to give it to a kid and she looked at Jasper to see that just like her soul, his wasn't saved either, there was nothing but pain, guilt, grief and hate in his eyes as he shouted at her that he was going to fix it, he was going to kill Cage, there were people fighting for them and she let them all down. 

He was escorted back to camp by Monty and Monroe while Sargent Miller carried an unconscious Nathan.

Yes, there had been people swayed to their cause after Raven's message but not enough, winning at the cost of wasting time waiting, at the cost of more of her friends' lives, of Lexa's, wasn't worth it. 

There had been thirteen children saved, as Bellamy used half dozes on some, their burns weren't completely healed but it had been enough for them to be taken out the Mountain by Jackson, Bellamy and a group of grounders towards camp Jaha for treatment. 

Clarke could only pray Emerson kids were among them.

Octavia and Indra were overlooking the removal of bodies, while pyres were built outside and dread was pooling at the pit of Clarke's stomach when cheers erupted in the corridor she was searching the Commander in.

The sea of grounders parted, pressing against the walls as the Commander marched with Dante Wallace in front of her, the tip of her sword pressed at his back.

“Take him to TonDC, put him on a cell, he will answer for his crimes!” Lexa ordered as two women stepped forward, each one delivered a punch to the man's face making him fall to the ground but were stopped from doing more damage as Lexa told them he was to be unharmed until his sentence.

“Lexa.” She breathed out as finally green met blue.

“Clarke...” The Commander replied and she was drenched in blood, red blood, which made it a little easier for the blonde to breathe. 

“You did it...” Lexa said and her eyes were shinning bright, smiling at her.

“We did it.” Clarke corrected her and there was guilt, regret, respect, admiration and so much behind those green pools that Clarke couldn't help herself, she took a hold of the brunette's hands and guided her to the first empty corridor she found, throwing herself against Lexa.

She hugged her tightly, breathed her in, it was like waking up from a bad dream to find yourself in the comfort of a safe environment, it was like feeling like you were drowning only to find out you could stand when you came out for air.

 

It was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter didn't feel too rushed, I wanted it to post it as soon as possible, since today is going to be a difficult day for me, I'm going to tell my family I decided to change majors from pre-med to law and I'm pretty sure it's going to be an awful day or couple of days, so I wanted to post this as soon as possible in case I didn't have the chance or inspiration to finish this one sooner, so sorry for any mistake, I hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr: @adrykomclexakru
> 
> Next chapter: CLEXA, aftermath, Wanheda, mending friendships, Abby and Emerson.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Mountain stress and CLEXA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm blown away from all your amazing support guys. I've always been kind of awkward about letting people see what I write, in english because I know that while fluent enough writing is not the same as speaking (specially with all the rules of grammar and stuff) and in spanish because well lol I'm just awkward.
> 
> I have so many ideas on how the show could have gone with the story that I already have another story in the creative oven and one that I had started writing before S3 aired.
> 
> The thing with my family went... Well, could have been better and could have been worse. Thanks again for the support.

Lexa pulled back from the hug first, reminding them both of their obligations, they didn't kiss when they parted but the look they shared was as charged as a kiss.

The grounders were still carrying bodies of allies and enemies alike and it hit Clarke, without the fear for Lexa's life, the fear for her friends. She had saved her people but her hands were covered in blood again. 

She had killed over three hundred people and only been able to save fourteen if she counted Emerson.

 

“Clarke, this system is amazing!” She had made her way back tothe control room where Raven and Wick were still playing around with the equipment. She blinked and shook her head, trying to get rid of the thoughts haunting her.

“General, huh?” Was all Clarke could say and Raven replied with a smirk.

“These people understand ranks, I needed them to think I was important to take my offer seriously."

"You _are_ important Raven." She replied with so much conviction Raven shuffled a little awkwardly for a second.

"... Not that it did much good.” Raven said and Clarke felt like it was a punch to her gut.

“Hey... No, it's not _your_ fault.” The mechanic said walking closer and laying a comforting hand on Clarke's shoulder. “I gave them a chance... _We_ gave them a chance to stop and they didn't, they were going to kill Miller, some decided to help us, yes but it was just a few and we didn't have time on our side.” Clarke nodded but the words didn't really reach her and Raven noticed and squeezed her shoulder.

“Mechanics.” Wick sighed interrupting their charged moment, he rolled his eyes for extra effect. “Always taking credit for developing engineers’ ideas.” He shook his head. “If it weren't for me then she would have said and I quote: Hey fuckers let my friends go or I'll make you go boom.” Clarke smile was tight lipped but she was thankful for the distraction.

“There're carts departing towards Arkadia soon.” Clarke said. “They're taking medical supplies for the wounded." Annoyance flashed in Raven's eyes as she understood what Clarke was really saying and while Clarke knew that despite her leg Raven was still capable of many things, after the day they had she didn't want the girl walking all the way back... 

She also didn't want anyone messing around with the Mountain's system, not without talking to Lexa first.

“Arkadia?” Raven asked with a frown and Clarke sighed deeply too emotionally drained to even worry about the slip up.

“Camp Jaha just doesn't feel right, I had been thinking about changing the name ever since we found out Jaha was alive.” She lied swiftly.

“Yeah specially since he went nuts about this City of Light dream.” Wick replied with a nod of approval. “Come on Reyes, after all the help I gave you, you owe me a drink.” Raven rolled her eyes at Wick's attempt at being subtle but nodded, she looked at Clarke for a moment before nodding her head at her this time and hugged Clarke on her way out.

Clarke waited long enough not to run into them, took a deep breath and walked out of the control room.

 

As soon as she was out the Mountain, breathing became a little easier.

She found Octavia outside, wrapped up in Lincoln's arms and as soon as their eyes met, Clarke could see the turmoil inside the younger Blake's eyes.

“I'm sorry...” Clarke whispered looking at the ground. “I tried but they would have never stopped... Raven offered them... but it wasn't enough, they would have...” Clarke's words became stuck in her throat and she shook her head.

“Indra talked to me...” Octavia said slowly. “We had allies in there Clarke... Maya.” It was her turn to shake her head and Clarke could see Octavia carried her fair amount of guilt. “Indra said they offered the Commander a deal, told me what Lexa's reply was. Even if they had taken Raven's deal... Indra said that sometimes even if you want to do what's right, it comes down to your survival or your enemy's... Sometimes there are no right choices.”

“There's no good guys.” Clarke replied chancing a glance up and she could see how the grounders ways weighted in the younger girl’s mind, especially with Lincoln by her side, Lincoln who belonged with his people as much as Octavia did with the Skaikru.

“I found Cage…” Lincoln said changing the subject, Clarke was thankful for that. “I escaped my bounds and came to help, found him wandering in the woods... He is dead.” Lincoln explained and movement behind him caught Clarke’s attention.

Like a magnet her eyes found Lexa walking towards them. 

“Lincoln... Indra told me what you did.” Lexa said nodding towards him and offered her arm.

“Heda...” He breathed out before grasping her arm and lowering his head in a bow.

“You did good. You should go to the Skaikru camp. Make sure you are well... The others...” She trailed off nodding towards a cart filled with bounded and unconscious reapers. “Will need your help in their recovery.” Lincoln seemed like he wanted to protest for a moment, probably argue that he was fine but his lips closed once again and nodded. 

“Get well Lincoln.” Lexa added and then nodded at Indra, who looked at Clarke, her gaze was as hard as always but there was no glare, there seemed to be respect instead but Clarke fell no joy at the moment for that particular victory. 

What she did to earn that respect made her feel ashamed instead of proud.

“Oktevia.” Indra called as she turned back and began walking towards the pyres. 

Octavia pulled Lincoln away, cupped his face and talked to him quiet enough so no one else would hear before crushing their lips together. 

They embraced tightly and with whispered words this time from Lincoln, pulled apart. Octavia turned to join Indra and Lincoln went with warriors taking the reapers to the dropship.

“I'm going back to camp.” Lexa said looking at her before looking at the people by the pyres. “The generals will overlook the burning ceremonies and I have already assigned guards for the mountain... Are you going back to your camp?” Lexa asked with a tone too casual too nonchalantly for the way she shifted the slightest bit in her place.

“May I go back with you?” Clarke asked in a whispered broken tone, still unable to find her voice.

“Yes.” Lexa whispered back.

 

The walk back to the base camp was short and in silence. At some point and under the cover of the night Clarke's hand found Lexa's and she clung to it like a life line.

Lexa was safe, her friends were safe, she spared Raven extra pain, spared her mother, spared the life of a couple of children but ended up killing over three hundred people again. 

Was she so blinded by determination to save those she cared about that perhaps she didn't try hard enough to spare the innocents in the mountain?

Was it just how things were supposed to be or was it her, who just wasn't good enough?

She fell Lexa loosen her hold and realized they were on the outskirts of the camp. 

Lexa walked to the nearest guard asked for washing supplies to be brought to her tent and another to Indra's before leading Clarke into her tent.

The blonde stood there watching as Lexa walked towards the chest at the end of her bed and pulled some clothes, laying them on the bed before walking towards Clarke who couldn't tear her eyes away from the model of the mountain until Lexa stepped in her line of sight

“Wash and change your clothes, Clarke. I will do it in Indra's tent and then I'll join you.” Her tone and voice were soft and Clarke could only nod her reply and even as covered in blood and sweat as Lexa was, Clarke wanted nothing more than to be close to her,to kiss her.

As soon as the bucket filled with water and the bigger empty one for her to step into were brought into the tent, Lexa walked out.

She pulled a stool, leaned over the wide empty bucket and washed her hair. It suddenly felt like all her energy had been drained from her body.

Washing didn't help, it didn't when her hands had been coated in red when she killed Finn and it didn't when her hands were clean after killing over three hundred people. She didn't deserve to be clean outside when she felt like absolute filth inside. 

Still, she stepped into it and washed her body with the cloth and herbs, that was the grounder version of soap.

She dressed with Lexa's clothes and waited for the Commander sitting on her bed, she wanted nothing more than to just lay down, sleep, forget... But she felt so undeserving: in the wilderness, she'd eat only when she was starving and slept only after she had exhausted the last of her energies.

Lexa entered the room with guards, two took the buckets away and a third one entered with food and drinks. Once they were gone Lexa grabbed a loaf of bread broke it in two before she poured the wine in two cups.

“Eat.” Lexa ordered handing her the bread first but Clarke was far from hungry, still she finished it in three bites before downing the wine. The warmth spread over her chest but it didn't help with the coldness she felt inside of her. 

Lexa handed Clarke, her own cup and once it was empty too she stood up to place the cups on the table, not before pouring herself a cup and downing it.

Lexa was wearing pants and a tank top, her hair to the side and as she sat back next to Clarke, her arms touched and the first sob broke through her lips.

“I didn't...” Clarke began but the rest of her words got tangled and came out as another sob instead. “I tried...” She gasped out but couldn't get pass that. She hadn't cried after the Mountain, not the first time, she had been a mix of anger, guilt, disappointment, sadness, betrayal, heartbreak, so many emotions that she couldn't really focus on one and ended up feeling just numb.

Lexa tentatively wrapped her arm around her shoulder and that was all the encouragement Clarke needed as she turned around as best as she could while sitting on the bed and hugged Lexa.

Her eyes flooded and the tears fell as her sobs rocked them both.

She cried for her father, even though once, it had felt like she didn't have any more tears left for him. 

She cried for all those members of the 100 who had looked up to her and Bellamy as leaders and had died. She cried for Charlotte whose innocence was stolen by the ground, she cried for Wells who had loved her so selflessly. 

For Anya who became her unlikely ally and who had helped shape the woman who was now holding her together as her soul threatened to fall apart. 

She cried for Finn, she wished she could have known what true love was supposed to feel like back then, wished _he_ knew what true love was supposed to be like and didn't let fear and desperation overcome him. 

She cried for Maya who had died a hero both times, for her mother because Abby was no longer a figure of comfort in her head and who probably couldn't reconcile the image of the blonde little girl she was back in the Ark with the mass murderer she had become on the ground. 

She cried for herself, for the loss of her innocence, of her loved ones, for her failures.

She cried until she ran out of tears and even then kept on sobbing for a little longer. 

Cried until her head hurt and couldn't breathe through her nose, cried until she felt completely empty.

It felt like an eternity and through it all, Lexa just held her, running a hand through her hair while the thumb of her other hand drew circles on her back and then she just pulled herself and Clarke up on the bed so they were laying on the pillows, arms wrapped tightly around the blonde as every now and then a sob escaped her lips.

When Clarke opened her eyes, she saw their position had been reversed, Lexa's back was pressed to her front and her arms were wrapped protectively around the Commander of the twelve clans, a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips but as soon as she realized the happiness she was feeling, a wave of guilt hit her and she buried her face in Lexa's hair hoping the smell comforted her enough to prevent another crying fit but the movement made Lexa stir.

The brunette groaned and turned in Clarke's arms, slowly opening her eyes, blinking a couple of times before her gaze focused on her and a sleepy smile spread over her lips and despite everything Clarke was feeling at the moment a small tight lipped smile spread over hers in reply.

“I really like your eyes.” Lexa whispered, voice still heavy with sleep bringing her hand up and running the fingertip of her index finger over her eyebrow.

“I like yours better.” Clarke replied leaning forward so their noses grazed. Lexa's eyes were a little more focused now and boring into hers, studying her, reading her emotions in a way it seemed like she was more attune with them than Clarke herself.

“There's nothing I could tell you that would make it better or easier to bear. As leaders we must act with the best interests of our people in mind, first and foremost. Our soul, our dignity... Even our honor, means nothing when weighted against the lives of our people.” Lexa shook her head. “I wish I could have protected you from this. I would have...”

“I know.” Clarke interrupted her in a whisper closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against Lexa's, she knew Lexa would have taken the decision and pulled the lever for her if given the chance. “I'm glad you're okay.” Clarke said leaning back enough for her eyes to meet Lexa's.

“I'm glad you are too...” Lexa said and her eyes dropped to Clarke's lips. Slowly giving the blonde enough time to move away, if she wanted to, Lexa leaned forward until her lips softly brushed against Clarke and the gentleness of the kiss, made her sigh against the Lexa’s lips. 

“You shouldn't have sent Ryder away.” Lexa said pulling back and there was a flash of annoyance mixed with the green of her eyes.

“Don't take it out on him... I... I needed to know you were fine, when the fight broke you were outside the shield wall and they had guns Lexa... I can't... I don't want...” Her breathing became a little more elaborated and Lexa tightened her hold on her waist. There was a time... Or considering how things were, there was a Clarke that would have used her people as an excuse for not wanting to lose the Commander but truth was Clarke couldn't lose Lexa without losing herself.

 

It was much later when Clarke was almost dozing off again, legs tangled with Lexa's, left hand clinging to the her shirt, the other under the pillow while Lexa had her right hand around her back, pressing her close and Lexa's cheek resting against her left hand, holding her head up, that the noise outside alerted them of the camp finally waking up. 

Lexa's heavy sigh was enough indication that the Commander had to rise, the kiss on her forehead and the movement enough to wake Clarke again.

“I have to go, I'm disbanding the army, letting the warriors go back to their lands, those who wish to remain for the execution will move to TonDC and I'll have Trikru warriors guarding the Mountain for now. What will you do?" Lexa had tried to casually ask but the drop in volume, as the question had been all but whispered was enough for Clarke to know it had a deeper meaning.

“Today... I should go back to Ark-Camp Jaha… My mom will be worried, make sure everyone's okay. Check on the mountain children...”

“And after?” Lexa asked.

“I don't know yet...” she hadn't been able to think pass the mountain but now there was too much to worry about. Lexa was safe for now but there was Pike and the Ice Nation to worry about.

“What do you want?” Lexa asked and Clarke thought of how she had replied the first time ‘my people safe’.

“I want you.” Clarke also remembered the first time she voiced that, how Lexa was struggling for air, how she had tried to smile, she regretted not letting the girl know sooner by then it was too late. 

What should have been a fond memory was tainted with black blood, hopelessness and sadness. “And I want my people safe.”

“You should come to Polis with me.” Lexa said with a little shy smile. “It will change the way you think about us.”

“You already have.” Clarke reassured her.

“There will be a celebration. After the execution I'll stay a couple of days more, to oversee things but after that, I have to go back and in a moon's time, the leaders of the clans will meet in Polis to celebrate the fall of the Mountain. Skaikru proved to be valuable allies... and we owe our victory to you, so you and a couple of attendants of your choosing are invited to the celebration.” 

There was a smile threatening to turn up the corner of Clarke's lips, Lexa seemed to be equal parts nervous and excited, trying to keep a nonchalant attitude that reminded her of 'just because we're drawing a line who's to say you can stay on this side of it?' The thought of Titus darkened her expression making Lexa frown and the blonde had to shake her head to focus back on the moment. She didn't want Lexa to get the wrong impression.

“A month will hopefully be enough time to settle things with my people..." Clarke said standing up and walking closer to Lexa as she was putting on a coat she had pulled from the chest with her clothes, her favorite one was all bloodied. 

“Are you moving to Tondisi today?” Lexa shook her head smiling at the attempt of grounder accent and Clarke closed the distance, actually smiling as Lexa wrapped her arms around her, the moment Clarke's hands rested on her shoulders.

“Victory makes the warriors... friendlier with each other but it makes others more arrogant and with so many people from different clans... I wouldn't want the victory and peace among the clans tainted by a fight or the death of a warrior just because there was a dispute over who fought better or who killed more.” There was a hint of humor in her voice but the way Lexa shook her head and huffed quietly, told Clarke that it had actually happened probably more than once.

“May I...?”

“Yes.” Lexa replied before she could finish her question and there was a playful little smile on her lips that made Clarke chuckle slightly, the guilt was still there, waiting for her to drop her guard to remind her she didn't have the right to smile or laugh or feel any positive emotion after she had stolen so many people of the chance to do so.

Clarke leaned forward trying to chase away the guilt with the feeling of Lexa's lips against her own, of the slim and firm body pressed against her own.

“Heda.” Came Ryder's voice from outside the tent and Lexa sighed squeezed Clarke closer for a small moment before stepping away from her embrace.

“In a moment Ryder.” She called out looking at the entrance of the tent and then back at Clarke. “Dante's execution... You and your people may come if you want but there will be no sparing, my people's blood runs through his veins, his hands are covered in it and his orders imprisoned and bled hundreds, for years. Blood must have blood; he'll be charged with the deaths of innocents...” 

And Clarke needed no more to understand, his fate would be worse than Finn's had she not spared him. 

“I take no pleasure on it but it must be done.” Lexa nodded. “It'll begin once the sun starts to set. If you don't wish to come, I'll see you here tonight.” Clarke nodded, their eyes stayed locked for a moment longer before Lexa turned around and walked out the tent.

 

Ryder went with her and Clarke was glad he was never ordered to kill Octavia because out of all the grounders she had met, he was among his favorites and he reminded her of Gustus, not that she had actually talked to Gustus or had actually paid attention to the man while he was still alive, there was too much guilt over what she had done to Finn and urgency over her friends being trapped in Mt. Weather but his silent overprotective presence reminded her of the man she knew was the closest thing Lexa had to a father figure.

“Open the gates!” Came the shout from inside the Skaikru camp.

It was near midday when Clarke rode through the gates with Ryder by her side, Ryder went to tend to the horses, as her mother ran towards them and engulfed her in a hug that made Clarke feel like she was suffocating.

“I was so worried when you didn't come back.” She said cupping Clarke's face as the blonde pulled away from the hug.

“I'm fine... It was late when we finished.... and I stayed at the camp.” She replied and softly stepped away from Abby's grasp and the look on her face, the one that seemed to be looking under the blood and guilt and pain for the person Abby thought her daughter was but Clarke wasn't sure she had ever been there in the first place, she wasn't sure who her mother thought she had been or who she was now but it wasn't her. That much Clarke was sure of.

“How is everyone?”

“Miller will recover, so will everyone else. The children are in the med bay, Marcus and some others donated bone marrow to finish their treatments.” Abby replied and Clarke nodded. 

“The reapers are being held at the dropship, Jackson and some grounder healers are there to look over them while the drug leaves their system... We've tried to interrogate Emerson further but he says he'll only talk to you.” Abby added clearly pissed about the fact that a prisoner undermined her authority.

“I want to go check on my friends and the children... Then we should have a council meeting....” Clarke said raising her chin and putting her best air of authority as she had seen Lexa do often. 

Abby looked at her daughter, measuring her as she had done every time Clarke had tried to take leadership but at the end nodded and after telling her she'd go get Kane and the others, turned and left.

She then found Raven and Wick who asked her about what would happen to the Mountain now, there were plenty of things that had picked their interest in there, Clarke told her, to Raven’s utter displeasure, that she would discuss it with the Commander. 

When she found Monty sitting at a table outside she couldn't help but let guilt consume her not only because the haunted look in his face, one that mirrored hers but because she realized that no matter how guilty she had felt the first time, no matter how it had been her idea and her hand that pulled the lever, even with Bellamy's atop hers. 

She hadn't done it alone, Monty had made it possible for her... and she had just walked out, not able to live among them with her guilt but she had left Monty and apparently Bellamy alone with theirs.

“Miller will be fine...” Monty said looking away over the tree line and Clarke knew what he was doing, she had done it once too, justifying the blood on their hands with the safety of their loved ones.

“Monty... it was not your fault. I asked you... Ordered you to do it.”

“Tell that to Jasper....” He replied quietly almost as if he didn't really want her to hear. “I could have said no, Clarke. It was us or them and yes, maybe the grounders could have taken the Mountain, if given enough time and then Maya and those who helped us would be alive but at what cost? We killed over three hundred people but the loses we would have taken if we waited would have been too great, swords against guns is not exactly a fair fight... And how many of us would have been drilled into and killed by the time the grounders' numbers finally overpowered the Mountain's firepower?” He shook his head. 

“They would have killed Miller... I didn't even think about the others or the grounders when I did it... I could only think that I couldn't let Miller die on that table...” He trailed off with a sigh. “I suppose I could wash my hands and say you ordered me to... But I'd become a liar as well.” And Clarke was left with no words to comfort him.

“I understand...” she said and her tone made him lock eyes with her, Lexa had always been her comfort not because her lessons or her words but because the understanding they shared, with just a look Lexa could made her feel like she wasn't alone. 

Clarke could only hope her understanding would give Monty some comfort. He nodded at her and then looked down to his drink.

“I'm just worried about Jasper.” He said after a while.

“Losing someone you love...” Clarke began and shook her head hating that Monty probably thought she meant Finn. 

“It was her choice… Bellamy said he tried to save her and she chose not to, for her, her death was the only way to redeem herself after what her leaders and her circumstances made her do... It sucks, it's unfair and it sucks but it was her choice and Jasper needs to respect that...” Clarke shook her head and sighed heavily, she hadn’t known how bad Jasper had been affected by Maya’s dead, she just hoped this time it was better. “I have a plan Monty... There's something I'm worried about and I'm going to need your help but after what I asked of you... I feel like I don't have the right to ask anything else from you.”

“I trust you Clarke, I knew you wouldn't just leave us like Dante said.” Monty replied and he was just a kid, younger than she was and she remembered when there was still innocence in his eyes and wondered if he lost it at the Mountain or if he had been losing bits and pieces since they landed. “I will help you.”

“There's still somethings I need to do first but I will tell you about it soon.” They shared one last look before Clarke stood up and excuse herself to go look at the kids.

Clarke knew the kids probably didn't know it was her who destroyed their home, who killed their loved ones, their people but still, her heart hammered against her chest as she stood outside medical steeling herself before walking in.

The children looked at her and Clarke felt her knees tremble, she felt dizzy and tried to focus on taking deep breaths to prevent from getting sick. 

The oldest one probably wasn't even ten yet. She didn't say anything and they didn't either, her thoughts were a mess of how she had once killed these children along with anyone else and now, they were alive but torn from their homes, everything they knew, everyone they loved were gone because of her.

They were probably too young to understand what was really happening inside the Mountain, what their people had to do in order to survive, would they forget, adapt and move on? Would they grow up thinking Sky people were their villain and planning on eventually getting revenge? 

She shook her head and walked further inside the room, looking at the charts at the foot of their cots checking the names and what she could interpret of the charts, she had some medical training but her knowledge of terms and abbreviations was still limited. 

She kept her face schooled as she finished reading every chart and then just like that, turned around to walk out the room.

Clarke stopped around the hallway leading to her next destination, there was no time for guilt, sadness or regret, right now she needed to be Wanheda and nothing more, she needed to be the Commander of death, she couldn't show signs of weakness. 

She took a deep breath, sent a silent prayer for her father to forgive who she had become and walked around the hallway.

"Leave us." Clarke ordered at the guard standing in front of Emerson's cell, now that he had the marrow treatment, he didn't need to be kept in the airlock anymore. 

The guard only hesitated for a moment but once they locked eyes, he just nodded and left. 

"Emerson..." Clarke greeted walking until she was right in front of his cell. She stood as tall as possible, head high. "The Mountain, has fallen." He nodded, the news didn't surprise him so she guessed the people in the camp had been talking about it. 

"There were survivors, children..." There was a very small moment of hesitation before she pushed forward. "We offered your people a deal, we would help with their treatments as we did with you in exchange for their surrender, as you know they had already began drilling on my people, killing them. They didn't take it and so I irradiated the Mountain... The Commander will probably want your death; Dante will be executed in a couple of hours but I'm here to see if you're smart enough to learn from the mistakes of your people. I will let you live, you'll be a prisoner until we no longer consider you a threat but you will be allowed time outside under surveillance every day and you will get to see and be with your children." She pushed down the bile raising in her throat as Emerson eyes widened.

"What do you want?" He asked eyeing her carefully.

 

She had eventually told Emerson that only one of his kids had survived, after she had gotten what she wanted from him and she felt dirtier than she had ever been, even more so than after her three months of self-imposed exile in the wilderness. 

She hadn't lied, the Mountain men were his people so the children were his in away, similar to how she had told Lexa, Anya had died fighting beside her…

The meeting with the council went as expected, she felt exhausted by the time it was done, it was about what they would do moving forward what this meant for the alliance and an almost offhand comment from Abby about what they would do with the Mountain now.

She had turned to look at her mother so fast, it was a wonder she didn't injure herself and there had been such a fire in her eyes that Marcus had called off the meeting, saying it'd be better if they continued the next day. 

They both had been surprised when Clarke declared she would be going to the grounders camp and had cut off Abby's protest with a tired. 

"I'm not asking for permission." While pinching the bridge of her nose, she had just committed mass murder not even twenty-four hours before, the last thing she wanted was to deal with Abby's way of mothering her ever since the Ark landed.

Ryder rode right next to her, the gentle sway of the horse was lulling her to sleep and whenever she felt her eyes starting to drop Ryder would grunt loudly startling her awake.

 

Lexa wasn't in her tent when she arrived back to camp but she used the time to wash and asked for drinks and food.  Lexa wasn't a heavy drinker and Clarke would indulge in a drink too many at parties and while a glass or two helped her relax and sleep came easier, she didn't want to become addicted to the shallow and faux comfort it offered, so she just drank one watered down glass of wine while she waited for Lexa.

Lexa returned not long after, she walked into the tent already in her night wear, hair down and face free of paint, which made the haunted look in her eyes easier to identify.

Green eyes widened as they landed on Clarke almost as if she hadn't expected Clarke to actually be there and the blonde could see the struggle, Lexa was deciding if to put on her stoic Heda façade or not.

"He didn't last until the sword..." Lexa commented as she walked towards the table, picked a small berry, staring at it for longer than necessary before placing it in her mouth. 

"Not many last until the sword... Gustus did." Lexa said looking at her throne and shaking her head. "He seemed willing to accept his fate. Most warriors try to last for as long as possible, die well, with pride, some try not to make sounds, the prideful ones. He didn't make it long after the fire." It always starts with Fire, Lincoln had said. "He begged and screamed and cried..." Clarke fought with everything she had against her own guilt because right now Lexa needed her even if it was just to listen. "He got the death his son deserved but his hands weren't clean either so it had to be done..."

When Lexa tried to sigh as subtly as possible, Clarke stood from the bed, she could see it was not only Dante haunting the girl in front of her.

Clarke cupped Lexa's face, she had never been good at being gentle but she drew inspiration from the memory of Lexa's touch, not letting her thoughts drift pass that, not wanting to taint this kiss with sorrow, she pressed her lips to the brunette's and lingered for a moment, pulling away slightly, to part her lips and take Lexa's bottom lip in between hers, _gently_ , her mind kept repeating like a mantra as the brunette's hands rested on her hips.

Lexa gasped when Clarke softly sucked on her bottom lip and the sound made heat pool low on Clarke's stomach. 

They locked eyes, panting, the air felt too charged to breathe properly but almost as if they had reached an agreement through their eyes, their lips crashed together in a more heated kiss, it was all tongue and teeth on Clarke's part, pulling little gasps and groans from the Commander while hands wandered, tugging and pulling at their clothes trying to explore the skin under it.

Lexa’s bite on her lip was firm but careful and Clarke's answering moan would have been shameful if it weren't for the fact that nothing else mattered but Lexa.

The moment was broken when cheerful laughter and shouts came from outside the tent.

"They're celebrating." Lexa explained in a husky whisper and Clarke realized that no, not like  _this,_ even if she was grateful she got to know what it was like being loved by Lexa in the physical sense, that first time was tainted with a sense of finality, it had been ‘goodbye, may we meet again’.

This time she wanted it to be for the right reasons, love.

Her hand moved to hold Lexa's and she guided her towards the bed, pulling her to lay on it, she didn't wait until sleep reversed their positions and simply wrapped her arms around Lexa, holding her as close as possible.

"Reshop Heda." She said kissing the back of Lexa's head.

"Goodnight Clarke." Lexa sighed out settling herself on Clarke's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... guess whose laptop totally died yesterday? Yep, mine, the last part of this chapter was written on my phone as was the posting of it, so I apologize if there's more mistakes than usual. I'll see if I can post this weekend if not, it will probably be on Monday once I'm at work on a computer.
> 
> Next chapter: Bellamy and Clarke meet again. More Raven and Octavia and maybe other delinquents and the legend of Wanheda begins.... And of course it goes without saying CLEXA.
> 
> Also can you guess what Clarke is planning?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you all for your amazing support. I'm blown away, I love you all <3

Clarke woke up to find Lexa on her back holding her and as she pulled away slightly, Lexa let go of her immediately, she leaned back to find green eyes looking down at her and a small smile spread over her lips as she settled her head on the pillow instead of on the Lexa’s shoulders. Lexa rolled her shoulder and began opening and closing her hand, the action pulled a genuine laugh out of Clarke's chest at the same time warmth spread over her chest, Lexa had just sacrificed her own comfort so Clarke could get a little more sleep.

“You should have woken me.” Clarke said voice still husky from sleep.

“You were tired.” Lexa replied with a shrug and Clarke's hand moved to the Commander's shoulder, massaging the taut muscles and moving down to her forearm.

She was glad she got a second chance, she had been so consumed with anger, guilt and grief the first time and Lexa had always seemed so.... Eternal that she had taken her for granted and only after the Commander had passed and her body was being carried out of the room that their interactions began playing in her mind.

Lexa was selfless and so chivalrous, she had let go of Clarke as soon as Clarke had stopped their kiss back in her tent, had never invaded Clarke's personal space, except for those times Clarke had invaded Lexa's first and of course the first time where she had demanded Clarke proved she had cured Lincoln.

“I'm glad you stayed.” Clarke murmured, their fingers intertwined and as Lexa turned on her side as well, their legs tangled together, Clarke rested her left hand on Lexa's right shoulder, fingers tracing the tattoo.

“I would have taken the deal... If they had made a better offer.” Lexa sighed out, regret written on her features but eyes locked on Clarke's. “If they had accepted to get rid of their missiles. We didn't know how many they had or how far they could reach and leaving you all there would mean the Mountain men would get their cure and walk freely on the ground. They had guns, missiles and a substance that turned my people into monsters, it was a risk I could not take. An army of reapers let loose on us, missiles and weapons, they thought themselves superior, thought us savages, it would not be long before their greed from surviving outside turned to greed to conquer everything on it.” Lexa sighed and Clarke could see that the brunette needed to get that out, she was justifying her actions to herself as much as she was to Clarke.

Clarke had killed over three hundred people in the Mountain but Lexa had lost just as many soldiers and every soldier who fell under her orders weighted heavily on Lexa’s mind.

“I would have taken it too...” Clarke said. “They would have never offered _us_ the deal, your blood was medicine but we were the cure but if they had offered us a good deal. I'd have chosen to save my people as well.” Lexa nodded her head and this is why they worked so well, why Clarke loved her like she could never love someone else as much as she loved the girl in front of her, because despite their different approaches, personalities and believes, they understood each other.

“I'm glad then, that they were so bad at negotiations.” Clarke added with a little smile and before her guilt could remind her that they were so bad at it that she had to kill them all, two times. Lexa chuckled and the sound made her heart constrict painfully before it expanded in a way that made it feel like it was going to burst, like her body was too small to handle it.

She had never heard Lexa laugh, got a glimpse of it when Lexa was praising her for the recovery of Lincoln and yes she had seen amusement and mirth dancing within the green eyes, she had seen her smile but their first kiss was haunted by the ghost of Finn and the war to come, by her urgency to save her people and their second was filled with grief and anger and guilt, another war brewing and her people murdering Lexa's in their sleep.

If there was something Clarke was grateful for was that this time there will not be a 'you have no honor and I had no choice'.

Clarke leaned forehead and kissed Lexa's smile.

“You make it hard for me to want to leave bed in the mornings.” Lexa confessed against her lips, right hand moving to cup Clarke's cheek.

“I would tell you to stay but there's an army outside... I wish we didn't have to, but I have to go back to my people as well.” Clarke said, Lexa pressed their lips together one last time but Clarke followed as she began to pull away, gently biting on Lexa's bottom lip and pulling as Lexa leaned back.

Lexa stood up and looked at her, from head to toe and back again, laying on her bed, hair tousled from sleep and kiss bruised lips and her eyes darkened, it was such a heavy look that it made Clarke shiver.

“Are you going back to TonDC today?” Clarke asked content with watching Lexa wash and dress while snacking on the fruits left the night before.

“Not yet, Tondisi is too small for an army this big, it begins disassembling today. In the celebration in Polis I will personally give the generals and those who deserve it their kill marks but before disbanding the army, the generals give the unit leaders and they give the soldiers their kill marks, this is a Coalition army so my presence is required for that.” Not that there’d be many killmarks to be given, Clarke thought. “Azgeda and two other clans leave today. They live the furthest away from these lands.” Lexa walked closer and handed her a glass of water and some fruit.

“I want a hearing.” Clarke suddenly said as Lexa was applying her war pain on the throne, the Commander placed the mirror down, raised an eyebrow and placed her stoic Heda mask in place.

“Normally one would request a hearing with me, to my generals.” Lexa said but the mask cracked and Clarke could easily read the amusement on her features.

“I think we are a little pass that, aren't we?” She asked with a little smirk and a pointed look, she was after all still laying on Lexa’s bed. “I just didn't want to discuss politics on your bed.” Lexa's reply was a small smile and her cheeks darkening slightly. “There's some concerns over what it means for the alliance now that the war is over and some other things.” Clarke really did not want to request taking supplies from the Mountain like this, she wanted to keep these moments alone just between Lexa and Clarke, no titles and no responsibilities.

“Very well, before sunset, then.” That meant Clarke had to get up now as well so she could go to Arkadia and be back on time, with a heavy sigh she drank the water and ate her grapes before standing up to go tackle her responsibilities as well.

 

The ride to Arkadia felt too short for her liking and as she thought about all the things she needed to do, she found a new appreciation for the Commander, managing the delinquents, who had been one hundred at one point but their numbers kept dwindling constantly was easier than looking after all of the sky people, she couldn't imagine being in charge of twelve clans.

She supposed in a way Lexa didn't exactly manage all twelve clans, each clan had their own leaders and they managed all internal conflicts, only taking to Lexa all the Important matters or those concerning more than one clan.

Things with her people were still too shaky for her to be able to delegate.

She went with Raven first and asked her to gather a small group to take to the Mountain the next morning and do an inventory check for things they could use in camp asked her to radio Jackson who was still at the dropship to meet her there so he could do a medical inventory. Back the, the first time, they had been to concerned over the summit and then the attack to focus on what was farm station even doing at the mountain.

Clarke visited Monty then, just to check on him, the guy was too focused on Jasper to grieve. In a way it was good, gave him something to distract him from the guilt but Clarke knew by now that avoiding it didn't really help, it'd eventually catch up to him.

She then went to check on the rest of the delinquents that were in recovery but their gratitude and the look in their eyes, as if she was some sort of hero instead of a murderer were too much for her, she didn't stay for longer than five minutes with them.

 

Clarke was on her way to find a member of the Council so she could call for a meeting when Bellamy found her, the look in his eyes made her heart squeeze painfully.

People die when you are in charge. Kept repeating over and over in her mind as she locked eyes with whom she had thought was once someone to share the burdens of being in charge of so many kids while still being one herself.

“I was starting to think you were too busy playing grounder princess to care about us.”

“I was here yesterday.” She replied bitterness in her tone because yes, people died when she was in charge but people died because his actions and decisions as well, he got people hanging others and little girls committing suicide.

“But you spent your nights with grounders now?” He asked frowning.

“Who I spent my nights with is none of your business, Bellamy.” She half wanted to point out that he had slept with half the females of the 100 but didn't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend, she wasn't but she didn't want him to get the wrong idea just in case, she was sure half the reason Bellamy had been acting like a complete asshole back then, was because she had left and then chosen to stay in Polis when he had asked her to go back with him. “I don't want to fight with you, Bell. I'm glad you are okay. We got our friends back, we saved the people we could and it was all possible because of you.”

“... All those people Clarke.” Bellamy sighed looking down. “The people that helped us... Maya, I would be dead without her and you...” He shook his head.

“I didn't want to kill Maya, I didn't want to kill any of them. They had already killed Fox, Max and James. They were about to kill Miller.” Clarke shook her head, already tired of justifying her actions. “The guards were fighting the army in the halls and there were people fighting for our cause and Octavia was there but… they weren't enough. It's not a decision I took lightly Bellamy, I just didn't see any other way.” Using Octavia's safety was not fair but Bellamy's morals had always been compromised when it involved his sister's safety, so it wasn't fair either that he was pulling the righteous act.

They stayed in silence a while longer just staring at each other. “Nice jacket.” Clarke finally said.

“Kane offered me my job back, this morning.” He said and either unconsciously or not his chest puffed out with pride and Clarke just nodded in reply but all she could see was Bellamy in that Jacket breaking into the summit and then in Arkadia blaming everything on her.

“I should go, meet with the Council now...” Bellamy nodded his reply both unsure of what this meant or where they stood with each other.

“Clarke... Do you trust them?”

“Not all of them.” Was her honest reply. “But I trust Lexa.”

Clarke felt suddenly tired, she wondered if this was the same for Lexa. The Commander had once told her, in a stern tone, that she couldn't run away from who she was but she had tried and she had lost herself, buried her feelings and focused on just surviving. The only time she really came close to feeling something besides the numbness was when she was hunting something besides deer or rabbits, when there was a chance that her prey became the predator and she became the dinner.

She asked the first guard she found to get her mom, Kane, Sinclair and the other members of the council and she went to wait for them in the council room. 

Abby looked a little annoyed to have been summoned. It felt like they took one step forward and two steps back but Clarke wasn't willing to apologize, Abby was the cause her father was dead, she had let Clarke hate on Wells, send her to a certain death and then just expected her to be the same girl she had been back on the ark when she had joined her on the ground. 

She loved her mother, she truly did but Clarke didn't know how to fix their relationship, not while Abby seemed to be set on going against every decision Clarke took just out spite. She knew, that it wasn't like that, it was out of ignorance and fear of the unknown but still, it felt that the only reason she refused was because it was Clarke making the decisions.

“We're  _not_  moving into Mount Weather.” Was the first thing Clarke said once they were all seated. “Not now, not _ever_.”

“That is not a decision for you to make, Clarke.” Abby said and the blonde almost rolled her eyes, she couldn't have the other members of the council seeing her as just as teenage girl so she resisted. “We should all vote and...”

“It’s not a decision for _us_ to make either. The grounders already think us more alike the Mountain men than them, if we try to make the mountain our new home there's no chance for this alliance to survive, we need the grounders, we don't _need_ the Mountain.” Abby opened her mouth again but Clarke didn't feel like she wanted to debate. “I agree there're things in Mount Weather that could be useful, their medicine and resources, which is why I'm going to request the Commander for permission to go into the Mountain and take inventory on what things we could use.”

“Ask for  _permission_?” Andria a member of the council said, sharing a look with Abby.

“We are in  _their_  lands, we didn't plan for it, we didn't know they were here but truth is it's _theirs_. If someone stumbled into your quarters, claimed they didn't know it was yours and they told you they were staying anyway what would you do?” She asked, the redhead woman squirmed uncomfortably on her seat but Clarke kept her eyes on her, willing her to reply.

“Kick them out.”

“Exactly, we were given an ultimatum, leave or die, the terms of the alliance had been that we would call for a ceasefire and work together to free both our people from the Mountain, technically the terms of the alliance expired, so now we need to convince them that we're worthy allies, that both our people would benefit from working together and treating them like they are the outsiders instead of us, treating them like we are entitled to these lands and disrespecting them would cause nothing but trouble. We have guns... But so did the Mountain.” She tried not to let her grief show on her face.

“And yet, it was  _you_  who defeated it.” Andria said, she was a lady around her mother's age and Clarke had only known of her promotion since yesterday, Clarke thought the only council members were Kane and her mother. She did not like the woman and struggled to keep her face from showing just how much the reminder affected her.

“ _Faster_... They were drilling into my friends, killing them, I didn't have time to waste. The grounders not only have the numbers, most of them are trained warriors... You have seen their healers. They also have biological weapons.”

“Which is why we need the Mountain and its resources.” Clarke shook her head with a deep sigh. “We'll talk more about the Mountain later, after I have the chance to speak with the Commander, see where we stand on the truce.” Swiftly, not giving them time to protest or complain, she changed the topic, told them about what she had agreed with Emerson and what they should do with the kids.

She didn't need the council approval but at least they couldn't say, she didn't try to reason with them.

Clarke went to the mess hall but she figured that if she was forced to stay and see these people every day, the least she could do was actually interact with them, she had missed her friends in a way, at least when she allowed herself to feel something beyond guilt.

Grabbing herself a plate, she walked over the table where most of the delinquents were eating. “Hey guys.” She greeted, sitting down.

The conversation stopped as soon as she sat on the table and Clarke regretted her decision immediately, she wasn't that hungry anyway.

“Hey Clarke.” Monty said with a small smile and Raven who was busy chewing on some food nodded her greeting. Wick waved with his spoon and the others either greeted her with a hey, a nod or a wave. Except for Jasper who just glared at her from across the table.

“Hey guys. Why did the princess cross the road?” Jasper asked after a moment where everyone decided to keep on eating and ignoring the tension on the table.

“Jasper...” Monty said trying to stop him but Clarke just met Jasper's glare.

“To annihilate an entire civilization.” He said, pushed his tray of food away before he stood up and left.

“I'm sorry, Clarke.” Monty apologized as he scurried after his friend. Clarke sighed deeply and began pushing around her food.

“Don't listen to him Clarke.” Harper said from where she sat next to Monroe. “If it weren't for you we'd all be dead...” most of the people they were sitting with had been prisoners inside the Mountain and nodded solemnly. This is what Clarke was trying to avoid the first time when she left. The gratitude in their eyes, she deserved no gratitude for her actions.

“I'm sorry.” She said standing up. “I need to go to the dropship and check on the grounders.” It was a weak lie and a long walk but once she found Ryder by the gates and they were riding through the woods, she suddenly didn't feel as trapped as before. 

 

They rode in silence as usual but it didn't last as soon as they were close enough to the dropship they could hear the grunts and screams of the recovering grounders inside.

She spotted Octavia sitting on a boulder near the entrance, the bodies of the burned grounders and delinquents that had been caught in the fire had been cleared. It was almost as if nothing had happened except for the darkened soil.

“What's wrong?” Octavia asked standing up, sword in hand as she shoved the stone she was sharpening her sword with in her coat.

“Nothing, I just wanted to check on them.” Clarke said dismounting and as always, almost like a practiced dance, Ryder was right there ready to take the reins. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm on guard duty with other seconds... I'm kind of convinced this is Indra's rewards for doing well in the Mountain, Lincoln, Nyko and Jackson have their hands full, so we haven't seen a lot of each other in these last couple of days and Indra's being busy helping the Commander deal with army politics.” There was amusement and pride swimming in Octavia's eyes and it made Clarke smile a little. If there was someone who deserved to feel at home somewhere it was Octavia.

She wondered if it was for Octavia the way it was with her, not somewhere that made her feel at home but someone.

 

Clarke didn't spend a lot of time at the dropship either, got an update from Jackson and asked him to go with the others to the Mountain. Exchanged a few words with Lincoln, enough to notice how tough this was on him and just how strong the guy was. Not just physically though he was that too.

The ride back to camp was actually nice, each step the horse took bringing her closer to Lexa helped ease up the tension of the day. She all but jumped down the horse once they arrived to camp and had to make a conscious effort not to rush towards the Commander's tent, trying to ignore the little voice in her head murmuring 'our tent'.

Which is why when the guard outside Lexa's tent kept her from entering she frowned at him with an annoyed expression, was he new to the army? Was he stupid? She wished Ryder was still with her instead of tending to the horses so he could put this guy in place. Still, he ignored her glare and turned his head without taking his eyes from her. “Heda, Klark Kom Skaikru. “

“Let her pass.” Lexa called from inside the tent and Clarke walked in with purpose, glaring to the guard until it has impossible to do so without turning. She stopped dead in her tracks once she was a couple of steps in.

Lexa sat in her throne with her full Heda outfit, war paint and all, her right leg was crossed over her left in a posture that seemed casual while still exuding power, she looked as regal as the first time Clarke laid eyes on her. India stood left of the throne and there was a guard by the entrance, Gustus’ right side was empty. 

Clarke remembered that was also the side Titus occupied while in Police and she wondered for a moment who occupied it when Gustus was still alive and they were all in Polis, what the relationship was between Lexa's mentor Anya and her teacher Titus, and Lexa's faithful protector Gustus and the flamekeeper.

“You requested a hearing, to discuss the alliance.” Lexa answered the question in Clarke's eyes, playful amusement swimming in her green ones and Clarke had to bite back a smile at Lexa's dramatics.

“I did, Heda.” Clarke said with a nod, with the excitement to put the drama of her people and her guilt behind she had almost forgotten about it. She didn't think Lexa would be this committed. Yes Clarke didn't want to discuss politics in bed but this was just a little overboard, she would have chosen to talk over dinner instead, at least this made whatever agreement they reached formal enough. 

“The terms of our alliance were to help each other to get our people out of the Mountain and we did. I think Skaikru has proved themselves to be worthy allies.” Clarke didn't know if it was too soon to request being part of the coalition or if she should wait for Lexa to suggested it herself. “We would like to extend the terms of the alliance, I think both our people would benefit from it. We could trade our knowledge in medicine and technology in exchange for supplies and knowledge to help us adapt better to life on the ground.” Lexa turned her head to the side and nodded for her to go on.

“I know we crashed in Trikru lands but we didn't plan on it and didn't know there were people still living on earth. We would like to request to be allowed to stay in these lands.” She looked at Indra then, the woman didn't glare at her with the same intensity anymore and there was even some respect, the fact that back then they were still allowed to stay in Arkadia made her hopeful enough that her request would be accepted. 

Clarke had been thrusted upon the role of a leader, she had enough common sense and desire to keep her people alive to be a leader and even when people didn't think her capable they still expected her to lead but it was her time as an ambassador that had taught her to be a politician as well. Lexa could order Indra to accept them in her territory but it would be better if Indra accepted it as well.

Lexa looked at Indra out the corner of her eye and the warrior nodded slightly. “That seems reasonable enough, we will discuss borders and territory rules in the future with Trikru village leaders and your council.” It made Clarke take a deep breath because she didn't know if her next request would be seen as reasonable.

“I know your people want nothing to do with the Mountain, Commander.” Both women tensed slightly in the pause Clarke took to think how to word her next sentence. “But they have medicine and things that would be useful to us, I want to request a small party of Skaikru members to go into the Mountain tomorrow to take inventory, so we can know what things can be useful and retrieve them to our camp.” She could see Indra's eyes hardening but before either woman could say anything she pushed through. “Your people have suffered at the hands of the Mountain for years, but mine bled and died on the Mountain as well. We have no intention to use it beyond taking things to help us survive.”

Lexa looked at her for a long time in silence, she could see the girl's mind working every possible scenario and outcome before she spoke. “The fate of the Mountain is to be discussed with the leaders of the twelve clans next summit.” She said. “Its more likely fate is to be sealed, so no one could use it to cause more damage anymore.” It was clear she meant Skaikru, just like most of the sky people thought of grounders as savages, most grounders thought of them as similar to the Mountain people, besides grounders didn't trust technology, ironic if what Murphy said about there being an AI chip inside their Heda. 

The person they trusted and respected the most, was the ultimate technology and Clarke was dying to find out about it but she knew now was not the time.

  
“You may send your people into the Mountain tomorrow but I want to know what is that would be taken from it before its taken.” There was no amusement or playfulness mixed with the green of Lexa's eyes in that moment. Clarke knew that this was the Commander's deal and not Lexa's, it was a fair and smart deal though, Clarke couldn't blame the brunette for still being wary of her people. “We will further discuss this alliance once the army is disbanded as it concerns only Trigedakru.” Clarke nodded her agreement. “Send a messenger to the guards in the Mountain, to expect Skaikru tomorrow.” Lexa ordered the guard by the door who bowed before leaving and then the Commander dismissed Indra with a nod.

Clarke was almost holding her breath until they were alone in the tent and then turned from where Indra had disappeared behind the flaps of the tent to the Commander still on her throne.

“Your negotiation skills have improved from last time.” The voice was still Heda's stern and firm but the upturned corner of her lips and the softness in her eyes were all Lexa's.

“With how many lessons you insisted on teaching me, I expected as much.” She chuckled, finally able to relax completely and she felt like all her burdens, the weight heaving down her shoulders had stayed outside the tent.

In one swift motion, Lexa stood from her throne and walked closer to Clarke, stopping short of their bodies touching. The blonde rested a hand on the shoulder guard, metal and tire against her skin as she traced it down, until the softer material of the sash greeted her skin, tracing the same path up but moving to the clasp. Once it was off she placed it on the war table, her hand finding Lexa's before she guided them by the bed.

Her hands found the clasps of Lexa's intricate belt then, unclasping them all and placing it on the chest by the foot of the bed where Lexa usually placed her armor. She worked on the wrist guards and gloves then before finally sliding her hands inside the brunette's coat, resting them on her hips for a small moment before moving them up the Commander's sides and shoulders to slide off the coat.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked panting slightly and it was only after noticing it, that she realized she was breathing harder as well. Instead of replying, Clarke took hold of Lexa's hands and placed them on her own jacket. There were still questions in Lexa's eyes but she slowly slid the jacket off, with the careful precision she had seen people do in movies when unwrapping presents. As if she couldn't quite believe she was allowed to do so, with a reverence that made her heart ache in the best way possible. 

Lexa carefully placed her jacket with her own clothes on the chest and then turned to Clarke for guidance.

Clarke pushed Lexa gently so she’d sit on the bed and with the same reverence and respect Lexa showed to her, she took her headpiece and placed it carefully on top of the box with the war paint and mirror, her heart was running wild in her chest as she dipped a cloth in the small basin of water before moving back to Lexa. Without breaking their eye contact Clarke straddled Lexa's legs.

“As much as I enjoy the Commander.” Clarke finally explained, almost whispering, her voice a couple of tones lower. “I want Lexa.” She said and the Commander's hands finally rested on her hips, bringing her closer as if they had a mind of their own. 

The first contact of the cloth against her cheek made Lexa close her eyes and she hardly moved except for the labored breaths as Clarke wiped her face clean.

Once Lexa's face was clear from all trace of the war paint, Clarke threw the now stained cloth to a corner of the tent, she had no intention to move at the moment. 

Lexa opened her eyes slowly, dazzled and looked up at her and Clarke felt her heart skip a beat in her chest, there was something so humbling yet so... Extraordinaire to have the Commander of the twelve clans, to have Lexa looking up at her in such a way, with awe in her eyes, not because she had some delusional image of Clarke in her head but because she saw exactly who she was and what she was capable of and that was more than enough for her.

Cupping the Commander's cheeks, she leaned down a softly grazed her lips against Lexa's, pressing further to swallow the gasp that followed.

“I'd be lost right now, if it weren't for you.” Clarke said as she pulled back enough to lock her eyes with Lexa's.

“You're stronger than you think Clarke.” Lexa replied with a little smile, but Clarke did know, because yes, it was hard, everyday it was a constant struggle, a battle against herself to be able to accomplish anything because one of the things that haven't changed was she still hated herself for what she did, she understood it better but still hated herself for it but here was Lexa, who was just a couple of years older than her and had unified clans and had brought peace, a girl that was so strong, who had lost so much and still looked at Clarke like one looks at shooting stars.

She shook her head and kissed Lexa smiling lips.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JUST PURE CLEXA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before thanking you for your amazing support, I just want to say that I've stopped watching the show. I'm also without a computer, outside of work, so I've been keeping up with the sinking disaster that is the 100 and I was disgusted by the dub/non con thing and Raven's... Well you all probably know and if you don't it's probably because you don't want to find out, so I decided to skip my lunch hours to finish my work and dedicate the last hour and a half of work to write this chapter, I don't know how to make gifs or pictures, so I just hope that if someone was feeling down or triggered after last night, this might help even a little. I had already planned on making this chapter pure Clexa because lol Clarke's just being with her people for like three days and even she needs a break from them lol.
> 
> This is not really a chapter just a preview of sorts. The rest of this chapter will be posted on Monday.

Helping Lexa out of her armor had turned into a make out session, Lexa had kept her hands respectfully on Clarke's hips, even after the blonde had lost herself in the moment a little bit and started rocking slightly, it was only when Clarke had half moaned in pleasure, half whined in frustration at the friction not being enough, that Lexa wrapped her arms around her pressing their bodies as close as possible. 

Clarke had smiled against Lexa's lips taken a hold of her hands and placed them inside her shirt, against her skin the small barely audible whimper that the action pulled from the Commander of the grounders, sobered Clarke up, she pulled away and cradled Lexa's face in her hands.

They had kissed, back then, no counting the kisses they shared when they made love, two times and one of those times had been the one that lead them to bed. 

Clarke had many regrets, she tried not to, didn't want to bring that weight into this second chance, it was unfair, specially since Lexa had no idea but one of the things that pissed her off the most, at herself, the spirits or higher powers or the universe, at the everything, was that she had been stolen from the chance of just being with Lexa, one hour of love making, however great it had been and boy had it been great, even in this body that had yet to be touched, she could feel the ghost of Lexa's breath as she panted against her neck or her lips, short of breath but reluctant to break their kisses, of her hands and skin against her own, of her lips and the taste of her tears as they kissed her own and every inch of her body, each kiss a prayer against her skin for time to have mercy on them and make an hour last forever.

She still hated that they didn't have the time to get to know each other's bodies, likes and dislikes as well as they knew the other's essence, like her soul knew Lexa's, she would have believed that if she didn't know that the Commander's spirit was some kind of advanced AI, what she felt for Lexa and how well they knew each other resulted in a tiny, whispering voice inside her head, asking if maybe, if just maybe, it was possible for souls to have some sort of recycling process and keep on coming back, either to learn or to suffer, the little almost ashamed voice wasn't sure but wouldn't it be good if souls did come back that hers and Lexa's were just made for each other?

Murphy saying the Commander spirit was an AI made a lot more logic but still, not even at her most skeptic moment, would she deny the connection was there and even better she was given a second chance... Somehow.

So instead of ripping Lexa's clothes and rushing into it, no matter how much she seemed to yearn for it, this Lexa was still new to them and she didn't want to rush things, as much as Clarke hadn't been ready back then, she knew well enough that at the time, at least before Mount Weather, Lexa hadn't been ready either, she had sworn off love after Costia. 

Lexa had said so herself and it had taken time before she could make peace with her feelings for Clarke and to accept that it was no disrespect to Costia's memory if she moved on.

 

Clarke smiled against her pillow without opening her eyes at the memory of the previous night, kissing and touching far too heated to be considered innocent but without getting carried away. S

he learned that she really, really liked to graze her teeth against the sharp edge of Lexa's jaw and kiss just the place where it ended, under her ear. 

She already knew but she had relearned that the Commander's neck was very sensitive and she could pull all kind of sounds; gasps, moans, whimpers and grunts, when she kissed, bit, sucked or licked it, specially her pulse point on the right side.

She learned that Lexa really liked her hair, she already had figured that one on her own. Learned that when Lexa grazed her earlobe with her lips or specially with her teeth it was like a threat connected it with her stomach and it would give her a pleasing pulling sensation. 

That when it felt like her skin was burning up, like there was a an invisible fire heating up her skin, Lexa's hands or lips were the only thing that would made the fire ease up, that would soothe her.

They had kissed and touched and smiled and chuckled and they had fallen asleep at some point with their arms wrapped around each other but had moved back to what Clarke was starting to think as their default position of her spooning Lexa. The thought of the badass Commander being the little spoon amused her and made her chuckle huskily.

“What are you laughing about this early in the morning?” Lexa groaned turned around burying her face in Clarke's chest and the girl sometimes was so innocent and respectful that the blonde wasn't surprised when she tensed and then pulled back abruptly but Clarke's arms didn't let her go far enough, she pulled her back, shielding her from the light and running her fingers over her hair.

“It's not that early, I'm actually surprised you slept in.” Clarke teased and the fact that she could feel the heat off Lexa's face made her smile widen.

“I'm the Commander.” She said after a moment, finally relaxing and settling herself against Clarke. “I never sleep in, I'm never late.” She mumbled and Clarke chuckled, sighing as she felt Lexa's lips pull into a small smirk. “Everyone else is just early.”

“What clans leave today?” Clarke asked after a moment, she had started to think that Lexa had started to doze off again, the heavy sigh against her chest confirmed it.

“Desert clan, Blue cliff and the Plain raiders... I thought you didn't want to discuss politics in bed.” Clarke cupped Lexa's face and pulled her up so their lips could meet.

“If I had known you were so grumpy when you were sleepy, I would have let you go to sleep a lot earlier.” The half smile that spread over Lexa's lips in reply squeezed her heart.

“One of the perks of peace is that whenever I'm at Polis I get to nap during the day.” Lexa shrugged and Clarke smiled, she loved her, her ruthlessness, her heart, her compassion, her strength, everything, even the chip she didn't know or really understand, if it was part of what made Lexa, Lexa, then she loved it.

"I was just wondering... If I could spend the day watching you work?" That was probably the wrong word and Lexa raising her eyebrow in amusement only confirmed it. "I'm curious about grounder politics and you love giving me leadership lessons." She rolled her eyes playfully.

"I thought you..." Lexa trailed off though her eyes said enough.

"No... I asked Raven and a couple of others to go, I will go check the list and discuss with the council what they consider useful before showing it to you but I won't go in today." Lexa nodded, ran the back of her fingers over Clarke's cheek as she bumped their nose together and gave her a small kiss.

"I did promise to help you with your Trigedasleng, this would be the perfect opportunity." Lexa agreed with a small smile as she jumped off the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I hope you enjoyed it, thank you so much for all your amazing support, it's going to be around three chapters more before the Polis arc because there're politics for Lexa and Clarke won't leave her *cough*stupid*cough* people until she feels that neither Pike nor Bellamy or someone else can screw the peace they're both working so hard for.
> 
> Thank you guys for all your amazing support, you are awesome, yes you, you the one reading this, I love you, you're my fave.
> 
> Full chapter will include; Clarke accompanying Lexa during her duties, Lexa accompanying Clarke to Arkadia, Indra and Octavia being awesome as always and Raven.
> 
> No tumblr for me during the weekend :( I hope I make it through.  
> Tumblr: adrykomclexakru  
> Twitter: adrykomclexakru


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the kill marks to mean something more than just something to count how many people someone has killed, so I took the whole you absorb the power of the ones you kill and the kill marks and tried to give it a deeper meaning though of course more people would see it as something to be collected or something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for you support, it honestly means a lot.

Clarke was biting back a smile. She was standing on a small hill a natural platform so Lexa could be seen by the whole army. Lexa was at the front addressing the army, behind and to her right was Indra with Octavia a step back, by her side to her left was Clarke and Ryder and behind them all Lexa's most trusted guards, the ones who could be seen outside her tent or riding around her.

The reason for Clarke's amusement was that Lexa had been speaking to the army in Trigedasleng and then repeating everything she had said in English for her and Octavia's sake, at this point Octavia had yet to become fluent in the language.

The act was endearing and Clarke almost wanted to tell Lexa that she wasn't perhaps as good with speaking but she definitely understood it but since Octavia was there she couldn't use the excuse that Lincoln had been teaching her so she just kept trying to bite back a smile.

The ritual was simple enough Lexa said a few words about the threat of the Mountain, how the United army of the clans had fought bravely and how this marked a new era where their children didn't have to worry about their own being captured and turned against them or captured to use their blood for medicine, she then called forward the generals and the honored warriors who went up the hill and knelt in line. There was a special kind of dagger, curved at the edge and then Lexa's own. The Commander's knife was placed inside a fire pit near where the Warriors were kneeling.

"If death has no cost life has no worth. Blood must have blood." Lexa said in Trigedasleng the army repeating back the grounder's mantra before Lexa repeated the words in English. "May those whose fight you ended give you strength and wisdom in battle and in life." She stepped forward to the first warrior in line asked for their name.

"Caesar Kom Sankru yu gonplei nou ste odon." Lexa took the first knife and sank the curved point less than an inch in his skin as blood started pouring down his naked torso, Lexa handed the knife to one of the Warriors who was acting as her attendant and took her own knife, the steel blade was heated red and pressed the point to the wound, the warrior clenched his jaw shut but didn't complain or flinch otherwise.

"Ai gonplei nou ste odon." He called as he stood up and the army cheered as Lexa walked towards the next warrior. There were three generals, two of them women and four warriors. One mark for each general and two warriors with five and six for the last. She had learned that the one with six marks had been with Raven, Octavia had said that the mechanic said the guy had shot an arrow to a man through his hazmat suit mask, right in the eye. Clarke felt this was like those documentaries of celebrities before the bombs because Octavia looked like one of those people who waited hours in line to get someone's signature, an autograph, as she told the story of the guy clearing the path for Raven and Wick to the control room.

After the generals got their marks, they went down and gave kill marks to the field commanders and them to the warriors. The whole thing lasted until midday when Lexa spoke words to each clan individually and bid them farewell and safety on their journey home. 

The warriors of the three clans remaining went on about their duties while the other ones finished packing, they were gone by the time fires were being built to cook dinner and the camp was a lot smaller.

"I should go back to camp, check on that list, see how it went." Clarke said but the sun was setting and the day had been by far the best one she had had since the battle in Mount Weather. Even the day she had made love to Lexa was tainted black. Like the blood that poured from Lexa's wound, draining her of her life.

"Would you be spending your night there?" Lexa asked quietly, face stoic, Indra and Octavia were discussing their activities for the next day not far from then, they were watching as Ryder and some others roasted a deer over the fire pit, not far a group of warriors were preparing a broth of some kind, groups were sent to hunt, some others would skin and cook their game while others cooked broths and soups. Then the Warriors would just serve themselves of whatever it was they wished to dine.

"No." Clarke replied with a frown and then turned to Lexa looked. "Unless you have grown tired of me." She had been teasing the Commander but by how fast Lexa turned to look at her and the scowl on her features she knew it had been taken serious. It was only when she saw the small smirk on Clarke's lips that Lexa's face relaxed.

"I may not be fond of your insistence of stealing the furs only to throw them off the bed in the middle of the night but I do not mind your company." Lexa replied and Clarke chuckled, of course Lexa had a formal way to call her a cover hogger. "Then it's better if you stay here. The Mountain people weren't the only threat, there's still nature... Pauna, exiles." Clarke smiled. They were far enough from Pauna's feeding grounds. The camp was set west of TonDC and Pauna's territory was southeast of the village. 

Indra kept a close watch of the territories near her village, she doubted any dangerous exile let alone a group of them roamed the woods and of course there were nature's danger but Ryder went anywhere she went unless she was with Octavia or the Commander. "You should also stay for tomorrow's ceremony." Lexa said casting a quick look at where Indra and her second were helping themselves to some deer.

"The ceremony for the remaining clans." Clarke said and Lexa replied with a nod. "If it ends around midday like today." She began, after all Lexa hadn't done much in the sense of political duty. "You can come with me to Arkadia." Lexa had never set foot on Skaikru territory and besides Kane, Abby, Octavia and Clarke herself, Lexa didn't know any other of her people. 

She wanted her people to understand grounders were not the enemy and for that they needed to get to know them, specially their leader. 

"That way we can go over the list from Mount Weather supplies together and talk about it instead of me traveling between camps to decide." Lexa had been looking at her with some unreadable expression on her face and Clarke wanted to appeal to the girl's logical side.

"I will go with you." Lexa nodded and Clarke grinned so wide Lexa's face darkened.

 

That night they both dined outside, under the stars with the army and as Lexa went to help herself with more broth Octavia approached her.

"You look like a love sick puppy."

"You have never seen a puppy. I don't know if there's even dogs anymore." Clarke said making a mental note to ask the Commander what sort of pets the grounders had.

"It's an expression." Octavia rolled her eyes at her.

"I know."

"And do you?" Octavia asked, her eyes focused on her face trying to read Clarke's expression but Clarke had nothing to hide, not from someone she considered a friend. "Love her, I mean." Octavia asked when the silence extended.

"Yes... I know it might seem fast after Finn and everything but it just..." Clarke  
trailed off and shook her head not quite sure how to explain it.

"I understand... Lincoln didn't kidnap me. He took me to help me, hid me and then everything else happened but as I sneaked out to talk to him and we began getting to know each other I just... knew, I felt it. " Octavia glared at Indra's back as she talked with Lexa and the other two remaining generals.

"Trikru seconds are going to be on the final guard at the dropship today and tomorrow, Abby went to check on them today, she thinks it's safe now so they'll be escorted to their borders tomorrow but I'm not on it." Octavia sighed. "I hoped I could spend the day with Lincoln but Indra said no."

"I'm sure she has her reasons." Clarke shrugged, Indra and Lexa had forgiven Lincoln for his support of Skaikru before their alliance, so it wasn't like Indra was purposely trying to keep them apart.

"She does. I'm the second to the Trikru leader... I wasn't born here but I'm in a higher position than those who have been seconds for years now... I didn't think this would stop just because the war did but I... I guess I'm just not used to having obligations. I spent my live hiding and then in a cell. It's a welcomed change but I guess it takes time to get used to the obligations it comes with."

"If there's someone who can do it, is you O." Clarke said with a small encouraging smile.

"I... Indra is going back to Tondisi." Clarke smiled at the Trigedasleng accent. "I was thinking it would be more practical for me to move there..." Octavia said and the blonde just stared at her, waiting for her to continue but realized soon that was it, she frowned.

"Are you asking me what do I think.?"

"I don't know... I'm asking; what do you think? How bad do you think Bellamy would react?... What the Chancellor is going to say?"

"They don't have ownership over you here, O. Not me, not the Council and not Bellamy. He is your brother but you are your own person. It'd be good for Bellamy too, to realize he is not the only one on your corner now and that you are capable of protecting yourself." That pulled a huge proud grin out the girl.

"Bellamy thinks his life is dedicated to protecting me. I know why, I get it, it's not his fault but is not mine either. When we first arrived we all looked up to him for leadership, because he was the oldest and knew how to fight but I've seen leadership while I've been with Indra and the Commander and even from other clans generals . My brother is a guard just like I'm a warrior, he doesn't like being challenged or contradicted when he thinks he is right... which is all the time." O smirked and Clarke chuckled. "I guess if he refuses I'd just have to show him I can protect myself. " Octavia winked playfully

"Octavia. " Indra's voice called, the general and the Commander were walking towards them. "You are on first guard with the others." Octavia nodded, her warrior face taking over her features before she nodded her goodbye to Clarke and gave a respectful nod to the Commander who acknowledged the girl with one of her own.

"Commander, Clarke." Indra said and then turned around and left.

Lexa gave a questioning look to Clarke and nodded her head towards the tent, the blonde nodded and followed the Commander to the tent.

 

The moment Lexa walked through the flaps she deflated the smallest bit but enough for Clarke to notice the weariness in the brunette but before Clarke could move to help Lexa was already removing her armor so instead she got rid of her jacket, Lexa walked towards the throne and sat on it, leaning back and closed her eyes taking a deep breath.

Clarke frowned took the basin with the cloth and moved towards the other girl, Clarke slowly and carefuly sat sideways on the girl's lap, Lexa's lips twitched up as she felt the blonde's weight but didn't open her eyes, there was another sigh as Clarke removed first her headpiece and then began working on cleaning the war paint.

"What's wrong?" Clarke asked softly. Lexa opened her eyes and stared up at her.

"I do not wish to upset you." Lexa replied shaking her head.

"It'd upset me more to see you like this than whatever you could say."

"Whenever I have to give kill marks... I can't help but think that my back is not big enough." Lexa murmured, eyes trained on Clarke's as she said that.

"Neither is mine..." three hundred warriors, over three hundred mountain people, the man whose throat she slit, Atom...

"I have fought five wars, a lot of blood was spilled for the coalition. People have died by my blade, for justice, in war, for peace, many more have died following my orders. When you are a good leader people pour your dreams and hopes into you, you live to serve them but sometimes you also have to look them in the eye and say go die for me. I don't enjoy it but sometimes there's no other way. I just... If blood must have blood and there's a price to pay for death. Isn't it only fair I bleed too?" Clarke didn't know enough about the black blood, coagulation and all the other aspects of it but the thought of Lexa bleeding wasn't something she was comfortable with.

"Warriors... are trained since they are very young, taught to survive and kill and as they grow old without the weight of leadership on their shoulders they forget about the reasons they fight for. I've heard them brag about their kill marks make bets about who would get more. As leaders you have to weight the importance of your cause against the lives risked in both sides.... You don't bleed because you don't need the reminder of what taking a life means necessary or not. You already carry it with you." Clarke said resting her hand on Lexa's left side of her chest.

Lexa looked at her solemnly for a beat and then burst into laughter, Clarke was perplexed, it was melodic, it pulled at her heart strings. She couldn't believe she had been stolen from the chance to hear her laugh before, because if Lexa's smile was beautiful, her laugh was out of this world.

"And now _you_ give _me_ lessons on leadership?" Lexa said once she had calmed but there was an open smile on her lips. Clarke chuckled.

"With your insistence of turning everything into a lesson it was bound to happen honestly." They smiled at each other as Clarke finished removing the war paint.

That night their touches were innocent and their kisses almost chaste, gentle and short, in between talks of Clarke's time up in space, Jake and Wells. She didn't push for Lexa to share about her life. She knew enough to know that Lexa wanted to keep things light and her childhood as a nightblood, being groomed for Command, teenage years with Anya and her past with Gustus and Costia were still painful.

 

Next morning Clarke woke up to the feeling of soft caresses on her face and a hand running through her hair.

"I liked you better when you wanted to sleep in." Clarke murmured not opening her eyes.

"The sooner you raise, the sooner we can begin the ceremony and go to your camp I don't know how long it'd take to manage an agreement with your council but we... me and you if you wish, will be returning to TonDC." Clarke smiled.

"Despite your tendency of waking me up, I do not mind your company at night." She teased making Lexa chuckle. The blonde finally opened her eyes and leaned forward to give the Commander a light kiss on her lips before untangling her legs and arms from around the brunette.

Clarke couldn't help the small smile that pulled her lips up as she realized they had worked some kind of morning routine. Lexa would take fruit and water to Clarke still on the bed and munch on some herself as she began washing and dressing. Clarke would stay in bed longer, her outfit was less intricate and she would rise and wash and dress herself as the Commander finished braiding her hair and began applying the war paint.

Not long after they were both ready a warrior came to let them know the army was ready and they walked towards the hill together. Lexa's speech was similar to the one the day before.

"General Indra Kom Trikru, general Shane Kom Floukru, general Max Kom Yujleda." Lexa called and the three generals moved to their places and knelt. "Sol and Seth Kom Floukru." She called and waited for the two warriors, spitting image of each other walked forward and took their places as did the warrior from the Broadleaf clan when called. "Abe, Lincoln.” Octavia who was standing next to Clarke, gasped, clearly don't expecting the man to be there he smiled at the girl as he took his place. "And Octavia Kom Trikru." Octavia froze looking at Lexa with her mouth open in surprise. 

It wasn't until Indra cleared her throat that the girl moved and took her place next to Lincoln. Three kill marks for Indra, one for the general from Yujleda and two for the general from Floukru, who was the youngest general, he looked to be around Lexa's age, the twins were around Clarke's age or Octavia's who was a year younger than the blonde. 

The guy from the Broadleaf received four kill marks, the twins got six so a dozen together and they looked at the Commander with playful smiles, Lexa marked the guy and then the girl before saying the words and as they rose their reply was "Oso gonplei nou ste odon." Perfectly in sync, using the plural instead of singular and Abe received five kill marks.

"Lincoln Kom Trikru." Lexa said and Lincoln's spine straightened as the Commander addressed him. "Your bravery earned you the pardon, your strength and determination earned you this honor, you were kept away from the fight but you found a way and made sure the leader of the Mountain fell with it." Lexa took the curved knife and drew blood from Lincoln's back before using her heated knife to cauterize the wound. "Yu gonplei nou ste odon."

"Ai gonplei nou ste odon." He repeated. Clarke understood why Lexa was giving a speech before marking him, there were some murmurs on the Trikru side of the army, she was explaining without making it seem she was explaining, why Lincoln and Octavia were chosen, her assumption proved right as Lexa moved before Octavia who looked like a statue with how still she was.

"Octavia... You weren't born Trikru, you fell from the sky but you chose to learn our ways and despite starting your training as a warrior only recently, you proved yourself in battle. You are Trigedakru now. Yu gonplei nou ste odon." Lexa said taking the curved knife, Octavia's eyes were shinning and at Lexa almost amused eyebrow raise- Octavia had been the only one who hadn't removed her top before kneeling- she began fumbling with her jacket and top.

Octavia's jaw tightened as she received the first cut and then the second, Clarke was willing her not to complain out loud as the Commander took her heated knife, she sighed in relief and looked proudly as the girl only groaned as Lexa pressed the knife to the cuts.

"Ai gonplei nou ste odon." Octavia said proudly as she stood up shakily. The rest of the ceremony went the same as the day before and as soon as it was over Clarke went to her friend.

 

 

"I don't know if I should congratulate you or ask if you are okay." Clarke said and the girl smiled.

"It hurts like a bitch." Octavia said with pride, Nyko arrived then and offered Octavia his arm in the grounder shake and then handed her a small jar with a balm.

"First ones are always the worse. Do not scratch and apply this when they hurt or itch." He then hugged Lincoln and then offered his arm to Clarke.

"Did you know?" Octavia asked once Nyko had left with Lincoln.

"No." Clarke replied. "But you deserve it, not because you killed but because your effort to keep people alive." Clarke had seen Octavia fighting in the dinning room, they were outnumbered and still they held their ground.

"I'm gonna go with you to camp Java, I'm part of the Commander guards with Indra and the others." Clarke was really glad that the things she had changed had worked this way for Octavia, she got a weird mother figure, mentor, in Indra and a role model in Lexa, without the missile Octavia's distrust for the Commander was never planted and the fact that Lexa never took the deal cemented the girl's trust in the grounders' leader.

"Let's go find them, I'm not sure things will run as smoothly as we want to with the Council. " Octavia rolled her eyes but began walking.

It didn't take them long to find the Commander and the general, they were talking with the general from the boat clan and the twins, Indra was glaring at them and it didn't take long for Clarke to realize why, the twins seemed to have a permanent smirk on their lips, the younger general was more proper but his expression was still playful, Clarke couldn't help but scowl too as it seemed the girl, Sol was talking to the Commander in a casual manner, that was totally improper and disrespectful in her opinion, Lexa was the Commander, she deserved respect and that was _not_ a respectful distance. Octavia laughed.

"If looks could kill, Sol would have died a couple of times by now, relax Princess." The nickname pulled her attention from Lexa enough for Clarke to throw her glare at Octavia who only chuckled again.

"Commander. " Clarke called as they approached and Lexa turned from the boat clan people to them and nodded her greeting, eyes softening as they fell on Clarke and the blonde had to resist the need to stand close enough for their bodies to touch, if she took a step closer than necessary then it was just a miscalculation on her part.

"Clarke Kom Skaikru, Octavia, meet Shane, Seth and Sol Kom Floukru."

"We have heard many things about you." Seth said addressing them both. "Trikru and Floukru have been allies from before the coalition was formed."

"And we only grew closer once it did." Sol added and seriously Indra threatened Clarke's life multiple times when she thought she was disrespecting Lexa but she chose to stay quiet now that this girl looked at Lexa like that?

"We look forward to Skaikru and Trikru solidifying their alliance, maybe then we can work one between our clans as well." Shane added and Clarke could only nod her reply. "We must go, we have a long road ahead." He added shaking Lexa's arm first and offering a small bow before he shook Indra's, Octavia's and Clarke's. Seth did the same then and Sol was the last.

"We hope you honor us with your presence soon, Heda." She said and that was definitely a lingering hold on Heda's arm, why wasn't Indra taking this woman's arm? Where were her loyalties and over protectiveness?

"I'm afraid I won't be able to go anytime soon but I will see you all at the ceremony in Polis, please give Luna my regards and gratitude."

 

"Heda, I wanted to thank you for the honor." Octavia said as soon as the three warriors had left.

"I perform the ceremony but I do not choose the Warriors." Lexa looked slightly amused. "Their generals do." She said looking at Indra and as Octavia turned to look at her mentor, Indra spoke.

"Commander if you're ready to leave, we will go ready the horses and the guards." Lexa nodded and Indra nodded at Octavia to follow as she walked away.

"The people from the boat clan..." Clarke began looking at Indra's and Octavia's back. "They are interesting."

"They are Luna’s, their leader, most trusted warriors. Shane and Luna were... raised together, the twins are his younger siblings. Luna taught them how to fight, they are a force to be reckoned apart but together they are unstoppable, like they are connected, when one opens their guard the other covers it. I have sparred with them, apart I could easily beat them but together I came very close to lose." Lexa smiled a little though Clarke notice the shadow that fell on her eyes as she spoke about the leader of the boat clan.

 

They rode to Arkadia behind Indra and Octavia, side by side and behind them four more warriors, they rode in comfortable silence, exchanging glances from time to time. The moment they crossed the gates the murmurs started, people stopping their works and coming out the fallen ship just to look at the grounders, most with distrust and fear in their eyes.

"Commander, I did not know you would be coming." Abby said as she walked forward to meet them, they dismounted and handed their reins to one of the Warriors who took the horses outside to tend to them.

"A welcomed surprise of course." Marcus said stepping forward and offering his arm to Lexa who took it.

"O!" Bellamy called as he rushed towards them and hugged his sister who hissed making the guy frown. "What happened to you?" He asked with concern lacing his voice.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Octavia said but Bellamy pressed on her chest and Octavia hissed again. Bellamy pulled the neck of her shirt.

"What is this? Who did this to you?" The guy asked with a frown. Octavia knocked her forearm against the wrist pulling down her collar and glared at her brother.

"They are kill marks, for the battle at the mountain, it's an honor." Octavia replied, standing tall.

"You butchered my sister?" Bellamy asked turning to Lexa and the Commander casually rested her hand on the hilt of her sword, too casually for Clarke's taste and Indra, Ryder and the other two warriors took a step closer to their Commander.

"Kill marks are a reminder that even though they were enemies, taking a life should never be an act of no consequences." Lexa said, raising her chin in that way she had.

"An important lesson we all would do well to remember." Kane intervened again clasping Bellamy on his shoulder and pulling him back and Clarke sighed grateful. If she had a doubt about who should be wearing the Chancellor pin, it would have been clear by then, Kane was a lot different from the man he was on the Ark but it was clear he was a natural politician. "Bellamy go gather the members of the Council. " Bellamy shoot them all a sour look but went to do as he was told.

"Actually I was hoping to meet with Raven first, to go over the list from Mount weather. We will meet you in the Council room." Clarke said ignoring Abby's looks. "Octavia come with us. Kane why don't you give Indra a tour of the Ark as leader of the Trikru, it's important for her to know what we can offer." She added, the faster Kane and Indra became friends the better. 

Indra shot Octavia a look and the younger Blake nodded taking a step closer to Lexa and Clarke almost wanted to smile when the Commander looked like she wanted to roll her eyes, she had seen Lexa fight and she was sure Octavia wasn't anywhere near that level of abilities yet.

Raven tensed the moment she saw the Commander, Clarke was grateful Wick was not there, the guy was alright but he wasn't the most careful with his words or jokes most of the times, Clarke asked for the list and was thankful when Raven had already highlighted the things they could use. There was a separated list with medicine and medical equipment, Raven grumbled about not highlighting anything because Jackson had said it would all be useful, making an offhand comment about how he had said they could make a state-of-the-art kind of clinic.

"We're not moving to the Mountain. " Clarke stated as she read over the list before handing it to Lexa, the Commander read over it, asking about what some of the things were and what they did here or there. Raven stayed silence so Clarke did her best to explain, it was frustrating but Clarke understood that for Raven, Lexa was just the woman who had ordered Finn's execution.

Lexa didn't have any objections about the list and once she told Clarke that they would send people with carts and horses to help the Skaikru and then announced Octavia would be the one leading the seconds sent to help, the younger girl looked like she wanted to hug the Commander.

"Hey Clarke." Monty said as he ran into the girls on their way to the Council meeting. "I heard you were back... Octavia, uhm Commander." Monty nodded respectfully.

  
"Monty Kom Skaikru, I heard you were a key part in the defeat of the Mountain, in the name of the people of the twelve clans, I thank you for your bravery." Lexa said solemnly and Monty blushed.

"Thank you. I was just trying to help my friends." Monty said fidgeting on his place.

"Still, you played a great part and we thank you." Monty nodded and smiled a small nervous smile.

"I should go look for Jasper." He said, his eyes telling Clarke that he was looking for the guy trying to make sure he didn't cause any trouble with the grounders there.

They met the others at the Council room, Andria was a lot less talkative in the presence of the Commander and her general, Clarke wished the same could be said of Abby, who tried to bring up the topic of the Mountain and what Jackson had said about it being a state-of-the-art clinic, however Clarke had found an ally in Kane and after Lexa had hardened her gaze while addressing the Chancellor and told her the fate of the Mountain was to be decided by the ambassadors of the twelve clans and Marcus suggested turning the dropship into a clinic instead they moved onto the topics of trade and territory.

The sun was setting by the time they finished the meeting but they had managed to draw the beginning of a solid alliance and as they had walked out of the Council room, Clarke had announced she would be going back to TonDC with Octavia and the others, her mother had glared at Lexa, her lips pressed together in a stern line but thankfully kept her words to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Clarke goes back to the mountain and Monty.
> 
> Next chapter there will be some suffering and some mild injuries but I make you a blood oath that it will be alright :) I love you guys <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a cliff-hanger at the end and a little of Heda's past.

The ride back to TonDC was in silence, Indra was frustrated by the Skaikru that much was obvious, Octavia frustrated with her brother and Clarke was just frustrated with them all. 

The Commander however was as stoic as ever, riding easily, swaying with every step of the horse, naturally and in sync, like the leaves dancing with the wind. She avoided looking at Clarke for the duration of the ride and it made her wonder if Lexa was trying to keep her own frustration with her people away from Clarke.

It didn’t take long for her to find out what was causing Lexa to be distant.

 

They crossed the gates of the city and Lexa dismounted gracefully, patting the neck of her horse and handing the reins to one of the guards before turning around, her eyes settled on the building where they were supposed to have the feast, then a smaller building, Nyko’s clinic and then the post where Raven had been tied and Gustus had died but besides her eyes, shining with pain and guilt, her face was emotionless and soon the people came out calling for her, thanking her for the Mountain and welcoming her.

Lexa took a subtle steeling breath before addressing the people. Telling them of this new era free from the threat of the Mountain, reminding them all that it wouldn't have been possible without the sky people and the collaboration of the other clans and than in peace, working together they are stronger, strong enough to defeat those who had been haunting and hunting them for years, the people cheer and making Lexa smile before looking at Indra, the general stepped forward to order everyone to go back to their business before turning back towards them. 

“Octavia, you may have the rest of this day to yourself.” Octavia nodded her head respectfully but her solemn features morphed into a smile as she spotted Lincoln standing outside Nyko’s clinic, Indra sighed heavily but Clarke saw it was more… Playful than reproachful. “Remember we’re training at first light and prepare for tomorrow.” Indra reminds her just before Octavia goes off running towards Lincoln.

Indra left after that and Clarke looked at Lexa who was still looking at the post as if reliving the moment she had almost shakily, declared Gustus fight to be over before plunging the sword through his chest. 

Clarke who had her fair share of ghosts recognized a haunted look when she saw one and she remembered this was the first time Lexa had returned to TonDC since his dead.

"Lexa." Clarke called out softly, Lexa blinked a couple of times as if broken from a spell, her hand falling from the handle of her sword as if it burned her before turning to Clarke, Lexa shook her head, took a deep breath and nodded her head towards a building before making her way inside.

It was a simple room, a bed, a table and two chairs, she recognized the chests by the bed as the ones in Lexa's tent and couple of candles lighting up the room. 

Lexa quietly got rid of her armor, first to go was the sword even though Clarke knew it was not the same one that ended Gustus fight, that one was destroyed by Pauna.

The silence stretched until Lexa started taking off her top and pants making Clarke turn around, even though she really didn’t want to. She had seen her naked and had touched her and kissed her and explored as much as the limited amount of time they had together allowed but it was not this Lexa... not yet.

"Do you wish to change?" Lexa asked and Clarke couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, Lexa was probably the busiest woman on earth and her hygiene habits were strict, even when they were out there in the middle of the woods.

"Yes please.” Clarke replied and Lexa looked at her and then back to the clothes in her chest, she handed Clarke some very soft pants and grabbed a sleeveless shirt and the dagger still strapped to her thigh and used it to cut at the neck of the shirt. 

Clarke just looked at her curiously but stayed slient, Lexa handed her the torn shirt and her gaze drifted down to Clarke's chest, making Clarke chuckle with amusement as she figured out what Lexa had done, when Lexa looked back up at the sound of Clarke’s amusement, she could see her face had darker hue.

Lexa moved to sit on one of the chairs by the table and the way she sat so swiftly, her posture so regal making the chair look more like a throne than a simple wooden chair. Clarke couldn’t help but voice her question once she finished changing. 

Grateful for the breathing room Lexa cut into the shirt, as it was a little tight around the chest. Unlike in the Ark, grounder's clothes were for the most part custom made, specially Lexa's.

"Where's your throne?" Lexa's eyes had been fitted on a spot in the table and met hers at the question.

"In the war room. I don't like sleeping in the same place I have to..."

"Work?" Clarke asked with a little teasing smile. "Rule?"

"Conduct business." Lexa answered with a small shrug, her expression still looking miles away. “Indra’s quarters are the biggest ones here but I don’t need them.” She added sounding distracted.

"Do you miss him?" Clarke asked and Lexa looked startled by the question for a moment, like in wonder at Clarke's ability to read her, not that it was hard, if people dared to look beyond the armor and the war paint, beyond the title, they would see how expressive her eyes truly are but for most people Lexa was just her title, like she wasn't even human.

Lexa stayed silent for a long moment, long enough that Clarke was starting to think she was not going to reply, when Lexa finally opened her mouth, eyes still fixed on the table.

"Sometimes I hate him." She murmured. "He had heard me threaten the lives of anyone attempting to harm the alliance. I know he was trying to protect me but... I had two choices, kill him or forgive him and be thought as weak, they would have killed Gustus and then me." Lexa's eyes were hard, glaring at the table. "I... hate him for not trusting me, for thinking he knew better than me, I hate..." Lexa trailed off her next words tangled in her throat and only a small grunt managed to escape her lips as she clamped her mouth shut, working her jaw sideways as she did when she was frustrated, her eyes were gleaming with unshed tears and watching as Lexa swallowed and blinked back the tears, buried her pain, as if it was a well rehearsed ritual by now made Clarke's own eyes flood with tears of her own. 

There was so much pain in Lexa, so many people she had obviously never been allowed to mourn because the weight of her responsibilities demanded that she kept going, it made Clarke's heart ache. 

"The first Commander was also the first nightblood." Lexa began, her voice, tone and words almost rehearsed, like she was reading a story out of a book or reciting a memorized poem. "She arrived to Polis from some unknown place and she created other nightbloods, to carry her legacy in case she died and to pass it on to the next generation in case she got to live a long life. The Trikru were the first clan, it's a big world and over eighty years ago when Polis became too small, people started leaving to explore the lands and settle in other places, some were nightbloods. There were smaller settlements here and there, not as organized or advanced as the Trikru. For under the Commander the people prospered but once the first Commander died others got greedy. It's perhaps one of the most human condition." Lexa sighed tiredly. 

"Some settled close to Polis and swore their alliance to the Commander, others decided to become leaders of their own, once the twelve clans were formed it was agreed that all children were to be tested and nightbloods send to Polis at a young age, to grow without attachment to a clan or village. Polis became neutral ground and the Commander someone who would... mediate things between clans and seek the greater good. " Lexa shook her head and Clarke was enchanted, she was lost in Lexa's voice, every lift and drop on her tone, she would have payed a lot more attention in her English or history classes if they were half as good as Lexa was at telling stories. 

Lexa took a deep breath and suddenly her voice was more real, more Lexa and Clarke could see it was not just history anymore, now it was personal.

"Children are tested around the age of five. Still young enough not to remember after a while but old enough not to need their mothers milk or too much care... I don't know much, nightbloods aren't told anything about their parents or the village they are from, once they arrive to Polis they are not reminded of their past, so I don't know why or how but I was a baby when I was brought to Polis." 

Clarke smiled sadly, nightbloods were groomed to be nothing but vessels and the ones who didn't win, died. It was unfair and frankly, stupid as well. One day they'd eventually kill all nightbloods and prevent them from passing it down, what would they do then?

Clarke kept those thoughts to herself, at least for now.

"We have a rule that when a child picks a sword, their training begins or at the age of seven, should they not pick a sword before that. We have farmers and healers and all kind of other occupations but we have been at war one way or another for years now, so everyone has at least basic combat training should they be needed to fight for their clans." Lexa looked at Clarke and for a moment her serious expression disappeared and there was a playful twinkle in her eyes. "I picked my first sword when I was two." And of course, of course Lexa wasn't only the first Commander to unite all the clans, the first to actually make it into the Mountain even if it was mostly thanks to the sky people, Lexa was such an overachiever and Clarke chuckled.

"Gusts was a sentinel, guard of the previous Commander, I don't remember much of it, there were wars everywhere so he didn't have time to teach us and I don't remember much of it but I do remember he would sit on the ground and asked me to come at him, until I was able to run without tripping, then he showed me how to fight, holding his hands and making me hit them, I was six by the time he finally asked me to attack him and then he would just push me over, correct my posture and give advice. I hated every time he managed to push me to the ground. I wanted to be his second but he could not leave Polis, as seconds we are allowed to leave the capital, to get to know the lands and learn with practice and not just words. I was nine when Anya took me as her second and I already knew how to hunt and fight..." Lexa trailed off and huffed in a way that let her know that perhaps Anya had not agreed with that statement. 

"I didn't go back to Polis until I was sixteen for the conclave and Gustus looked at me like he was sure I would win but also like he wanted to sneak me off into the night before it even started. When I became Heda I made him my personal guard."

"He loved you." Clarke said with a smile for of all the things she already knew about Lexa, that story wasn't one of them but it was the wrong thing to say she realized because Lexa's eyes filled with sorrow before they hardened again.

"I hate that he didn't think me strong enough." Lexa replied almost with a snarl, she didn't say for what, she had heard Gustus last words, asked Lincoln what they meant, they seemed like a personal thing between the two but Lexa didn't need to be asked to be strong, she already was. 

Clarke didn't have the chance to say anything for Lexa stood up and left with the pretext of getting some food.

The food was brought not long after but Lexa didn’t return. Part of Clarke wanted to follow her but she knew giving her space right now was probably for the best.

Lexa returned much later, she was already in bed and as she saw the Commander enter the small hut, Clarke pulled the covers aside for her and just held her as she finally settled on the pillows.

"You _are_ strong." She whispered in the darkness. "But we can't help but try to protect and shield those we love and care about no matter how strong they are." It had been true to Gustus, to Bellamy with Octavia and Clarke begrudgingly admitted, for her mom and her as well.

 

 

She woke up to an empty bed and she couldn't help but feel a little sad about it but Lexa was finally grieving the man who had been her father figure, he hadn't died in battle, he had died by her order, by her blade. She quickly pulled her jacket and boots over Lexa's borrowed clothes, while having a light breakfast and left to search for the Commander, it didn't take long to find her, she was in the center of circle of warriors, sword in hand as she danced around Ryder, striking and twirling or leaping out of the way of his counter strikes, it wasn't as serious as her fight with Roan but the skill the Commander displayed was still evidently. Clarke stood next to a buzzing Octavia, who stood next to Indra.

The moment Ryder's sword flew out his hand and Lexa's sword was at his neck Octavia was practically vibrating. Lexa looked at the bigger warrior with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm a better archer." He growled out but out of the few times she had heard Ryder speak and she could count them with the fingers of both hands and still have a few left, this was the first time she had heard so much humor in his voice, the warriors around chuckled and she realized he was joking. 

Lexa smiled and pulled back her sword, Ryder bowed slightly and just as Octavia was leaping into the circle, Indra's hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. 

"You are not ready." She growled and Octavia looked dejected but whatever reply she had, died in her throat as Lexa nodded at Indra. "This is an honor you don't deserve yet." Indra said stopping Octavia again ‘don't embarrass yourself or me’ clear in her tone, Octavia nodded and just as she was about to once again step forward, Indra stopped her. "That means knowing when to stop as well, you won't win but hopefully you'll learn." She said and then finally pushed her forward.

Lexa got into position as did Octavia, Lexa was as stoic as ever while Octavia's face was the picture of concentration. Lexa nodded and Octavia attacked first, Lexa easily blocked and parried the swings, Lexa deflected a swing of Octavia’s sword that was aimed for her head and pushed at the arm Octavia had the sword in, Lexa used the two handle grip on her sword to openOctavia's guard and swung her sword down so the flat part slapped Octavia in the thigh, Clarke grimaced, that was gonna bruise.

"I'm stronger, use your speed." Octavia nodded, subtly rubbing her thigh with the excuse of drying her hand on her pants and got into position again, she swung her sword a couple of times in quick succession, her swings not as broad as the first one had been and Lexa blocked, parried and sidestepped them all.

"Do not attack blindly." Lexa said as she deflected Octavia's attack to the side opening her guard once again, using one arm to open Octavia’s arm and followed the momentum of her arm, twisting and stepping closer to Octavia as she did, bringing her other arm up to elbow the girl on the side of her face. It hadn't been exactly a hard hit but it had been enough for the girl to feel it as she moved her jaw from side to side and up and down while rubbing her face. That was probably going to bruise too.

"You're not taking counterattacks into consideration. Attacking is the best defense but only if you keep in mind that your opponent can and will attack if given the chance." 

Lexa switched to offense then and the Commander was holding back that much was obvious but still the way she moved while attacking, movements so fluid it looked like a well choreographed and deadly dance was both scary and captivating. 

Octavia was overwhelmed quickly, parrying and blocking as well as she could. Lexa swung her sword and Octavia deflected it while stepping back so when Lexa swung one leg at the back of Octavia's the girl fell on her butt and the Commander's sword was at her neck before she could bring hers up again. Lexa offered her hand and pulled the girl up.

"You don't have eyes behind your back, it's always better to side step to avoid falling, a missed step can be the difference between just an injury or death." Clarke could still remembered her being overwhelmed by Roan's weight against his blade and how Lexa had wrapped her hand around his sword. "You will be a great warrior one day."

Octavia didn't look sad for someone who had just gotten her ass kicked, she was smiling as she bowed to Lexa and thanked her before all but skipping towards Indra who looked far too prideful herself and it inflicted Clarke with the same sensation. So immersed she had been in the fight she hadn't even noticed Lincoln joining them.

"Good job." Clarke congratulated the younger girl who smirked at her.

"We should teach you how to handle a sword as well."

"I'll pass for now, I'm not as fond of getting my ass kicked as you are."

"Hey! You should see me spar with the other seconds,  _I am_  the one kicking their asses. " Octavia protested.

"Only the young ones, go get ready for your mission a leader should set an example." Indra huffed as Octavia sheathed her sword Clarke realized they had been training with sharp swords and not blunted ones as she had first thought, she was glad she hadn't noticed before.

"Are you coming with us?" Octavia asked and Clarke shook her head.

"They know what they can take, Lexa and Indra agreed for carts and horses to take the things and you are going to make a couple of trips for the jeeps Raven wants to take, horses to pull it and people to push, there are no roads and the trees by the Mountain will make it hard to reach camp." Octavia nodded her understanding.

"Everything is ready and I have a map with the broader paths between the Mountain and camp Jaha.” Octavia replied and they nodded at each other before Octavia and Lincoln left just as Lexa joined them, she wasn't panting but there was a light sheet of sweat covering her face and arms, a warrior hurriedly handed her, her coat but Lexa declined it and asked him to take it to her hut and have a bath arranged for her.

Indra and Lexa exchanged a few words in Trigedasleng about Lexa needing some messengers to take her letters to the plain riders leader and asking Indra to arrange for an extra group of hunters to go out. Clarke tried to keep her expression blank as Indra nodded and left to do as she was told.

"What will you be doing today?" Clarke asked as they walked towards the Commander's place.

"Politics." Lexa replied with a very subtle sigh.

"I will be going back to camp Jaha, I hope they are able to get everything out today but it might take a couple of days more... When will you be leaving for Polis?" Clarke asked trying to ignore the way her heart squeezed in her chest.

"A week at most." Lexa replied looking at Clarke. They were inside the hut, Lexa walked towards the table with the food and kept her attention on it until she finally dared to look up at Clarke. "The offer of joining me still stands." She said with a little shrug that was supposed to be nonchalant but the look in her green eyes and the slight hitch on her breath betrayed the gesture.

"I  _will_  once my people are settled better... My mom is not a  _bad_  leader but she is not a good one either, I want Kane to be the next Chancellor or have them share the title."

"You don't wish to stay their leader?" Lexa asked with a frown.

"Chancellor is not a title I wish to hold. There's so many more things to being leader of my people... I'm good at… trying to keep us alive but things like functions, rations and politics are not my strong suit." She shrugged.

"You are a better politician than you give yourself credit for Clarke. It was you who convinced Anya that an alliance was needed and then convinced me. You earned your people’s and my people's respect but I understand what you are saying... and you are right until I have a chance to talk to the ambassadors of the twelve clans your trading will be solely with Trigedakru and Indra likes Kane better than your mother." Lexa bluntly said and then looked at Clarke to see if the comment had offended her. "Go take care of your people." Lexa added with a little smile and Clarke could see there was something Lexa was holding herself from asking.

"I also need clothes or you will have to end up mutilating half of yours." She said and Lexa chuckled. "I  _will_  see you tonight. " Clarke said making Lexa smile. Clarke was pretty much just making herself at home in the Commander's space and yet the girl refused to assume if Clarke would come back to her or not.

"Take Ryder with you." Lexa said and Clarke walked forward threading her fingers in the Commander's soft hair and pulled her forward until their lips met in a slow kiss. Clarke pulled back all too soon for both their tastes, pulling on the brunette's bottom lip with her teeth as she leaned away. If she kept kissing her, she would not find the will to leave.

 

It took three days for them to gather most things they needed, Raven had done a thorough search of the Mountain, she had even radioed on the first day while Clarke was at Camp Jaha asking if they should take the piano, Clarke had said no because did they even have someone who knew how to play it? But at the end of the day she knew music and arts were important outlets for frustration and emotions and maybe it'd be good for the people so she ended up agreeing, much to Octavia's and the warriors' displeasure, the younger Blake had just grunted at her as she dropped the things she brought to camp on her last trip of the day and turned around her horse to go back to TonDC almost slumped on it. Clarke hot on her heels letting the people search through the goods for themselves. 

That night it was her turn to share, she talked about her childhood with Wells and Jake, talked about Charlotte and how unfair it was, about Murphy and everything he had done and quietly added that it seemed to be something more to him than what he showed them so far and she talked about how her relationship with Abby had been, all the while, Lexa just held her, one hand playing with her hair, she had taken a shower in Arkadia and the other one tracing patters on her skin under the top of her pajamas. Lexa was smart, even with Clarke's limited ability to explain certain things as best as Raven or Monty could, Lexa seemed to understand.

On the second day Clarke had marched into the council room and told them she wanted an election. Clarke swore her mother stopped breathing for so long, she was starting to fear she'd pass out. She let the council members, Abby and Kane try to talk her out of it, they probably thought she wanted to be the next chancellor. She didn't set them straight though, this way she'd avoid Kane trying to act all noble and stepping away from the election in favor of Abby and hopefully the other closed-minded members of the council wouldn't want to run either. They agreed to have it in a weeks time, to give them more time to settle the kids from Mount Weather and sort through the supplies. Clarke knew that Lexa was relatively safe for the next three months almost four but that was time she wasn't willing to waste.

 

It was the fourth day and everyone was busy helping sort through the things, they had brought clothes and so many other things that no one really noticed when Clarke and Monty sneaked out of camp.

"Where are we going Clarke?" Monty asked as he began recognizing their surroundings.

"To the Mountain." Clarke replied, eyes fixed on their road.

"Why?"

"Because the threat of the Mountain... It's not over Monty, the council is considering moving to the Mountain." Monty's expression was enough for Clarke to know he liked that idea as much Clarke did. "We can't have that... The missiles, there are still there and maybe we won't use it but what is to say that the next generation or the one that follows decides they don't like how things are working and use them? I don't want to risk it." Her legs were trembling and she was panting heavily despite the fact that they were just walking.

"Too much power..." Monty trailed off almost as if he was wondering if that'd be a good or bad thing.

"If we want the grounders to accept us, to leave in peace with the grounders, we can't move into the Mountain. I don't want another war." She stopped to look at Monty who locked eyes with her, he nodded slowly. 

There were a couple of grounders by the main entrance of the Mountain and Clarke wished she had planned this better, wished she had told Lexa but she didn't want to explain that she'd do it to keep her people from moving into it or using it. 

Monty looked at Clarke nervously but if the blonde could march up inside the Commander's tent, throne room and private room, then she could get inside an empty Mountain right?

Monty was almost pressed against her side, the guards looked at her with a frown but Clarke held their looks, at the end they let her through, Monty sighed in relief the moment they were through the gate.

Their steps echoed through the dim lit halls. "The emergency lights." Monty explained in a whisper, they were alone in the Mountain and it was still early enough but inside it was cold, and dark and while they were alone, it didn't really feel like they were. 

Clarke's stay at the mountain was shorter than Monty's but she remembered the people, the blood, the blisters, the pain. Monty looked like he had some ghosts of his own as he looked around.

They both breathed a sigh of relief as they made it into the control room. Monty worked silently, Clarke handed him a peace of paper with the code, he held it between his thumb and index finger, looked at the computer and then at Clarke.

"Are you sure?" He asked and Clarke nodded. Monty typed the code, stood up and nodded at Clarke before entering the code. "Let's get out of here." He said as the clock started its countdown and the ran towards the exit.

_"Clarke."_ She heard but it wasn't right, Monty was running in front of her and the voice came from behind.  _"Clarke! Help me please!"_ But it couldn't be could it? The mountain was empty _. "Clarke don't leave me!"_

"Maya?" She asked with frown, it couldn't be, Maya was dead, this was like that time with the nuts, when she had seen her father it was not real.

It was not real.

"Clarke!" She was startled at the voice and turned around to see Monty running at her, he grabbing her arm and turned around running and pulling her towards the exit, it was cliche but she couldn't focus, she heard them, clearer than any other time, calling her, begging her, why did she get to walk away? Shouldn't she burn with them too? 

The sound was muffled, she expected it to be stronger or maybe it was so strong it had already blown her hearing, the heated air threw her a couple of feet, Monty landing a couple of feet ahead and a few behind the guards, she lifted her head just in time to look at Monty trying to incorporate as were the warriors and then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support guys!! I promise things will be alright!!! Next chapter CLEXA then the separation and Clarke trying to avoid jerks mass murdering ppl again.
> 
> I love you all and you're beautiful and great.
> 
> Don't hate me, Clarke will be fine and Lexa will be in overprotective mode, I promise it'll be worthy.
> 
> Twitter and Tumblr: @adrykomclexakru


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when you write something feels like it doesn't go with the rhythm of the chapter or that it takes away from it. Anyways this chapter won't tackle the separation or Clarke trying to keep stupid jerks from doing stupid things, it's just CLEXA.

When Clarke finally opened her eyes the first thing she noticed was the darkness and then the smell of herbs. It smelled like the ground the first time they experienced rain. Pain finally registered as she stirred, her head was throbbing and she grunted in pain, her whole body was aching. She new there were no nerves in her hair but it felt like even her hair hurt.

"Clarke!" She heard but the throbbing headache kept her from opening her eyes. It was not pronounced in that way she liked, it missed the clicking of the Ks, so she knew it wasn't Lexa. “Clarke honey talk to me.”  _Abby_. She felt hands running through her hair and face and groaned in reply, slowly opening her eyes thankful for the dim light the candles offered, as opposed to the Ark's medical bay brightness. It still took a moment for her eyes to adjust but when they did she saw Abby hovering over her.

"Monty?" She asked trying to stand up only to grunt in pain and drop back down with a little coercing from her mom's hand at her shoulder, she had to clear her throat as it felt dry and itchy.

"He is fine." Abby said "Bruised but fine." Her mom's lips pressed into a thin line and she knew her mom's concern was being replaced by anger. "Clarke what the hell did you do? What were you thinking? It was dangerous, it was stupid, why would you destroy the Mountain?" Clarke groaned, closing her eyes tightly, she knew she'd have to face her mother and the council but right after waking up wasn't how she planned to explain.

"Perhaps it's better to let her rest, leave that conversation for another day." A voice cut in from the back and Clarke finally noticed Lexa. She stepped forward until she was on the other side of Clarke and stared at Abby. It wasn't a suggestion as much as it was an order and the doctor could only glare at the Commander. "It is late. You are welcomed to stay here, I'll have accommodations for you or if you wish to return to your camp, I'll have someone to escort you."

"I'll stay  _here_." And it was clear by the tone that she meant there with Clarke.

"Mom, go back to camp, I am fine or go to sleep, you are safe here, we both are."

"Clarke, you hit your head, you've been out for hours, we should have taken you to Camp Jaha so I could do more than just..."

"I am fine mom."

"Someone needs to watch over you, head injuries are not..."

" _Lexa_  will stay with me." Clarke interrupted again and this was so not helping her headache. Abby looked surprised for around five seconds before she glared at Lexa and then her eyes shifted from the Commander to her daughter and back

"I'm sure  _the Commander_  has better things to do." Abby said and Clarke sighed heavily.

"I'll stay with her, I'll make sure nothing happens to her during the night." Lexa cut through as Clarke was preparing her next argument and for a moment the blonde thought Abby would keep protesting but she just nodded once, turned around and left.

Clarke sighed in relief once Abby was out of sight and turned to watch Lexa but the Commander avoided her eyes and instead moved towards a nearby table, she wasn't in their hut, and judging by all the medical supplies and the shelves filled with all kind of vials and herbs she guessed that she was in Nyko's clinic.

"Are you mad at me?" Clarke asked with a frown. Lexa ignored her words and approached with a glass filled with a green drink that smelled like wet grass.

"Drink." She ordered and it deepened Clarke's frown but she did, only to cough after the first sip, she was about to reject the rest but Lexa's eyes were unwavering, so she downed it in one go. Like it was Monty's moonshine.

"It's for the pain..." Lexa said trailing off as she studied some of the vials on the shelves "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, her tone and expression giving nothing away, even her eyes were guarded.

"I should have... I just didn't want to wait until the twelve clans decided on what to do." Clarke looked down, when she had decided on destroying the mountain, what had seemed to be the catalyst of the events she was trying to prevent, she hadn't even paused to consider telling Lexa.

"You didn't tell me you knew how to destroy the Mountain." Lexa added playing with a small bottle with a bluish liquid.

"Emerson told me the self-destruct code. I know I should have Lexa but... My people are too scared, too stubborn, they would have insisted on using the Mountain, maybe moved into it even without your permission and I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't let them use the missiles or even just have the chance to or worse start another war just because they are scared because they don't understand."

"Understand what?" Lexa asked

"That we can trust  _you_." Clarke's words shocked the Commander whose eyes widened as she stared at Clarke.

"I don't want a war with your people, Lexa. I don't want another war  _at all_. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I'm not sorry I did it." They stared at each other in silence, Clarke thought that Lexa was not gonna say anything but then the Commander moved a couple of steps closer and sighed subtly.

"Your friend, Monty, said you stayed..." Lexa said in a voice that was barely above a whisper, eyes fixed on the bandage around Clarke's head. "That you were both running out and then you... stopped. He was by the door by the time he realized you weren't there and he came back for you." Her eyes found Clarke's and the blonde could see, Lexa wasn't angry, she was  _worried._

"I... I..." Clarke shook her head, she didn't even know how to explain what had happened in there. "I thought I heard something...  _Someone_." She sighed heavily. "I knew there was no one there, that the guards wouldn't have let someone in but I heard it... It was Maya, the girl that helped my friends, the girl that kept Bellamy alive, the girl that helped us and the girl  _I_  killed." Clarke closed her eyes, the physical pain was dulling, she was feeling fuzzy and her eyes felt heavy.

"Guilt presents itself in many ways, Clarke. You said she was offered a way to live and she chose death, feeling guilty over  _her_  choice is not a good way to honor her memory. It was how she choose to atone for her and her people's mistakes, honor her by taking care of those of her people still alive." Lexa said and it sounded so simple, so logical, yet it seemed so hard.

"Will you lay with me please?" Clarke asked in a whisper.

"I do not wish to hurt you."

" You won't, please." Lexa looked at her for a long moment, it felt like an eternity for Clarke, finally she nodded and took off her coat and boots before joining Clarke on the bed, slowly.

Once Lexa was settled and her arms had wrapped carefully around Clarke they both sighed.

"I was scared." Lexa confessed into Clarke's hair, tightening her hold on Clarke when the blonde tried to turn around. "When we heard the explosion, saw the smoke and then they brought you here unconscious and bleeding... I thought..." Lexa's voice caught in her throat and she took a shaky breath, burrowing her face further in Clarke's hair, until her forehead was pressing against the back of Clarke's head.

"I'm fine, I'm okay, nothing happened to me. I'm here." Clarke reassured her and this time when she attempted to turn around, Lexa let her and welcomed the gesture by softly cupping Clarke's cheek and firmly pressing their lips together. Clarke's hand rested on Lexa's shoulder pulling her close, even despite the heaviness of what they were talking about, she couldn't help the small grin that pulled at her lips at Lexa initiating the kiss.

Clarke knew Lexa was a protector first and foremost and the fact that she had failed to protect those closer to her time and time again weighted heavily on her, it made her feel guilty so with a heavy sigh, she broke the kiss, settled as close as she could to the Commander's body, legs tangled, and placed Lexa's hand on her chest, while softly pecking the Commander's lips, with whispered a 'sorry' and 'I'm fine' in between.

 

 

Lexa stirring in her arms woke her up. She didn't even remember falling asleep and while not exactly tasty, grounder's medicine was very effective, because her pain was now a dull ache. Clarke groaned her disagreement as Lexa stood up but otherwise kept her eyes close. She was on the edge of falling back asleep when she heard voices from outside and Lexa's "let her pass." 

It made her frown, eyes still closed, trying to cling to sleep, because that was  _her_  ‘let her pass’ but she was still too tired to give up on sleep and when her mother's tone of disapproval as she greeted Lexa, Clarke decided that even if she could not get back to sleep, she was at least going to pretend even if just to avoid a confrontation with her mom.

"Abby of the sky people." Lexa replied in that formal tone of hers and then heard the Commander leaving. Abby didn't disrupt her and Clarke managed to fall back asleep for a while longer.

Clarke was fine or so she kept insisting much to her mom's disapproval but she managed to convince her mom to let her move to the place she shared with Lexa -not that her mother knew and Clarke was glad the lack of throne didn't give her away- though kept insisting she would be better in Camp Jaha, until Clarke couldn't take it anymore.

" I can't mom... I will  _eventually_  return but it just doesn't feel like home..." Clarke trailed off, hands playing with the furs covering her legs. "Not anymore." Clarke wasn't sure if it ever did, maybe once upon a time, when it was up in the space and Jake and Wells were still there. "I see them laughing, working, living and all I can think about is all the laughs... All the lives  _I_  took for them to do that. I see the children from the Mountain and I can't help but think that I killed their parents, siblings, friends and then took them away from their homes claiming it was so they could be safe, when it was  _because_  of me they needed saving in the first place. I see Jasper and all I can think about is Maya, I see Monty's eyes filled with guilt and I can't help but think it's because what I ordered him to do, I took what was left of his innocence and tainted his hands with blood." Abby's eyes softened while she moved to sit on the bed and her arms wrapped around Clarke in a tight hug.

"We took all your innocence the moment we sent you to earth alone but you all rose to the challenge and if it weren't because of  _you_ , we all would be dead."

They stayed like that for a while, their moment was interrupted when Lexa walked in. Abby pulled back but didn't move from the bed and for the smallest moment the Commander seemed surprised to catch Abby there but a guard walked in with plates and a jar.

"Heda, lunch for Wanheda as you asked." Clarke didn't even flinch at the title, not as she had back then the first time she saw it on top of those drawings with her picture but Lexa turned around so sharply and her hand fell to her sword, not in that casual way but in a way that screamed to Clarke the brunette might as well run the guard through with her sword, the man seemed to realize his mistake, he moved slowly as if any sudden movement would make Lexa lash out and after settling the food on the table, he all but ran out.

"What does Wanheda mean?" Abby asked frowning.

"Commander of death." Clarke replied in a whisper and Lexa looked shocked for a beat before schooling her expression specially as Abby was glaring at her like it had been Lexa's idea.

"My people respect you..." Lexa said trailing off, as if she didn't know what else to say or how to say it with Abby there before finally shaking her head. "Lunch for you and your mother." She said nodding at the table and left before Clarke could say anything.

Abby thought it was barbaric and Clarke tried to explain, that while she wasn't fond of it. it could be useful. She had discovered how to exploit it back then, even if it had been too late and while it was a reminder of all the lives she had taken, all the blood on her hands, she knew she would need every bit of the respect and fear the title gave her if she wanted to save Lexa and get that peace they had both been working so hard for.

Her mom left a little after lunch, and only when Clarke reminded her she was still Chancellor -for now- and promised she would go to Camp Jaha after the two days of rest Abby ordered for her.

 

 

Lexa came back in time for dinner and Clarke could see there was something bothering her, she figured it was still the whole Wanheda deal but she waited for Lexa to address it first.

"I'm sorry..." Lexa finally said taking a seat on the bed next to Clarke after she took her light armor off.

"By the way you seemed to want to run the guard through your sword, I doubt it was you who came up with that title." Clarke joked and it worked, the corner of Lexa's lips pulled up in a small smile. "Having a reminder of what I did... It's tough but I understand it's a form of respect." Clarke nodded solemnly and sighed heavily. "I just hoped I didn't have to kill so many people in order to earn it but..." The shrug that followed was a self-deprecating one but Lexa cupped her cheek as Clarke was lowering her head and gently guided her head up and waited until their eyes met.

"You didn't earn the respect of my people because of that, Clarke. You earned it because your strength, Clarke. I had Marcus and Thelonious caught, I pretended to be a servant and Gustus the Commander to gather more information about Skaikru and their leaders, they had both claimed to be the leaders, after all. Marcus seemed true in his pursue of peace but Thelonious..." Lexa trailed off and shook her head as if didn't quite had the words to explain the former Chancellor. "But it wasn't until  _you_  marched into my tent, not afraid or pleading."

"Oh I was afraid." Clarke interrupted. "Specially after Gustus threatened to slit my throat if I looked at you the wrong way." Clarke joked and it worked, it made Lexa's lip pull up into an amused smile.

"I was disappointed when we got to your ship and it seemed like Lincoln hadn't made it." Clarke smiled sheepishly.

"We call it a bluff, we hoped Lincoln would make it but we weren't sure, I'm so glad he did." Clarke sighed and for more reasons than just the treaty with the grounders. Lexa chuckled.

"I figured as much, I'm glad he did too, I did not want to end your people's fight, Clarke. Never did, but the burned village, the massacre of eighteen innocents, my three hundred warriors... And the fact that you and your  _tek_ , were more similar to the Mountain people than us... And I know your friends helped you with the plan but it was  _you_  who earned  _my_  respect, enough for me to be willing to force my people to work with yours and you saved me from Pauna. Wanheda might be the wrong title but you earned the recognition and respect my people meant by it." Lexa reassured, looking at her and there was just so much behind her eyes, making the green of her eyes dance with the light of the candles and Clarke was so glad Lexa was alive and so,  _so_  scared she wouldn’t be able to keep her alive. 

There was just so many emotions and feelings inside her, her body felt too small to contain them.

Clarke leaned forward, slowly, her body was practically buzzing and protesting at how slow and gentle she was being. It had reached its boiling point and it needed release but Clarke was still holding it back because its intensity was crushing her and she was scared that if she let Lexa feel it entirely this early, then she'd scare her away.

Their lips touched and Lexa could feel the kiss was different from others, even if she couldn't exactly tell why but the little surprised gasp, Clarke's tenderness pulled from her lips let the blonde know Lexa felt it. Clarke's left hand was cupping Lexa's cheek, her thumb tracing the soft skin under it, her right hand tangled in Lexa's soft, wavy hair, pushing her closer. Lexa's left hand was on Clarke's side pulling her closer, the other keeping her balanced on the bed.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked in a whisper as they pulled apart just enough to breathe, foreheads pressing together but Clarke had no words, she had no words left anymore. Back then she had been too much of a coward, too petty, too broken, too angry to speak them and now, whatever this was; a dream, another reality. The gods or spirits or Mrs. Kane’s tree giving her a second chance or maybe the grief and the pain made her lose her mind and this was all a product of her mind she didn't care, whatever this was, she was not going to let it go to waste.

Clarke dropped her hands from Lexa and leaned back, Lexa immediately did the same. Clarke didn't know if how respectful Lexa was even in those moments, was endearing or frustrating but as she pulled her shirt off, she heard the Commander of the twelve clans, the Heda, whose spirit had lived and been passed down for almost a hundred years, gasp in surprise.

"Clarke..." She whispered out her voice coming out a little strangled as her eyes roamed over Clarke's naked torso. She had woken up wearing different clothes than the ones she had been wearing before the explosion and no bra. "I don't want to hurt you. Your mother said you're still healing and needed a couple of days to recover." Lexa's eyes darkened as her voice dropped until it was just above a whisper. Green eyes still taking in Clarke like she was art, with marvel and admiration swimming in her eyes, touching with her gaze like her hands itched to do, if the way they were tightly balled into fists was any indication.

"You won't." Clarke reassured her, voice lower and huskier. "I'll tell you if you do." She said and reached with her arms to grasp the hem of the Commander shirt and pulled it over her head. Her fingers ran over the edge of the cloth that bind the Commander's chest, gently grazing the swell of Lexa’s breast. "We don't have to, if you don't want to." That made Lexa's eyes rip from her chest and bore into Clarke's, like what had just left Clarke's lips was a blasphemy or an insult and it made Clarke's lips pull up into a smile, with her hands on Lexa's shoulder she pulled the girl into a hug, the quiet trembling gasp from Lexa made her stomach pull and a wave of heat gathered between her thighs.

Lexa was shaking in her arms and if Clarke's brain wasn't clogged with a fog of desire she might have recalled how Lexa had been shaking in her arms back in Polis. She knew Lexa had sworn off love after Costia, knew she had drowned herself in her duties and responsibilities, denied herself of even the comfort of having someone to warm her bed and hold her even if just for one night.

Clarke pressed her lips to the skin of Lexa's neck, nuzzled it with her nose before pressing and open mouth kiss to the skin under her jaw and let her teeth graze that sharp jawline her fingers had itched to sketch once she had seen under the warpaint and the armor to see the girl under the title.

The action pulled a broken half moan half whimper from the Commander's lips and Clarke laid down, pulling Lexa with her. The brunette settled on top of Clark, her weight resting on her forearms, hips lined up.

Clarke placed her hands on Lexa's hips and slid her hands towards her lower back and then up the muscular, scarred back, Lexa was all lean muscle, powerful and elegant, she remembered thinking there was no way Lexa would be strong enough to beat Roan but she had underestimated not only Lexa's ability but her strength.

Once smooth skin was replaced by the soft fabric of Lexa's binding her hands moved towards the brunette's sides and then back again, this time undoing the bindings as she moved, carelessly throwing it on the floor next to the bed. She ran her hands over Lexa's back, up and down, slowly and sensually, tracing where she knew that intricate tattoo was and to her shoulder blades, putting just a slight amount of pressure to pull Lexa down, sighing at the skin on skin contact.

Lexa's shuddering breath pulled Clarke's attention from the sensation and she realized the Commander was shaking with the strain of keeping her body up as not to hurt her, Lexa was panting against her neck. Clarke's left hand moved to the back of the Commander's neck, she could feel the faded scar but ignored it for now, her other hand moving to the girl's waist and in a swift movement, she flipped their positions, straddling Lexa and groaning at the strain it put on her aching muscles.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked leaning up, resting her weight on trembling arms but her eyes had cleared from the fog of lust and were looking at her with concern.

"I'm fine. I'm good. We just... we'll take it slow." Clarke said and placed her hands on Lexa's stomach, smiling when she felt the tightening in the muscles, her hands slid up slowly. The Commander was looking down at the path Clarke's hands were tracing on her body while the blonde tried not to grind her hips down on to the Commander's.

When her hands cupped Lexa's breasts, hard nipple pressing into her palms as she kneaded the soft flesh, Lexa's hips thrusted upwards making Clarke moan and arch her back, she couldn't help herself, even with how uncomfortable her pants felt, she began rocking her hips against Lexa's.

"May I touch you?" Lexa asked between pants and it made the blonde's hips jerk just at the thought of Lexa's hands on her.

"Yes, god, yes, anywhere, everywhere." She moaned and removed her hands from Lexa’s boos to grab Lexa’s hands from her hips and pressed them against her stomach. She had intended for Lexa to copy the path Clarke's hands had traced on her own body but Lexa had taken Clarke's words of taking it slow too seriously for her calloused hands ran up and down her sides. Gentle and slow, like she was committing the map of Clarke's skin to memory, every curb, raise and dip, she moved them up to her shoulders just barely grazing the side of her boobs but it was enough to make Clarke shudder, Lexa moved her hands to Clarke’s shoulders and then down her arms before retracing the path back up, this time when her hands reached her shoulders, Lexa sat up for a better angle and ran her hands down her back and it was a test in self-control for Clarke not to take those calloused hands, so strong yet so gentle and shove the Commander's long a slim fingers inside her.

The third time Lexa's hands ran up her back, the Commander pushed Clarke forward as she leaned forward and placed a kiss on the little valley between her collar bones that had Clarke whimpering pathetically, her hips grinding down searching for enough friction to alleviate the sensations pooling in her core.

Her hands tangled in the Lexa’s hair and she crashed their lips together, Lexa's hands moving back to her hips to steady her, Clarke took them in hers, still kissing Lexa and guided her hands to her boobs, squeezing, she moaned sinfully and threw her head back with a hiss, her skin felt on fire.

"Not that slow." Clarke breathed out and Lexa got the message because next thing she knew Lexa had wrapped her lips around Clarke's nipple and the world disappeared, it was just her and Lexa and the constellations behind her eyelids.

"Take off your pants." Clarke said breaking the kiss.

Lexa wrapped her arms around her, bodies flushed together and she delicately turned around, supporting Clarke's weight as she gently laid her back down on the bed. 

Lexa stood up and kicked off her boots before she pushed her pants down. Kneeling on the bed next to Clarke's legs she looked at the blonde's eyes asking for permission, Clarke quickly gave it, nodding her head.

The brunette hooked her fingers on the blonde's pants and leaned forward, kissing her way down from Clarke's chest. She pulled the pants down kissing every inch of skin available and alternating legs. Clarke pulled her legs off the pants, she had waited too long and taking it slow was too much of a challenge for her.

They stared at each other for a long moment, from head to toe and back again, their eyes meeting for a beat before they traveled back down and Clarke remembered they had time. There was not an hour long timeline for her to show Lexa what she couldn't yet say. No blockade, no brewing war, no lives to save.

 

Just each other to explore… To love.

 

Lexa crawled up on the bed, half laying on top of Clarke and half laying on her side, her right leg in between Clarke's, her lips pressed against Clarke's softly, both sharing a shuddering gasp at the sensation of their naked bodies pressed together. She felt Lexa's hand traveling down her body but the wave of pleasure still shocked her, drawing out a long low moan from her lips when Lexa's fingers pressed against her clit.

"Lexa." She moaned again when the touch became more firm, more confident.

Clarke wasn't as good with her right hand as she was with her left but it didn't matter, she fitted her hand between their bodies and her moan mixed with Lexa's groan when she realized just how wet Lexa was and the Lexa’s ministrations faltered a beat before her fingers traveled down to tease her entrance before slowly pushing in.

Clarke's walls clenched against Lexa's fingers, she was already so close, Lexa gasped her name in a prayer as she entered her and they both settled on a slow, deep rhythm.

Clarke's free hand wrapped around Lexa's shoulder, as they gradually increased their rhythm, lips pressed together in clumsy kisses, too far gone to care but reluctant to part, breathing against each other's mouths as their lungs demanded oxygen.

Lexa pulled back, eyes half lidded, her desire to watch Clarke fall apart at her hand greater than her body's instinct to close her eyes. Clarke feel he orgasm approaching, knew Lexa's wasn't to far behind by the way her walls tightened against her fingers and her hips ground into her hand, palm pressing firmly on the Commander's clit.

She could see the Commander's eyes filling with tears, a couple of them slid down to Clarke's own cheeks as the Commander arched her back and whimpered her name. Clarke's own tears traveled down her temples and into the pillow as she came with a breathy gasp in the form of Lexa’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it and that this chapter 13 made you feel even a tiny bit better than Season 3 episode 'Thirteen', I apologize for any mistakes, I'm not entirely happy with how this came out, specially Clexa's moment because in between when I first started the scene and when I finished, IRL drama got in the way.
> 
> Tumblr &twitter: adrykomclexakru
> 
> Next Chapter will finally be Lexa leaving for Polis, Clarke trying not to bitch slap some sense into her people but educate them instead and their reunion because CLEXA <3
> 
> I hope you all have a great day (days) until we meet again :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Clarke contemplates blowing another Mountain or setting up a dictatorship with the Skaikru. Lexa starts buttering up to the in laws, Bellamy is a dick, Kane is a cinnamon roll, Monty is too, the separation, their time apart and the reunion.

Clarke was going to blow another mountain.

She was going to march up to TonDC demand Lexa to point her in the direction of the closest mountain and get Raven to blow it up. She would rather spend a couple of late mornings in bed with Lexa and nights of gently exploring each other's bodies than deal with the Council, their dumb demands and stupid concerns... granted some of them weren't that stupid, shortage of food, change of weather, expanding the camp and what to do with the kids from the Mountain but still. As much as she hated it, she was better at being in charge in dire situations than dealing with day to day issues.

She didn't have to endure the meeting for long, the door burst open and Sargent Miller stumbled in, panting hard and doubling over at the waist to try and catch his breath.

"Grounders... a big group... approaching." He managed to get in between pants.

"Get the guards, close the gates and prepare..." Andria said standing up from her seat and looking at Abby.

"Grounders are  _NOT_  the enemy!" Clarke snarled as she turned around to glare at the woman, her outburst startling even the Sargent.

"Let's go Sargent." Clarke said making her way through the Ark towards the gates. "Radio Monroe, Harper and another guard you trust not to be... Trigger happy." Clarke ordered.

She was not going to risk something like what happened on the bridge with Anya again. Granted that had been her fault just as much as Jasper's, she should have trusted Lincoln and Finn. It was almost weird to think that it had only been a couple of weeks since Anya died, it felt like it was years ago, a lifetime, months at the best, considering technically this was a do-over or something for Clarke.

She was going to meet the grounder group outside the gates but at the end it wasn't necessary, as the group began clearing the tree line, she could easily spot the red sash.

"Lexa." She breathed out keeping her smile at bay. "Open the gates!" She ordered the guards and after a moment of hesitation in with they turned to look at Abby who shared a look with Kane, the gates opened wide.

The Commander dismounted outside the gates, Clarke itched to sketch the way the sash and coat flowed as Lexa swung her leg, Lexa stepped forward, followed close behind by Indra, Octavia and Artin, Lexa's new body guard, after Gusts since Ryder was Clarke’s.

"Commander." Clarke said and she felt her lips curling up slightly.

"Clarke of the Sky people." And while Lexa's features were in her normal 'Commander' expression, Clarke could see the mirroring smile in those green eyes. She was glad there was no war paint, Lexa, of course, didn't need the war paint to be intimidating, the paint didn’t hide just how young she was but the way Lexa carried herself demanded respect and exuded a self-assurance that let you know she was in charge. Clarke actually had a hard time believing she had fooled Kane and Jaha into thinking she was just a servant.

"In the name of the coalition of the twelve clans, I thank Skaikru for the part they played in the defeat of the Mountain, without you the victory wouldn't have been as swift as it was." She said, straightening her posture, jutting out her chin in that way she had and letting her eyes roam over the people gathered as a group of grounders walked in with six beautiful horses and three carts pulled by two huge grounders each; the first one was filled with meat and herbs covered in tree leaves, the Skaikru surrounding them broke in excited murmurs as they spotted the first car, the second one had furs and different kind of clothes and the third one had swords, spears, knives, bows and arrows. “You proved to be valuable allies.” Lexa praised. "This is a token of our gratitude."

Abby and Kane shared a look, the Chancellor began calling people to start taking things from the carts and telling them where to put them, while Kane stepped towards them, immediately extending his arm towards Lexa who grasped it with her own, nodding once at him.

“Thank you so much Commander.” He said and there was something that looked like admiration shining in his eyes. Clarke wondered what bothered Abby more –or what did she find weirder- That Lexa was so young, yet pretty much the leader of everything or the fact that Lexa was so young  _and_  Marcus’s role model.

“Marcus of the Sky people.” Lexa greeted. “This is no kindness, you earned it. The threat of the mountain had loomed over us for far too long and it was thanks to Skaikru that it was defeated.” Marcus looked amused but as he was opening his mouth to reply, Indra took a step forward.

“A good leader knows when to be humble and when to acknowledge their achievements as well as those of their people.” Indra sounded exasperated, her gaze didn’t leave Kane but her tone of voice gave ‘eye-rolling’ vibes and Clarke wondered with amusement if this was how Kane’s and Indra’s friendship developed, by Kane trying to be a better leader and Indra, who much like Lexa seemed to be a natural teacher, just kept giving him lessons, asked or not.

Kane seemed chastised enough so instead he just nodded once at Indra and another one at Lexa.

“The horses are from the Plain Riders clan, they breed the best ones, Omen.” Just as she said the name, a guy, as tall and muscular as Lincoln stepped forward, by the way he moved and carried himself it was easy to see that while he knew how to fight, he was not a fighter either. “He will teach you the proper care for them as well as how to breed them and we’ll help you built a place for them.”

“Commander.” Abby said as she approached them, her tone all but thankful or welcoming and Kane mirrored Clarke’s subtle sigh.

“Abby of the Sky people... I’m also here to invite you and some of your people to the celebration in Polis, our capital, we’ll be honoring the army of the twelve clans and you, as our allies. This will also be good for Skaikru to begin trade negotiations with other clans." Lexa said and before Abby could add anything else, she nodded at Indra who stepped forward and began asking Kane and Abby about smokehouses for the meat and where they would want the place for the horses, the faster the builders started working the sooner they would end. Two people were left to tent on the six Skaikru horses inside the gates and four on the grounders horses outside the gates, some went over the place Kane pointed at and started working on evening the land after going out the gates to another car that was carrying tools and another one that was carrying wood, a group of three grounders stood watch while Abby started calling more people to help take the weapons and clothes to storage for now and the meat to the kitchens.

 

Clarke smiled when she noticed Octavia with what she assumed were other seconds, judging by their ages, carrying wood from the carts outside and the girl was speaking in Trigedasleng at them, the others were actually chuckling at what Octavia was saying, just as Octavia walked pass them, Bellamy approached.

"So what? Are you a full grounder now?" Bellamy asked with a frown, pulling Clarke's attention, she was watching Lincoln explain to Jackson about different vials and herbs in one of the carts, the other doctor looked like he wished to have pen and paper to write down everything Lincoln was saying and it made Clarke smile, to watch her people and grounders interacting like this, it gave her hope but she turned to Bellamy and Octavia with a frown and a sigh, her eyes locked with the younger Blake, silently asking if she wanted some help but Octavia just shook her head.

"I am." Octavia replied proudly, it was obvious the younger girl was finding herself and in doing so she was outgrowing her brother, perhaps she had started outgrowing him the moment she wasn't locked anymore, the moment they landed and Octavia realized she didn't need to hide under the floor anymore, the moment she realized she was free and then when the Ark joined them, the moment she realized she'd never be free of their prejudice of being considered the illegal child, while with the Skaikru.

"Walk with me Clarke?" Lexa asked nodding towards outside the gates and Clarke started walking, small frown still in place. "You worry about Octavia and her brother?" Lexa asked as they walked, gaze fixed ahead of them.

"I worry about Bellamy, I trust Octavia." Clarke replied not thinking her words through.

"You  _care_  about him..." It was half a question, half a statement and the familiarity of the words almost made her smirk.

"I care about all of them..." She replied with amusement that Lexa, the Commander, whom Clarke had pretty much focused all her attention since this second chance or whatever it was, began, could sound so jealous. "He is like a  _brother_  to me, Skaikru are my people but those who were sent with me first, the hundred... What remains of them, they are family." She added before Lexa could single out her worrying about Bellamy again. "... You didn't tell me you planned on doing this."

"Octavia suggested a surprise." Lexa replied and smiled with her eyes. It made sense, she had heard Lexa ordering Indra in Trigedasleng about letters to the Plain Riders clan and arranging extra hunting parties but hadn't thought much of it. She realized the use of the grounder language was so she didn't know what they were doing and she smirked, part of her felt bad for being able to intrude in conversations, part of her liked to be in the known.

"Mochof." Clarke said with an honest smile and she was sure the adoration, the love she felt for Lexa showed in her eyes when she looked at the Commander.

"This one is for you." Lexa said stopping in front of a horse, as big as Lexa's own but black instead of white and the Commander was openly smiling at her and it was such a sight to see Clarke couldn't even look at the horse. "You are a leader Clarke and I thought it would be better, more fitting if you had your own instead of burrowing one from the stables every time you were traveling."

When Clarke could finally tear her eyes from the Commander to look at her gift, she saw the horse was gorgeous in an intimidating kind of way...

"What's his name?" Clarke asked approaching it slowly.

"His name is Sheidjova... Black courage." Lexa said stepping forward and petting the horses muzzle. "As nightbloods, once we complete our training in Polis and become seconds it's a tradition for us to break in a horse, there's not many wild horses in the lands, most of them are in the Plain riders clans. Horses are very keen and intuitive animals, it's said that they can feel the spirit of the rider, if a nightblood can't break in a horse, then their spirit is not strong enough to take on the Commander's flame."

"Did you break him in?" Clarke asked approaching and reaching out for the horse's neck.

"No, he was born in the stables of Polis, sired by the previous Commander's horse, he was born not long after I took command and he was gifted to me. He is a gentle steed but can be quite stubborn... I thought it was fitting." Clarke looked at the Commander at that and while Lexa's face was as stoic as always, the blonde could see the teasing twinkle in those green eyes and she chuckled, wishing they were alone or free, as Lincoln and Octavia were, to hug, touch and kiss without worrying about the roles they had to play.

Lexa nodded and a warrior approached with her own horse, the white mare pushed with her muzzle against Lexa's shoulder who immediately turned her attention to her.

"I broke  _her_  in." Lexa said smiling at the horse. "She was young and smaller than most but she fought, kicked, bit and bucked, throwing everyone who attempted to stay on her back. I was younger and smaller as well, two winters before I was called to lead my people. Anya thought  _she_  was going to break  _me_ , said if I didn't break her in, I was at least going to learn how to fly." Lexa chuckled at the memory and Clarke couldn't help but imagine Anya with a young Lexa, smirking as she teased a determined young nightblood about being thrown off the horse. "And I almost did..." Clarke wanted to kiss her smile, for a moment there was no Commander, just Lexa reminiscing about happy memories of her mentor. "It felt like a battle and the next day I was sore everywhere. Every one was so surprised I managed to stay on her, she would still kick, buck and bite when anyone else tried to ride her, so they let me keep her. I have a couple of other horses but she is the one I take for battles and wars." And Lexa looked at the horse, eyes filled with sorrow, like she blamed herself for every injury the horse had endured for her and she felt bad for it.

Clarke approached them both, she could see a couple of scars over the horse's body and looked at Lexa, she didn't want to lose her fingers by trying to touch the horse. The Commander took Clarke's hand and slowly guided it towards the horse, she smelled their hands huffed and pawed at the ground, the blonde would never admit to it out loud but her heart was beating madly in her chest when Lexa pressed Clarke's hand against the mare's neck and sighed in relief when the horse did nothing more than huff again.

She could still remember the white horse covered in flames running towards her and had to squeeze her eyes close and shake her head, the flaming horse, the woman holding her own severed arm, those, along with the images of the Mountain still haunted her even now.

They decided to go for a ride, Clarke was more comfortable on a horse now, specially with her daily trips between Arkadia and TonDC but still, it wasn't as natural as the grounders who seemed to become almost one with the horses when riding. Lexa had explained that once she got used to the horse and the horse to her they would learn each other better, how she could use her body to stir the horse in the direction and pace she wanted instead of the reins.

 

"I leave for Polis in two days."Lexa said as they were riding back and Clarke sighed. She wished she could just pack her things and go with Lexa, she didn't know how what she did would affect the clans, the ambassadors and specially the Azgeda’s Queen, she just hoped that it'd not make them act sooner.

"Once the elections are over I'll take you up on the offer to visit Polis. We will be there for the celebration at the latest." The celebration was one month away, that was her self imposed time line to get everything in Arkadia under control, she really,  _really_  wished she didn't have to deal with Pike, she didn't know where they had come from besides that Farm station had landed somewhere within Azgeda territory and without the Mountain interfering their signals, farm station had found the people from Arkadia instead of the other way around. She could only hope that without the betrayal, the Skaikru would feel less threatened by the grounders and therefore not try to overthrow Kane for Pike.

She had only a day and a night left with Lexa, since the Commander was probably going to leave as early as possible, she wanted nothing more than to be with her, she couldn’t help her heart squeezing in the most uncomfortable way inside her chest when she thought that she’d be apart from Lexa for at least a couple of weeks. 

 

 

Lexa would be alone -not really but she'd be  _without_ _her_ \- in Polis, with Titus and the Ambassadors that knew nothing about loyalty, it gave her anxiety and she found herself on the edge of a panic attack whenever she thought about it and all the things that could go wrong and instead of spending the day she had with Lexa, she was in Arkadia, helping Octavia pack and offering moral support, Lincoln was with them and so far they had managed to pack without running into Bellamy.

It wasn't going to end well, she was sure of it. Clarke thought Octavia should have told Bellamy earlier, that way he'd have time to be angry and hurt and then just sad by the time she left. They found Raven first and let the girls have a private goodbye, Octavia walked out of the shop with a huge grin on her face and Raven calling after her to go kick some ass and to bring her a souvenir from the capital.

Octavia went to say goodbye to Monty and Jasper, though Clarke decided to hang back for that one, she didn't want to be anywhere close to Jasper, she had lost a lot of people too and while she knew people reacted differently to pain, grief and guilt, she had enough with her own to let Jasper put his on her as well.

They found Bellamy not long after that, Octavia handed her bag to Lincoln and just told them to let her handle it herself. Lincoln and Clarke stayed by the entrance of the Ark while Bellamy and Octavia talked near the gate. It wasn't long before Bellamy started screaming and shaking his head.

"Lincoln..." Clarke began as her gaze got lost over the tree line outside the camp. "I need you to do something for me." She sighed deeply and locked eyes with the grounder. "I need you to... To _please_ keep an eye on Lexa." The words surprised Lincoln of course and he just stared at her like she had just told him she came from the future.

"The Commander... is a great warrior Clarke and she is always protected." Clarke smiled, because seriously Lincoln could have thought that the blonde meant to make sure the Commander wasn't planning anything fishy against them or something along the lines but Lincoln was a very perceptive person.

"I know... But still, I can't help but worry... About what would happen now that the Mountain is defeated." Clarke didn't know if she should be scared or proud of her ability to twist the truth so much. "I know the clans fought each other for years and Lexa brought them together with the promise of defeating the mountain." Lincoln studied her for a beat, it felt like he was actually looking into her soul.

"I promise, Clarke." He said extending his arm and Clarke felt like she could breathe a little easier.

Just as predicted Bellamy had been pissed and tried to stop his sister but Octavia was an unstoppable force and unfortunately for him, Bellamy was not anywhere close to be an immovable object, so after threatening to kill Lincoln if Octavia just as much as scratched her knee and then glaring at Clarke in a way that seemed to scream 'this is your fault' he went back into the Ark.

To her surprise Kane approached and said goodbye to Lincoln, both men speaking too quiet for either Octavia or Clarke to listen, they grasped each other's arms and then Kane asked to speak with Octavia who looked a little weirded out but went with him and to Clarke's surprise, suddenly Octavia was wiping at her cheeks as tears fell down her eyes, he hugged Octavia and then walked her back towards where Clarke and Lincoln were waiting by the gates, Ryder had been tending to the horses.

"Take care of each other." He said as Lincoln and O took the reins of their horses. "I'll see you tomorrow, Clarke." He said throwing a knowing look her way.

 

It was her last night with Lexa and Clarke was a mess. She wanted nothing more than to spend it with Lexa, in bed, but there was a part of her that kept reminding her that she was Wanheda, Commander of death, though it felt more like she was the _bringer_ of dead, she had tried to save her people and killed three hundred grounders, she had slept with Finn and was starting to develop something for him only to have him going on a killing spree, for her... or so he thought, she slept with Lexa only to have her dying in her arms barely a couple of minutes later.

Things were different now or so she kept telling herself but still the fear that made her stomach and chest tighten didn't relent and instead they spent the night naked in each others arms, talking. Lexa talked about Polis and Clarke realized she had hardly explored the city, she knew the tower and the market but not more than that, there were schools were they taught English to young warriors as well as other skills and abilities to young children.

There were blacksmiths and other crafts with their own shops and Clarke chuckled and looked with a smile, laying on her side, head propped on her arm as Lexa, who was laying on her back talked about candles for what she was sure had been longer than an hour, now that she thought about it, the girl even lived inside a giant candle, apparently there were even small scented candles that could float on water and Lexa enjoyed them in her bath, she said drawing a bath was too much work and she didn't like to impose too much on the handmaidens. Besides her bed and the small living room Clarke didn't actually got to know Lexa's room, she was glad Lexa didn't meet the three month in the wilderness and reticent to shower Clarke.

Then it was Clarke turn to talk, she moved to her back once her arm started cramping and Lexa turned on her side, her leg thrown over Clarke's and the hand that wasn't propping her up was tracing imaginary figures over Clarke's stomach and chest. She talked about the giant snake they had encountered, the two faced deer, the butterflies that glowed and how there had been no animals on the Ark, how they grew their food and how it tasted compared to grounders food. Lexa told her about how food was different according to the lands and how the clans had different ways to cook it that could give the same dish a different flavor.

Clarke was sure she fell asleep first, though Lexa looked a just as surprised when she was waking up.

"When do you leave?" Clarke asked settling on top of Lexa, head resting on her chest hearing the steady rhythm of her heart.

"After breakfast." Lexa replied, arms going around the blonde. Clarke smiled when she heard Lexa's heartbeat fasten as she traced figures on her chest with her hand. Lexa's hand stilled Clarke's on her chest, pressing it to the warm skin. "Ryder will be staying with you."

"I don't need a bodyguard Lexa. He is part of your guards, you should keep him with you." Ryder was fiercely loyal to Lexa and that was the kind of people Clarke wanted the Commander surrounded with.

"There's plenty of guards in Polis. I already ordered him." Clarke sighed heavily knowing that at best she'd just get another guard if she kept insisting Ryder to go with Lexa and she liked Ryder better.

"Promise me you'll be safe, you'll be careful." Clarke whispered and Lexa squeezed her hand.

"Life in Polis is nothing like what you have experienced with us here." Lexa began and Clarke interrupted her with a peck on her lips.

"You may think your biggest danger is to die of boredom in all those meetings you talk so much about but still." She looked at Lexa who had a small smile playing on her lips and while her eyes were soft Clarke could read them perfectly and she knew what was coming. She didn't want a conversation with Lexa about the inevitable of her death. Skaikru and Grounders were different that way; while Skaikru knew they would die one day, everything they did, their medicine their technology it was all in hopes to give them longer lives, the grounders cared more about what they did while alive and how they died, than how long they were alive for.

Clarke leaned forward and silenced Lexa's reply with a kiss.

They didn't have the luxury of staying in bed long and once they were dressed Lexa ordered for breakfast to be brought in, they'd usually have fruits and dried meat, light stuff to carry them until lunch but the guard that walked in was carrying two bowls of broth and then came back with some kind of meat and Clarke's favorite part of grounder cuisine, bread.

They talked about their plans, while eating, not quite ready for goodbyes. Lexa about the preparations she would have to make for the celebration and the arrival of so many people to her city while Clarke complained about the election and housing but it was over too soon and they knew that outside of Lexa's quarters they had roles to play. So they embraced and kissed, saying with actions what they didn't want to voice out loud.

Octavia was buzzing with energy when they finally walked out, standing taller every time Indra turned to look at her but the moment her mentor's eyes were no longer on her, she'd go back to grinning widely at Lincoln and the other seconds and wiggling her eyebrows at Clarke who stood next to Lexa, while the Commander thanked the people from TonDC for their hospitality and reminded them that it was thanks to the coalition and the alliance with the Skaikru that they defeated the Mountain and how she hoped the Trikru would set an example for the other clans and learn how to live with the Skaikru.

Lexa turned to her before mounting her horse, their eyes were sending a message far less formal than their bodies and words were. Clarke had to use every ounce of will power she possessed not to just say fuck it and go with Lexa when they grasped each other's arms.

“May we meet again." Lexa said with a small smile on her lips and turned around to mount her horse but those words triggered the memories Clarke struggled to push down every night afraid to wake up in a world were Lexa was killed because of her and without realizing it she took a couple of steps forward.

"Commander!" She called out making Lexa pause and turn but Lexa must have seen something in her eyes because when Clarke said with a fiery determination. " _Until_  we meet again." Lexa nodded once before repeating it.

"Until we meet again, Clarke kom Skaikru."

 

 

Clarke sighed heavily, the elections had been pushed back at least a week, they had decided to meet as a council and create a new set of rules before the election.

It was a good thing, Abby had proposed it and Clarke thought it was just in case Clarke won, to keep her from going crazy with power, it stung to think that Abby would think of her like that but she liked the idea, they couldn't exactly float people anymore and executing people for petty crimes was stupid.

Kane had proposed that for petty crimes they created a restitution policy, if someone stole they would pay with extra work and so on, deprivation of freedom for more serious crimes and exile for major crimes.

They agreed that an elected Chancellor would have a second of sorts to help them, that an unanimous vote of the Council would force for another election in case they ever thought the Chancellor was not doing their job properly and if half the people or more didn't like the way the Chancellor did their job or their ideas then another election would be held.

They went over a Martial law, something in case of emergencies like war or rebellion, rough drafts to be addressed further but enough to carry them in case it were to happen before they got to it.

They again divided the people not by stations anymore but similar enough, by their jobs so there will be elections for council members as well, Andria dislikes the idea but Kane kept on telling them this was supposed to be a new start specially now that things were somewhat settled with the grounders.

 

 

"I am here _not_ to announce myself as a candidate." Clarke said stepping forward on the election day, she waited for the murmurs to stop. "But to give my support to a candidate. Life on the Ark was hard and it's been even harder here on the ground ever since we arrived." She said finding the eyes of the remaining hundred as she spoke. "We have been focusing on surviving and it's been one battle after another with different people and even with the ground itself but it doesn't have to be, not anymore, we can start _living_ , we have peace now and it's in our best interest to keep it that way. We have technology and knowledge but the grounders have numbers, those who were at the battle of Mount Weather had seen the grounder army and that's not even all of it. Every grounder is a fighter first, and a blacksmith, a healer or whatever else second. I'm not telling this to scare you.” She quickly added when she noticed the nervous shifting among the crowd. “I'm telling you because I believe that it's in our best interest to make sure our peace with them last. These are _their_ lands and they know them better than we do and we can benefit from a lasting relationship with them and eventually work our way to start living instead of just surviving. With that said I think Marcus Kane would be the best person to lead us."

The murmurs started up again and then Andria gave her speech but people were hardly paying attention as they kept whispering and discussing what Clarke had just said, Abby spoke next and she commanded more attention than Andria but her arguments didn't have the impact Clarke's words had and Marcus stepped forward, first thanking her for her vote of confidence saying how surprised he had been and Clarke smirked, ignoring her mother betrayed looks because if Abby brought it up, Clarke was not above reminding her mom who held the belt for ultimate betrayal between them, she loved Abby but their relationship would never be the same as it was before, not after finding out the part her mother played in Jake's dead.

Kane won the election, Abby came in second place and Andria had barely any votes in her favor, when asked if he wanted Abby as his second or wanted to pick someone else for the people to vote for (runner up for Chancellor and the Chancellor's choice in case it was someone else would be elected by popular vote for the position of "second") Kane chose Abby.

 

Clarke spent her time after the election in council meetings and with Raven discussing what they could do to find other survivors of the crash, whenever Monty wasn't being Jasper's emotional punching bag they would hang out, sometimes quietly and sometimes talking about everything and anything, Bellamy would glare at her and blame her for Octavia being gone, saying she encouraged her but Clarke avoided him as best as she could, she hadn't been sleeping well, she missed the comforting presence of Lexa and the small quarters of the Ark made her feel claustrophobic sometimes.

Clarke also avoided the children from Mount Weather and she had watched from afar as Emerson interacted with them on the time he was allowed out of his cell, always closely guarded.

 

Nyko arrived to Camp by the end of the second week, sent by Indra to discuss turning the dropship into a clinic, making roads so the trek could be easier for sick people, horses and carts and the exchange of knowledge.

"I think it would be best if we move all living quarters outside the Ark, it would take sometime, we don't have the numbers to build things as fast as the grounders do." Kane said, she had found an ally and maybe, if the idea didn't kind of weirded her out, a friend, in him in these past weeks. "But even if it takes long I think it'd be best if we leave the Ark for work related things, like the medical bay, engineering, the mesh hall." He made avague hand movement to signal the other jobs that required a workshop. "And a fall back position in case of emergency of course but the rooms have limited space and Abby has been removing the implants to prevent pregnancies and there's already four pregnant women... It'll be the second child for Valerie." He said and he sounded so astonished by that fact Clarke smiled. "Nyko said he has four siblings, can you imagine?" Clarke chuckled. "This is a second chance for our people."

“Cam said during dinner yesterday that she's going to start writing a history book for future generations, with what we know of the world before, our time on the Ark, what we know of the Ark's history and our time so far on the ground, she even said she might want to talk to some grounders to include theirs too." Clarke commented and Kane smile widened. Cam was one of the remained members of the 100, she liked reading as much as Bellamy did and she enjoyed writing as well.

They walked in silence for a moment before Clarke sighed heavily.

"I'm worried about Bellamy." She confessed in a whisper and Kane nodded in agreement.

"Bellamy... had a tough life. I'm not saying he is the only one but from what I know, from a young age he was taught to live to protect his sister, that was his sole goal in life or what his mother made him think." And the way Kane looked when he mentioned Mrs. Blake, gave Clarke the impression that there was something more there but she didn't interrupt. "Bellamy is a protector... A soldier but now, in times of peace and with Octavia not only away but now capable of looking after herself and with more people in her life than just her brother he is... lost. He just needs to find a new purpose, to find himself. He reminds me of myself, who I was back on the Ark, I'm not proud of who I was there but I have faith that if I could change, he could too."

"He just needs some guidance." Clarke hinted and Kane smiled nodding his head.

"Have you picked who we will take to Polis for the celebration?" Kane asked and Clarke frowned at him.

"I think that's your job Chancellor." Kane chuckled.

"I'm delegating." Kane smiled playfully at her.

"We'll Lexa sent a letter requesting Monty and Raven and anyone else who helped, so Wick, Miller and his dad, Monroe and Harper, I don't know if we should take Bellamy or not, I guess that is up to you Chancellor as anyone else who you think should go... I'm also worried about who will be left in charge while we are gone. I don't want you to return to find a rebellion." Kane looked taken aback.

"Does that mean you're not coming back with us?" He asked and Clarke stopped in her tracks, a couple of steps behind them Ryder stopped as well. Clarke opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, she hadn't really thought about what she was going to do after the celebration, of course she had been thinking about just staying in Polis with Lexa but they hadn't found Pike yet and that was a loose end Clarke wasn’t comfortable with. "I understand." Kane said, his gaze softening.

"What?" Clarke asked confused.

"You and the Commander." Clarke's eyes widened in surprise and Kane smile turned a little playful. "She is extraordinary... and so are you. Abby came complaining after you and Monty destroyed the Mountain, about you staying with her, her marching into your room like it was her own and... If you are looking, is kind of hard to miss when you two are around each other." He suddenly chuckled and shook her head with amusement. 

"I should have known." He said still chuckling. "She arrived carrying a jug and looking like a servant girl through and through, she was even pretending to limp, she even pretended to be scared of ‘the Commander’, she avoided eye contact and flinched in the right moments as if scared but if Jaha and I would have paid attention we would have known we were not in the presence of a servant girl, she flinched but there was never fear in her eyes, not even when Jaha held a knife to her throat."

"What?" Clarke said stopping in her tracks and Marcus waved a hand in dismissal.

"She had  _him_  on his back in like two seconds, I'm glad he did it though... I don't think I'd have made such a good impression otherwise… If I hadn’t been so distracted I’d have notice the way she said the Commander would slit both our throats, she was referring to herself.”

"Does my mother know?" Clarke asked trying not to fidget in her place like a teenager caught by her parents.

"I think deep down she does but she... doesn't want to know, doesn't want to see." Kane shrugged and sighed. "I know it's not my place and neither of you probably care about what I think but... I think you are good for each other."

 

At the end Kane left Sinclair in charge and decided to take Bellamy with them.

Monty didn't want to go because Jasper was not going, he spent his days drunk and they all agreed he would end up messing with the wrong people and getting himself killed or causing trouble for them, the Commander had asked for Monty though and Gina had promised to look after him in their absence. Counting guards there were fifteen of them all clamped in two rovers while Clarke and Ryder took their horses.

She loved him, Sheidjova or Sheid for short, he reminded her of Lexa and she had bonded with the horse, if a meeting was too stressful or either Jasper or Bellamy made a comment that pissed her off, Clarke would go to the stables to brush him or ride him to the lake nearby to wash him.

 

 

"Holy shit!" Were Raven's first words as the tower came into view and they were repeated once they made it through the gates but they were escorted to the tower right away with promises to be shown the city after they met the Commander.

“It's an elevator!" Raven exclaimed as they were guided into it and then she and Monty engaged with the sentries about how it worked, they were both impressed and a little disappointed to find out it was man handled and the whole ride to the top floor they kept asking about it to the discomfort of the sentry.

They stopped outside the doors of the throne room by the sentries at the door and Clarke recognized them as the guys that dragged her to her room after she spit on Lexa.

She was glad to be making a better impression this time. However, her relief was short lived as the doors opened and a small group of grounders walked out of the room.

"Niylah..." Clarke breathed out as she recognized the blonde at the front, the girl looked at her with a small front but their interaction was cut short as they were ushered inside the room.

"Heda, Wanheda and the Skaikru." The sentry announced and Lexa rose from her throne.

"Hello Clarke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support, Kudos, bookmarks and specially comments (If I were a street performer comments would be the money lol) I appreciate them all, you guys are awesome. Once I reach the Polis arc, which will tie Pike and the ice nation, I have two options, either watch the show and work around it for the CoI arc, end it there, or just think what I come up with (which is still a possibility if I watch the show and it sucks.) I haven't watched it since 307...
> 
> Next Chapter: Skaikru in Polis, CLARKE TAKES A BATH, more Niylah grounder babe.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa takes a bath, some lil jealous!Clarke, Skaikru in Polis and grounder babe Niylah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fuckig hate Jerkenberg. I was thinking about watching the show but God after I found out what they are doing to Lexa`s character I can't. They are demeaning her so much it makes me sick. 
> 
> Trigger warning there's a part when a character is being triggered and on the verge of a panic attack.
> 
> That being said hope you enjoy the chapter I love you all, be safe :)

Their reunion had been politically proper. Lexa welcomed them to her city, assigned them a floor, told them they were going to be assigned tour guides if they wanted to explore the city, invited them to dinner and told them the celebration would be the next day.

Bellamy had hung back, eyes fixed on Octavia and Kane had stepped forward ready to drag him away when Octavia shook her head at him.

Clarke was impressed by the change in the girl, she stood tall and still next to Indra, she looked more like a warrior now than ever before, she had a couple of fading bruises on her face but otherwise seemed well, even looked like she had gained muscle in the last month.

"I'll meet with you after I'm done with my duties." The girl said at her brother and Bellamy glared at Indra and the Commander but Clarke's eyes were fixed on Titus, the man stood at Lexa's right and Clarke wanted nothing more than to slit his throat right there.

"Octavia, escort the Skaikru to their floor and show them to their quarters." Lexa ordered. "Clarke a word." She said as the Skaikru began walking out the throne room. "Leave us." She ordered to the others but Titus hung back. "You heard me." Lexa said and the man sighed and left, Clarke glaring daggers at his back.

 

"He is the flamekeeper. My teacher, he has served four commanders before me, his duty is to oversee the conclave and the passing of the Commander spirit." Lexa explained when Clarke didn't relax after he left. "You look well Clarke." She said with a tiny smile and Clarke decided to push all thoughts of Niylah and Titus out of her head and instead flung herself at Lexa, hugging her tightly, burying her face in the Commander's neck and inhaling the comforting scent.

"I missed you." Clarke spoke against her neck.

"As did I." Lexa replied in a soft whisper, tangling her hands in Clarke's hair and softly guiding her head back from her neck so they could lock eyes, her gaze drifted down to the blonde's lips, a silent request of permission that Clarke replied by closing the gap between them.

Their kiss started of slow and gentle but their time apart had taken its toll on both of them and it quickly became heated, Clarke didn't want to have goodbye sex with Lexa, the memories of the last time they did still fresh on her memory but she wasn't opposed to reunion sex and she was soon pushing back the Commander towards her throne but Lexa stepped away with a smile, hair slightly messed up and kiss swollen lips, the first two buckles on her coat were undone.

"Your room is in the same floor as mine... I can... show you to your room if you want." And even after all they had already done, Lexa still blushed at the proposition.

"Yeah..." Clarke breathed out with a smile.

They didn’t get very far however as there was a knock on the door as soon as they step away from each other and Clarke had to bite her lip to keep herself from chuckling when Lexa started fixing her coat and hair with darkened cheeks.

"Enter." The Commander ordered once Clarke made sure she was somewhat presentable as well and the blonde's eyes immediately harden when Titus entered the throne room.

"I'm sorry Heda." He said bowing slightly. "Skaikru is settled and are asking if Wanheda will be joining them in the city."

Lexa looked at Clarke waiting for the blonde's reply and with a heavy sigh Clarke nodded. She knew it had only been a month but she didn't want to have to rush her time reconnecting with Lexa.

"I will be joining Skaikru as well." Lexa said jutting her chin out as if daring Titus to disagree with her choice.

"Heda..."

"Enough Titus, the other clan representatives won't be arriving until later tonight and tomorrow morning, in case they do arrive send someone for me." Clarke wanted to shook her head, whenever Titus would disagree with Lexa's choices just because they involved Clarke, she always felt uncomfortable, an urge to fidget on her place, like she was asking out a girl in front of her father only to have him disapprove but Titus wasn't Lexa's father figure, thankfully, it had been Gustus and while Clarke could see the man cared for Lexa and the brunette for him, Clarke had realized that he seemed to often forget she was not her student anymore but in fact his Commander.

"Very well Heda." He conceded with another bow that was more a nod than anything.

Clarke was a little taken aback that Lexa wanted to join them, part of her didn't want to assume it was just to spend time with her, but still her heart beat rapidly in her chest and she felt like a little girl whose first crush just acknowledged her, it made her feel dumb, she was Wanheda for god's sake, the Commander of _death_ and here she was trying not to giggle as Lexa's eyes showed how nervous the Commander herself was.

 

The throne room was in the top floor, below it, was Lexa's and three floors down the one assigned for the Skaikru.

Lincoln and Indra were there as well, the general was talking with Kane while Abby stood nearby trying not to be amazed by the grounder capital, the delinquents were almost like children looking out all the windows in the rooms, all the doors in that floor were open and Monty and Raven went from room to room followed by Monroe and Harper, Wick was leaning against a wall talking with Lincoln about the elevator if their hand gestures were anything to go by and Octavia and Bellamy were near the window of the hall.

Clarke sighed heavily, Octavia had her arms closed and was frowning at her brother while Bellamy just looked pissed. Surprisingly it was Octavia the one who spotted them first as they walked out the elevator and she straightened right away.

"Heda." She said and Lincoln and Indra followed on Octavia's lead looking at their leader while the Skaikru just kind of froze in place.

"It will be my pleasure to show you the city." Lexa said in that formal way she had and Indra walked towards the elevator after sharing a look with her second.

It had always surprised Clarke, she had seen it with Lexa and Gustus and with the Commander and Indra as well but then she found out it was more a grounder thing than a Commander thing. The sky people loved talking and some people would sometimes just talk for the sake of filling the silence but grounders valued words and sometimes they said more with their eyes than their words, she was surprised they understood each other that well without using words.

"Thank you Commander, it'd be an honor." Kane said walking forward.

"Uhm Commander..." Wick said approaching slowly, like Lexa was some kind of wild animal that’d lash out if he made a sudden move, even if he tried to do it with his usual swagger.

Lexa turned to look at the man and Clarke saw Raven tensing behind him. "I uhm… my name is Wick." Lexa frowned. "Thank you for the invite and all…” He said bowing a couple of times and amusement danced in Lexa’s eyes. “I was just wondering if you would... You know let me see how the elevator works." Clarke had to bite her lip and look the other side, for all his show of confidence, Wick's face and stammering and the bowing of his head every other word, one would think he was talking to a deity or something, Lexa pressed her lips together while her hands tightened their grip on her own forearms behind her back, she was trying not to let the amusement show too much on her face.

"Octavia can show you whenever you'd like." Lexa said after a moment and Wick sighed in relief moving behind Lincoln.

Monty stepped forward, he didn't pretend to be more confident than he felt but he at least made eye contact with Lexa.

"I also would like to thank you for inviting me... Commander."

"Monty of the Sky people, Clarke told me that without you the victory at the mountain wouldn't have been possible." Lexa said, her eyes softening and the blonde couldn't blame her, Monty had that effect on people. "A word please." She asked and Monty's eyes widened for a moment before nodding. They didn't go far, just enough that they wouldn't be heard and Clarke frowned, not out of jealousy but out of curiosity as she watched Lexa talk to Monty with soft eyes shinning with understanding, even managing to get a smile out him before he shook his head and shrugged. Miller was fidgeting on his place as he watched the interaction, everyone's eyes were on them, Monty chuckled nodded his head and walked back towards the group.

Clarke wanted to kiss Lexa right there, not just for making Monty smile but because it was one of the first few times since Mount Weather where his eyes weren't completely shadowed by guilt.

Indra arrived just in time, Lexa's spaulder and sword. Placing it on the Commander's shoulder who fastened it herself and then took her sword nodding her gratitude to the general before looking at the people.

"Let us go." Lexa said and they all followed.

"Would it hold all of us?" Wick asked with a frown and Indra glared at him but it was Octavia who replied as the sentry by the door beat on his drum.

"The drum is to let know the people down how many would be on, a little bit like war drums, two people are usually the ones pulling it but if it's a big number there's more people."

"War drums?" Monroe asked.

"Well when an army is marching the drums usually have a one-two beat, like marching, but when the General calls out an order like to pick up the pace or to stop, the drums help to send the message since the generals can’t go around making sure everyone heard or shouting the orders in case the enemy hears them." Indra nodded her approval, Kane was smiling at Octavia as was Clarke, the girl had really made progress even Lexa nodded her approval.

"Like morse code?" Monty asked as the elevator finally began its descend, Octavia nodded and shrugged in an 'I guess' sort of way.

The moment they stepped out the tower and in the little market by the tower the murmurs started and everyone stopped to stare at them.

Lexa walked ahead of them with Clarke by her side as if she didn't notice. Indra was with Kane, Abby and Sgt. Miller, Octavia was walking with the other delinquents and Lincoln by the rear, flanked by the small amount of guards the Skaikru brought but they were unarmed.

Lexa walked with a hand resting casually on the handle of her sword, she didn't approach any post but stopped and watched as they Skaikru marveled and pointed at different things. They arrived to the food part of the market.

"What is that?" Harper asked, the stall had all kinds of fruits and vegetables and it had a basket filled with color fruit.

"Uh that's  _Gonasmuch,_  warrior's kiss and you do not want to try that. All the seconds told me a week after I arrived that every warrior needs to try the warrior's kiss before being considered one..." Octavia grimaced at the memory.

"It's rare." Lexa said stepping forward "From the desert clan, it only grows in their lands.”

"Yes and it makes your lips, your tongue, your throat and your stomach burn... it even burns on the way out." Octavia murmured the last part with an indignant huff but loud enough for them to hear and it made even Bellamy chuckle. "It makes you cry and it feels like your insides are on fire. Lincoln took pity on me and gave me milk but it was awful." Octavia looked at them and the fact that the girl was comfortable enough to ask the question made Clarke smile, Indra was always by Lexa's side so Octavia was as well, Lexa was surrounded by people all the time but even then she seemed so lonely. "Heda, did you try it?"

"I did, when I was a second." Lexa replied giving nothing more.

"How was it?" Octavia prompted and Indra was eyeing the younger Blake in warning but Lexa didn't seem bothered by it.

"As you described it." Lexa shrugged slightly. "My mentor actually liked them." Lexa's expression didn't change but Clarke saw the small twitch as if she had wanted to grimace at the memory but Octavia didn't try to hold back hers.

Lincoln gave Octavia some of his medical vials and Octavia added some things of her own and the woman gave them a bag of it.

"Back in the tower before dinner, food eases the burn, besides if you eat them here and start crying people are just gonna make fun of you." Octavia said shoving the bag at Lincoln with an expression of disgust.

"If you can handle it, so can I." Raven said crossing her arms and Octavia just smirked, they moved along while Octavia and the delinquents bantered about whether they could handle it or not, the Skaikru food wasn’t spicy… or even that much flavored, not while they were up in space at least, ever since they hit the ground and specially with everything they had been trading with Trikru, the food had gotten better but for some it had been an adjustment.

Clarke felt like one of those girls in movies, all she needed to actually be one of them was to pull Lexa's hand from her sword and intertwine their fingers together, their hands swinging in between them while they walked.

They stopped again when Kane stood by another stall that had some weird looking thing cooking on a small grill. The woman looked at him, the Skaikru, Heda and Wanheda and smiled wider than Clarke thought possible for a human being before she quickly pulled out a knife and began chopping it up.

She offered it to Abby first who tried and failed to not look disgusted by it, Kane stepped forward and took it. They all waited waited with bated breath as he chewed slowly.

"It's good." He said to the others and Clarke released the air she was holding and turned to look at Lexa who was looking at her with amusement swimming in her eyes.

"What is that?" Clarke asked. Lexa stepped towards the woman who offered a piece on a small stick and Lexa took it back to Clarke.

"I do not know the world in your language, it's an animal that lives in the ocean, I have never seen one alive but when scared it releases some kind of ink or so the fishermen say. We call it eitmeika."

Clarke eyed the peace of meat? And then looked at Lexa. "Do you like it?"

Lexa smirked at her it was barely there, just a slight curve on her lips and it made Clarke smile.

"It does not taste bad but has a very particular... texture." She explained. "But as warriors we can't really be picky about what we eat." Clarke nodded her understanding those first weeks on the wilderness had numbed her taste buds, she ate it and nodded her head.

"It's not bad." She said but her attention was pulled back towards the stall as Kane talked with the owner.

"Please take it." Marcus was saying to the woman, pushing a patch from his uniform with their symbol towards the woman. "For the food."

The woman shook her head and looked between Marcus, Indra and the Commander but Kane took another step forward.

"Beja, em laik memon kom osir hou." Please, take it, is a symbol of our home. Clarke was impressed and so was everyone else.

"Your Trigedasleng is getting better." Lexa said as her hand went back to her sword. The woman had finally taken the patch.

"I've been practicing since our first meeting." Marcus said as he turned to beam, _beam_ at Lexa and the Commander struggled to hold back her smirk and if they weren't surrounded by everyone else, Clarke was sure the brunette would have chuckled, Indra on the other hand smirked openly at Marcus and Clarke (as well as Abby and everyone else) felt outsiders of a private joke... Clarke wasn't proud of her desire to start speaking Trigedasleng just to prove she could be part of the inner jokes too.

"Lincoln and Octavia were teaching me before they left, now Nyko is whenever he stops by." Marcus explained with a proud little smile.

They kept on walking through the markets people parted for Lexa with a bow and murmurs of Heda, Clarke heard some Wanheda and Skaikru mixed in but she knew despite their novelty, people were more excited to see Lexa than them.

Lexa stopped by another stall.

" _Trijus_." She said with a warm tone and the woman rushed to get the jars of whatever Lexa had just asked for, it was a sticky sustance with dark brown color and as Lexa fished inside her coat for something to trade, the woman's eyes widened and she began shaking her head vehemently explaining in quick Trigedasleng almost too quick for Clarke to catch all words why she refused to let Heda pay.

"Mochof." Lexa said and turned to give Indra a pointed look, who just nodded her head. "Octavia." She called and the girl stepped closer almost instantly. Her posture was that of a seasoned warrior not even Bellamy who had been a guard for longer than Octavia had the same disciplined stance.

Lexa extended the jar to her, there was a smile in her eyes. "We would be bad hosts if we let Skaikru go to dinner with watery eyes and swollen lips. This is better than milk." Octavia's stance changed in a blink, she went from warrior to... O and she took it with a smirk.

"I wish I had known this before." She huffed and thanked Lexa with a small hybrid of a bow and nod and walked back towards Lincoln. "You are supposed to know these things." She teased and the man smiled.

"There're different remedies that help with the burn." He explained with a shrug "Trijus is brought from the northern clans. It's not easy to trade for."

"What is that? Tree blood?" Clarke asked with a frown and Lexa raised her eyebrows at her and Clarke smiled proudly. " _Ryder_ has been teaching _me_." It wasn't exactly a lie, she had been talking to her bodyguard in broken Trigedasleng letting him correct her and teach her just to have an excuse for that sort of occasions.

"It tastes sweet and it comes from certain trees up north."

"Maple syrup?" Monty asked looking at the jar Lincoln was pulling inside his bag in awe.

Lexa took the other couple of jars than the woman offered and gave Indra another pointed look before handing them to Marcus who was the closest to them and holding the other one to Monty who shyly stepped forward and took it with small smile and a quiet thank you.

"What did you tell Monty?" Clarke asked as they continued their tour by the market, Lexa didn't turn but she looked at Clarke out the corner of her eye and smiled slightly.

"You said he played a big part in the victory at the mountain... He helped you destroy the Mountain and... He came back for you. I told him that I knew he probably shared your feelings on what happened in there, that no matter how many people were saved he would carry the loses and the lives taken with him and asked him if he wanted something for his help, not only in avenging the lives the Mountain took but in saving those that were already in there as well as the ones they would have taken in the future had they not been stopped."

Clarke looked down, she had to look away because the gratitude she felt for Lexa trying to reach out to Monty was overwhelming her and as stupid as it would have been to make love with her in the throne room, Clarke figured kissing the Commander in the middle of the market surrounded by grounders and Skaikru alike was probably even worse.

"What did he say?"

"He would let me know if he wanted something, I figured he felt more at easy in those... vehicles of yours than on a horse."

"Thank you." Clarke whispered and Lexa just nodded in understanding.

"Heda!" A young man exclaimed as they were walking pass a stall and Lexa turned to the voice.

"Ferson." Lexa greeted with a nod and the man grinned at her, Clarke raised an eyebrow this was the first grounder he had seen so... comfortable in the presence of the Commander.

"Skaikru, sha?" He asked looking at them as he all but skipped to the back not even waiting for an answer before coming back with two bags, he gave one to Lexa who took it as her cheeks darkened and Clarke raised her eyebrows but then the man pulled out a blue candle out of the other bag and handed it to Clarke before turning back and shoving a candle in each of the Skaikru hands.

"Mochof..." Lexa said as the man skipped back and he waved at her in a casual manner.

"Friend of yours?" Clarke asked with a small smirk and if Lexa weren't wearing her armor and walking regally Clarke would dare to say the girl was embarrassed.

"He supplies the candles for the tower...." Lexa shrugged and Clarke didn't care about her mother watching them like a hawk or the delinquents eyeing them curiously or anyone else as she laughed openly, heartily, like she hadn’t laughed in a long time. "You've never seen my room, Clarke."

"But I've seen your tents Commander and your room in TonDC... and Lexa." She stopped and waited for Lexa to look at her. "You live  _inside_ a giant candle." Lexa frowned confused and turned to look at the tower at their backs, Clarke saw realization sink in and then turn around abruptly while biting her lip to keep herself from laughing as well.

 

 

The rest of their tour in the market was uneventful. Indra and Octavia talked about things the Skaikru might want to see besides the market on their way back to the tower and Octavia was tasked to show it to them with Lincoln the following day.

As they entered the tower a handmaiden stepped forward and took Lexa's sword and armor from the Commander who explained to Clarke that she was never armed besides her knife inside the tower.

Lexa bid them goodbye by their floor and told them she'd see them for dinner with the representatives of the clans that were already there and that someone would come get them to show them to the dinning room. 

Clarke gave her a look to let her know she'd see her _sooner_ than that and stepped out with the rest of the Skaikru, her room was on the floor beneath the throne room, she didn't need a tour, it was the same room she had before...

Marcus and Abby went to her mom's room, telling them to behave, not before her mother gave her a weird look, she could not decipher but last thing she wanted was to have a discussion with her mother right then so she let it slide.

They all went into the girl's room, Marcus, and Abby had their own rooms. There was a boys' room, a girls’ room and another one for the guards. The rooms were as big as Clarke's but there were multiple cots instead of one bed and it didn't have as many... luxuries as Clarke’s.

"You guys should see the room Clarke got." Octavia said as Harper commented on how awesome the rooms were and that it was like the hotels of the old world. "If this is like a hotel, Clarke got the luxury suite. I saw the room when the leader of the Broadleaf clan came by two weeks ago... They were discussing who was going to get it for the celebration but I guess Wanheda beats the other leaders." She added with a teasing bow and they all commented on how they wanted to see her room and Clarke just shook her head in reply before Octavia told them they couldn’t as it was in the same floor as the Commander’s.

Octavia pulled the bag she had gotten from the market with the warrior's kiss fruit and they all settled down in the available beds.

"Wanheda, mountain slayer... Do you think you can handle it?" Octavia asked with a smirk as she approached Clarke but she had plans for her mouth and tongue that didn't include being burned so she just shook her head and watched in amusement as Raven declared she was the Gonasmuch slayer and despite Octavia's warning took a well sized bite out of the fruit... before all but sticking her tongue in the syrup jar while tears leaked from her eyes and she hissed, groaned and cursed. 

Monty politely declined as well but everyone else took their turn, even Bellamy, while they laughed at the others’ suffering. They ended up even knocking on Marcus door to get his jar.

 

 

Clarke excused herself not long after they began settling down and Octavia smirked teasingly at her, wiggling her eyebrows but Clarke ignored her.

She stopped at her floor, taking a deep breath and walked inside the room, it was the same as she remembered.

 

Another deep breath.

 

She had to make her peace with her room... But _that_ was the door Clarke was trying to reach when Lexa opened it instead, getting hit by a bullet that was meant for her. _That_ was the place Murphy had been tied to, _that_ was where Lexa had collapsed and while her furs were clean... _that_ was the place where Lexa had bled out and breathed her last breath... where they had their last kiss.

 

"May we meet again." She whispered and turned around, bolting out of her room and towards Lexa's.

 

She didn't knock, she pushed the door open and walked in, seeking Lexa’s comforting presence.

She found her sitting on the floor by the foot of her bed legs crossed and eyes closed and she almost collapsed right then.

It took Lexa a couple of seconds to open her eyes as if she had been deep in meditation and had to pull herself out but when she opened her eyes she stood up abruptly.

"Clarke?" She asked and the blonde was about to throw herself at Lexa when someone walked from the back of the room.

"Heda your bath is ready." The handmaiden said and stopped as she looked at the blonde and then to Lexa. "Would that be all or do you want me to assist you?" She asked and later on she would be glad for the distraction. Those words felt like a bucket of ice water being dumped on her and stopped her panic attack abruptly.

"That would be all, leave us." Lexa ordered harshly and the woman nodded as she left the room in a hurry.

"So you can unite twelve clans that had been at war with each other for years but you need help bathing?" Clarke asked as she glared at the door and then at Lexa who frowned in confusion.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked shaking her head. "Is everything alright?" She added as she stepped forward slowly and the blonde sighed.

Clarke deflated as she stepped forward into Lexa's personal space, her forehead resting on the Commander's shoulder sighing as the brunette wrapped her arms around her.

"Everything is fine." She said melting into the hug, one of her hands wrapping around Lexa and the other resting on the girl's chest, she could feel the steady beat under her fingertips and she sighed deeply.

"I do not need help bathing and I usually don't have help unless I'm wounded but they offer anyway." Lexa explained after a while where they just hugged in silence.

"How helpful of them." Clarke replied rolling her eyes.

"Do... Do you want to join me?" Lexa asked in a quiet whisper and Clarke leaned back just enough to make eye contact.

She didn't reply but her hands slid down the Commander's arms and to her sides until the reached the bottom of the shirt and with a look of confirmation Clarke pulled the shirt off. Lexa got rid of Clarke’s jacket, letting it fall to the ground, then her shirt, she rested her hand on Clarke's shoulder and softly slid them up and down her arms a couple of times before moving to her back, around her sides and to her stomach before pulling her pants down.

Clarke stepped out of her shoes and pants taking her socks off as she did before she untied Lexa’s pants and helped her out of them. Lexa took her hand and guided her to the bath, Lexa had been true to her word, it was big, squared and it had stairs to step down towards it, it was a small pool reaching well above her waist. There were tiny candles floating around and some flowers and herbs, it smelled like heaven, they stood by the edge and Lexa moved to her back, pressing a kiss to her shoulder and then up her neck making Clarke whimper.

"We don't have time." Lexa replied smiling against her skin.

"Can't we skip it?" Clarke groaned slumping against Lexa’s front.

"No." Lexa replied amused, lips against her skin and her hands toyed with the hem of her panties making the blonde squirm.

"We can be quick." Clarke whispered as her hands found Lexa's pressing them against her skin.

"I don't want quick." Lexa whispered back, her teeth grazing Clarke's pulse point and she had to lean even more on Lexa for support as her legs threatened to give out.

"Then stop teasing." Lexa sighed but relented, helping Clarke out of her panties before the blonde turned to press her lips against Lexa's.

She had intended for it to be quick and soft but she had spent a month away from the brunette, a month without kissing her and touching her and it quickly turned hungry and desperate as Clarke got rid of Lexa's undergarments.

Lexa broke the kiss and guided Clarke into the small pool, both sighing as they sank into the warm water.

It was supposed to be innocent, she had really,  _really_  tried as Lexa washed her hair with some oils and then rubbed them on her neck, shoulders, her back and stomach, it stopped being innocent for a moment when Lexa spent longer than necessary on her boobs before telling her to sit on the steps as she rubbed her legs, Clarke tried to keep it innocent when she returned the favor but as Lexa sat on the steps and Clarke finished with Lexa’s legs, the blonde found herself straddling the Commander, hands tangled in the soft brown hair.

"Lexa." She moaned as the Commander kissed down her neck and chest, her tongue flicking her hardened nipple while her hand squeezed on the other, Lexa’s free hand around her back, keeping her close as Clarke's hips rocked against her stomach, seeking out the friction that'd ease the tension building inside her.

"Heda... Beja." Clarke whimpered and her words made Lexa growl, _growl_ , while she gently held her nipple trapped between her teeth and her tongue flicked it.

Lexa's right hand traveled down her body, her hips bucking as Lexa's thumb pressed against her clit and she arched her back, bringing the Commander with her by the hands still tangled in her hair.

"Lexa." She panted, hips rocking with every circle Lexa drew on her clit. "Please... Beja... I need you... inside... Gaf in... Ona... In." Even thinking in English was hard let along think of the right words in Trigedasleng but she didn't have to as Lexa pushed two fingers in, knuckle deep and her palm pressed against her clit.

Clarke would have been embarrassed of how quickly she came, after only a couple of thrust if she could have form coherent thoughts as she rested her forehead against Lexa's as she rode out her orgasm.

 

Or if Lexa hadn't come even faster.

 

  
"Chek au ai." She had ordered as she thrusted inside Lexa, her hips rocking in time with her hand and Lexa's.

Lexa opened her eyes and looked at her, her eyes fogged with pleasure, mouth opened and panting hard.

The sound of their heavy breathing mixed with the sound of the water slapping against the walls of the small pool.

Lexa tensed and arched her back, her eyes closing involuntary as Clarke curled her fingers inside her and tipped he over the edge.

"Clarke." Lexa moaned as she came slumping back against the steps.

"Well... now I want to go even less." Clarke murmured after they had recovered.

 

 

She had to put back her clothes as she made her way back to her room, she _wasn't_ going to expect the worse every time she made love to Lexa she ordered herself but still her heart beat wildly against her chest as she opened the door to her room without stepping in.

There were clothes fitted for Wanheda in the closet and she left the room as soon as she was dressed. She went down to the Skaikru's floor and waited with them until it was time for dinner.

The dinner in itself was uneventful, Lexa sat at the head of a big table where the leaders sat and since there were only five out of the twelve clans the empty seats were filled with some representatives as well. Clarke sat in between Marcus and her mom almost by the end of the table.

"You are not members of the coalition." Octavia explained as she showed them to their seats and with a shrug she went to sit with Lincoln at the table where the rest of the Skaikru were sitting.

Before the food was brought Lexa reminded them all to speak in English in honor of their Skaikru allies, and thanked them all for being there.

Marcus had tried to socialize, built bridges and while some were curious enough about them to play nice, others were more reticent to the idea, however Clarke realized quickly they either respected her or feared her so she used it to her advantage to help Marcus pave the road for negotiations.

Her mom was still giving her weird looks but there were more important things, Clarke never in her life thought she would be involved in politics but here she was smiling as a woman almost as tall as Ryder talked to her about her Clan.

After dinner she went with the Skaikru to their floor and just as she was about to return to Lexa's room her mom stopped her by the elevator.

"Today... was the first time I heard you laughing in a long time." She said with sad eyes and a sad smile.

"I haven't had many reasons to laugh." Clarke replied looking away, 

Abby nodded and sighed but didn’t add anything else besides "Good night Clarke."

 

 

Lexa was up early the next morning despite them going to sleep only a few hours before. She told the sentries outside her room to tell the handmaidens not to bring in her breakfast and something else too quiet for Clarke to understand that early in the morning before closing the door again.

She invited Clarke to meet the nightbloods, see them train before kissing her forehead and walking out the room.

Clarke dozed for an hour or so more, she didn't want someone to come looking for her to find her in the Commander's bedroom and as she walked out of the room the sentries avoided looking at her as if they were pretending she wasn't even there.

She had breakfast with her people on their floor as they discussed their plans for the day, Indra was the guide for the 'grown ups' and Octavia and Lincoln for the delinquents.

"Wanheda." She heard from behind as they were roaming the streets of Polis and she turned around to find Niylah looking at her.

"It's okay guys go ahead..." Clarke said and Octavia frowned at them, sending a warning glare to the grounder but did as asked, though they only walked a couple of feet away enough to give them privacy. "You too Ryder..." Clarke added when the man didn’t move.

"Do I know you?" Niylah asked, her eyes roaming over Clarke before settling on her eyes, studying her.

Clarke never had feelings for Niylah, it had been something she had needed. She didn't feel hungry but she kept hunting and eating because she _needed_ it, she didn’t want to sleep but she’d still find a sheltered space and succumbed to sleep because she needed it but prior their night together Niylah had been of great help, they were not friends but the grounder had been at the very least an ally.

"No." Clarke replied honestly, she didn't know Niylah, for the month and a half they knew each other back then, they had only seen each other once every week or so and they had only talked about business but the girl had known who she was from the start and she seemed intelligent enough. Clarke didn't want to offend her by patronizing her or lying. "Someone I knew very well used to trade in your post quite often. I know _about_ you." That made Niylah frown it wasn't a lie but it didn't explain how Clarke recognized her. "What are you doing here? I thought your post was up north." Clarke said hoping to change the topic but Niylah's features darkened as she looked at Clarke.

"I came asking for Heda's justice... a group of people came by our post, my father had sent me on an errand to a village nearby... They stole from us and they killed my father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the fluff and bath make up for the Niylah bit, I promise you things will be better for her and she'll stick around for a while.
> 
> Next Chapter: Azgeda, Floukru and the other clans, the celebration, more Clexa and Niylah and some skaikru.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some description of panic attacks at the start, after the bit in italics and I'll put a line break after it.
> 
> Also Thirsty!Clarke and Lexa being extra, the celebration and the Skaikru meets more grounders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love naming grounders, I found this post that talked about aLEXAndria (virginia), Lincoln (memorial), mEMORIal (there's a lot of them in 'trirku' lands) anaCOSTIA (maryland), General Jose Gervasio ARTIGAS (a bronze statue) , so I imagine this people finding like, these little trinkets from the old world and going like im sure these meant something important in the old world, I shall name my kid mcdONALD or something like that xD.
> 
> Sent me awesome grounders names if you want! If not in this one I'll use them on future stories and also _most_ grounders I've introduced with the exceptions of the ones from Floukru (Sol, Seth and Shane), have been named like that, so if you go back and know what they were named after let me know!
> 
> Also a special thanks to @[bdcvitanov](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bdcvitanov/pseuds/bdcvitanov) for volunteering some of her time to help me correct my many mistakes and to help me make this chapter a little more decent

_"Do you know her?" Octavia asked with a frown. A group of people, the ones that had been exiting the throne room when they arrived, called Niylah over after she was done explaining what she was doing there. The grounder nodded at them and then turned to study Clarke. Seemingly satisfied, she nodded once at her and left, Octavia joined her as soon as Niylah was just a couple of steps away._

_"No... But she knows me." Clarke didn't want to lie but there were things she just didn't know how to explain._

_"She came before Heda earlier. She has a trading post with her father. The people she's with are from nearby villages. There's been raids... attacks in the zone." Octavia said, her eyes trained on the girl’s back. Octavia hesitated a moment before looking at Clarke. “A lot of people has died or been injured, houses burned… But no one really knows anything, they attack at night and they retreat.”_

_"What did Lexa say?" Clarke asked with a frown._

_"Not much, there's not much to be done with the celebration so close. She sent some scouts but until we know if they're Azgeda or exiles, we can't really do anything. I bet they're Azgeda."_

Was Nia making her move so early on?

Clarke paced her room berating herself. There was a small part of her that kept on thinking that Niylah’s father had been alive back then and wondered if something she had changed had brought about his death. She wasn't so self-centered, and didn't hate herself enough to actually blame herself for it, but she had played a part, that much she knew.

She had wasted a month, well not exactly wasted -they had managed to make progress in Arkadia- but she had spent a month playing politician instead of using that time to think and plan for what was coming or could be coming. She needed to be prepared in case something like this happened. She shook her head.

Was it just a coincidence? Was it the Ice Nation? Was it someone else? Niylah's trading post was north in Trikru territory, not far from the boarder with Azgeda, but still protected enough that Azgeda would have passed a couple of villages on their way there.

There was a knock on her door, but Clarke was too deep in thought to listen, and her gaze continued focused on the sunset outside her window, it was hard looking anywhere in the room.

 

______________________________________

"Clarke." The soft voice made her turn around.

Lexa was standing by the door looking at Clarke with a small frown but the blonde could not reply, she could barely move.

The memory was still fresh in her mind and she could almost see the surprise on Lexa’s face when she turned to her as if expecting Clarke to explain what had just happened. Then the pain registered and her hand went to her stomach before she collapsed and Clarke couldn't move, just like that time, where the only think she could focus on was Lexa’s face and the dark blood darkening her clothes even more.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked again taking another step forward. "I knocked but there was no reply, the sentries said you were in... Clarke?" Clarke closed her eyes, seeing Lexa in her room was worse than being in the room herself. She could do this; she could push it down. She could ignore it, but then Lexa's eyes were wide and burning into her and she just couldn't breathe. She opened her mouth to warn Lexa, to tell her to step out of the room, but she could barely breathe, so she gasped instead.

Lexa was at her side in a blink, cupping Clarke's face.

"Clarke look at me." She ordered moving her head to catch her eyes. "You are fine, you're safe." Clarke’s hand grasped Lexa's arms like a lifeline, like if she let go she would wake up to the furs covering her bed stained with black blood. "Clarke breathe." Lexa ordered and Clarke gasped as she sucked in much needed breath of air and panted as she battled the tightness in her chest. Lexa stood next to her, taking deep breaths that made her chest swell and remained silent until Clarke was breathing in sync with her. "What is wrong?" She asked in between breaths.

"The room." Clarke managed to say, her fingers tightening around Lexa's lean arms when she felt the Commander's grip loosening.

Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke's cheeks and slowly slid her hands down her neck and to her shoulders, all the while still taking deep breaths with Clarke.

"I'm going to guide you out of the room okay?" Clarke could only nod and stumble as Lexa gently guided her out the room.

 

When they were out the doors, Lexa took a moment to lock eyes with the sentries before she guided Clarke towards her room.

______________________________________

 

Clarke gasped as if she had been underwater and her lungs had been just about to give out before finally reaching the surface. She was sitting on Lexa's bed; she hadn't even realized they had made it to the Commander's room let alone sitting on the bed as Lexa crouched in front of her. 

Lexa must have realized Clarke had snapped out of it because she stood up slowly, hands still holding onto Clarke's shoulders and Clarke slowly eased her hold on the Commander's arms.

"I'm going to get you something to drink." Lexa half stated, half asked and only moved after Clarke had nodded her agreement. 

Clarke’s eyes trailed Lexa as she moved towards the table in a corner of the room and poured water in a cup and came back, handing Clarke's hers.

"It's the room." Clarke spoke after a while of them sitting side by side in silence, Lexa's shoulder pressed against hers. She knew Lexa wouldn't ask. Lexa didn't ask, didn't question, not on personal matters, and would only take what Clarke willingly offered. "It... reminds me of a horrible memory." Clarke sighed and leaned against Lexa who just wrapped her arms around her.

"There's another room, it's smaller but I could have it arranged for you and have them move your things there if you wish." Clarke just nodded her head as she settled against Lexa, the brunette moved them down to lay on the bed.

Clarke was exhausted and Lexa’s hands running through her hair and scratching her scalp was not helping. She was almost asleep when Lexa spoke again.

“I would offer for you to stay with me... Here." She whispered and hesitated for enough time for Clarke to reassure her.

"I understand, you don't have to."

"It's not that I don't want to but..." Lexa took a deep breath and leaned back enough to be able to look at Clarke, so the blonde opened her eyes and settled on her side. "The Ice nation representatives arrive today and... We have this... We are…” If they weren't talking about such a serious topic Clarke would smirk and tease her, Lexa, who was always so eloquent most of the times was now fumbling nervously around her words. "It was what I was coming to talk to you about and I'm sorry for bringing it up now."

"It's okay, Lexa. I'm okay." Lexa gulped in that way she had, whenever she was trying to suppress her emotions, to keep them in check. Clarke frowned at the action.

"If the Ice Nation finds out about... Us... They might..." Lexa shook her head and Clarke leaned forward to gently press her lips against Lexa's.

"They might exploit that, and use me against you."

"Or  _harm_  you to send me a message... Clarke, if something happens to you...specially because of me... I don't think I'll be strong enough to avoid war,  _not this time_." The last sentence, was said so quietly that Clarke only heard because how close they were and Clarke, who had been wondering if this Lexa felt for her as much as she felt for the Commander, recognized the words for what they were.

_Not Everyone, not you._

Clarke cupped the Commander's cheeks and pulled her forward to crush their lips together. Lexa's hand rested on the small of her back bringing her as close as physically possible; it was never enough.

"I understand... Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op... It stands for me too, we'll be discreet."

Lexa was content to lie holding each other close. It was not like she didn't desire Clarke the same way she desired Lexa. 

Lexa probably had the most stoic face in the world but she wore her emotions in her eyes and they were like an open book. The Commander was so unassuming, so respectful and chivalrous and unfortunately so disciplined that she knew no matter how turned on Lexa was if Clarke didn't start it, Lexa would never... Or at least not at this point in their relationship, because no matter how comfortable they felt with each other, how well they understood each other, their relationship was still new.

Clarke didn't have a problem with spending however long they had just cuddling with Lexa but after what happened in the room, Clarke needed the reassurance of feeling Lexa against her, skin on skin. Clarke gently pushed Lexa on her back and swung her leg to straddle Lexa’s hips, Clarke pulled her shirt off along with her bra in the time it took for Lexa's hands to settle on her hips.

Lexa's eyes settled on her exposed chest hands inching up to find warm skin.

"Let's make the most of the time we have before they get here." Clarke said with a smirk.

 

 

It was torture.

Lexa had explained that the Ice Queen didn't travel to Polis, not since she took the brand and kneeled before Lexa to join the Coalition, but she would be sending the representative she had met before the battle at the Mountain as well as her generals and the Warriors that were honored after the battle.

The Commander was in the throne room for the rest of the day welcoming delegates from each clan and squeezing hearings in between. At dinner, Lexa sat once again at the head of the table in a chair that might as well be a throne. That floor was just one big room and it was filled with chairs and tables. Clarke sat with Kane and her mom at the main table, while her friends and guards sat at a different table. She kept sending curious glances at their new addition -a blonde grounder- who judging by her clothes, was from the Ice nation. She was sitting next to Bellamy and both seemed to be hitting it off quite well. She frowned at their casual interaction.

_'How did you come by this information?'_

_'Where the hell is Echo?'_

Clarke's eyes widened and she excused herself from the table, asking Octavia for a minute and going towards the elevator. There were too many people in the dinning room that she couldn’t afford to overhear them.

"Monty brought some moonshine, he was planning on using it at the celebration in case they got bored. It's the perfect excuse, come on." Octavia frowned at that but went with her. "That girl with your brother, what's her name?" Clarke demanded once they were on the Skaikru floor.

"Echo... She saved Bellamy's life in Mount Weather; she is from the Ice Nation."

"Be careful and make sure Bellamy is too, she is loyal to their Queen." Octavia looked like she wanted to question her further so Clarke quickly went through Monty's things and told Octavia about needing to hurry and get back. The younger girl seemed willing to let it go at least for the moment.

Clarke asked her to apologize to Monty for her and walked straight towards her table making an excuse about having forgotten they had brought the beverage they brewed in their camp and made a crappy speech about wanting to share it with them in the spirit of friendship. It was the first time Lexa had dared to look at her and Clarke knew about the painful memory this brought up but Lexa replied with a nod and there were clean cups being place on the table. 

Clarke handed the drink to a handmaiden who poured some in a cup and tasted it before serving it to everyone. Even the skaikru waited with bated breaths but this time the grounder didn't collapse and they all tasted the drink.

Lexa's eyes widened for a small moment after the first taste, the leader of the plain riders joked about it being stronger than a horse kick, Higan, Azgeda's representative downed it in one gulp and even Clarke had to suppress a grimace. The alcohol wasn't the most palatable, but it was effective.

Kane had managed to charm some of the clan leaders; he was always immersed in their conversations and spent the night asking about their food, farming, animals, weather, and culture. 

Abby mostly listened and smiled politely and Clarke just studied them.

 

 

Clarke spent the next day with the Skaikru exploring Polis. The city was hectic as they prepared for the celebration. A platform was prepared, overlooking a clearing where Clarke guessed some kind of spectacle would take place. 

The chairs on the platform were behind a long rectangular table, facing towards the clearing. There were two chairs per clan, for the leaders and the ambassadors; it was bigger than the one for Lexa’s battle against Roan. 

Lexa and Titus were the ones under the Trigeda banner an it was decided that Clarke would be the one up there with Marcus for her title and status among grounders, Indra had hinted it by giving Abby a very pointed look.

There were food and drink stalls, and a lot of tables close to the platform but not enough for the entire city.

A horn sounded followed by the soft melody and powerful vocals of the grounder anthem.

"It's beautiful." Kane commented in a whisper and Clarke nodded. It truly was, now that she wasn't fighting the rage at having to bow down to Lexa, she could truly appreciate the song, it was haunting just as it was beautiful.

As soon as it was over Lexa stood from her chair and the crowd went silent. The Heda was wearing a dress and war paint in similar style to the one she wore for the Summit. Clarke was given a blue grounder dress and her hair was similar to the summit’s style as well but the war paint around her eyes wasn’t as fierce. 

They were not trying to flail the whole Wanheda image if anything Lexa was trying to keep it as low profile as possible, Clarke understood, Nia and any other enemy might be after ‘her power’ to use it to defeat Lexa.

Lexa was an expert on discipline and self-restraint and all Clarke wanted to do was rip that dress off.

Lexa delivered her speech, easily projecting her voice. First, she thanked the soldiers of the army, the generals and leaders of the twelve clans and their allies, Skaikru, mentioning how without their help, the victory wouldn't have been possible. 

She honored those who fought and fell at the Mountain, leaving the Skaikru for last. Octavia was mentioned with the Trikru and Clarke felt her chest swell with pride as cheers came from some grounder warriors, even the nightbloods cheered for her.

"When the clans united, they did so with the purpose of defeating a common enemy." She paused and her eyes moved along the crowd. "Yet not only did we defeat the Mountain." The cheer of the crowd was almost deafening but was quickly silenced as Lexa raised her hand. "We _prospered_ , the trade that opened between clans have been beneficial to all. If we stop fighting each other and work together instead we will build a future where parents won't fear for their children, where parents won't be robbed from seeing their children grow by endless battles. There's no longer a common enemy but now we can share a common goal; a better future." The crowd cheered even louder this time and as soon as Lexa sat down the music started again and they were served food while people moved towards the stalls.

Clarke eyed Titus all through Lexa's speech but he seemed pleased enough, even proud, so he really didn't want a war... He just thought she was Lexa's weakness. She still wanted him as far away from them both as possible though.

The most popular stalls were the ones with alcoholic drinks. There was a group that performed a mix between dancing and fighting; they moved to the beat of the drums, kicking, punching and dodging but never really connecting. 

There were people carrying torches spitting a liquid onto it, making it seem like they were breathing fire. All around people juggled or threw knives at targets and there was even a sparring ring. They started friendly enough but as the people grew more inebriated the sparring became more brutal, though the sentries never let it get too out of hand.

At one point during dinner, Clarke caught Aden's eyes and she smiled brightly at the boy and waved at him. The kid shyly waved back and his pale face darkened as he blushed and went back to focusing on his food... _Right_ , thought Clarke, _he doesn't know me yet_.

Lexa was the first to go, bidding them good night and asking them to keep on enjoying their night.

Clarke counted to a thousand in her head, as slow as she could before retiring for the night as well, praising the grounders' wine and food as she did.

 

 

She pushed the door open not even bothering to knock and she found Lexa on her couch, wet cloth on one hand and mirror on the other, and a small basin with water on the table.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked as Clarke turned around to close the doors behind her. "Did you find the room to your liking?" Lexa asked, she was not the type to squirm but Clarke had learned that instead Lexa would either swallow and/or jut her chin out and under Clarke's heavy stare, Lexa did both.

"May I?" Clarke asked nodding towards the cloth on the girl's hand and Lexa nodded her head once before gulping again.

Clarke took off her boots as she walked further into the room and once she was in front of Lexa, she took the cloth from her. She placed two of her fingers under the Lexa’s chin and guided her back, to rest her head against backrest of the couch before climbing onto her lap.

"You looked very... Beautiful tonight." The only reason Clarke had to hesitate on the word was because it felt small. It wasn't enough to describe just how beautiful Lexa actually was. "You _are_ gorgeous and... I have never seen you wearing a dress before." Clarke said as she pressed the cloth against the Commander's temple.

Lexa did that small, contained smile and opened her eyes to look at Clarke.

"Dresses are not very good for riding or battling in." Lexa replied and Clarke chuckled. "You look... Mesmerizing. Not being able to look at you tonight has been one of the hardest things I've ever done." Lexa confessed in a whisper, there was something akin to reverence in her tone, like if there was no coalition, no title, no people, just two girls, Lexa would be more than happy just looking, if that was all Clarke let her do, for the rest of her life.

"Well you can look now..." Clarke whispered discarding the cloth to the side. "And touch." She added as her hand cupped the Commander's face bringing her forward as their lips crashed together in a passionate kiss. It was all hunger, lust and desperation. Clarke pulled the straps of Lexa's dress down her shoulders and Lexa pulled out her arms before doing the same with Clarke's. The blondes’ dress was already hitched up her thighs and Lexa ran her hands from her knees, up her thighs, bunching the soft fabric around Clarke's waist.

 

"Clarke." Lexa gasped as the blonde grazed the soft skin of her inner thigh with her teeth. After Clarke had recovered from her orgasm they had discarded their clothes and moved to the bed and it was the blonde's turn to return the favor.

Lexa was a meticulous and dedicated lover when she was between Clarke's legs. It was the sweetest most pleasant of tortures; she built Clarke up slowly, kept her at her peak torn between wanting that pleasure to last forever and being finally thrown over the edge, when Clarke would start thinking she couldn’t take it anymore Lexa would push her over the edge in an intense and almost overwhelming way that had Clarke thinking there was no way she could do it again and still remember how to breathe.

There was something about the way Lexa reacted to her touch, to having Clarke pleasuring her, that it was like Clarke was the one experiencing it as well.

Lexa made the softest of moans when Clarke soothed the skin with her tongue before sucking on the spot on her thigh, her trembling hand tangling in Clarke's hair while she leaned up on her other arm.

When Clarke finally ran her tongue up the length of where Lexa needed her the most, the commander arched her back, almost sitting up before collapsing back on the bed. The second run of her tongue had Lexa's thighs trembling with the effort of not clamping them down around Clarke's head, the following one sent a shiver through the Commander's whole body. A couple of thrusts of her tongue had Lexa’s inner walls fluttering around her tongue while her back arched, her thighs tightening around her head and Lexa gripped the furs for dear life, as if she let go she would float up.

 

"That wasn't very discreet." Clarke said with a satisfied smirk as she settled next to a panting Lexa and as her eyes raked down the commander's body and her own, she chuckled. "We are a mess." Clarke said and Lexa just hummed in agreement, eyes still closed and a small smile playing on her lips. "I should go..." Clarke whispered and Lexa finally opened her eyes, she didn't want her to go and the blonde didn't want to either but it was for the best. "Reshop Lexa." Clarke whispered and smirked at the sleepy smile that splayed on Lexa's lips.

Perhaps it was not that she wasn't as meticulous as Lexa, perhaps it was just the way Lexa reacted to her touch and it made her feel powerful in a way nothing else she had done so far had.

"Reshop Clarke." Lexa murmured as Clarke re-dressed and left the room. Clarke went to sleep with smudged make up all over her face and body, her dress still on and a smile on her face.

 

 

The morning after the celebration most of the representatives departed and Octavia invited them to watch her train. Clarke was sure it was an attempt to show Bellamy that she was fine and an attempt to get him to understand this new life.

Clarke had a spring in her step, unlike most members of the Skaikru. Kane and her mother both appeared well but all the delinquents and even some of the guards looked to be experiencing different degrees of hangovers. The city was almost back to normal, thanks to many of the grounders clearing the tables and cleaning the rest of last nights celebrations. The training grounds weren’t far from the tower and it was not long before they began hearing the sound of steel on steel as swords crashed.

In her time in Polis, Clarke had not thoroughly explored the city. The past worries and hardships had kept her from truly enjoying the city in all its glory.

There was a large clearing where warriors were fighting with swords, spears and other kind of weapons. Some warriros were even practicing hand to hand combat. Even Lexa was present, but unlike with the Nightbloods, she was merely observing from outside the clearing where the fights were taking place.

Clarke immediately recognized the warriors from the Floukru; it was hard not to. The twins were fighting against two warriors and while the other two were trying to fight one on one, the twins moved as one, when one went into attack the other defended, when one left their guard open, the other was there to cover.

It wasn't long before the two warriors were on their backs with a sword to their heads. The twins bumped their forearms together before helping their opponents back on their feet and walked back, huge smirks on their faces.

"Octavia" Indra called loudly and Octavia stepped into the main circle sword already drawn and twirling it in a similar way as Lexa did, as if testing the weight of her weapon. "Arlin." A girl around Octavia's age with light hair, and a muscular, tall build stepped in to join her wielding a spear. The two girls faced each other weighing their opponents and Clarke smiled at the look of concentration in Octavia's face before she noticed the Twins and their brother, Shane, standing next to the commander.

"Octavia is up, let's get closer." Clarke said and surrounded the sparring circle to the open tent where Lexa, Indra and what Clarke supposed were other warriors or generals were there too.

"Chit du yu biyo, Heda?"  _What do you say, Heda?_  Sol asked nodding towards were Octavia and Arlin were sparring, it wasn't as intense as she expected and she realized they were warming up, building up to the actual sparring. "Gafen glong op ai in granplei?" W _ant to join me in training?_  Indra scoffed and looked offended and Clarke agreed. Yes, Lexa had sparred with Octavia but O was the second of a Trikru leader, not just anyone.

"Commander." Clarke greeted as she approached them and nodded towards the others in greeting.

"Heya, gonakru." Kane said as he stepped towards Lexa and bowed slightly to her. "Heda."

"So this is the Skaikru." Seth said as he looked at them approaching slowly. He assessed Kane first and then moved moved down inspecting them all. Bellamy tried to stand as tall as possible and glared at the guy. Seth smirked and turned his back on Bellamy like the guy's intimidating act had no effect on him. "Strik..." S _mall_  he said to his siblings and Clarke had to suppress a laugh and even Marcus looked amused. It was no wonder they considered them small, most of the average for their males was around 5'10 or 5'11, those around 6 feet were pretty rare. Most grounders males were commonly around the 6 feet mark, even their women were tall.

"Em plan laik meizen." He said with a shrug as his eyes went from Raven to Harper, Monroe, Abby and Clarke.

"Em pleni, Seth." The guy bowed in acknowledgement to Shane’s orders. "And speak in English, it's only polite as not all our guests understand our language."

"I'm Seth kom Floukru and that's my sister Sol and my brother Shane. We've heard a lot about your people." He smiled playfully before moving back to his place with his siblings.

"What did he say?" Bellamy asked looking at Kane with a frown.

"That we're... not as tall as he thought and that our women are beautiful." Kane replied using a polite tone and the sound of metal on metal intensified and they turned to look at Octavia and Arlin finally getting serious.

“And Strong.” Clarke added with pride.

 

Octavia was dancing on her toes, holding her sword with one hand and crouching slightly. Arlin was holding her spear with both hands near the center as she approached slowly ready to strike. She swung, with her double grip to Octavia's right finding her sword and she quickly delivered another blow with the other end, catching the girl on her side. Bellamy gasped but the girl quickly stepped back and waited until Octavia was in a fighting stance again before bringing her spear up once more.

It was obvious the girl had more experience but after every blow and every hit, Octavia would just jump back up and Arlin was getting tired, her movements with the spear became slower and not as fluid as before and she wasn't able to block as many of Octavia's blows as she did at first.

The Skaikru cheered when Octavia managed to sidestep a swing and kicked the back of Arlin's knees and placed the sword to her throat.

Bellamy was already starting to speak with Octavia as both girls walked towards them but she shook her head. Both warriors stood in front of Indra, panting slightly and trying not to show any kind of discomfort.

"You got too used to sparring against swords." Indra said to Octavia. "You didn't keep in mind the longer reach when attacking or the ability to use of both ends when defending." Indra sighed. "But you did good." She added with a nod and Octavia broke into a grin and moved to finally join the Skaikru. "Arlin, you expect to finish all fights with just a couple of swings, you need to work on your endurance." The girl who looked ready to drop on the ground right then and there nodded and moved towards her own mentor.

"You guys should start to learn how to use the weapons the Heda gave you." Octavia smiled as she spoke and Monroe approached her and asked to hold her sword and Octavia began showing her some basic moves and Clarke took a deep hopeful breath because maybe, just maybe there was still hope for all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even watch the show anymore yet it always manages to piss me off, if I were Clarke I'd trust Roan more than Boris who is just asdsd also there's absolutely NO point to S3b, no point in introducing Luna or just anything and it pisses me off a lot.
> 
> Anyways:
> 
> I designed the time line up until chapter 21 and this was kind of a filler chapter, necessary to guide the story and next one will be a little more plot heavy but after that you guys better buckle up ;)
> 
> And good news this time when I tell you the summary of next chapter I have already around 80% of it written instead of the idea
> 
> Next Chapter: Clexa of course cause we need it, politics (the story needs them), Wanheda, more trouble in the north and a proposal....


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's over now, I hope you are all safe and remember that Lexa lives on through us, the fandom and we will damn sure pay her the respect she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a couple of HC about the 100 that I'd probably use in most of my stories and you can see them [here](adrykomclexakru.tumblr.com/hc)

Two days after the celebration it was decided that one group would go back to Camp Jaha. Lexa had informed them of the raids and attacks happening near the border between Azgeda and Trigeda, and Abby, along with Bellamy, Wick, Sgt. Miller and the majority of the older guards left in case the raiders got bolder.

"She's so different." Bellamy commented as they watched Octavia spar with one of the nightbloods, a little scrawny girl with black hair and brown eyes. There was no denying their skills, the girl struggled with Octavia's strength and the older girl struggled with the younger girls’ speed.

"She's happy." Clarke commented but her eyes were on Lexa who was walking amongst the sparring nightbloods correcting stances and giving pointers.

"I know I just... It was always supposed to be us against the universe." Bellamy said with a sad sigh. "It was my fault our mom got floated and the only thing she asked of me was to look after her. She didn't blame me, she wasn't angry, she just... accepted it and asked me to look after her."

"Bell." Clarke said turning to look at him. "Your mom's death is not your fault... Though I know hearing me say it won't help, won't make you feel redeemed." She went back to that time after the Mountain. 'If you need forgiveness I can give you that' "It wasn't, no one blames you for it, besides yourself. It was the Ark's stupid laws that got your mom floated, that's why she wasn't angry with you, you were only trying to make Octavia happy." She let her words sink in and turned her gaze back to the nightbloods and the seconds they were sparring with.

"How can I protect her if we are not together?"

Clarke nodded towards the girl as she blocked a blow and skillfully swept the legs of her opponent making the younger girl hit the ground. The nightblood landed with a thud and an indignant huff that made Octavia chuckle and offer her hand to help her up.

"Octavia can protect herself physically, she has Lincoln, Indra and probably a small army of warriors that'd fight with her and _for_ her. She has earned their respect here, with them she's not the illegal child, they don't care she lived the majority of her life under the floor... But that doesn't mean she doesn't need you Bellamy. You are her brother, you'll always be, what she needs from you now isn't protection, it's _support_."

Bellamy didn’t reply instead his eyes stayed glued on his sister as she talked and joked around with the nightbloods and the other seconds.

 

 

"Are you coming back with us?" Abby asked as she found Clarke overlooking the market, they stood at the entrance of the tower, the place where she had plotted killing Lexa with Roan. Clarke turned to look at her mother and something told her she was asking for the sake of it, that she already knew the answer.

“No." Clarke replied and Abby nodded her lips pressing them into a stern line.

"Are you going back with Kane?"

"... I don't know mom, not yet, I just... I don't know." They remained in silence for a long time just watching as the grounders went about their day.

"Is this home for you, Clarke?" Her mother asked quietly, gaze fixed on the market.

Was Polis home for her? Was the tower? She had a new room but she still felt her heart squeeze in fear when she walked pass the doors of her old room or when Titus was in the same room as Lexa.

When she woke up and was back in the woods with Pauna locked just miles away, Clarke had vowed not to waste her time with Lexa and to save the girl at all costs.

There in Polis with Titus looming over them, she couldn't help but wonder if her presence wasn't more damaging than good, if perhaps the key to save Lexa was to stay away but to stay away, to ignore what she felt and what Lexa felt made her heart skip a beat and restart with vengeance against her chest. 

They deserved better didn't they?

Maybe her mistake this time had been making Lexa fall in love with her again. Maybe she should have used the opportunity to distance herself from the Commander.... The thought of that made her eyes fill with tears.

The tower wasn't home.

Polis wasn't home.

 

Lexa was.

 

"The day we arrived... You laughed like you haven't laughed since..." Your father, the thought didn't need to be voiced.

"He would have loved it here." She replied instead and Abby just nodded, her hand going to her chest where his ring was hanging on a chain.

"And at dinner... You were glowing." Abby added in a whisper and swallowed loudly. "If this is home Clarke... I understand but just... Please, be careful." Abby placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Clarke was barely holding herself together. She felt like if she moved at the moment even to hug her mom, she would fall apart.

 

 

 

A model of the Trigeda lands sat on a table. It was similar to the one of the Mountain; there were metal pieces that represented the dropship and the Ark.

Lexa was sitting on her throne, watching them. The nightbloods sat on the steps, looking at the table and the people around it as well. Titus was to Lexa’s right behind the throne sitting on a chair with a small table in front of him, parchment, feather and ink. Octavia was positioned to Lexa's left in the place Indra normally occupied.

The Skaikru guards left, were standing by a wall at the back trying to stand with the same discipline and poise as the sentries on the opposite side. Raven, Clarke and Monty were sitting around the table where Marcus and Indra stood. A few Trikru villages’chiefs sat opposite the Skaikru.

"The dropship." Indra began and the word curled weirdly around her tongue. "Will be one of the borders, as we have discussed turning it into a clinic. The area around the Mountain will remain inhabited." She moved the thin rope she was using to trace the borders, around the model of the mountain." Kane nodded, that was even more land than Clarke had expected to be honest. "You will have safe passage through _our_ lands." A murmur started between the villages chiefs in rapid Trigedasleng until one of them stood up to glare at Marcus and Indra before looking at Lexa, who was supposed to be there just to make the agreement official.

"Last time Skaikru was in one of our villages eighteen innocents, elders and children were slaughtered." The man spat.

"It was  _my_  village." Indra said taking a step towards the man.

"Indra..." Lexa warned and the woman took a deep breath and glared at the man but stood back.

"We cannot judge an entire... clan based on the actions of one of its members. Skaikru helped us defeat the mountain and fought with us while you just sat there in your village." Indra replied and venom dripped from her voice, the man looked deeply offended.

Lexa stood from her throne, cutting off whatever the man had planned to reply, face stoic and coat flowing behind her with every step as she approached the table. Green eyes gazed into each one of the chiefs around the table as well as Raven's, Monty’s, Kane’s and Clarke's before doing a quick sweep over the map.

"Blood answered blood. Skaikru will have safe passage through Trikru lands." She declared and then turned to look at Marcus again. "But they will not be permitted to step into any village armed." The chiefs murmured in a resigned approval. 

Kane nodded to Lexa and the Commander walked back to her throne. Indra explained and pointed the borders with other clans and warned that the safe passage applied to _her_ lands only and they would need to talk with the other leaders for that.

Titus stood up and handed Kane the parchment. He looked at it and frowned before Indra took it for him and began translating. It was all they had settled on, adding that violations to Trigeda's law would result in punishment and explained that if Skaikru stole or killed they would be submitted to the justice of the village's chiefs, Indra or the Heda's and that the same applied if a member of the Trikru did so to the Skaikru.

Clarke hated politics. They were interesting in a way. Grounders were far from savages, they were tough and ruthless but they weren't savages. Marcus was asked by Indra if he wanted Lincoln or Octavia to read over the agreement but Marcus looked at Indra and said he trusted her before taking the feather offered by Titus and signing. Indra did the same before passing it around the chiefs of the villages. It was then handed to Lexa whose eyes roamed quickly over it before signing herself.

Clarke wanted to look at it just to see what her signature looked like but she wasn't an ambassador yet; and she was no longer the leader of Skaikru. Right now she held no titles, not political ones anyway and was merely Clarke Kom Skaikru, so she watched as Titus rolled the parchment and handed it to a sentry who then left the throne room. Lexa dismissed the meeting and Clarke was guided out of the room with the rest; it had been a lesson on leadership to the nightbloods as well, and they were going to discuss the meeting with Lexa.

Octavia jogged towards them as they were waiting for the elevator.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing your grounder princess duties?" Raven asked with a teasing smile and Octavia rolled her eyes.

"My grounder  _warrior_  duties include babysitting you."

"That was more land that I was expecting." Marcus commented as they were in the elevator going down towards their floor, interrupting whatever replied Raven had prepared. "Do you think the other leaders would be as agreeable?"

Octavia shrugged.

"I don't really know them that well you were the ones that actually sat at a table with them. Whenever I saw them it was in the throne room in meetings and not many people show their true colors when Heda is in front of them. I think most clans would be alright, the nearby ones at least... Except, maybe the Ice Queen. I've been told she is awful. When I asked Indra she said the woman should be glad her heads still attached to her shoulders, I've _never_ seen her that angry and Indra is very easy to anger... When I asked Lincoln, he said the Ice Queen murdered Heda's lover to deliver a message."

That made all of them stop and look at Octavia, until Raven snorted.

"Oh the irony." She said sarcastically and Clarke opened her mouth to reply when Octavia took a step forward.

"Raven, you are my friend but _shut up_. Don't you dare compare the situations. I liked Finn, he was a nice guy for the most part but he did kill eighteen innocent people in cold blood. He killed Artigas, he was just a kid and he was my friend too. Heda's lover was killed to send a message to her, not for justice or vengeance, for all I know her only mistake was being with Heda." Raven's eyes were fixed on Octavia in a glare. "If someone killed Lincoln like that... For no reason other than to send me a message, I would _not_ invite them into my alliance of _peace_. I would get my army and make sure they paid. Heda decided that one life, no matter how dear to her, wasn't worth hundreds, thousands of deaths and that's fucking admirable. Grieve Finn all you want but don't be blinded by it. Heda Lexa is _not_ the monster you all think she is." Raven shook her head turned around and walked into her room.

They all looked at each other before Marcus decided to go speak with her.

The rest of the Skaikru left the next day. Marcus had left a radio with Indra and handed the blonde another one, she asked if it would work with such a distance and Raven just mumbled something about it working as long as no one shot her balloon down again.

 

 

 

Clarke was not an Ambassador so she had no excuse to be in the meetings. She knew Lexa would allow her if she asked but she didn't want to start giving Titus excuses to hate her this early on, so whenever Octavia was off duty she hung out with her. Right after the Skaikru had left Octavia had smirked at her and asked if she wanted to see her house. Clarke asked why she didn't show it to her brother and their friends but Octavia had shaken her head and replied that she didn't want to give Bellamy another excuse to worry. She was living with Lincoln, he worked as a healer so they didn't see much of each other during the day and while it might seen rushed to someone in grounder culture it was not.

"I love them, I mean the people from the Ark? They can go float themselves for all I care, but Bellamy and the others... Those of us that are still left... We are family... Except for Murphy." Octavia sneered at the name but Clarke froze, they were both in Clarke's room killing time, when they stayed at the tower they'd spend time in Clarke's room talking about what Octavia heard in the meetings and how her training was going and what Clarke had seen during her walks through the city with Ryder, Octavia would leave before dinner and Clarke would eat with Lexa before they went to bed to either sleep or just enjoy being with each other.

Clarke couldn't believe she had not thought of Murphy during all this time, not only because he had been surprisingly gentle and helpful after everything that had happened but because there had been a lot more things involved in Lexa's... In what happened, beyond just Titus dislike of her and his disapproval of blood must not have blood and the fact that Titus had kept Murphy captive and tortured him before bringing him to her room to be his scapegoat had to mean something... And maybe just maybe Murphy would be back too. Perhaps he was experiencing the same weird second chance Clarke was.

Clarke spent the following morning doing something she had never done in her life, or thought she would be doing... Drawing John Murphy. It took almost all day and several attempts. She could hardly remember what his face looked like when he hadn't been beaten up repeatedly but by the time Octavia knocked on her door and she quickly hid everything, she was content that it was at least enough for people to identify him.

 

 

"There's something I want to ask you..." Clarke said as they ate dinner in Lexa's room, the Commander looked at her while chewing, only Lexa could make chewing look regal. "But it's not exactly political and neither is it personal... I just... I guess it's a favor but I can ask for a hearing tomorrow if you don't want us to discuss it here." Lexa studied her for a moment before placing down her knife and _feeda_ , it was sort of a fork. She turned on her place on the couch to face Clarke, back straight and Clarke smiled at Lexa's ability to make every seat look like a throne.

"You may ask, Clarke." Clarke nodded and pulled the folded paper from the pocket in her jacket and handed it to her. Lexa looked at the drawing and then at Clarke with a raised eyebrow.

"His name is John Murphy, he is a member of the Skaikru. He left with Thelonious Jaha sometime before Mount Weather. I need to find him. Skaikru will pay for him to be delivered alive to us. I know asking you to help me look for him is already enough, so I'm sure my people will have something to trade for him." Lexa regarded the picture again and then back at Clarke.

"Is he a friend?" Lexa asked with a small frown.

"Not exactly."

"Is he a criminal?" The commander blinked slowly before asking, in that way she had when she didn’t understand something.

"Yes." Clarke replied with an amused smile. "In the same way Octavia, Bellamy, the others and me were criminals. I don't want to find him to have him face Skaikru justice or anything like that, he.... Has information, I need." It was obvious Lexa was curious about it but as always, the Commander took only what Clarke offered and Lexa nodded her head.

"I will help you find him, Clarke and if the information he posses is important to you then the bounty will be paid. I'll have people notified and more drawings made."

 

 

Clarke's mood improved for the following days but Lexa’s grew more and more frustrated.

If the Heda was looking for John Murphy then the chances of people finding him and turning him in to Titus were less right? If Titus knew Lexa had ordered for the man to be brought to her, he was less likely to kidnap him and torture him, right?

But the situation on the north didn't improve, villages were still attacked and scouts either didn't return or returned with very little information.

"Titus thinks it's Nia." Lexa said, they were in the throne room overlooking a map of the attacked lands. "There's no clear pattern for their attacks but every time they strike it’s well executed." Clarke had been worried when it was well pass dinner time and Lexa still hadn't returned to their, _her_ room and Clarke went to look for her finding her in the throne room with Titus, the man was standing behind them, disapproval clearly shown on his eyes at having her there but Clarke felt just the same about him.

"We need to send an army to patrol the borders and the villages near the borders Heda." Titus said.

"We don't know what we are facing Titus, they will be an easy target, open from all fronts to attacks, we don't know where they come from."

"We can’t just do nothing..."

"I did not say that." Lexa all but snarled at him before taking a deep breath and returning to her usual stoicism. Lexa took a deep breath, working her jaw from side to side like she often did when she was irritated and then looked at Titus. "We need the Prince." Lexa said the last word as if it left a bad taste in her mouth.

"Heda, no!"

"I won't be sending warriors into a mission blind and hope for the best, besides if it's Nia, no one knows Azgeda lands as well as him, the only useful report we have is that they retreated to the mountains here after an attack." Lexa pointed to a place on the map.

Clarke's heart was thumping in her chest, the only prince she knew of was Roan, was this something similar to what happened back then? When Lexa had sent Roan for her?

"Bring me, Altim." Titus seemed like he wanted to protest but Lexa's eyes left no room to protest and so Titus bowed and left the room.

"Who's the prince?" Clarke asked and Lexa looked from the map to make eye contact with her.

"Roan of Azgeda, son of Nia, the Ice Queen, during the war with Azgeda he had been the general of the Queen's army. I had the armies of eleven clans backing me and he lost the war. He is a good warrior but an even better hunter, he is a tracker; the best, or so rumors say. I hope that by offering to lift his exile he'd be willing to help us. It's been said he has never seen eye to eye with his mother." Clarke nodded and Titus arrived not long after with a man around Bellamy's age, tall but slim and with a very dark skin. His face was free of tattoos but there were some lines that ran up his neck, like Octavia's.

Clarke listened carefully as Lexa explained his mission and what he needed to do, the zone he needed to be at and how many people to take with him. Apparently, Roan hung out in the forest near the borders of Trikru, Azgeda and the Plain Riders, far away enough from the attacks and Lexa advised the man not to go through the attack zone instead arrive from the south. Lexa then took parchment, feather and ink from Titus and began scribbling something on the paper.

"Heda, how will I find him?" The man asked the question Clarke herself had been wondering about. Lexa looked up from the paper and looked at the man.

"You won't.... He'll find you." Lexa handed him the letter and told him to leave at down with his people and the man bowed before leaving accompanied by Titus.

"What did you ask in the letter?" Clarke asked walking to stand next to Lexa.

"To bring me information or someone with information."

Clarke wondered if the fact that Lexa had requested Roan help meant the queen would still somehow plot the coup. Clarke would need to talk to Roan, try to make an ally of him again.

 

 

It was two months after Mount Weather when Lexa requested her presence in the throne room. Clarke's heart picked up its pace with every step she took. She opened the door to find Lexa on her throne, Titus, Indra and Octavia in the room as well and if Octavia's and Lexa's face was anything to go by it wasn't good news.

"We have spies in the north." Lexa started as she stood up from her throne and walked closer to Clarke but still keeping a discreet distance. "In all clans, Azgeda is not very welcoming to outsiders but there's always people willing to sell their loyalties for the right price. I'm sure the other clans have their own spies as well." Clarke was sure Lexa would be fidgeting if she wasn't Lexa and that only made her anxiety spike. "The Queen... Nia, has put a price on your head. She wants the power of Wanheda. She thinks it's what she needs to defeat me." Clarke had never really thought of the bounty on her head since she came back. Why would she? She was in Polis already, what did this mean? She wasn't worried, maybe she should but she wasn't, not for herself at least, but if no matter what she did, some things would never change did that mean...

Her eyes sought Lexa's but the Commander's eyes didn't find hers; they stayed glued somewhere over Clarke's head and she frowned.

"Ryder will be given sentry's clothes and armed, Octavia will also keep you company and while I know is not ideal, I must ask you not to leave the tower unless necessary... You may also radio your people and stay at your camp if you will feel safer there."

It hit Clarke then, Lexa felt guilty, the thought made her frown.

"I will stay." Clarke said and she could swear she saw Lexa sighing subtly in relief and Titus frowned.

"You should radio your people anyway, let them know to tighten the security in your camp. Indra will ride to the nearby villages so they are prepared in case the Ice Nation decides to make their move." Lexa nodded her dismissal and Clarke's frown deepened. Indra wasn't exactly marching to raise a peace army, at least from what she gathered from Lexa's words and even if she was, Pike had yet to make his appearance and Marcus was Chancellor. 

She trusted the man more than anyone else with the exception of Lexa and perhaps Octavia, the girl was so different from the one who stood in her room telling her that if she decided to stay she wasn't the Clarke she knew and guilt tripping her for not being aware of what happened at Arkadia. It had been good for the girl to find her place among the grounders; she had grown and found herself and Clarke was grateful, something told her she would need all the allies she could get.

Octavia guided her out of the room and Clarke wanted to talk with Lexa but she figured it was better to wait until they were both alone in their, in _Lexa's_ room. Ryder was outside and already dressed as a sentry; he was armed with the spear all sentries carried, and a sword strapped to his side and a dagger by his thigh.

"As if you didn't look intimidating enough already..." Clarke said as they walked. "But don't think I forgot that time you spared a family of rabbits and we ate fish instead." Clarke teased and Ryder smiled and chuckled, shaking his head in amusement only to turn serious once again as they walked pass a couple of servants. He looked warily even at other sentries.

The conversation with her mom went as good as she had imagined. Kane answered and a couple of minutes later Abby was there; she wanted Clarke to return to Arkadia and told her they would come get her and Clarke had to talk her down and explain that it'd be more dangerous. She was in a city filled with an army of sentries and under the protection of the Commander, they only had a limited number of Rovers and not enough to have an army and they could be intercepted on the way.

Clarke promised to check in at least two times a day. Time seemed to slow down as she waited for evening so she could go to Lexa's room for dinner and she all but ran towards it once it was time.

"I'm sorry, Clarke." Lexa said and and she opened her mouth to continue her apology but Clarke cut her off walking closer to the Commander.

"This is not your fault." Clarke said firmly. "The Ice Queen wants the power of Wanheda." She couldn't resist the urge to roll her eyes. "I killed all those people, I destroyed the Mountain. Those were not decisions you forced on me Lexa." Not even the first time, Clarke had been petty when she had told Lexa that the deaths were on her too, despite her refusal to share the blame with Bellamy or Monty, even then Clarke knew deep down that Mount Weather would have never just let her people go. 

"The ice Queen has a quarrel against you and she decided to bring me into this, not you. You have always done your best to protect me but you don't have to carry it all on you, we can share the burden, we can protect each other." She was standing close to the Commander by the time she finished her speech, chest to chest but she waited for Lexa to close the remaining space.

"I won't let her harm you." Lexa vowed wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.

"Lexa..." She breathed out tightening her hold on Lexa's shoulders as she felt the Commander trying to lean back. "I survived in space. I survived crashing on the ground. I survived the ground and Mount Weather but I wouldn't survive losing you." She confessed, the last thing she needed was Lexa trying to do something heroic to protect her only to get herself killed. "I need you." She whispered. Lexa burrowed her face in Clarke's neck, squeezing Clarke closer.

 

 

The following week was the worst, the nights were great, spent with Lexa talking, sharing food and touches, sleeping wrapped in each other, trying to leave the world out of their room and just be them, even when Lexa was growing more stressed by the day. 

Altim had returned three days after they found out about the bounty on her head. He had found the prince, or rather Roan had found him and had taken the deal but the Ice Queen was planning something and Lexa spent her days between meetings staring at maps and models and willing herself to discover the Queen's plan.

"How did R-Prince Roan get cast out?" She asked that night as they had dinner.

"So much blood was spilled into forming the Coalition, it's not something I'm proud of. I see all the good the coalition has done for everyone but still, there were clans who agreed to join peacefully but others refused to lay down their weapons, so they were... Fought into submission. Besides Trikru, Azgeda is the biggest clan, they have more land than Trigeda but it's hard to survive on their lands so there are not as many people from the Ice Nation as Trikru. They were the last clan to join and of course Nia refused... Her refusal came in the form of Costia's head delivered to my bed." Lexa wasn't eating anymore; her eyes were on the wall unfocused.

"Your previous room, had been mine but I could hardly bear to see it let alone be in it, I had the whole floor changed after the war. I didn't even want to allow them the option of surrendering and joining the coalition, I marched north with the armies of the eleven clans with the intention to lay waste to Azgeda but Anya wouldn't let me. Indra... She is a great and loyal general but she is set in her ways, she agreed with me, Costia was from her village. Part of me wanted to wipe them out. I'm glad Anya wouldn't let me, we spilled too much ice nation blood and our own as well as it was. Winter was approaching and I knew they would have the advantage then, so we retreated into Trikru boarders, south enough not to die from the cold but north enough to protect the border."

Lexa took a deep breath and while Clarke was always curious of what was going on in the world while they were up in space, she could see that Lexa had her own share of demons that haunted her, her own share of guilt that weighted her shoulders down and she admired that the girl still somehow managed to carry on and do what was necessary for the greater good.

"Our scouts said there was an army marching down but their numbers... It was as if they had split their forces, so we figured out it was a trap. They were probably trying to lure us into a battle and have another army attack us from another flank. We prepared, I had to be in the vanguard so they would think we were biting the bait but when Roan's army tried to strike we were ready. We cut both armies to maybe half of their bulk and we had several loses ourselves but we won. When Nia came to bow and join the coalition I found out she had already exiled Roan."

Lexa had tried to make her time in the tower as pleasant as possible, she had charcoal and paints, and books. An old woman with a very kind face, who she discovered had been a teacher of Gonasleng came to the tower everyday for a couple of hours to teach her Trigedasleng. The woman reminded her of Anya a lot, especially when she teased her about her pronunciation of certain words.

 

She should be used to it, not to captivity but being locked in just one location for a long period of time but she was slowly feeling like she was losing her mind.

So when Ryder came to get her after her morning lessons and told her they were going on a walk, she almost hugged him. The man guided her through the back door of the tower and towards the forest. She would have wondered about that if she hadn't seen all the sentries guarding their way but soon the sound of wood against wood pulled her attention.

"Do not let your guard down when attacking, Ashin." She heard Lexa’s voice and smiled even more when Titus was nowhere in sight; it was just Lexa, the nightbloods and the sentries. She had a spear in her hand and was sparring with a girl with black hair. The girl nodded and they went at it again, but it wasn't long before Lexa swept the girl off her feet with the spear. "You are improving. It is important to use your mind in a battle but over thinking can cost you, don't second guess yourself."

"Yes, Heda." The girl moved to take her seat and Lexa called another nightblood. Clarke was almost regretting not bringing something to sketch with but watching Lexa like this always made her feel.... Good, _hopeful_.

It was Aden's turn and Clarke noticed how Lexa wasn't holding back as much as she did with the others; Aden was quick on his feet with solid defenses and Lexa seemed proud as she praised the boy before pushing him away.

"Again!" She called and it was obvious that she was planning on upping the ante but Aden kept up, even if with a little trouble. He parried Lexa's blow and Clarke couldn't stop the surprised gasp as he delivered a backhand blow that landed square on the Commander's jaw making her stumble a couple of steps behind, Lexa and even Aden both looked a bit surprised, the boy looking a bit scared too but soon Lexa's expression shifted to a prideful one.

"Heda." Titus called before Lexa could say anything to Aden and she gave him another prideful look before going to Titus. Aden breathed a sigh of relief and turned to join the others as Titus instructed.

Clarke watched the nightbloods training with a small smile on her face. She couldn't believe that despite them knowing that eventually they might have to fight each other to the death, they all interacted and helped each other like friends or siblings.

 

 

"Did you like the previous Commander?" Clarke asked as they were sharing dinner. Lexa paused mid chew and looked at her, the Commander had been quiet ever since her talk with Titus and Clarke wanted to distract her from whatever was troubling her.

"I didn't know him that well." Lexa replied with a small shrug, she still didn't look quite there with Clarke.

"He didn't train you? Like you train the nightbloods?" Clarke asked with a frown.

"Before me the clans were at war, the Commander's didn't spend too much time in Polis. I lived through two Commander's, the first one died when I was around four winters old and they didn't let me participate in the conclave. I know it seems like a cruel way to choose the Commander, and I agree but we still have limitations, only those older than 13 winters participate in the conclave, there's a chance a Commander dies shortly after being chosen and it wouldn't do well to have to wait years to find and train more nightbloods, besides, unlikely as it was at that time, but if I was to win, what would they do with a child Commander?" Lexa gave her the tiniest of smiles.

"Well our first meeting would have gone a lot different and it would have been less intimidating and that was even before I knew how well you could throw that knife." Lexa smirked.

Lexa was still the one.

"I was the first Commander who managed peace and I suddenly had a lot of free time. I have been planning on changing the way the conclave works. Nightbloods are very rare and peace came at such a cost that I didn't want it to be lost after my death, so I started teaching the nightbloods myself… Whenever I could.” Lexa shrugged as if it wasn't an incredibly selfless and amazing thing, as if it was just her duty, something to be done, which was probably how Lexa saw it.

 

"Clarke... There's something I need to talk to you about..." Lexa took a deep steeling breath and Clarke frowned but nodded for Lexa to continue.

"The ambassadors are restless, they are beginning to question my strength because the attacks in the north and... The Ice Queen. They see you... They see your strength... They see _Wanheda_ as a threat... I want to protect _you_. I _will_ protect you. I want your people to become my people, bow before me and your people will be safe, no one would dare to move against you or your people because that would be moving against me... I want Skaikru to become the thirteen clan."

Clarke smiled. "Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter and buckle up.
> 
> Next Chapter: The bow... 
> 
> As you can see Clarke's actions have affected the timeline and next chapter it'll be the calm before the storm....
> 
> Tumblr & Twitter: @adrykomclexakru
> 
> Special thanks to @[bdcvitanov](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bdcvitanov/pseuds/bdcvitanov) for sacrificing some of her time to help me correct my many mistakes and to help me make this chapter a little more decent.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE VOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm sorry for the late update, I kinda gave myself writer's block, the bow is just one of my favorite scenes, a fan favorite of course and I wanted to do it justice.

This time Clarke didn't have to consider it; this time she didn't need to have Lexa’s sad and resigned eyes as Clarke pressed a knife to her throat, nor her defeated words as she told her she could go with her mom and go back to her people. This time she smiled wide and cupped Lexa's face and pressed their lips together. Clarke wouldn’t call it an actual kiss as their lips mashed together both smiling while their arms tightened around each other pulling the other as close as possible.

Clarke was the first to pull back, playfully biting the girl's bottom lip and pulling as she leaned back only to have Lexa chase after her. Their kiss turned heated before Lexa pulled away now gasping as if Clarke had stolen her breath away.

"Clarke?" She asked a little confused and dazed.

"Thank you. From the start you have given us more than we deserved. You showed us patience and understanding even when we hadn’t earned it.” Clarke leaned her forehead against Lexa's and took a deep breath. "We’ll need to speak with Kane but I'm confident that he'll agree."

"I don't want you bowing down to me but..."

"It's okay, Lexa. If there was anyone I'd bow down to, it'd be you." Clarke could still see trouble brewing behind Lexa's eyes; her hand moved to the Commander's cheek and then slid down until it rested on her shoulder.

That night would forever be burned into Clarke’s memory. Lexa all but bowed down to her as they moved to the bed the remaining of their dinners forgotten. She was on cloud nine as she radioed Kane and her mother, her body sore in all the right places, Lexa had been attentive and through when pleasing Clarke.

She had to shake her head to pull her head out of the clouds long enough to explain the situation to Kane and her mother, unlike last time this decision wasn't just throw on them and while part of Clarke thought they didn't have time to actually sit down and discuss it, the other part of her thought it would be better if Kane spoke to the people in Arkadia and discussed it with the Council, first. She made sure to mention the benefits they would receive, especially for her mother's sake whom didn't like the idea of answering to Lexa.

She reassured them that they would still be independent and it would be no different from the agreement Kane signed with Indra except it would extend to the other clans as well. She was confident Kane would agree to join the Coalition this time as well.

It took a couple days for the Council to come to a decision. Kane was the one that eventually called to inform them that the Council voted in favor of becoming the 13th clan and Clarke went over the details of what she knew about it with them over the radio and a day later Kane, Abby and a couple of guards arrived in Polis.

"Marcus and Abby of the Sky people." a bald young man greeted them all including Clarke whom had been waiting with them in one of the rooms in the third floor of the tower. The room served as an office or library… at least the grounder version of it as it was filled with couches, chairs and tables, the walls were filled with rolled parchments on shelves. "Wanheda." He said bowing his head slightly. "My name is Tarak I'm the fleimkepa’s second." He was around Bellamy's age, if not a little older, his skin was dark and he had an easy smile that he seemed to try and rein back whenever he caught himself.

"Wait, Titus has a second?" Clarke asked with a frown, eyes fixed on the man.

"The position of Fleimkepa is a sacred one, Wanheda. Just like warriors have seconds and there are nightbloods at the ready shall the Commander fall, there must also be someone ready to become the Fleimkepa if they die, there’s also scouts scattered all around the Clans shall a nightblood be born, so they can be brought to Polis. The duties are not simple nor are they common knowledge." Clarke could see the guy speaking, heard his voice but she knew those were Titus words on his lips. She had seen it happen with Lexa a couple of times as well.

"I've been here for almost two months now, where have you been?" Her eyes narrowed in suspicion and the guy made a vague gesture with his hands.

"Doing my duties and learning. I just came back from the lands of the Broadleaf clan. When a nightblood child is born, the fleimkepa second goes to meet with the scout to make sure the child has the care needed until they reach the age where they are brought to Polis to begin their lessons. However, with the trouble on the borders with Azgeda, Skaikru becoming the thirteenth clan and the unrest among the other clans, I was asked to come back."

Clarke's frown deepened and she couldn't help but wonder if Tarak had even existed back then or if it had been something she had done that had somehow changed things. Lexa hadn't informed the other clans about her intention to bring Skaikru into the Coalition; there hadn't been enough time. Lexa was being stretched thin trying to keep peace amongst her people while also trying to make sure Clarke's people, and therefore the blonde herself, were safe.

Tarak pulled a leather book out of his robes, similar to Titus' and opened it, before sliding it over to Marcus. "This book contains the ritual as well as the laws of the Coalition. You may request something to be added or changed before joining the Coalition; however, any changes will be discussed with the twelve clans first before Heda decides.”

Marcus and Abby began reading the book, it was written in English and Clarke wasn't exactly concerned about it, if those were Lexa's laws she trusted them, she was more preoccupied with studying the man in front of them trying to get a good read on him. Would he be a friend, an ally or would she have to be wary of him as well?

“Death or an unanimous vote of either the leaders or Ambassadors of the twelve clans are all that can remove a Commander from power." Abby read out loud with a frown and looked up at Tarak.

"It is true that the spirit of the Commander is passed down among the nightbloods that prove worthy of it; however, the spirit merges with the soul and enhances the nightbloods traits, each Commander is different from the other even if they do share some traits. Men and women are ambitious by nature; this law is in case the clans feel that the Commander isn't looking out for the best interests of all." Tarak explained and Clarke shook her head, she could still remember those words in Nia's voice as she challenged Lexa.

"We are to choose an Ambassador that will reside in Polis and speak for our people." Marcus read and turned to look at Abby first and then at Clarke. "Clarke..."

"Yes." She said without needing him to complete the sentence. Marcus looked at her with a knowing look and a small almost teasing smile. Abby took a deep breath and nodded once in resignation.

It took a couple of hours, where Marcus and Abby asked about laws and concerns they had but they managed to get through the whole book, Abby was particularly surprised to realize that the Coalition wasn't a dictatorship but a lot like a democracy. Yes, Lexa had the final word, but the clans had their voice and vote and free reign within their own clan as long as their actions didn't affect the other clans.

"Tomorrow morning we'll go over the ritual once again if you want." Tarak added as they stood up and walked them to the door.

"I'll see you for dinner." Clarke said nodding at them and stayed inside the room. Tarak turned to look at her with a curious smile as the other members of Skaikru left.

"Is there something you wish to discuss Wanheda?"

"Yes," was all she replied as she took Kane's seat.

"Is it about the Summit?" Tarak asked taking his previous seat.

"No, I'm just curious about the position of Fleimkepa and... You." Tarak looked amused at that but only for a beat before he shook his head slightly and frowned a little instead.

"It's a sacred position we are not allowed to discuss it."

"It's okay, just because I asked doesn't mean you have to answer." Clarke shrugged, she was sure that Lexa would tell her whatever she truly wished to know. She wanted to get a better read on the man and she didn't exactly have enough time to get to know him better. He nodded his answer and Clarke smiled. "How were you chosen? Did Titus pick you?"

Tarak seemed to weigh the questions for a moment before deciding to answer them.

"Not exactly, Commanders are picked during the conclave and seconds of the fleimkepa are chosen… Our people are not just warriors; there are farmers, blacksmiths and all kinds of jobs our people take but we all have basic warrior training, because of the clan wars and the threat of the mountain meant everyone had to be able to look after themselves and protect their people if needed. So when they are old enough, the kids in every village are taught basic Gonasleng, combat and hunting. It is the way in Polis too. My family came from a village in the south and moved here when I was still an infant, so I was raised in Polis and received my basic training here. The fleimkepa second is chosen by elders among those considered worthy. Titus has served five Commanders now with Heda Lexa but he has trained even more seconds, it’s the second the one that goes to collect the nightbloods so they were closer to the battles and some were taken by the mountain."

Clarke nodded and wondered if Titus had been like that all his life or if it was a fleimkepa trait. Would Lexa be any different if she had been given a different advisor? Tarak replied to most of her questions, mainly about what his duties as second actually were and how much time he spent away and in Polis and she found herself actually liking the man. Her appreciation grew as they discussed the Skaikru and Clarke found herself enjoying their witty banter.

"You were like children." He had said. "You didn't know the rules of our land. You don't kill children for making mistakes, you teach them." He had said. They discussed trading and alliances and Clarke couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips because he reminded her of Wells a lot.

"What do you think about love?" She found herself asking without really meaning to. Clarke knew what Titus’ opinion of love was and how Lexa had embraced his philosophy once she lost Costia at the hands of the Azgeda. She watched Tarak closely as he frowned.

“I think love is a dangerous thing." He replied after a while of contemplating his answer and she sighed. "Swords with double edges are weapons not many dare to yield, it makes attacking easier, you don't have to be mindful of which side you are attacking with, both will harm your enemy just the same but it also makes defending harder because your own weapon can harm you. Fleimkepas are committed to serve their people, and their Commander. Unlike being a sentry or a trader, a Fleimkepa doesn't get to step aside once they reach a certain age and it would be unfair to the people we serve or to our partners and children. Love, _realtionships,_ they create bias and give your enemy an opening, a weakness to strike and exploit...." Tarak got a faraway long in his eyes and it made Clarke curious.

"But..." She pressed and the guy in front of her looked at her with a small smile.

"But... my father was a warrior, my mother made clothes, she was weak of health most of her life, so there was not much she could do. I was born in a village near the eastern border and my father got injured in a battle and he lost the ability to walk without support. He took a poisoned arrow to the leg. The poison ate away at the muscles… Our neighbors helped with food and furs but the war had affected the village. Most people thought we wouldn't survive winter but my mother, who wasn't what you would call strong, gave away everything we owned for two horses and brought us to the capital. We lived in a tent for a while and she spent her time making clothes and trading them.” Clarke had spent a little more time than she did back then, exploring the city, at least before the bounty on her head confined her to the tower. She had seen the place where ‘outsiders’ who didn’t have enough to trade for housing or rooms in the various inns stayed.

“My father was a great warrior and a proud man. He lost himself when he lost his ability to fight or even walk properly but eventually seeing my mother trying so hard, he began helping her, learned how to sow, helping with whatever he could while she was out trading and eventually they made enough to trade for a house, paid for people to build it for them. I think love is what gave my mother strength and I think it was love that made my father find himself again...."

"They sound like good people." Clarke said with a smile.

"They were very proud when I got called to become fleimkepa."

Clarke in return told him more about her people, their time in space, what they did to survive, and their journey to the ground. Tarak spoke of the other clans and his experiences with them. While he was very diplomatic in speech, his disdain for Azgeda was evident.

Clarke hadn't realized how late it was until a servant came to fetch them for dinner.

“You know… this isn't what I expected from the Commander of death.” Tarak said as they were about to part ways, something akin to a teasing smile on his lips and she just smirked in reply.

 

As she was walked towards Lexa's room she realized she felt more at ease and had to remind herself that Tarak had the potential to become an ally but she still had to be mindful that he was Titus’ second. 

This time she would not let her guard down.

Lexa was by the window in her room staring into the distance still wearing her armor and Clarke couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips, but bit her lip trying to contain it. Taking off Lexa's armor had become one of her favorite activities and not just because it meant undressing the Commander, but because the symbolism of being the only one who got to do it. To strip her of the red sash and pauldron, strip Heda of her title and responsibilities and reach the girl under it all, to see Lexa.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist from behind and buried her head within the intricate braids. She breathed in her scent and smiled into Lexa’s soft brown waves.

“You look worried.” Clarke commented and Lexa sighed.

“If we don't hear word from Roan soon, I will have to send a search party. I will probably be leading it too.”

“What?” she moved her hands towards Lexa's waist and softly turned her around so they were face to face.

“People are dying, Clarke, and the Ambassadors question my strength. I could send someone else but I'd only be sending them to blindly look for a threat and if they fail it would only serve as proof that I'm no longer fit to Command.”

“So to prove your worth you want to lead the _suicide_ mission yourself?” Clarke asked with a frown but shook her head to gather herself. “Tomorrow Skaikru joins the Coalition, if it comes down to that, we’ll talk to Kane, get a group of guards with _our_ weapons, it'll be safer that way, for you and your people. We are a team, we protect each other.”

Lexa's eyes softened and the look she was giving Clarke was so intense in its softness. It was a look of gratitude and love and it made something inside her chest expand and rise to lodge in her throat. She tightened her hold on Lexa, pulling their bodies close together and resting her head on the Commander's un protected shoulder. Lexa's hand tangled in her hair.

“Our dinner is getting cold.” Lexa commented in a soft voice but made no attempt to move out of Clarke's hold, until her stomach grumbled its protest loudly and with a chuckle she guided Clarke towards the couch.

“Politics make me hungry.” Clarke mumbled and accepted the plate Lexa handed.

“Did Marcus and Abby find the terms acceptable?” Lexa asked as she took her bowl. For someone so small, Lexa ate almost as much as Ryder. She usually ate a broth of some kind, fruit, vegetables and meat while Clarke focused on the dry food and bread. Up in space there had been a situation with farm station when she was around ten and the shortage of food left them eating soups and porridge and protein packages that were mostly bland with an odd texture.

“They did…. Tarak talked us through the Summit and the Coalition rules, he seems… different, from Titus, I mean.”

“He will make a good Fleimkepa.” Lexa replied with a small nod. “Titus thinks he lacks discipline.”

“And you? What do you think of him?”

“I haven't spent a lot of time with him. He is capable and smart, and the nightbloods enjoy his lessons.”

 

Clarke could barely get any sleep that night, she spent the night tangled in the furs with Lexa, talking and touching, just enjoying each other’s company until they eventually fell asleep. 

 

Morning came too soon but Clarke was too nervous about the Summit to feel tired.

 

Last time she had been wary, but now she felt more resigned than nervous. Back then Clarke had to remind herself it was the best for her people over and over to push pass the hurt and be able to kneel before Lexa. She had been stubborn and clung to her resentment until the very last moment, only to have it be too late.

She had a quiet breakfast with Marcus and Abby and discussed how they had been offered grounder clothing but felt like they should wear their own to represent Skaikru. Abby didn't like the part where they had to bow down but it was a small price to pay compared to the benefits joining the coalition represented.

“I… we have something for you.” Kane said with a small excited smile and pulled something from his jacket.

She turned it over and saw it was a picture of Arkadia as it had been when Clarke sneaked in with Octavia after the massacre. Instead of the wooden plate with the words Camp Jaha, there was a metal one with the word Arkadia. The delinquents and the rest of the Skaikru stood outside the gates, the kids from Mount Weather and even Emerson were on it.

“How…” she asked as her eyes moved from face to face. Jasper was in the picture but he looked drunk and like he was forced to be there. Sinclair’s arm was around Raven’s shoulder while the Latina made peace signs and some kind of tough face. Monroe and Harper were holding hands and raising them proudly for the camera and Miller had one arm around Monty’s shoulder while he smiled shyly at the camera, Sargent Miller stood proudly behind them. Kane also had his arm around Abby and had a big grin on his face while the blonde doctor wore a restrained smile.

“One of the cameras the mountain people used to spy on the grounders was retrieved. Your mom suggested the name; after all we know Jaha changed when he arrived to the ground. She thought it was a fitting name and Raven told us you have been thinking about it as well… like mother like daughter it seems.” he added with a big grin. “You and Octavia weren't there for the picture but we thought you might like it.”

Clarke smiled and thanked them for the picture. She commented on how the camp was growing and was glad when they talked about how not only were they trading with the Trikru but actually working together. Builders were taught about Skaikru construction techniques and how they worked with technology, in exchange they taught them their own techniques and helped around camp.

Trikru and Skaikru were even working on buiding roads between Arkadia, TonDC and the dropship that was now becoming a clinic.

She didn't see Lexa all day, the Commander still had her duties and Clarke felt like time was dragging on. As a precaution, she radioed Arkadia and asked Sinclair to keep an eye on Bellamy, just to be sure.

She parted ways with her mother and Kane to get ready for the Summit, three handmaidens were already running a bath for her and unlike the celebration after the mountain, this time the style was for her to look every bit the part of Wanheda, the paint around her eyes made her look tough as did the hairstyle.

Once she was ready Clarke took a moment to look in the mirror. Last time she had wanted to break the thing in hopes it'd also break the crushing guilt attached to her new title. This time she felt empowered; she was the Commander of death. She commanded it and even if she didn't believe in such stories, she hoped and even prayed that it meant she could keep her loved ones from dying.

The sweet haunting notes of the grounder song started. The powerful voice of the singer bounced off the walls and this time she paid attention to the lyrics as goosebumps raised on her arms. The doors opened and much like last time, Clarke felt herself almost carried by the music, like an invisible force was carrying her forward until she stopped just in front of Lexa who was dressed in the same black dress adorned with ceremonial paint in the same style as before.

Their eyes connected for a moment in which everyone else disappeared and time stopped. In that instance they stared into each other’s eyes mesmerized, but the powerful voice of the singer brought them back and Clarke dropped to both knees, first time she had dropped to one, a private show of defiance but this time she did it as Lexa had done it when the Commander bowed to her back then. The moment her knees touched the ground everyone else kneeled too.

“Hail warriors of the twelve clans.” Lexa's voice rang strong through the room.

“Hail Commander of the blood.” they all replied, Indra’s voice sounding above everyone else's, strong, proud and reassuring.

“Rise.” Lexa commanded and they obeyed, it was Impossible not to and Clarke moved to her place.

“We welcome Skaikru to our halls in the spirit of friendship and harmony.” she paused as her eyes found Clarke reassuringly, I see _you_ , they said as she continued. “And we welcome Clarke Kom skaikru, legendary Wanheda, Mountain slayer. The purpose for this Summit is to initiate Skaikru into the Coalition as the thirteenth clan; the leader of Skaikru will bear our mark.” Lexa nodded as Kane stepped forward. “Present your arm.”

Much like last time, Clarke mentally willed Kane not to complain or faint as the iron was pressed to his arm followed by the sound and smell of burning flesh.

“Skaikru are now the thirteenth clan, members of our coalition, they are our brothers and sisters, to help and protect as they will help and protect the other clans. They will uphold and respect our law as we do.” Lexa nodded and the Ambassadors of the twelve clans stepped towards Kane one by one, presenting him with a gift, and shaking his arm murmuring words in Trigedasleng, all of which Tarak had explained. The words were originally from the Grounder anthem “Oso kik raun” We live as one and Kane replied with “Ogeda soluou.” We live alone.

“Wanheda will now be the Ambassador for the thirteenth clan; she will speak for the benefit of her people.” Lexa declared with a nod “Hail warriors of the thirteen clans.”

“Hail Commander of the blood.” Lexa nodded at them and they all bowed their heads as Lexa walked down the aisle and out of the room, followed by Titus.

Clarke breathed a sigh of relief, as the Ambassadors left the room after Lexa but there were still people from the different clans that lingered behind to talk with Kane and herself while Indra, Octavia, Tarak and the sentries stood watch.

After long moments socializing with the others, she retreated to her room. It was late into the evening and she decided to change and wash her face in Lexa's room and was surprised to find Lexa already there, in her nightgown, face clean and hair down.

“That went a lot better than expected” the blonde said with a smile as she walked in but whatever else she had planned on saying caught in her throat as Lexa's eyes met hers, pinning her to the spot. Clarke saw a fiery determination in Lexa’s eyes, an intensity that gave her chills and stole her breath away.

Lexa walked with purpose towards her, stopping just a few feet away and dropped to her knees.

Clarke wasn't expecting that. Not this time, not that she had back then but circumstances had changed.

“Lexa, what…”

This Lexa didn't owe her anything; didn't owe her any kind of reassurance that she would keep her word or would protect her and her people and yet, here she was, the Commander of the thirteen clans, the leader of everyone, the most powerful person on earth, kneeling before _Clarke_.

“I swear fealty to you, Clarke Kom Skaikru, I swear to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people.” Clarke’s words caught in her throat and her eyes watered as she stared down at Lexa.

“Lexa, you don't have to… why?”

“ _Wanheda_  had to bow down to me, so the people that wanted to take that power from you would stop. They wanted it to kill me but you willingly submitted. It means that even if they had it, it still wouldn't be enough as your power bowed to mine… But Clarke.” She paused and the look in those green eyes made the tears that had gathered in her own slide down her cheeks. “You are _not_ my subject, you are not _below_ me; we are _equals_.” Clarke didn't offer her hand this time. This time the blonde dropped to her knees as well, her hand tangling in the soft brown waves as her lips crashed against Lexa's.

"I love you.” Clarke whispered against Lexa's lips as the Commander’s hand cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears away with her thumbs and it felt so good, so liberating to finally be able to say those words to Lexa.

Lexa’s smile grew and Clarke’s lips ended pressed to her teeth and as she pulled back she found herself smiling back just as wide.

It was the biggest smile Clarke had seen on the other girl but there was a haunting shadow mixed with the happiness shining in her green eyes.

Lexa stood up first, pulling Clarke with her and lead her to the bed, gently guiding her to sit on it as she went to retrieve a cloth and the small basin of water. The soft, loving touches and the care Lexa cleaned her face with and the look in her face spoke the words Lexa's lips failed to. Lexa showed her love in every action and it put Clarke at ease enough not to press for an answer.

Lexa wiped her face clean while they exchanged looks and smiles, giggling and chuckling for no reason other than at the moment they were truly happy, nothing else existed but them in their room.

Lexa offered her hand to help Clarke up and with a questioning look and a tug at the straps of her dress that the blonde answered with a nod, the Commander pushed down the straps and let it pool at Clarke’s feet.

Another questioning look and tug, after nodding her consent, her undergarments followed.

Lexa's hands rested on her shoulders and traveled down her arms leaving goosebumps along their way. She squeezed her hands softly and Clarke leaned forward to rest her forehead against Lexa’s and moved her hands to Lexa's shoulder pushing down the thin straps of her gown letting it fall to the ground, followed by Lexa's undergarments.

They took a moment to appreciate each other and drink in the sight of the other. Clarke was the first to reach out, placing her hand on Lexa’s subtle curve at her hip where a scar wrapped around from her side and ended up a little above her hip bone. She ran her thumb over it softly, delighting in the way Lexa shivered at the touch.

It had been from her conclave, a spear she hadn't been fast enough to side step.

Clarke's eyes moved from where her hand rested against Lexa's skin, loving the way her tanner skin contrasted against her own and up, stopping at every scar.

She knew the story behind every big scar, the ones that could have costed Lexa's her life, but she was still learning about the little ones; there were some that hadn’t been threatening enough for Lexa to even remember where they came from.

Her hand followed the path up the Commander’s torso, resting against the place free from scars, the place where the bullet that ripped Lexa had hit, running her fingers back and forth over the smooth skin, reassuring herself that Lexa was fine and if it was up to her, she would stay that way.

Her left hand joined, pressing against her stomach while her right hand traveled up to rest against the Commander's chest, where she could feel the frantic beating of Lexa's heart as it pumped precious black blood through her veins, _alive_ she reassured herself, _real_ she added feeling the warmth and firmness of the body under hers.

 

Clarke was lying on her side; head resting against her hand while her other hand traced the tattoo on Lexa's arm. The Commander's back pressed against her front, they had spent a couple of hours exploring each other's bodies but they were far from done.

 

“Heda!” Titus called as he threw the door open and walked in, freezing on the spot as he spotted them on the bed.

Clarke pulled the furs up to her chest while Lexa sat up on the bed and glared daggers at her advisor.

“Titus what is the meaning of this?” she spat out, voice dripping with venom as the bald man lowered his gaze to the ground.

“Apologies Heda.” He bowed slightly though his voice was far from apologetic. "There's an emergency, we need you at the throne room.”

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked though she was already sliding towards the edge of the bed as Titus eyes moved towards Clarke, glaring at the blonde. “Titus!” Lexa prompted, lips curling in a snarl.

“The Prince is here… He brought a prisoner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks for the amazing support, all of you that reach out to me on tumblr or twitter @adrykomclexakru, thanks a lot, I love talking to you.
> 
> Special thanks to @[bdcvitanov](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bdcvitanov/pseuds/bdcvitanov) for sacrificing some of her time to help me correct my many mistakes and for listening to my rants lol it's bad, I'm Latina.
> 
> Next chapter: ROAN <3 we finally find out who was behind the attacks and well... the drama begins.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... Who's being threatening Clexa's peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I want to thank you all for your amazing support, you are awesome!
> 
> Also lol we all know how many delexas the tower is BUT there's also the free fall rule, it takes about 6 seconds for the guy to hit the ground that means around 20 meters (round 60 ft?) per second that means the tower is around 140 m tall, round 450 feet.
> 
> Special thanks to @[bdcvitanov](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bdcvitanov/pseuds/bdcvitanov) for sacrificing some of her time to help me correct my many mistakes.

Clarke didn’t see Lexa again until she was summoned with Kane and Abby, as the representaties of the Skaikru to a meeting in the throne room. At one point she had resigned herself to the fact that she wouldn’t be seeing Lexa any time soon and went to have breakfast with Kane and Abby, Octavia finding them not soon after they had been served their food.

_“So.” Octavia said with a huge grin as soon as she sat down next to her, opposite from Kane. “What does it feel like to get married?” She asked mischief dancing in her eyes and Clarke heard her mom gasp as she choked on her breakfast._

_“What?” Clarke had asked voice a couple of octaves higher and she glanced at her mother out of the corner of her eyes while Kane softly patted Abby’s back._

_“I'm just joking.” Octavia said with a shrug, Abby raising her hand for Kane to stop. “I've never been to a ceremony for initiating a clan into the coalition but I've been to a couple of weddings ever since I moved here, two… Though it's usually the spouses getting marked and both of them bow.” she shrugged her shoulders with a frown figuring her joke wasn't as funny now that she had to explain it ._

_Oh if only she knew._

_"The tattoos I sort of understand but the bowing…” Kane said with a frown._

_"Have you seen a grounder wedding?” Octavia asked surprised._

_“I… asked Indra.” Kane seemed to blush as Octavia and Clarke looked between him and Abby who was just pushing the food around on her plate. “But yes I've seen them; ever since our treaty I've been invited to a couple but I have only witnessed one.”_

_“Grounders respect strength but for them it's not really a physical thing. When Indra said she would take me as her second she told me I had a strong_ spirit _, for them it's a religious thing… a spiritual thing, they don't judge strength based on physical attributes like the skaikru does. Of course it plays a part, but they believe that it doesn't matter how big and muscular you are if your spirit is weak. They believe that when you kill someone you take their strength, but not the physical one. If I were to kill say…”_

_Abby looked mortified at how easy Octavia talked about killing as the young warrior's eyes moved around the room._

_“Broden over there.” Octavia said nodding towards the biggest sentry guarding the room. “I won't suddenly be able to… lift heavier stuff but I'd take his spiritual strength. I guess in terms that you can grasp, it's more like learning every battle and every life we take teaches us something that strengthens our spirit, which is why we get killmarks to remember that we are strong and alive. Our fight continues, but we still bleed and we can still die.”_

_Octavia paused for a moment letting her words sink in. Abby was still frowning but Kane was leaning forward, fascinated, clinging to every word, eager to learn everything he could about the grounder culture._

_“Bowing means you are surrendering your spirit’s strength to the other. For the coalition it meant every leader acknowledged Heda’s strength as superior. For Wanheda,” Octavia nodded towards Clarke and rolled her eyes at the title, “it means her strength serves Heda’s and it will serve no other who would use it against Heda. In weddings, both partners bow to the other so they become equals.”_

 

Clarke was grateful when the topic changed to the prisoner, news traveled fast and Kane and Abby already knew about by the time Clarke had met them for breakfast but Octavia knew as much as they did, the Prince of Azgeda had arrived with a prisoner that was to be interrogated later that day.

As soon as breakfast was over Ryder and a couple of sentries began following her around, Clarke had frowned at the addition and Ryder had replied with a shrug and grunted that Nia’s army was marching towards Polis, Roan had been taken prisoner and she was to be guarded at all times.

They parted ways with Octavia and were escorted to the throne room, Kane had taken _her_ chair as the highest ranking Skaikru member, Clarke sitting besides him in an added chair and Abby sitting behind the both of them.

 

“Gyon op gon yo Heda.” Titus called the moment the sentries started pushing the doors open and Lexa walked in.

They all dropped to their knees taking their cues from Titus.

Clarke's eyes went to Lexa as she stopped in front of her throne she found Lexa's eyes trained on an Ambassador who judging by his scars was from Azgeda. And honestly it was only because she had taken a closer look since he was the only one not kneeling, that Clarke even noticed he wasn't the Azgeda Ambassador she had met before, after the Skaikru became the thirteenth clan. Unlike back then, this one was a man.

“Azgeda na spek yo daun gon yo Heda.” Titus spat, ordering the man to bow down before Lexa.

"Heda-de beda spek en daun gon Azgeda, you. Osir get in ha osir nou na fis op nou ginteik gon osir baga.” He replied casting a cold look at the members of the Skaikru. Kane and Abby looked lost, her mother more so than Kane who probably got the gist of it by the words he did know. Clarke replied with a glare of her own as the arrogant man proclaimed Lexa should be the one bowing down to Azgeda for making treaties with their enemies.

“Heda nou spek em daun gon non no we.” Titus spat back walking closer to the ambassador.

“Skaikru are not the enemy.” Tarak proclaimed rising to his feet as well. “They are now part of the Coalition.” And honestly Clarke couldn’t like the guy more at that moment, his priorities were at least better than Titus’.

“Stand down, Titus” Lexa ordered and Titus bowed slightly before going back to his place.

“Seintaim em seimbeda sling kom baga.” Azgeda’s Ambassador added now talking to the other Ambassadors as well.

“And you will use it too, in honor of our guests. Now sit, we have more important matters to discuss.” Lexa said as she walked towards her throne and finally everyone stood up and took their seats.

“Yes, we do.” The Ambassador continued walking closer towards the throne. “For example, what are we going to do with the threat in the north? Azgeda has suffered attacks as well and instead of doing something here you are paying more attention to the Sky people, who only just joined our coalition… If this is your weakness again, Azgeda will happily step in.”

Clarke recoiled from those words, eyes widening as she stared at the man and then at Lexa who had recoiled as well in a more subtle way.

Was this… _No_ , this man hadn't so casually mentioned how his people had killed Costia, right? But the smirk on his face said he was.

“Is that why your army has moved so close to Polis? Because you believe the Commander is _weak_?” Titus asked throwing a not so subtle glare at Clarke.

"Oh those are just military exercises.” he shrugged a cocky smirk playing on his lips.

“Exercises?” Tarak asked, indignation dripping from every syllable. “You crossed the border into Trikru land; an army within striking distance from our beloved capital.” Lexa had stepped up from her throne and moved towards the entrance of the balcony while the others argued and Clarke frowned, was Lexa not going to do anything about this?

“A mistake that was quickly rectified as you well know.” Clarke wanted to smack him, his arrogant tone and careless shrugs were getting on her nerves.

“The ice queen doesn't make mistakes, she makes threats.” Titus said taking a step forward.

“There's no need to argue about this again.” Lexa sighed out, her tone suddenly much too sweet. “Please come join me, let us speak in private. I have a message for Queen Nia.” Clarke frowned, she wondered what Lexa was planning as the guy smirked and followed Lexa to the balcony.

“And I’ll happily deliver” Clarke heard as she turned towards Abby and Kane before her eyes began traveling to everyone in the throne room, her inspection was cut short as she heard Lexa groan followed by a loud, fading scream and muffled thud and suddenly Lexa was stepping back in the room, no sign of the Azgeda Ambassador on the balcony anymore.

“Would anyone else care to question my decisions?” Those who had stood up fell back on their seats and everyone shifted uncomfortably looking around each other, even Clarke was beyond stunned as she watched Lexa. “Good, then let's begin.”

Everyone had been on their best behavior after that and Clarke was reminded that no matter how soft and caring Lexa was with her, the Commander could be ruthless.

Part of her felt the Azgeda Ambassador had deserved it and a small part of her fell sorry for him. Lexa just couldn't kill anyone she didn't trust or spoke against her… Unless it helped keeping her alive then Clarke wasn’t sure she’d be too opposed.

 

 

Clarke sighed deeply as she looked at Abby who wasn’t paying attention to whatever the other Ambassadors and Lexa were discussing, even Kane looked disturbed. She didn't have time or the energy to talk to her mother and explain Lexa's actions right now, how the man had struck a very sensitive nerve and threatened Clarke all in one sentence, she had more important things to deal with.

The meeting was minimally productive, despite the good behavior of those in attendance. The prisoner had yet to give any useful information, Indra was interrogating, which explained while neither the General nor her second were at the meeting.

“Tarak!” she called the fleimkepa second as she finally found him not long after they had been dismissed. The man stopped on his tracks, hands filled with parchments and looked curiously at her. “I need to talk to you… In private.”

“I can't right now Wanheda, I have matters to attend.” He replied and began walking again

“ _Please_ , it's very important.” She said and Tarak sighed before nodding towards the end of the hall away from the sentries.

“What is it that you want to discuss?” Tarak asked lowering his voice, Clarke appreciated the gesture; she took a deep steeling breath and locked eyes with Tarak.

“I need to speak with Roan of Azgeda.” Tarak’s eyes widened almost comically before he frowned so deeply his forehead wrinkled.

“Have you asked Heda?” He asked warily but the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice told her that he already knew the answer.

“No, Lexa has a lot on her plate already with Nia moving against her and she has to concern herself with the Ambassadors and the interrogation and the threat of Azgeda. Tarak my loyalties lie with _Lexa_ , I can assure you of that. I know Roan’s story, I don't think he is anywhere as bad as his mother and I think he would make a fine ally and I think I can make him see that as well because I honestly don't think we are that different, he and I, from each other. He has done things because the circumstances forced him to, he just wants the best for his people and I think if I get the chance to talk to him I can show him the best for his people is to be an ally to Lexa, to the coalition.”

Tarak studied her for a long moment, frown still in place, before nodding subtly and gesturing for her to follow him.

“Take us to the library floor.” The sentry stepped inside the elevator and beat the drum a couple of times in different patterns before it began moving. “Take this to Titus please.” Tarak ordered once they reached the Library and the guy looked curiously at him before nodding and doing as he was instructed.

Clarke stared at the hole in the wall for a moment as the elevator went up and Tarak dragged her towards it, holding her hand as he pushed her closer to the edge.

“The ladder, it's on the wall, grab onto it and go down as quietly as possible, five floors down, there's a sentry guarding the Prince but I can't help you with that, if Titus finds out…”

“He won't, this is enough. I'll do the rest… Thank you Tarak, for trusting me.”

“Don't make me regret it Wanheda.” He said with a nod and as Clarke was starting to descend Tarak leaned forward so he could see her. “Hurry up, I bought you time but if the elevator goes down… it won't be pretty.” He warned and Clarke nodded solemnly as she hurried her pace as best as she could, falling down from this height wouldn’t be pretty either.

Once she reached the floor, she leaned over spotting the sentry standing guard outside his room before hiding back, panting to catch her breath while keeping an eye on the elevator a couple of floors above while she tried to think of a way to get pass him.

If this was the old world, before the nuclear wars, she could have become rich playing poker. She thought as she decided there was nothing else she could but bluff her way through it again and hope for the best.

“Smart man…” Clarke said as she walkedout from the elevator’s whole, the sentry looked surprised to see her for a moment before he frowned as he realized she hadn't come through the elevator. “A survivor, I can respect that.”

“Wanheda?” He asked with a confused frown.

“I know you and the Prince have a little deal going.” It was a gamble she knew but she remembered Roan telling her he had bought some guards. “If Azgeda wins you are protected and if not well… Those who are about to die will say anything, so you could try and deny everything and hope they believe you.” His expression confirmed she was right before he schooled them back into a frown but it was too late.

“I don't…”

“ _Maybe_ … But who would Heda believe? You or me?”

“How do you… what do you want?”

“A moment with the Prince.” The sentry thought on it for a moment before he nodded and Clarke tried her best not to smirk as she pushed the door open. She could have been so rich.

“Wanheda…” Roan said in a soft and raspy tone as his eyes studied her. “I don't know if it's brave or stupid for you to be here.” He had been standing near the window on the side of the room and he walked closer to the center of the room as he spoke. “What makes you think this wasn't all a ploy to get close to you and take you to the Ice Queen?”

“Because… I may not know you but I know _of_ you. I know you want your mother to control the coalition about as much as you want to be a prisoner here. I know all you want is to go home.” his eyes narrowed at her.

“What do _you_ want?” He asked distrust clear in his gruff voice.

“I want us to be allies. I want you to realize that we, Lexa and I, want the same things as you, to protect our home and our people, peace.”

“Even if that was true… What help could I be? I’m just a glorified prisoner.” He extended his arms to show the room it was not as nice as Clarke’s or even the other rooms she had seen but it was better than a cell. “I may not be in a cell but I'm still trapped.”

“I don't need for you to do anything… Not _yet_ , I just want you to remember for when the time comes that we are not so different from each other… The Ice Queen has ruled for many years and we all know she doesn't really care about you… or Azgeda, all she cares about is power.”

“That's because you have been talking to Lexa.” Roan said but those were just words, Clarke could read it easily. “She has proven she can be just as bad and she breaks deals as easily as she makes them…”

“Even you have to agree that in the short time Lexa has been Commander she has done more good than bad. I know about the wars and that's the thing about war, it brings out the worst in people and there's no real victor; it takes its toll on all sides involved.” Clarke walked a couple of steps more into the room closer to Roan. 

He was a smart man, like Lexa more about head than heart when making decisions as opposed to Clarke who tried to find a middle ground between the two. 

“I think its time a king rises for Azgeda… I think you would be a better leader for your people and I think if we all work together we can build a real and lasting peace.”

“Do you really believe that?” He asked; gaze still fixed on Clarke studying her. “There was a time when I used to think peace was possible… But our people are warriors, war is all they know.” He finally looked away towards the open window overlooking the city.

“Which is why we need to show them a better way, but in order to do that we need to work together.”

“And do you really believe Lexa will help us with that? That she won't end up choosing her people over us?”

“We are all part of the Coalition and that means we are all her people” Clarke stated firmly.

“Is that so? Do you trust her with your life?”

“Yes” she replied without hesitation.

“Do you trust her with your people?”

“Yes.” Clarke replied once more without hesitation.

Roan’s gaze fell back on her and there was a long moment before something seemed to click for him.

“You don't know…” he muttered amusement clear on his tone and expression making Clarke frown. “Let's see if you are right, let's see how much you trust the Commander… The prisoner I brought… is Skaikru.”

Clarke's eyes widened and she turned on her heels and walked out of the room feeling Roan’s eyes boring into her back.

“Where do they keep the prisoners?” She demanded from the sentry outside the door.

“There are two floors underground; the first one is for prisoners.”

“Call for the elevator, _now_.” Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and the only thing she seemed to be able to think was Pike.

When the elevator finally arrived Clarke stepped forward and demanded to be taken to the prisoner, the sentry took just one look at her before nodding.

It was clear, as soon as she stepped out of it, that the rooms hadn't been cells in the old world but had been adapted as such. There were several small rooms, it was dark but the torches on the walls kept it lit enough, more than one cell was occupied but Octavia’s voice, groans of pain and the sentries outside told her that it was the last cell the one she was looking for..

“Stop!” She said from outside, pushing against the sentries to walk inside the cell. Octavia stopped there was small bloodied knife in her hand and she looked at Clarke with a frown as did Indra who was standing at the back of the room.

Clarke looked at the prisoner, it was a woman, not Pike, short and slim and with one look at her, despite her swollen eye and bruised face, Clarke knew just who she was.

“She's farm station.” She said to Octavia who frowned at the woman. “Skaikru… She is Monty’s mom.”

“My son! You have my son?” she exclaimed turning to Clarke and lunging at her the chains around her feet kept her from advancing very far, that didn't stop her from trying to reach Clarke anyway, clawing at the air between them.

“Stop! Stop! My name is Clarke Griffin, daughter of Doctor Abby and Jake Griffin, I’m a friend of your son! This is Octavia Blake. We were part of the hundred sent to earth.”

“You?” She asked turning to Octavia. “How could you?” Mrs. Greene spat out glaring at the younger Blake.

“Well maybe if you all hadn't kept me living under the floor all of my life and then sent me to jail for being born I would have recognized you” Octavia spat back.

“Octavia stop! It was not her; it was the stupid law, and it was Jaha enforcing them. Let's talk outside.” Clarke said pulling on Octavia’s arm so she would follow her outside.

Octavia and Hannah glared at each other refusing to be the one to back down first up until the moment the doors closed behind them.

“How did you know this?” Indra asked.

“Roan told me. What has she said?” Clarke explained quickly not wanting to get into detail on how she had even gotten to talk to Roan.

“Nothing she refused to speak.” Indra said. “Probably didn’t even know what we were saying, she’s dressing in our clothes, we were talking to her in our language.”

“That didn’t look like talking.” Clarke said and there was something in her tone that apparently rubbed Octavia the wrong way as she scoffed.

“What? Suddenly above torture, Clarke? If it's not to save your lover's life then you are above it?”

Of all the things that haunted her, standing idly by, while Lincoln was tortured was probably the one she forgot about more easily, because Lincoln didn't hold a grudge against her, because it felt justified but she was reminded that It hadn't been Bellamy's torture but Octavia kindness what got her the information.

“No but you remember what good torturing Lincoln did, it was _you_ who got us the information to save Finn not the torture, let _me_ give it a try.” Clarke insisted, Indra and Octavia exchanged a look, before the general turned to her doubt still written on her features

“We need the information as quick as possible.” Indra warned.

“I will get what I can and Octavia will help me, if I can’t get her to talk. Look farm station crashed into Azgeda lands they weren't with us. We thought the rest of the Ark was dead, unlike us, farm station has probably only know how ruthless grounders can be, let me try it my way and if I get nothing then you may do it your way.” Clarke promised and Indra nodded once and turned to leave.

“How do you know they crashed into Azgeda lands?” Octavia asked with a frown and Clarke tried to keep her expression neutral.

“Roan told me.” Clarke shrugged. “Octavia… do you have the picture of Skaikru Kane got for us?” She asked and Octavia shook her head. 

“It’s in my house.” She explained.

“Okay, in Lexa's room, there's a chest on the left side of the room, by the window, next to an easel, it has some clothes and inside there's a copy of the picture, bring it to me please.” Clarke instructed as she moved to walk back inside the cell.

“Clarke this is not the time for sentimentalism, I can't just go inside _Heda’s_ room!”

“It's _mine_ too, Lexa won't mind, especially if we give her the information quickly, I need her to see Monty is fine and I don't want her talking to him on the radio yet.” Octavia hesitated for a moment but nodded and ran towards the lift.

Clarke took a couple deep breaths to compose herself and walked back inside.

“Hannah...I need you to tell me everything that's happened with farm station since you landed.”

“Clarke, I don't understand… you are dressed like them.”

“So are you” She pointed out with a shrug.

“You are in their capital.”

“So are you.” Clarke shook her head; they didn't have time for this.

“They listen to you.”

“Look, Kane and my mom are here too. They will explain everything but it's bad Hannah. You have been killing and raiding their villages. They could execute you for that; I could make a deal with the Commander for _you_ , if you tell me everything. Do you wanna live? See Monty again? Be with him? _We_ are not their prisoners and you can either tell me what I'm asking for or they'll try to beat it out of you, or kill you slowly, by a thousand cuts if you don’t.” Hannah grimaced and looked down as she contemplated her options.

“Clarke!” Octavia panted as she walked inside the room and handed her the picture.

“This is our camp, you'll see Monty is fine.” Clarke said handing her the picture.

She saw Mrs. Greene’s eyes water the moment her eyes landed on her son and Clarke smiled in encouragement.

 

 

Clarke wanted nothing more than to be with Lexa at the moment; she had a lot of questions but most importantly, a bad feeling settled deep in her chest, twisting her stomach into knots and making her feel uneasy no matter what she did. 

Instead, she was in Octavia and Lincoln’s house, her friend was leaving soon, going with Indra on a mission that would hopefully settle all the trouble in the north… 

Clarke knew that was just wishful thinking.

She was sitting on a very comfortable couch across from Octavia who had finished sharpening her knife and was now doing the same to her sword, Lincoln meanwhile had four small bags and was fretting around as he packed for the girl.

She smiled at them as she watched. 

Lincoln had already packed three different kinds of antidotes for different kind of venoms, a variety of pain medicines and bandages and he had a small bag just for food for Octavia to snack on, on the road.

 

 

Clarke could see the unspoken concern in his eyes, figured fretting over what Octavia would need was his way of trying to feel reassured she’d be alright.

Octavia was not going on an easy mission, this was probably the most dangerous one to date without counting the battle at Mount Weather and while the young warrior seemed very excited. Clarke and Lincoln kept exchanging looks of concern every time their eyes met.

_Clarke threw open the doors of the throne room and walked inside with purpose, Octavia followed close behind._

_“It was Nia” she spat out. Lexa, Indra, Titus and Tarak were in the room and immediately paused their discussion and turned to look at Clarke and Octavia. They both walked closer to the throne where Lexa was sitting, the Commander rose immediately as Clarke stopped only a step down, Octavia staying at the base of the steps leading to the throne._

_“Explain.” Lexa demanded in the same tone she used when Clarke had told her they could bring Lincoln back or when she told her the drink hadn’t been poisoned._

_“There were around two hundreds member of farm station. Farm Station is a part of the ark that separated when Skaikru crash landed here. Farm station landed in Azgeda and there’s only sixty-three left. They had been trying to survive, running and hiding but the Ice Nation is brutal. One day a general of the army arrived to their camp and told them that they would let the remaining sixty three leave their lands and settle south their borders, if they could take those lands from their owners.”_

_Lexa turned and walked behind her throne, hands clasped behind her back as she looked out the balcony._

_“They didn’t know other members of the skaikru were alive” Octavia added. “They didn’t know about the clans or the coalition.”_

_“They were probably hoping we would catch them, blame the Skaikru and start a war.” Indra offered to Lexa’s back._

_“Or that we would attack them and have the Skaikru declare a war” Tarak added in a thoughtful tone._

_Lexa turned her head slightly to exchange a look with Titus out of the corner of her eyes before returning to her throne, back straight, legs crossed and face as stoic as always._

_“Indra.” The Commander, there were no traits of Lexa at the moment, called and the intensity of her voice made the general step down the small platform the throne rested on and place one knee on the floor. “Bring me Nia…” There was a beat where everyone waited with bated breath for the Commander to add: Nia’s head, instead Lexa took a deep breath to gather herself, the moment passed and everyone relaxed slightly, though Clarke felt like had Lexa asked for Nia’s head instead, things would be easier for them all. “Alive.” The Commander nodded once and Indra stood up with fire in her eyes._

_“Octavia, we’ll leave at sundown.” Indra said and the fiery determination was reflected in her second’s eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like Lincoln would be like [Mrs. Potato](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bdcvitanov/pseuds/bdcvitanov) head in Toy Story 2, packing for Octavia
> 
> I'm pretty sure you all know what comes next chapter... I hope you are ready for it!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit about Octavia's life in Polis, Clarke and the Ambassadors and DRAMA with Azgeda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay as you can see I deleted the Author's note, I'm a little compulsive about this kind of stuff and didn't want the note messing with the flow of the story. All apologies and explanations will be on the next chapter.
> 
> PLEASE ASSUME ALL THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN GROUNDERS, INCLUDING OCTAVIA WILL BE CONDUCTED IN TRIGEDASLENG UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE.
> 
> For Wanheda's warpaint go HERE

Octavia hadn’t had much to be thankful in her life, she had been a second child, the illegal child, she had spent her life locked down in an already confined place, they were all in the ark in space but for over a decade all she knew was the four walls that was their room, Bellamy and her mom shared their food rations with her, Bellamy taught her how to read and write, about history and math, everything she knew, she owed it to him but there was a little voice inside her head that often wondered if life was worth living like this, always hiding, trapped to keep her freedom, trapped to keep her life, other times she went to the complete opposite end of that spectrum and couldn’t but feel, **know,** that she was meant for more.

And when she finally had the opportunity to go out from the only place she had known her entire life, she got caught.

A small moment of actual freedom costed her mother’s life and the little freedom she had actually had, it was sad really, that being a prisoner, being in jail was **better.** She had her own food, she had never eaten so much, she had her own cot and didn’t have to hide in the room anymore and she was actually not only allowed but expected to go to classes and learn stuff, she had friends.

She savored every moment of it, she wasn’t sure she’d live past her eighteen birthday.

The ground had been the best thing that happened to her besides being imprisoned.

Yes, it had its hardships but she thrived, she was finally truly free, she discovered herself and her strength.

As if that hadn’t been enough the ground had given her more than freedom and strength, she found love, in different forms, in Lincoln’s soft words, in Indra’s hard stares, she found more friends and strengthened the bond with those she already had. She found people worth respecting and people who respected her in return, who didn’t judge her for something she had no control over.

She went from the illegal child to grounder pounder, to warrior.

She had been a little wary at first, of course she was, specially on that last night at TonDC, Indra had taken her out to hunt as soon as she and Clarke arrived at the gates, something small, just dinner for the two of them, she had been tasked to gather berries and other things they could eat with their meat, it was a test to see if she could remember what was poisonous or would make them hallucinate and what was edible.

 

_“It’s not always like this… Not anymore.” Indra said as she watched the rabbit cooking on a tree branch in the fire. “Not after Heda united the clans, it used to be though, constant battles, deaths, foodwasn’t always easy to come by with so many battles. The woods were not a safe place, they were filled with reapers at night..”_

_Octavia hadn’t known what to make of Indra and Lexa’s relationship, Indra looked so wise and strong, reliable, Lexa was… different and the times Octavia had actually talked to her had been scarce, she didn’t know, couldn’t know, how this stranger of a young woman, younger than her brother, was above Indra in the chain of command, was above everyone else._

_“Life in Polis, life on the ground, is different to what you have been experiencing since you got here.” She said finally looking up from the rabbit to look at her. “There’re many things that will be expected of you as my second. You’re expected to be a good warrior and a leader, if something happens to me you’ll be expected to take my place or a similar position… From now on besides a good fighter, you’ll be expected to be able to make people follow you, listen to you even when they disagree but above all else, you’re gonna be expected to protect Lexa with everything you have.” That had irked her._

 

She didn’t understand yet and Indra hadn’t explained further, instead choosing to let her see for herself and boy did she see, she had figured it was because Lexa was a Trikru Heda, she had been explained what Heda’s position actually was in a rough course of grounders politics on her way to Polis, the last 5 commanders had been from other Clans and before that the Trikru commander had only lived three years after his ascension.

No, Lexa was considered a radical for some of the grounders who were fighters at their core, who had only known hardships and wars for the last 97 years since the old world ended and she was ruthless when she needed to but fair and merciful above everything else.

She was a great warrior too, the best Octavia had seen.

During her first week in Polis she had been bored out of her mind, she had attended meeting after meeting where Lexa had dealt with the Ambassadors, leaders and all kind of representatives from the other clans, to explain what had happened at the mountain and what would happen going forward, she had seen the Commander with the nightbloods, had seen her walk around the markets accepting the gifts people offered to her before sending Indra a pointed look that meant that upon return Indra would order people to go pay for those gifts. Saw Lexa deal with warriors, fishers, families and everyone that requested a hearing with the Heda.

The following weeks were a little more exciting, they had been shown to a small hut not far from the tower, told her it was a gift for her and Lincoln and she had been expected to join the other warriors in their morning training.

She trained with warriors, sentries and nightbloods. She had a lot to make up for, since she hadn’t starting training since childhood, she had been given so many clothes, she had always used Bellamy’s old clothes or her mothers as she was growing up but now she had her own home, her own clothes and had been given so many weapons, a spear, a bow, a dagger and a couple of more swords.

Lexa trained with the warriors once a week and while Octavia knew the Commander had been holding back when they had sparred, she hadn’t realized just how much until she saw Lexa sparing with Indra, winning and then calling forth her new bodyguard, Artin as if Indra had been just a warm up. Indra told her one day she’d take on a second of her own and she needed to get better fast so she could truly be a teacher to them.

She had seen then that it was not Lexa who she was meant to protect with everything she had, it was what Lexa stood for.

 

_And now here she was, two months later, riding at the front of an army that belonged to people that had once been her enemy, riding next to their leader as one of their own._

_Two days after their departure from Polis the scouters had announced Azgeda’s camp up ahead, right at the edge of their boarders._

_They had stopped for Indra to split the army, back up on the trees and another force to flank and reinforce if needed._

_“We’re not to attack first. We are not giving the Queen any reason to start a war but be prepared if they make a move.” Had been Indra’s instructions after they had set a meeting place and instructed a warrior on what to do in case things were south and they needed to alert Heda._

_She walked a few steps behind Indra, the Azgedakru were outside their tents, swords and weapons in hands but didn’t move from their spot as they marched towards what clearly was Nia’s tent. They were a couple of feet away from the entrance when a young warrior, a little older than Octavia herself, probably around Clarke’s or Lexa’s age stepped forward and raised her sword at Indra._

_“Move and die.” She sneered and Octavia replied by raising her own sword, the girl turned towards her, swinging her sword so fast Octavia had blocked out of pure reflex more than a conscious thought, the girl pushed her back with a kick to her stomach while pushing Indra away with the arm she wasn’t holding her sword in._

_Octavia was forced to take a couple of steps back by the kick but had managed to keep her balance, she chanced a quick look at Indra by the corner of her eyes, the general had raised a hand to stop the army from attacking, no other member of Azgeda had made a move and she nodded her head at Octavia who raised her sword once again and glared at the other girl._

_She was everything Octavia was not as a fighter, the girl was as fast as she was strong, her technique that of someone who handled the sword like an extension of their arm, Octavia was no match, she refused to give up but it was clear that the girl was toying with her and it only made her angrier._

_“Ontari… Stop.” A melodic voice came from inside the tent before the Ice Queen walked out, Octavia didn’t need to be told who she was, even if she hadn’t just ordered the girl to stand down it’d be clear this woman was the Queen, not by her clothes but in the way she carried herself. “What is the meaning of this?” She asked with fake innocence, Octavia had one knee on the ground and was panting heavily, she’d never admit it but she was glad for the Queen’s intervention, she wasn’t sure she’d have being able to keep up for much longer._

_“Queen Nia of Azgeda, you’re accused of conspiracy against the coalition.” Octavia chanced a look at Ontari, the girl wasn’t even panting and there wasn’t a single scratch on her, Octavia on the other hand was bleeding from different places, all shallow injuries, the girl was playing with her. “You’re going to come with us to receive’s Heda’s justice.” Indra announced and there was a sneer on her face and victory on her voice._

_“This is all a misunderstanding.” The Queen replied with a shrug. “No need for the dramatics, I have nothing to hide, I’ll go willingly.” She said and nodded at her camp and then at Ontari who turned to sneer at Octavia before punching her right on cheek._

___________________________________

 

“And that’s what happened.” Octavia explained trying not to wince as Clarke worked on the bruises and scratches on her face, while Lincoln tended to the wounds on her body, they were in the tower’s medical floor.

“What did Indra said?” Clarke asked with a frown.

“Nothing, we didn’t talk much on the way back, since Nia came willingly she was allowed an attendant to come with her and she chose that bitch. I swear next time I see her I’m gonna kick her ass.”

“Easy there.” Lincoln coaxed gently. “We just stitched you up at least wait until the wounds close before kicking anyone’s ass.” He added with a loving smile as he applied a balm to her wounds.

“Well any ass kicking would have to wait until after the trial, Clarke and I are expected to be there and spirits, I hope they don’t want to say anything so I get to beat it out of their stupid faces.” Octavia growled making Clarke smile.

“Come on, let’s go.” Clarke said nodding a promise to Lincoln that she’d keep an eye on Octavia as he helped the girl from the bed.

“Any news while we were away?” Octavia asked while they waited for the elevator.

“Not… exactly it was quiet, I did have a weird conversation with the other Ambassadors though.” Clarke replied with a smirk.

 

_She rarely ate on the mesh hall floor, she usually shared her meals with Lexa or in their room but she knew she had to do something while waiting for Indra and Octavia to come back, she couldn’t just sit around and put fires as they went, she needed to at least try and prevent them, she dressed in the fiercest outfit she could come up with, Wanheda was needed for this, so much she even applied some warpaint around her eyes._

_“Hi.” She greeted with a smile on her lips as she took her place, proud when they all paused to stare at her for a long moment. “Mochof.” She thanked the grounder servant that brought her meal and looked around the table. “This looks delicious.” She said and began eating as if nothing was out of the ordinary after a couple of beats they resumed their eating as well. “It’s such a shame…” She casually added after a while, loud enough for all the Ambassadors to hear. “That Azgeda would train to make an enemy out of Skaikru… I know we didn’t make the best first impression but now that we’re all part of the Coalition, you can all rest assure that_ **_my_ ** _loyalty, Skaikru’s loyalties, lie with the Coalition… with_ **_The Commander._ ** _” she said giving them all a pointed look._

_If there was to be a attempt at a coup, like back then, she wanted to let them know it was not going to work out this time either, most of the Ambassadors rushed to agree with her, there was fear in some of their eyes and she had figured, even back then, than their support for Nia hadn’t exactly been out of love for the Queen._

 

Octavia chuckled when Clarke finished telling her about her unofficial meeting with the Ambassadors, leaving out Lexa’s… Enthusiastic reaction as seeing her in full Wanheda mode. Octavia’s amusement was cut short as the girl hissed in pain but as soon as the elevator reached the throne room floor, the girl straightened her back, hardened her features and walked proudly inside the room ahead of Clarke to take her place behind Indra.

“Ambassadors of the Coalition.” Lexa began sitting proudly on her throne, once they had all taken their seats, Clarke once again sitting next to Kane in front of her mother. They had been appalled to find out Hannah was the prisoner and her mom had glared at Clarke when she found out, by Octavia, that they had tried to beat the information out of her. As if Clarke was responsible for Lexa’s action, the glare had only intensified, thankfully this time aimed at Lexa herself, when the Commander had told them they were to have no contact with the prisoner until the Ice Queen was brought to them, as they were all part of the Coalition now and the woman had been part of the raids on different villages and deaths of innocents, Hannah Greene would have her trail after the Queen’s depending on how things were.

“Today we honor our covenant, the clan that stands against one of us, stands against us all.” Lexa continued and Clarke’s heart was pounding in her chest. She knew what was coming, her eyes drifting to the kneeling prince between to sentries, her eyes boring into his, willing him to remember their conversation.

“Lid fingadon in.” Titus ordered and Four sentries walked in, two flanking Nia and two flanking Ontari, the younger girl immediately glared at Roan who just stared at his mother with a blank expression on her face, a look of disgust quickly flashed behind Nia’s eyes at seeing Roan on his knees but it wasn’t long before Ontari and Nia herself were forced to kneel before Lexa.

“Queen Nia claims no knowledge of the claims by the Skaikru prisoner. Who confessed that a deal was struck by a member of Azgeda to destroy the Trikru villages by the boarder and they’d be allowed to live and leave.” 

“They landed on our territory, started attacking us, we were simply protecting ourselves… As far as I know Trikru did the same… Though they weren’t as successful.” Nia replied smirking at Indra who seethed in her place.

“Thay may be so but you were informed of the alliance of the Coalition with the Skaikru, knew those on your lands weren’t the only ones who had survived their…landing. You knew they helped us defeat the mountain and still kept on attacking them.” Tarak cut in

“Azgeda is _our_ land… We protect what is ours… I’m sure everyone here agrees.” This time the smirk was aimed at Lexa and Clarke could feel her blood boiling.

“Markus kom Skaikru… What say you?” Titus asked and while she understood why, since Marcus was the highest ranked Skaikru there, she couldn’t help herself when she intervened.

“Skaikru demands justice!” Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it was what prompted the challenge back then but she couldn’t help herself, she hated Nia, she wanted her dead, as long as Nia lived she’d pose a threat for Lexa.

“You are accused to conspire against the Coalition, the punishment for your crimes is death. Do you have anything to say in your defense?” Titus asked finally, his glare shifting to Clarke for speaking over Kane.

“I need no defense…” The Queen announced proudly. “ _She_ does.” She spat the words out eyes fixed on Lexa now. “Today is judgement day.” She called and looked around the room. Clarke couldn’t help the smirk that played on her lips as the Queen looked around the room to the Ambassadors, who all looked down, squirming in place and avoiding eye contact with her, her eyes settling on Marcus Kane’s arm where the brand of the Coalition stood up against his skin, still red and tender -Clarke had suggested that he didn’t wear long sleeves for a while until it healed- before looking towards Lexa again and she wished, hoped and prayed that Lexa would just order her execution right there and then.

Nia stood up then, Ontari following her lead. “No one here wants war…” Nia began and Clarke couldn’t breath, she kept chanting ‘no, no, no, please no’ over and over again in her head.

“We both know what you want, Nia.” Lexa replied, steel in her voice and Clarke tried to send a mental message to Lexa to just look at her, to not do anything stupid, she had the power to end it right there, one command and this would be over and Lexa would be safe but Lexa didn’t look at her, instead the Commander rose from her throne and it was panic that kept Clarke glued to her seat when all she wanted to do was stop the train wreck that was happening before her very eyes.

“If you think me unfit to command…” Lexa was a couple of inches shorter than the Ice Queen but as they stood face to face, it was clear that Lexa had such a presence that not even someone towering over her could look down on her. “Issue the challenge, let’s get on with it.”

“Very well…” Nia agreed and Clarke’s brain was screaming orders at her body to move, to say something, _do_ something but Nia and Lexa had such a commanding presence that everyone in the room was glued to their place. “You are challenged.”

“And I accept your challenge.” Lexa replied in a softer but confident voice, like she was accepting an invitation for lunch.

Titus was the first to break from the spell, from the invisible force that the unstoppable force and unmoving object that these women were kept them in place.

“So be it…” He announced projecting his voice. “Soulou gonplei… Warrior against warrior… To the death.”

“Yu kik raun kom kongeda, yu wan op kom kongeda.” Clarke felt a shiver run down her spine, how right Nia was, it had been the Coalition what had all but killed Lexa.

“Queen Nia of Azgeda… Who do you choose to be your champion?” Titus asked and Clarke looked at Roan at the same time Nia did, his eyes met hers first before staring at her mother.

Nia smirked at him.

“Ontari kom Azgeda.” Nia stated proudly and Clarke gasped _NO._ This couldn’t be happening, no, no…

No one looked more shocked than Roan and Nia’s smirk changed to a look of total contempt towards Roan as Ontari walked forward smirking at Lexa.

“Heda… Who will fight for you?” Titus asked in a pleading tone and Clarke was well into a panic attack by now as Lexa stared down at Ontari before moving to sit on her throne.

_No, Lexa please._ She begged in her head almost sighing in relief as she saw Octavia move forward from the corner of her eye only to be pulled back by Indra, Artin, Lexa’s bodyguard took a tiny step forward as well as if waiting for Lexa to just claim his as her champion.

“Ai laik Heda.” She announced and Clarke saw Titus, Indra, Tarak and Artin all shake their head. “Non na throu daun gon ai” She finished and Nia smiled turning to look at Ontari who smirked, pushed at the Sentry closest to her, pulling at the knife strapped on his thigh to the collective gasp of the room but before anyone could even move, she slid her palm and threw the knife down, holding her hands up as if in surrrender but smirking at Lexa as black blood dripped down her hand.

 

“Yu hedplei ste odon… Leksa kom Trikru.” Ontari smirked proudly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the subtle things I loved was during the coup scene when Lexa was walking back to her throne before announcing that no one fought for her, you can see the sentry by the throne try to lock eyes with Lexa and take a step forward.
> 
> TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> *Lid fingadon in: Bring in the accused
> 
> *Yu kik raun kom kongeda, yu wan op kom kongeda: Live by the coalition, die by the coalition
> 
> *Yu hedplei ste odon… Leksa kom Trikru: Your rule is done… Lexa kom Trikru
> 
>  
> 
> As always thanks for the amazing support.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> READ THIS I DELETED AUTHOR'S NOTE IN CHAPTER 20 AND ADDED THE REAL CHAPTER SO GO READ THAT IF YOU HAVEN'T.
> 
> I'm trying to make up for my long absence by posting this new chapter so soon after the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no real excuse I can make for being gone that long, I can give you all some long rant explanation but the basis of it go down to life, drama, financial issues and depression. Writing Lexa, thinking about the show got too much during those times. And while things aren't exactly better, I guess you can say I'm stronger? Or just simply learned how to cope better.
> 
> I explained it [HERE](http://adrykomclexakru.tumblr.com/post/166245008906/nsosc)
> 
> For HCs like Wanheda's outfits etc go go [HERE](http://adrykomclexakru.tumblr.com/hc)

Clarke was pacing back and forth absolutely furious with herself, how could she slit a man’s throat, burn three hundred warriors alive, fight _Anya -_ one of the most intimidating grounders she had ever met-, face Pauna, irradiate and mountain, survive three months in the forest on her own, kill a fucking panther but then freeze up when in a simple meeting?

She should have done something, she should have told Lexa, warned her, about Nia, about Ontari, about Titus about _everything._

She sighed heavily, deflating as her anger evaporated from her body and was replaced by sadness.

She didn’t even know what this was, she didn’t understand how she was back, was it a premonition? Was she back? Was this even real? Or had she just lost her mind? Maybe she was still in the couch Murphy settled her on, dreaming of a better world, a world where Lexa was still alive.

The grounders had some crazy believes but there was no warranty they’d believe this, there was no warranty her mom wouldn’t think her crazy and take her back to Arkadia to try and fix her.

So she kept her mouth shut and tried to use whatever this was to her advantage and while she had realized early on that there had been things she couldn’t stop, couldn’t change no matter how much she tried, she still hated herself for this.

Marcus and Abby had _dragged_ her out of the throne room when they were all dismissed, she hadn’t had a chance to talk to Lexa after and now here she was, wasting time, blaming herself and thinking about what ifs instead of trying to come up with a plan to keep Lexa alive, the fact that Roan wasn’t Nia’s champion was a huge setback, Roan was an ally, she was sure the same couldn’t be said of Ontari, besides the time she tried to poison Nia and Ontari bled on her she had never talked to the nightblood but she seemed feral, more beast than girl. 

Clarke shook her head to try and gather herself, she couldn’t just stay there and do nothing. There must be something, anything she could.

She was about to step out of the door when she stopped abruptly.

No

 

She needed to calm down first, doing something stupid could end up costing Lexa’s life sooner, she was trying to keep Lexa alive for as long as possible, many, many years if possible, acting recklessly could end up being wrong and what if she didn’t get a third chance then? What if once again she was the cause of Lexa’s demise only this time in a more direct way? She wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

She needed to talk to Lexa, needed her comforting and calming presence, needed her strength.

Clarke turned around and walked towards a small table by the back of the room, she grabbed a cup and ignore the jug of water and poured herself a glass of the sweet, fruity wine and downed it in one go before pouring another.

She took a deep breath, counted to ten, then another ten, a whole minute of just breathing as deep as possible and counting, focusing on the numbers, the way the air went in and out, the expanding of her chest and once she reached sixty on her count, she sighed in relief when she felt a little more centered, a little more like herself, she needed to think and act fast but she needed to be cautious.

 

 

She found Lexa in the throne room, just like last time.

 

“Chit bilaik thri bakon kom Heda?” She asked the nightbloods sitting down the steps.

She stopped next to Titus but this time she just watched in silence, Titus was no ally and if there was anyone who could talk her out of fighting herself, then it’d be Clarke herself, even Titus knew that back then.

Lexa ended the lesson and Titus called up on the nightbloods, Lexa asked for Aiden to stay behind and Clarke smiled, as best as she could given the circumstances towards Aden, back then she had dismissed him, hardly looked at him but she could see know, the fear and guilt in his young eyes as he eyed Lexa. 

“Clarke… This is Aden.” She introduce and she could hear the pride in Lexa’s voice. “Aden is the most promising of my novitiates.” Lexa’s voice changed to a just business kind of tone as she turned back to look at Clarke. “If I should die today, he’d likely succeed me.” Lexa smiled at Aden. “Clarke worries about her people.” She explained to Aden and Clarke’s anger returned at the almost teasing smile in Lexa’s face, this was not a joke, not something to find cute or whatever and tease her about in front of who she thought most likely to be her successor. “Tell her what will happen to them, when you become Heda, Aden.” Clarke wanted to slap her, _when,_ her mind sneered at the word and once again she was grateful for Aden’s cautious words.

“ _If.”_ He stressed the word firmly. “I become Heda, I pledge my loyalty to the thirteenth clan.” Clarke appreciated it, she truly did but she was back to angry _at_ Lexa so all she did was glare at the Commander.

“Thank you, now go join the others.” She ordered in a resigned tone, Lexa probably knew that there would be an argument the moment they were alone. Aden bowed and did as he was ordered.

“See… nothing to worry about.” And that… teasing playful tone, made her blood _boil_ , she was going to kill Lexa before Ontari even got the chance.

“I’m sorry if I’m worried the fate of _our_ people lies in the hands of a _child_!” She replied.

“Then you worry for nothing. Aden will be a great Commander, better than me, Skaikru is now part of the Coalition and they have a solid alliance with the Trikru that Indra will not break even if something happens to me.” Lexa turned around and walked towards her throne. “Your people are protected as I vowed they’d be. If today is the day my spirit chooses its successor you need to accept that.”

“Like hell I do!” Clarke replied following hot on her heels, she remembered what had happened back then, how she had doubted Lexa, how she had gone to Nia, what happened then and she shook her head, she had come here for Lexa’s calming and soothing presence not to argue, no matter how pissed she currently was at Lexa.

She took a deep breath and then another and a couple more as Lexa studied her curiously. “Leave us.” Clarke ordered to the sentries who looked at Lexa for confirmation before leaving the room when Lexa nodded her agreement.

“I can’t just sit there and watch you die…You…” Clarke said and had to swallow at the sudden knot that formed in her throat. “You _vowed_ to treat _my_ needs as your own, well I _need you,_ Lexa, I need your spirit to stay where it is, I need you as the Commander and I just need _you_ , here with me, _alive._ Flesh and bones and _not_ as some spiritual guide of Aden, I need _you.”_

Lexa looked taken aback, she would have probably looked less shocked if Clarke had slapped her.

“You love me.” Clarke stated firmly. “ _You love me_ …I know you think love is weakness but it’s not, it’s strength, and I need you to _want_ to live, I need you to fight not only for our people, not only for the Commander, I need you to fight for me… I need you to fight to stay alive _with_ me.” Clarke wasn’t even sure she had ever moved as quickly but her hands cupped Lexa’s neck and pulled her down at the same time she surged forward, crashing her lips against Lexa’s in a bruising kiss.

She pulled away abruptly because if she didn’t, she wasn’t going to let Lexa go, she had realized as soon as she walked in that there would be no changing Lexa’s mind on who was going to fight for her and if she stayed she wasn’t going to let Lexa go and they’d think that meant Lexa was weak, they’d end up killing her anyway, so she needed to trust Lexa, place her confidence in her and give her the support Lexa had always given Clarke.

With a nod of her head, she wasn’t even sure Lexa saw it as the Commander was standing there still dazzled. She turned around and left.

She wasn’t looking where she was going, didn’t have a place in her head, trying to kill Nia will be futile, she was certain of it, they could probably end up killing her now that they didn’t need her to send the nightblood message to Lexa and she would happily meet her death if it meant Lexa alive but she knew it’d do more bad than good.

Bumping onto someone was what brought her out of her own mind and she looked up to find Aden, red glistening eyes staring back at her.

“Wanheda.” He greeted politely and bowed. “Did you want to further discuss the Skaikru’s place in the coalition?” He asked and Clarke couldn’t help the little sad smile that spread over her lips at the formal tone with the crying face, it made her heart squeeze painfully inside her chest, Lexa meant so much for so many people.

“No, Aden, is alright, I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going… Is everything alright?” She asked in a soft tone and Aden nodded solemnly. “You know it’s okay, to be worried, I am worried too.” That seemed to be all the encouragement the nightblood as he looked down and his whole demeanor seemed to crumble in on itself.

“I wish I was stronger, I wish Heda picked me to fight her but I know she never would, I am not strong enough to protect her and even if I was, she’d never pick me… I’m can only… Watch and hope that the day of my conclave isn’t anytime soon.” He whispered still looking down.

Clarke placed a finger under his chin and made her lock eyes with her. “I wish I was strong enough to protect Lexa too, I wish that if I were, Lexa would let me protect her even though I know that would never happen, even if I could but Aden… By not fighting for Lexa right now, you’re doing a much better job of protecting her.” She said making Aden frown and she chuckled. “Your job is not to protect _Lexa.”_ She explained and had to swallow the knot in her throne once again, Aden needed to hear the words but that didn’t make them any easier to say.

“You have a more important job… Your job is to one day, protect Lexa’s legacy. She, Lexa, means a lot to me as I can see she means a lot to you and we both want her alive and well, with us but if something happens to her, it is you Aden who then must fight to protect Lexa’s biggest treasure, the most important thing to her, her people, the peace, her legacy. Ste Yuj” She squeezed Aden’s shoulder and gave him a trembling smile for she could not longer talk about this, could no longer think about this or she’d become a sobbing mess and the last thing she needed was grounders talking about the mighty Wanheda, mountain slayer becoming a sobbing mess.

 

Clarke ended up wandering towards the clinic floor and she stayed back by the door as she watched Indra and Octavia engage in a heated argument while Lincoln kept trying to keep Octavia from sitting up on the bed as he redressed one of her wounds.

Indra left shortly after, shooting Clarke a look she was not in the right mind to decipher before walking out and she finally approached her friend.

“This is _my_ fault.” Octavia said placing a hand on her forehead. “I should have killed the bitch when I had the chance. I get why Heda didn’t pick me to fight for her but Clarke, you must tell her to pick someone else! Artin or Indra, Shane, Sol! Hell Luna! Just someone else!”

“No…” It was Lincoln who cut off Octavia. “Indra is right, Lexa is a great warrior, she has the spirit of the Commander, she’s our greatest warrior, if she chooses someone else to fight for her and they fall, it’ll still cost her, her life. They’ll think her weak and kill her to take the spirit.”

Octavia huffed heavily, Clarke agreed.

“Lexa will win.” Clarke stated, maybe if she believed it, repeated it, prayed for it, it’ll come true. “Lexa will win.”

“You didn’t see Ontari fight…”

“You haven’t seen Lexa fight… Not really. She’ll win.”

 

 

Clarke was walking out of her room, she had gotten ready in her own room, she was once again donning the Wanheda’s persona, armor, warpaint, everything but the commotion outside caused to look up, look at the door she had been avoiding since they changed her rooms, the room where Titus had shot Lexa, the room where…

She didn’t get to finish her train of thought as she ran towards the elevator.

 

 

“Tarak!” She yelled as the guy was just about to step out of the tower and he turned to look at her at frown on his place. “I need to talk to you, _now.”_ She said and didn’t wait for him to catch up, instead she walked towards him, grabbed his arm and pulled him back inside shoving him into the first emtpy room she found on the first floor, not even bothering to look around and check what it was. “I know there’s a gun in the tower, I need it.” She said and Tarak’s eyes widened.

“How… Why?”

“Just in case, Tarak.” Clarke explained.

“No.” He refused shaking his head. “Clarke, it is obvious you and the Commander… care for each other and I’m happy for you, really I am… It’s also obvious you’re good for each other but i can’t give you what you ask. Letting you talk to Roan is one thing but giving you a gun… In Polis… If you do something stupid you’re gonna end up getting not only yourself and me but Heda as well.”

“That is the last thing I want, Tarak. You know it, I’d never do anything stupid that’d end up getting Lexa killed but you know Nia, better than I do, it’s just in case, in case she’s planning on playing dirty. You know I am loyal to Lexa, the last thing I want is to put her or her legacy in jeopardy and grounders don’t know how to use guns, if you try and use it yourself you could end up doing more damage, it has to be me.”

 

 

The weight of the gun pressed against her side, hidden by her jacket, burned at her side as she moved through the crowd, her heart was _pounding_ against her chest, she wasn’t sure it was actually possible for a human heart to beat that fast, that hard, she was going to talk to her mom after this.

“Hashta soulou gonplei, bilaik won hedon noumou: du souda wan op deyon!” Titus announced and Lexa and Ontari turned to face each other. “Yo na jomp in!” He said shakily and took his seat again.

Kane was up on the platform with the Ambassadors, she didn’t know where Abby was, didn’t care, she took her place in the same spot, by the sentry that held Lexa’s sword. Lexa was wearing a light armor but and the spaulder with the sash, Ontari was wearing the same clothes she arrived with. It had been easier this time, to find her place amongst the crowd, they parted for Wanheda and the moment Lexa handed her spaulder and the sash, their eyes locked.

“I’m glad you came.” Lexa said, voice heavy with emotion.

“Me too.” Clarke replied honestly. Ontari had already unsheathed her sword and was approaching Lexa and while Ontari lacked the grace, she felt like she had back in the forest, when she and the panther were circling the edges of who was pray and who was predator.

Lexa unsheathed the sword and chanced a look at Clarke who saw Ontari running at full speed. Clarke’s eyes widened and she wished Ontari would trip and fall on her sword but her warning died on her throat, Lexa had read Clarke’s expression and sidestepped Ontari’s attack slicing at her back as she turned around. Ontari turned around with a sneer on her lips.

“First I’m gonna kill you.” She threatened and then raised her sword at Clarke. “And then your Sky bitch… I wished it had been me who killed the other one.” Ontari taunted as she and Lexa circled each other and Clarke wanted to just pull out her gun and kill the bitch.

Lexa sneered at Ontari and Clarke thought she had seen Lexa angry, back then, the first time, when she had mentioned Costia, when she thought Skaikru had poisoned Gustus but it didn’t compare to the absolute rage openly displayed in Lexa’s face as she swung her sword at Ontari, over and over, slicing down, up, sideways, changing from a one hand grip to two as she forced Ontari to back away.

Ontari parried and dodged Lexa’s sword, she realized that Roan and Lexa had fought with respect for the other, they were at it with everything they had yes but it was still a fair fight.

The same couldn’t be said about Ontari, their swords clashed together, sneering at the other’s face in absolute contempt as the both put their weight on the point of contact but it was Ontari who got the upper hand when she pulled her head back before crashing her forehead against Lexa’s. The Commander’s reflexes were truly formidable and she wondered if it was a Lexa thing or an AI thing when Lexa turned her head at the last moment and avoided a broken nose, the force of the impact still made her stumble a couple of steps back and the crowd voiced their disapproval of the action as Lexa pressed the back of her hand to her cheekbone.

Lexa was clearly stunned and Ontari tried to take advantage of that, changing to offense and swinging her sword at Lexa who parried them away or blocked them as best as she could, Lexa tried to side step an attack and stumbled a little, Ontari noticed it and kicked the Commanders leg making her kneel on the ground before swinging her sword down and Clarke closed her eyes, opening them and sighing in relief as she head the sound of metal against metal.

Lexa had blocked the attack, jaw clenched tight, teeth showing as she tried to keep up when Ontari placed her forearm against the blunted edge of the sword to try and force Lexa down.

She understood better Tarak’s metaphor about love being a double edged sword (she knew Lexa’s was) as the Commander instead of using the same method to be able to put more force on her blade, instead chose to grab onto Ontari’s pulling at the tip of it, to make the force point to shift and free her other arm. 

Lexa smashed her hand, the one holding her sword against Ontari’s nose, the girl stumbled back a couple of steps, black blood dripping down the ground from her face and from Lexa’s hand but Ontari didn’t take time to gather her bearings and went back to the offensive again.

Her swings now more wide, using a one hand grip and swinging with her whole arm, Lexa didn’t block and instead dodged them. Lexa waited for the next sideways swing and instead of sidestepping or dodging, she grips her sword with both hands and hits Ontari’s sword right at the base. The girl doesn’t let go of her sword but the tip of her sword catches the ground making her falter in her movement and Lexa stepped into Ontari’s guard, using her right arm, the one with her sword to try and elbow Ontari in the face but the girl was able to block with her free hand and she used the proximity to kick the back of Lexa’s legs.

Lexa went down, bracing her fall with her hands and turning to quickly raise her sword but Ontari grabbed her arm before bringing her sword down, towards Lexa’s face and again Lexa’s reflexes save her from injury or worse as she manages to turn away but at the cost of Ontari disarming her and kicking her sword away.

The moment Ontari leans her weight on her kicking leg, to turn around and end Lexa’s fight, the Commander reincorporated herself, using her elbow to kick at the inside of her thigh, making her kneel down, The moment her knees hit the ground, Lexa grabbed the back of her head bringing it down as she was standing up using the momentum to crash her knee against the girl’s already bloodied nose making her fall back on her back.

Lexa picked up Ontari’s sword first as it was the closest one before moving to pick up hers, sneering at Ontari who had just stood up and spitting black blood at Lexa’s feet.

Clarke wished Lexa hadn’t given Ontari a fair fight, wished she hadn’t given her the chance to stand up or turn to look around before kneeing a Sentry between the legs to take his spear.

Lexa twirled the sword testing its weight. Ontari smirked expertly twirling the spear around as Lexa got into fighting position.

Ontari attacked with a vengeance, using the spear’s longer range to keep Lexa at bay, the commander ducked and side step the wild attacks but Lexa changed into offensive as soon as she can and she is magnificent, twirling and swinging as quickly as possible as not to leave herself open for too long using both swords to try and counter Ontari’s spear’s longer range but it was clear the spear offered an advantage, even against Lexa’s two swords as Ontari parried easily before delivering a powerful downwards blow that Lexa had use both swords to block.

“You’re done!” Ontari exclaimed as she used the end of her spear to break Lexa’s guard and then disarm her of both swords before kicking her stomach making Lexa fall on her back, the crowd went silent as Ontari prowled towards Lexa, spear at the ready.

Lexa stayed on sprawled on the ground unmoving and Clarke was trying to use willpower to get Lexa to stand up and do something but the Commander stayed on the ground, staring at the nightblood.

Ontari threw the spear up and caught it again, her face showing she was absolutely certain this was the Commander’s end. She pressed the tip of her spear against Lexa’s throat as if to mark the place she’d strike, chancing a look of triumph at the Queen and then a wicked smirk at Clarke before making her biggest mistake.

She had Lexa on her back, unarmed and with her spear already pressed against her throat but in a show of overconfidence, Ontari pulls back her spear to be able to add power into one finishing blow, only to have Lexa roll away at the last moment.

Everyone in the crowd sighing in relief but Nia who looked disappointed.

Lexa used the momentum of her roll to deliver a powerful kick against the back of Ontari’s leg making the girl fall on her back, her head thumping against the ground loudly as Lexa flipped to her feet at the same time Ontari shakily stood up but the girl was clearly dazzled by the blow of her head as she clumsily swung the spear at Lexa, who dodged and ducked the blows. 

Ontari was disoriented and Lexa was faster, as Ontari jabbed forward with the spear only to have Lexa sidestep close enough to take a hold of the spear and smack her hand away, effectively disarming her.

The moment Ontari’s hand let of of the spear, Lexa didn’t waste time, swinging it with ease and precision, unlike Ontari’s overconfident swings.

The nightblood barely had time to lean back to avoid getting her throat slit open but Lexa uses the momentum of her first swing and goes for Ontari’s leg, using the full length of her arm and the spear, ensuring there’s no place for Ontari to move to avoid the blow as the wooden part of the spear hit her leg making her fall on her knees but Lexa had gained the upper hand and she had no intention of losing it as she brought the end of the spear against Ontari’s already crushed nose.

If Ontari wasn’t such a bitch, if she wasn’t Nia’s pawn and trying to kill Lexa and destroy her legacy, her strength would be admirable, Lexa’s blow wasn’t strong enough to knock her down and Ontari was able to bring up her arm at the last moment to block Lexa’s next blow.

But Lexa’s handle on the spear was as good as Ontari’s if not better, Lexa wasn’t a cocky fighter and she again took advantage of the longer range of the spear to quickly bring the other end up, hitting Ontari on the chin and knocking her to the ground.

Unlike Ontari, Lexa didn’t follow by making some big flashy move, simply twirling the spear to be able to bring the metallic sharp edge against Ontari’s throat.

“No! Gyon op!” Nia exclaimed standing up. “Ai din raise op kom bushhada.” Nia spat out and everyone could see the utter disgust in Nia’s face and the stricken look in Ontari’s but before Nia could add anything else....

“DISON LAIK RAITNES!” Lexa yelled, spear still at Ontari’s throat. “Jus drein jus daun.” She added before in a swift movement, in a display of amazing upper body strength as she didn’t move from her place, Lexa sends the spear soaring into the air and through Nia’s chest who falls pinned to her chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you all for all your amazing support, every single one of you but specially those who comment because yes you give us, those of us who write and publish our stories, the validation that no matter how crappy we think our fic is, no matter how bad we think we write, there're people out there who enjoy what we write and get invested or at least interested enough to give you a couple of words of encouragement. You guys are the best of the best and I love you and I'd marry all of you <3
> 
> For an amazing description of Lexa's fight against Roan go here: 
> 
> http://talknerdywithus.com/2016/02/18/a-prince-versus-the-commander-a-fight-to-the-death/
> 
> I butchered Trigedasleng some here but TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> *Chit bilaik thri bakon kom Heda: What are the three pillars of being a Commander?
> 
> *No! Gyon op!: No! Get up!
> 
> *Ai din raise op kom bushhada: I didn't raise a coward (this is what i think the sentence would be like)
> 
> *DISON LAIK RAITNES!: This is Justice
> 
> *Jus drein jus daun: Blood must have blood
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER: A surprise (Cookie points if you guess it), Clexa, Octavia, Abby pisses Clarke off and they finally sort of talk :P


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the end, one of the reasons why I had such a long writer's block was because I lost my flash drive with around 5 concrete stories, one of them had more than 10 chapters and it broke my heart but as I'm nearing the end of this I'm hit with inspiration to rewrite some of them, the ones I remember the plot of as well as new stories.

Silence is a funny thing, you don’t think silence can be such a thing as deafening, by simple definition it should be impossible but that’s how it felt as everyone looked between Lexa and Nia as the queen struggled to take her last breaths, before finally slumping down, unmoving, dead.

“You bitch!” Ontari's scream broke the silence as she launched herself against Lexa, tackling her to the ground. “I’ll kill you!” She snarled as her fist connected against Lexa’s face.

Lexa had lowered her guard, thinking it was over, with the Queen's death, the tackle, the fall and the punch had stunned her for a moment before she finally brought her arms up to block the next punch and placed her feet firmly on the ground bucking her hips to roll them over.

“Stop! Is over!” Lexa commanded trying to pin the other girl down but Ontari was too far gone and the girl trashed under Lexa with fury. She managed to reach her boot pulling out a thin blade, about five inches long and rammed it onto Lexa’s side.

Lexa screamed in pain as she doubled over giving Ontari the opportunity to flip their positions. 

That was it, Clarke thought, she was going to kill that bitch, it was one thing she wanted to keep fighting despite Nia being dead it was another to play dirty. She took a step forward, hand reaching inside her coat when she fell two arms wrap around her from behind, pinning her arms to her side  she turned around to see it was her mother holding her back. 

“Don’t do anything stupid, Clarke. You can get the both of you killed.” Abby warned as Clarke struggled against her.

“No mom, let me go I need to! I can’t just let her… Mom!” Clarke struggled against Abby's hold, eyes glued to The Commander.

Lexa and Ontari rolled around on the ground, trading punches back and forth until Ontari was able to place a foot against Lexa’s stomach to push her off of her, all the sentries finally took a step closer but Lexa raised a hand to stop them before looking at Ontari. 

“Stop this, the dead has been paid, there’s no reason to keep fighting, you can live, come train here, learn and participate in the conclave when I die.”

“You are going to die today!” Ontari spat as she looked around, picking up Lexa’s sword, the one closest to her with nothing but hatred and murder in her eyes. She looked around as if to assess her situation and her eyes found Clarke and with a scream full of rage, she launched herself towards Clarke, running at full speed. 

Clarke was still being held by her mother who sort of turned them around as best as she could with Clarke not cooperating, Clarle felt Abby brace for the impact but it never came. They turned around cautiously, Clarke peeking from around her mother

Before Ontari was even close enough to prepare her swing, Lexa had tackled the girl to the ground.

“Your fight is with me.” Lexa snarled taking her by the neck of her light armor and slamming her against the ground.

“Your fight is over.” Ontari shot back with as much intensity before they went back to trading blows and rolling around the ground.

“Sentries! Stop this madness! Arrest that girl” Titus spat out from atop the platform. Clarke had never agreed so much with him before.

Lexa rolled off Ontari quickly and onto her feet, raising both her hands and looked at Titus then back at Ontari, there was blood on the corner of Lexa's mouth and dripping down her face from her eyebrow, her cheekbone was almost black instead of purple, Clarke figured it was because of the color of her blood, and she was panting heavily.

Clarke had never seen Lexa this winded, not even during sex.

“No, no one intervenes.” Lexa ordered firmly, looking at Titus first, then at Indra and finally at Clarke before shifting her gaze back onto Ontari who was standing up herself.

Lexa clenched her teeth and with a groan of pain she pulled the black blood covered blade out of her side and the healer in Clarke cringed at the act but leaving the blade in with all the jostling could be worse.

Lexa picked up her sword, Ontari had dropped it with the force of Lexa’s body colliding against her, and then walked sideways, eyes still on Ontari, towards the other sword throwing it at Ontari’s feet.

“Branwoda!” Ontari spit out as she leaned down to pick up the sword and Clarke wondered if this level of… skill and stamina was a nightblood thing or the result of years of training...Maybe both.

 

Ontari charged first with a sneer on her face and even Clarke could see that the fight and her injuries had taken their toll on her, the blade seemed heavier in her grasp and she kept a two hands grip to make up for it.

Lexa on her part was favoring her left side and Clarke tried to keep herself from going over the list of all the organs or major blood vessels that the blade could have hit. She could only pray Lexa ended this soon.

 

Their swords clashed as they danced around each other, grunting and groaning as they tried to best each other, they were running on pure adrenaline and willpower, both of them looked truly exhausted. It was hard to tell with Ontari as most of her face was covered in black blood due to her broken nose but Lexa was starting to look pale.

 

Ontari swung down her sword and Lexa blocked it, pushing her away and thrusting her sword in reply, Ontari sidestepped the blow.

It continued that way, both of them equally matched, equally tired, Lexa had managed to slice at Ontari’s thigh and the other girl had managed to slice Lexa’s arms. There was black blood all around the ground.

 

Lexa took a couple of steps back as she parried a blow aimed at her side and suddenly relaxed her fighting stance a little once she was far enough, she took a couple of deep breaths eyes boring into Ontari. 

“This is your last chance Ontari kom Azgedakru, stop this and you’ll get to live.”

Ontari snarled in reply charging forward, pushing through her limp with determination and a look of absolute madness in her eyes.

Lexa waited and Clarke launched herself forward against Abby's arms as Lexa just stood there but just as she had gotten out of her mother’s hold and Ontari swung her sword, Lexa ducked to the right, toward’s Ontari’s injured leg and the opening in her stance.

“You gonplei ste odon.” Lexa said at the same time she thrusted her sword upwards and into Ontari’s chest.

Ontari looked down at the sword first, shock clear in her face then looked back at Lexa before slumping to her knees.

The Commander pulled back her sword and the crowd once again went silent, the moment Ontari finally fell to the ground the crowd erupted in cheers and screams for their Heda.

 

Lexa stood there proudly for a moment, placing the tip of her sword on the ground  leaning against it for support. 

“The Queen is dead… Long live the King!” She announced looking towards where Roan stood flanked by two sentries looking between Lexa, Nia's and Ontari's bodies.

 

Titus, Indra, Octavia, Artin and Clarke approached Lexa as soon as it was clear Ontari wasn't getting back up.

“Take her body.” Lexa said the moment Titus was close enough. “Give her a natblida ceremony, she was a strong fighter and would have been a fine candidate during the conclave, it was Nia who poisoned her and it was the Fleimkepas who failed her… Send word for the scout in Azgeda to report here immediately, I want to know why Nia had her.” Titus seemed like he wanted to reply something but the look in Lexa’s eyes told him this was not the time to disagree with her so instead he just bowed his head.

“Heda… Let me take you back to the tower. Nyko needs to…” Martin said quietly

“I _will_ not be carried to the tower, I won’t let my people see me like that after what they just witnessed, Artin.” Lexa interrupted with a glare before turning towards the tower with determination.

Octavia stepped forward then and took the sword from Lexa as the Commander was all but dragging it behind her.

“Lexa…” Clarke began.

“Not now.” Lexa replied un a sortear tone shaking her head as she limped her way to the tower, Indra walked in front of her, making sure the path  was clear as the grounders had gathered around, still celebrating, cheering and calling for Lexa, admiration and reverence clear in their voices.

 

The moment Lexa made it through the threshold of the tower with Clarke, Indra, Octavia, Artin and Abby all close behind, the Commander stumbled down, one of her knees hitting the ground before anyone could catch her.

“Take her to the medical floor!” Abby instructed, pulling her hair up and following close behind, Artin picked Lexa up and ran towards the elevator. “Clarke I’m gonna need your help and someone bring me Nyko and Lincoln!” Abby ordered as they stepped inside the elevator, Octavia staying back to do as instructed.

Nyko was already in the clinic but as Artin placed Lexa on the bed, Lexa pushed against their hands.

“I need to speak with Roan first.” She commanded weakly batting Abby’s and Nyko's hands away.

“Le..”Clarke called with a frown but she was cut off by a much more stern voice.

“ _Lexa_ _kom Trikru.”_ Indra said in a voice that made them all, even Lexa freeze and Nyko took the opportunity to push her down while Abby cut off her armor and top. “I’ll have Roan ready to talk once your injuries have been looked after, everything you just did… it will be worthless if you drop dead from blood loss.” Indra said glaring at Lexa before turning around to give Clarke a pointed look and walked out of the clinic.

“We should give her something for the pain.” Abby said as Lincoln finally walked in, followed by Octavia. 

Lincoln moved quickly at the command and went to retrieve some supplies from a table, he walked back and opened the pouch, Clarke was only just a little bit surprised when she saw it was Skaikru medicine.

 

“The more concerning thing right now is the blood loss.” Abby told her after they had finished treating Lexa, fortunately there was no organ damage though just a couple of inches higher and the story would be a lot different.

Nyko and Lincoln had thanked Abby for her assistance when they had managed to treat all her injuries and went to check on their other patients after Abby reassured them that she’d keep an eye on Lexa.

Clarke hadn’t been of much help as soon as the medicine had kicked in and Lexa had closed her eyes all Clarke could do was stare at the pale face of the Commander, constantly checking her pulse and her chest to make sure she was still breathing, holding Lexa’s limp hand between hers and pushing her hair out of her face. 

She had no idea how she looked to the others but it had to be pathetic enough that eventually Lincoln wiped the blood from Lexa’s face and gave her a soft reassuring smile when she looked up at him, much later when her mom wiped her tears while Nyko and Lincoln applied some sort of balm over Lexa's wounds, did Clarke even realize she was crying.

 

“I have never seen blood this color.” Abby said with a thoughtful look on her face once they we're alone with an unconscious. Lexa. “I wanted to give her a transfusion but Lincoln and Nyko refused, apparently her blood is considered sacred.” her mom added and while Abby had refrained from rolling her eyes, it was there in her tone. “I wonder if the radiation caused this… mutation.”

“It goes back to the first Commander or so Lexa said, only those with blood that color can eventually become Hedas.” She explained and Abby’s eyes widened in surprise.

“So that’s why they call them nightbloods… I should take a sample of her blo…”

“NO” Clarke spat out so forcefully that her mother looked for a moment as if Clarke had slapped her.

“But Clarke, you saw them fight, that’s… beyond impressive, her blood could…”

“I _said_ no… You’re not taking her blood to study her like she’s some rat lab, you can ask her when she wakes up though I advice against it but you’re not taking her blood while she’s unconscious, I don’t care if it could be the cure to every single disease in the universe.”

Clarke didn’t understand the black blood but Murphy had said the flame was an AI and if only those with blackblood could take the flame that meant they related somehow.

Last thing she needed on top of worrying about Pike and everything else, was to worry about her people creating artificial night bloods or worse becoming like the Mountain people just so they could replicate whatever properties said blood could have.

“Don’t even think about it mom, don’t mention it again, I love you, I do, despite everything you’ll always be my mom and I know you mean good but I’ll have you banned from Polis if you ever mention it again. Lexa is not some study subject and I’m pretty sure Indra, Titus and the rest of the grounders will more than kick us out of the coalition if they find out that you wish to study something they consider sacred.”

Abby stared a Clarke for a long moment but she was not going to back down, not about this. 

She loved her people, she did, some more than others but she didn’t trust them, they were new to the ground, still scared and paranoid and most of them still believed themselves to be above grounders.

Abby nodded her head once in resignation and Clarke sighed in relief.

“You care about her…” Abby stated with a frown.

“Yes…” Was all Clarke offered in reply and Abby sighed and went to busy herself around the clinic.

 

 

When Lexa woke up it was with a groan that startled Clarke awake as she was at the brick of sleep herself.

“Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed standing up and pushing her back down on the bed as she tried to sit up.

“What’s wrong with me?” Lexa asked with a confused almost child-like tone as she opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times.

“It’s Skaikru medicine to help you with the pain.” Clarke explained filling a glass with water. “You’re fine, you’ll be fine, you just need to take it slow for a while.”

“My mouth, it feels like…” Lexa trailed off as she opened her mouth and pulled her tongue out a couple of times and Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at the image..

“You’re still under the effects of the medicine, it’ll pass soon enough, here have some water.” She said helping Lexa raise her head with one hand and placing the cup at her lips.

“What kind of medicine…” Lexa asked, once she was done with the water, raising her left hand, the one that she had used to grab at Ontari’s sword and looking at it like she couldn’t even tell it was her own. “I need to speak with Roan.” She slurred eyes getting heavier.

“You will but I don’t think he should… talk to you right now, you need rest.” Clarke said before leaning down to kiss Lexa’s lips softly sighing in relief when there was no taste of blood as she pulled back, she checked all the dressings on the wounds and her vitals again just in case.

“You’re alive…” Clarke reassured herself as she watched the Commander drift back to sleep.

 

Clarke's eyes were closed, the position she found herself in was the most comfortable she had been ever since they arrived at the clinic and so she tried to cling to sleep but the voices around the room were too loud to ignore.

“Heda… Abby is right, you shouldn’t be moving right now, let along standing.” Clarke heard and frowned, that was Indra’s voice… Saying she agreed with Abby… Maybe she was still sleeping.

“I slept for a day Indra, I can’t just lay here, we need to deal with Azgeda and the other Skaikru station, they could be attacking more villages as we speak, I didn’t do this just so I could lay in bed while more of my people suffer or die, Indra, and I will _not_ be carried. I am well enough to make it to the throne room.” 

Clarke opened her eyes because that was Lexa’s determined voice.

No, it was _Heda’s_ get out of my way or suffer the consequences voice and Clarke had never really considered herself an athletic person, not like the grounders or Octavia or Bellamy but she sprung off the bed in one swift move making everyone turn to look at her.

She didn’t know how she had ended up on a bed in the clinic when last time she was conscious she was on a chair next to Lexa’s bed. 

The Commander was in a private room of sorts in the clinic, she figured it was the Commander’s personal one as it had only one bed, a chair and now a small cot where she had been sleeping. She looked up to meet Lexa’s eyes and glared at her.

“Leave us…” Clarke ordered and she hoped Lexa would appreciate that she had the sense to do that first because she was sure the Commander will not appreciate being chastised in front of Indra, Octavia, Lincoln, Nyko, Titus and Abby.

Everyone waited for a beat, probably for Lexa’s confirmation but the Commander who had already began sweating at the strain of standing up kept her eyes locked with Clarke’s and Clarke had to hold her smirk in check as she heard Indra ushering everyone outside.

“Get back on the bed Lexa.” Clarke ordered when they were finally alone.

“But Clarke, I…”

“Get back on the bed, _now.”_ She took a step forward but Lexa held her ground if a bit shakily. 

“My mom had to stitch up your _insides_ Lexa, just the fact that you stood up may have teared up the stitches, I understand, I do but a lot more people will suffer, a lot more people will die if you make yourself worse by being so damn stubborn so… Bak op ona bag, _nau,_ Heda.” 

Lexa glared at her, raised her chin in that defiant way she had and made her way back on the bed, she could see the struggle, no matter how much Lexa tried to hide it but Clarke didn’t offer her any assistant, she knew Lexa’s pride had already taken a blown.

It hadn’t been just the injuries that had taken its toll on Lexa but the battle itself had been more than tasking on its own, it had been brutal and a medicine induced sleep wasn’t as restful as it may seem.

 

At the end they had reached an agreement and Clarke walked out before sending Indra and Titus in and then asked Octavia to get Artin and then to just stay in the floor below the throne room, telling Lincoln after that, to get all the sentries on that floor to go to the one down below and asking Nyko to do the same with all the sentries in the throne room.

Artin arrived not soon after and gave her an amused look and Clarke just rolled her eyes, if Lexa wanted to do politics from her throne room and then go back to her room then she was going to be carried. Lexa had only agreed once Clarke suggested they made sure absolutely no one but Artin would be a witness to it, after she made sure the clinic floor was cleared, Clarke went up to where Marcus’ and Abby’s rooms were.

 

“How is she?” Marcus asked when he spotted both women.

“She’ll live, she’s fine.” Abby replied and Kane sighed in relief.

“What happens now?” He asked turning towards Clarke.

“Well right now she’ll probably want to settle things with Azgeda’s new leader and then she’ll want to discuss the Farmstation situation with us.” Clarke replied and she was a little concerned about that, she had done everything she could to make sure Kane’s position was stable and her people as settled as possible but she didn’t know what kind of craziness Farmstation and Pike would bring.

None she hoped but she knew better.

 

It wasn’t long before Tarak appeared at the door and told them they were needed in the Throne room. 

Lexa wasn’t sitting on the throne with her usual poise, she was a little more slumped to the side and she was still looking pale, there was sweat sliding down her forehead but her face and voice was all Heda as they walked closer to the throne.

 

It was moment like this that made Lexa's statements of her being just a vessel for the spirit of the Commander clear, Lexa, the body, the human, was in pain and exhausted but the Commander, the spirit or AI whatever it was it was as strong as always.

“Commander, I’m relieved to see you’re well.” Marcus said with a small bow of his head and a warm smile.

“Thank you Marcus.” Lexa smiled though it was more like a grimace. “There’s still a lot of things to take care of unfortunately, we need to sort the mess with the Skaikru station in Azgeda. This is Roan, the king of Azgeda, Roan, this is Marcus of the Sky people, the leader of the Skaikru, Abby, his second and the best healer the Skaikru has to offer and you know Clarke, Skaikru’s Ambassador.” There was a hint of amusement in Lexa’s voice when she introduced Clarke but her face betrayed nothing as Roan nodded at them.

“Wanheda.” Roan greeted and Clarke just smirked at him in reply.

“Unfortunately the situation in Azgeda with what happened, is not exactly stable enough for them to offer their support with your… farm station, not yet and I’m afraid we don’t have time to waste.”

“I understand.” Marcus said turning to Roan with a polite nod and smile.

 

“I should go now…” Roan suggested.

“I still think you need to take some warriors with you.” Lexa said with a frown.

“I can’t, the bigger the party, the easier we’ll be spotted, I can get in undetected, there’s still people that believe in my mother’s cause, if I go in undetected, I can begin rally those who didn’t agree with her and claim Azgeda with little confrontation, if they see me march in with a Coalition army at my back, it could result in a war and I don’t want the beginning of my rule to be built on ashes and death…” Roan replied and Lexa seemed to consider it before nodding her head.

“You have a moon’s turn to send a message about Azgeda’s status, if I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll be the one marching in…” Lexa warned and they proceeded to lock eyes for a long, uncomfortable moment before Roan smirked slightly and bowed his head.

“Azgeda will honor the coalition Heda, if you don’t hear from me in a moon’s turn you can assume I’m dead.”

Lexa nodded her head and Roan turned around to leave not before shooting Clarke a playful look.

She hoped to see him again.

 

When the doors closed behind Roan, Lexa turned to look at Marcus, Abby and Clarke.

“We know Nia was mostly responsible for the farm station actions…” Lexa began and her tone indicated that they may not like what she was going to add and Abby tensed visibly.

“You have your independence but you’re still part of the Coalition however we, the coalition, won’t take any decision until we know all the facts and even then it’ll be a vote between the affected parties, that means you, Indra and Roan…” Indra who was standing guard next to Lexa as always exchanged a look with Marcus. “Do you have a plan to deal with this, Marcus of the sky people?”

“Commander… I think a group of my people should go meet with farm station, all they have known is the brutality of the Ice Nation, is possible they'd react badly to a group of grounders trying to approach them.”

“They could also end up attacking the group you send.” Lexa replied.

“Yes but they’re our people, is our responsibility…” 

Lexa turned to look at Indra and they had one of those silent conversations with their eyes before Lexa nodded.

“There’s around sixty people left, you may do as you see fit but I’m also sending a small army of three hundred Trikru warriors that will be there as backup in case things get out of control. You’ll take lead on how to proceed but they’ll be there just in case and to protect Trikru lands if needed.”

Marcus nodded his head in understanding.

“Octavia…” Lexa called then and the girl moved from her place behind Indra, she placed a knee on the ground and looked up at Lexa.

Clarke was surprised by the admiration shinning in her friend’s eyes, she was looking at Lexa like most grounders did, like Lexa was the answer to most of their questions. 

“Indra told me that you had a meeting with Ontari…”

“I’m sorry Heda.” Octavia interrupted lowering her head and Lexa frowned.

“Why are you apologizing?” Lexa asked a little confused look.

“If I had been stronger, faster… a better warrior, I could have taken care of her and…”

“Don’t dwell on the past Octavia kom Trikru, Ontari was a formidable opponent, she would have made a fine nightblood, she’d have probably ended up in my conclave had she not been taken by Nia and I’m not sure I’d have faired the same luck back then… It was Nia who corrupted her and I’m sad she was too far gone to be saved but nothing of what happened is on you Octavia and that’s not why I called you.” Lexa explained, Indra huffed slightly, and glared chiding Octavia for interrupting.

“I have talked to Indra and while you still have a lot to learn both as a warrior and leader, it’s true that you have shown great potential and improved a great deal from when you first started… Go to the stables after the meeting, there’s a gift for you there, you have earned it… and Indra suggested you take her place while she’s gone dealing with the farm station…”

Octavia was looking with her mouth agape between Lexa and Indra.

“And I agree, you can take the rest of today off, tomorrow Indra will explain your duties before she leaves.” Octavia still didn’t move but a glare from Indra had the girl bowing her head and thanking Lexa in a voice an octave higher before moving to her place next to Indra.

 

“Abby of the Sky people, I also thank you for your help, with this as well as all the assistance you have given us since you got here, with the recovery of the reapers and treatment of the wounded during the war.”

“It’s my job… Commander.” Abby replied with a tight lipped smile and Lexa just nodded her head in acknowledgment before dismissing them.

 

Clarke was a little sad when it appeared even she was dismissed but the reason why was clear when Indra walked out with them and there was an amused  _smile_ in her eyes. “She’s… going to her room.” She explained before she ordered the sentries on that floor to go. 

 

Clarke figured she should go with Octavia for now at least until Lexa was in her room.

 The present that was waiting for Octavia was a horse, big and beautiful, from the Plain Riders clan and Octavia excitedly explained to her, Abby and Marcus why they were the best horses, apparently Azgeda’s were big, strong, sturdy horses better suited for the low temperatures, others’ like the Desert clan, the Rock line clan and Trikru,  horses were mostly lean and fast, more agile than strong to be able to better navigate between the trees and rocks and withstand the higher temperatures but the Plain riders had horses that were good for pretty much everything making them harder to trade for.

Lincoln had picked the horse he explained and watched with adoration in his eyes as Octavia explained it to them. 

 

Clarke was the first to excuse herself, she wanted to make sure that now that there was a course of action for farm station and that the Ice Queen was dead, she could just convince Lexa to rest a little.

 

She stopped dead in her tracks just inside of the room when she heard voices coming from Lexa’s bathroom.

“Heda would you like me to assist you?” The handmaiden asked.

“No, that will be all, thank you.”

The handmaiden walked back into the room and she looked shocked at seeing Clarke there before lowering her eyes at the glare directed at her.

“Please… Bring me something to wash myself with to my room.” Clarke said quietly as the girl was about to leave the room, she knew the girl was just doing her job but that still didn’t mean she liked it.

The girl bowed and hurried out of the room and Clarke sighed, she was filthy, not as bad as three months of exile Clarke but she was still in the clothes she had wore for the combat and the warpaint was now all smudged, she figured she should get cleaned up before seeing Lexa and with a sigh she walked out of the room and towards her own.

 

When Clarke walked back into Lexa’s room and into the bathroom a smile spread over her lips. Lexa was leaning on the edge of the pool, arms folded under her head and her eyes closed.

Clarke got into the little pool and walked as quietly as possible towards Lexa, wrapping her arms around her torso and resting her cheek against her shoulder, mindful of the girl’s injuries.

“You know it’s dangerous to fall asleep like this, right?” She asked when she felt Lexa stirring awake.

“It’d be a shame that I survived the clan wars, the mountain and Ontari to die like this, when the next Commanders and me speak with Aden they’ll surely make fun of me.” Lexa said sleepily an amused tone in her voice.

“Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?” Clarke replied teasingly and placed a kiss against the back of Lexa’s neck. “You shouldn’t bee soaking up your wounds yet.”

“The bath is filled with medicinal herbs, for infection, swelling and pain… What time do you leave tomorrow?” Lexa asked in a whisper and Clarke frowned.

“Leave?”

“Aren’t you going with Marcus and the others to see the farm station?” Lexa asked turning around a little to be able to look at Clarke and she frowned, was she supposed to? “I figured you’d want to go…”

“What’s going to happen?” Clarke asked.

“Well they’ll go get them, hopefully avoiding confrontation. Skaikru will deal with farm station themselves but they’ll send their leader here, Roan will hopefully find and send the general that struck a deal with them and Indra, as the leader of the people most affected by the raids, will decide on their fate based on Roan and Marcus’ argument, I’ll be there to listen and intervene if I think I should but ever since Nia died Indra’s been in a good mood so I think she’ll be merciful.” Lexa explained and chuckled quietly when mentioning Indra being in a good mood.

“What will happen to Hannah? The prisoner.”

“She’ll go with Marcus and the army to help them and then it’s up to Marcus.”

“I trust Kane and Indra.” Clarke replied, she wasn’t ready to leave Lexa, not yet, not ever and hopefully this time the universe won’t be against them.

They stayed like that for a while, until the water started cooling and Clarke helped Lexa out of the pool before dressing up her wounds.

 

“Clarke…” Lexa called as Clarke was applying ointment to her stab wound. “Where’s the gun?” She asked and Clarke froze before looking up at those green eyes. “I know, I saw, when I was fighting Ontari, you reached inside your coat.”

“Maybe if you had been paying attention to the fight you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.” Clarke replied and she applied the ointment with a little more pressure than she was and Lexa hissed slightly.

“You can’t carry that around here Clarke, is against the rules, I appreciate your support, I appreciate that you were worried but if you had even just pulled it out, you’d have sealed your fate and mine… I need you to trust me Clarke, trust my decisions and the people I assign to keep you safe.”

“This was not about _my_ safety Lexa, it was about yours, don’t you get it yet? I can’t lose you.” She said standing up and running a hand through her hair. “I love my people and I will do anything in my power to keep them safe but… I am _tired_ of just surviving, I am tired of that Lexa, it was all we did in the Ark and what we’ve been doing since we crashed and I’m tired of it and you are too, you wouldn’t have worked so hard to form the coallition otherwise, you wouldn’t have allowed Azgeda into the alliance after what they did to Costia and you wouldn’t have given us so many opportunities otherwise.”

“Right as you may be Clarke, I still can’t let you walk around carrying a gun, is against the law and is punishable by death, I’m just asking you to keep it here, keep it hidden.” Clarke deflated and sighed before turning around and walking out the room.

 

When Clarke returned she was met with Lexa sitting on the bed, hugging a pillow to her chest and looking down at the bed, Lexa looked up with surprise in her eyes and Clarke pulled out the gun from inside her nightgown.

“There’s a chest under the bed…” Lexa said and Clarke sighed before retrieving it, Lexa handed her a key with a chain and she opened it, the chest was small and inside there was a candle, three braids, a rock and other little trinkets.

“What’s…” She began asking but Lexa shook her head with a promise in her eyes that she’d explain some other time.

Lexa scooted over and stood up with a small grimace and waited. Clarke placed the gun in, closed the chest and placed the key around her neck and stood up.

“You were right Clarke…” Lexa started in a small voice looking down. “I… One day… You and I will owe nothing more to our people but… I don’t want to wait until that day to… Live…” Lexa looked up, took a deep stealing breath, locking eyes with Clarke, the fire and determination shinning in those green pools kept Clarke glued in place, she couldn’t move a muscle even if she tried, she couldn’t do anything but breathe.

“I… Ai hod yu in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't too happy with this chapter, it sort of feels all over the place but last chapter is my favorite chapter so far so I figured if I kept waiting on it I was going to take forever to post it, hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I know a lot of you wanted Ontari to live and be redeemed and I loved her... the idea of her at least, she had so much potential, so much, and this is a fix it fic in the sense of things Clarke COULD fix if she went back on time and I felt Nia had poisoned Ontari too much for her to be redeemed here.
> 
> TRANSLATIONS: 
> 
> * Branwoda: Stupid
> 
> *Bak op ona bag, nau, Heda: Back on the bed now, Commander.
> 
> *Ai hod yu in: I LOVE YOU
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter!
> 
> Next chapter: Farm station and PIKE, the BITANIC sails, a character we've all (i think) been waiting for returns.

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you enjoyed and I apologize for any mistake, english is not my first language.


End file.
